well got stuck at mums' frozen waiting for non-existent bus; had to walk miles in the dark, very icy. so no way to get back to sph. all night at mums' kipping on floor. mum of course convinced every tiny sound would bring the rozzers down upon us. hearing like a bat. ditto size of brain. she can hear you perspire from the next room! no wonder doctors etc advised me never to live with her...she's a paranoiac; anyway i left home since in a way 13 years old. sure an i came home, slept, bathed, changed. coupe of calls, sold some shares. time to go back; its my nearly last day in ward!
anyway all night talking to the out of orders. [inside]. told them evil can't damn anyone. the idea of eternal damnation is evil; and gays own. so went an said now you ARE all damned, fo never helping me. all waitig for their tiresome revenge; subject speak sweet and servile. shan't. i despise them. so since on every level i been the 'good god'..well i can. it means something to be 'damned' of me, baby. well they bloody need to feel lost and frightened. seriously. let them chew that for a bit.
but no black stuff today. this place [focus of gods etc for many months] bit scruffy, but quiet too.
was watching the two buddhababies. the younger intense interest; think she knows i'm her? and it popped into my head. the other one doesn't see us. just a kaleidoscope of colors, noise, patterns. at speed? yes i remember the 'magic kaleidoscope'..
anyway i get this. more than 1 start. because gay builds his wasp nest in rings? like an huge onion? some things belong to one 'ring' some to another. so we getting somewhere. is this some kind of communication? they both seem to be slowly focussing at me. so we see. anyhow on way back. out tomorrow, pick up s/wrtg etc where i left off. all keep quiet. be calm.
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