on myself

what shall you feel for me? what is it you fear? another liar? a slow trap into misery?

look gay only picked on me in the beginning because i was a bit too truthful; quite unnaturally so. i think its a kind of autism you know. we guess i was a daughter of Anattas, right? so a maiden Queen, okay? then you pick it up again; i was one of the 'old gods' us in first place? we were rather human in many ways. right? now go forward in to first history? i was originally here on earth as teacher or maybe going on becoming a biggie?? gay said to me 'you would have been a great christ? but after he wrecked all we began to diverge until here we are in second history, and in this the last creation of the great white dove i named father seabreeze? and in this was made Rosalind one of the great female spirits, one of his secret Amours? okay so he never came in. but all my line of spirits [we each have various lower god-selves for each level of reality] was filled with hugely vast powers? Rosalind she held away; but the lowers all male were filled? so they losing their reason ran away and over the centuries they became very powerful gods. but one is mad, another sad, another very unjust but all are brightsiders and all dominated heaven and all this time were hostile to satan? so you see your god in whom you trusted appears to have been me sometimes. amazing isn't it? because coming back to here, planet earth in second history you all are infected with religions white which are ignorant of the history of the universe, have a mad insistence on moral laws which lack light in them or wisdom; and all of them teach you all to expect a messiah? guess who got born and gay saw to it i copped the flaming lot? so now you see why i am your teacher; yet why i teach is my old good nature which i show you because that is me. can the leopard change his spots? not that quick no. so you can trust what i say it is because i remember, yet still only hate what is right to hate. which is not the poor brightsiders; they the scapegoats. nor the 'evil' who in a right universe would turn they and be alright again; nor chose they the way things are. they the same as you; they choose to save themselves; they not knowing that gay cheats them just as terribly. so i pity these, and recall how unjust i was always to satan nd yetzoah. and even know these whom you call evil, i think they must be alive here on earth as we; they are often around, trying to help me save myself. but i know gay will make it impossible, and so my end is upon me. yet i love them for trying, and hate them not. and why does gay destroy me? because i know and teach. and am supposed to be this messiah. but a Queen alone is not enough, this is an evil universe, and so with no king half his plan is fucked, but with a king my rule it should begin. anyhow it was always the oldway; even for us in first place, the two are the arch wherein love enters the universe and is our child.[all of us].
so wot with one thing and another i teach all i know. its very annoying to gay.thats a bonus! exonerates satan and yetzoah, who's history next i will describe. spares those who read and do from mindless suffering. warns man who his enemy is and that the earth teeters on the edge of ending. gets them who will grow up to take whats useful from their false religions and thus leave them. attempts to reconcile the sexes. and sets all to go looking for the eagles to help, mend and be their troops. for they are your good gods. so you see i teach what seems evil, yet it is not. i must end, but you need not. find these your brothers; hate not the bright nor the dark, for all alike are victims. you shall be gods; but soldiers now, who must get together and win your freedom. and isn't that salvation proper?

because look? where have i taught you to murder, rape, enslave, steal, be rioting, tyrannical to the weak, or encouraging of perversion in little children? i have not. you don't need to do any of that. you only need to know this teaching, stick together, see the gods and know they have suffered too. so what is my nature?

do not provoke me. it is gay who shall some day do that and in that hour his end it has come. so yes i can love, pity and be kind. even be healing to some extent; because i am the brightside of old? not a wisher, but a doer? which is my fall he just said. i think not. because you know i am still a magistrate in my reason.he couldn't change me you see. which is why the efforts of my evil brothers be all in vain., why the good read this and feel alternately hatred, murderous. yet also laughter, and hope, and shame and stronger. i am here; a sort of broken messiah; but unknowing of how any of that can be. and so i am being both destroyed and somehow though no-one knows, yet all do, and nowadays what i says is sometimes noted by the universe. which is another sign i am over. yet i see no end in some ways for me; though in all the futures i forsee i see none with me. a kind of parallel non-existence is all i see. greyflash, the kids. thats all.

so now you see i have no future, that i teach in haste because i will save you and send you to the eagles and the lords as their lord brothers [i wish sisters too!] it is an army i send them. for me the end. so i tell you the truth. i have nothing to lose. you and they have everything to gain. take my brother this help? its given free. and pass it on. if anyone remembers me, send a kiss into the dark. let our fathers the Anats remember me. amen.