so lets continue

i must finish these teachings. so they made 'universe maps'...now this will seem odd. its the same as gays white papers with etchings on. somehow these rule; as if the spirits live in them. i remember he left me as a baby with some on the floor; telling me to not touch them. i crawled around in my dirty nappy and an hour later [when he was certain i'd messed it] back he came and subjected me [in spirit] to infinite eternal fires. oh yes. theres a me in the 'lake of fire' a baby; of course. he said that 'as you burn you will have the consolation of knowing you were a good little girl'...so these black clothese they hung up glittering. they are life maps. anyway somehow you live in then at the same time as in ordinary life. and in them i was always 'god'...i'd start all alone in the dark quite terrified and no idea what to do. and always they ended with me going with my people [gods to you] into those huge black rocks on the crest of the white mountain. but the mountains if you think were created by the dove? so i don't know. maybe he's had me living [split off spirits] all different times? anyway i always won those. oh yes, these were the struggles with satan. i was never fair. in one march the dove saw me and filled me with strength; hoping i'd kill satan. then he was going to come in and take over, but i had no idea, and simply announced i was 'absolute tyrant'...the 4 faithful companions who woke with us were pleased! satan could hardly object....welll it was properly evil, wasn't it? and later i sent him to hell as soon as he woke. he cried; 'but i haven't done anything yet! i've only just been born!'....this is a full grown god to what looks like a little dark humpbacked creature. i was sorry, but intent on winning. so with me all this evil always wins was for a very long time in doubt. but as you see gay put me there, or they did. and my methods were pretty evil as well. another occaision satan showed me seabreezes silly theatres. the many little doves swirling about; he drove them mad. or i did. the foolish christs coming up, bravely being crucified; and tormented by devils until at last they realised there was no rescue, no good god, they were losers and that was their hell...satan said; do you think a god who could do this is good? i didn't answer; because i could see it was a fake or failure but also that satan was making it hell. he was. not this god we never saw. he once got a bigger dove [all these, like satan and yetzoah themselves, would have united with their 'overself' father seabreeze]...anyhow he wrung its neck, argued viciosly and then stuffed it alive into a black furnace where it must burn forever...its still there.
so you see the mad worlds of the gods? what did THAT dove do? nothing! it knew hardly anything that had happened...so satan was really unfair and cruel; yet hates doves, white spirits [who he resembles!] because he thinks they are! at the end of each 'turn' two things...i'd either go into these rocks...they each one still there. satan is afraid they'll all come out and desttroy his rule...he's right actually. but they won't wake for him. but for a good god yes they will. a big enough good god and all of them will. about 25 big rocks...all you do is make them laugh.the other is on a lower level [the one going back to the universe maps] i knew it was over. there'd be hundreds of good spirits with me. but i had no real heaven to give them. knew something bad was ahead. so i'd kill them all. push with my mind so they sank into sppace and were not. then i'd walk forward...a nasty little house. in it one 'absolute power' who was made so by me. he is getting nastier and nastier...i know why. he's gays thing. he has two sides to his face, one bright, stern. the other all dark, illfavoured, whiskery and dirty. he used to snap my neck. and there would be a round silver circle with a little silver metal man in it. thats 'adam cadmon'? then he'd hang it up in a warehouse. last time he accidentally touched me to another...shocked. there was a million of these gery-rings hanging there. so this is my last time he said. and put the little silver chap into a sick position with a carrot up its arse. sent that into the last 'map' and i looking on it saw both sides watch me die; and the realise all sorts of things which i didn't know then [or now] and both sides trying desperately to shock me back to life. failing. so absolute says to me; you see? you are utterly destroyed. then i am god. and i shall be worse than any before me. since then of course i have always had this strange feeling...yes even here on earth, that whatever i do i can't survive....and that its crucial, absolutely crucial, to ALL, that i do.

lets see. there was a boy version of me out there. 'almighty' a idiot! he's got evil and good hopelessly confused. he winds up siting a vegetable on a midden; because i am leaving and he's too set on keeping what he's got to even come down and find out whats going on. rosalind was pure and faithful to the little promises of father seabreeze; but he never showed up. all this time she kept quiet, clean. then sometime ago she was molested by these weird dwarfs..and they dragged her down to satan. she said; i have no part in you satan, and you have none in me'...he promptly raped her. and imprisoned her in his cave. i saw her the other day; hurrying away from there. shining, but weaker, also not pure etc...i think the gods are now getting so frightened, because of course in all history no human being woke up being god before...remembered absolutely everything in the spiritlands, talking to gods they can't imagine, yet there they are...so i suppose he let her go. shes still good though. she let me know shes proud of me, a little black nubbin still trying to fight the battle of good and evil.

so i was going to go on and on, giving details, explaining. but do you really need to know? do you understand any of it? what good will it do, to know the gods behave like pigs? and its not as if i can understand what its all in aid of myself...just that as gays traps and cruelties got worse everyone out there is getting madder and madder. anyway i've foreseen all my endings. they have power. but not sense. they can make moral judgments like electron microscopes...yet not of themselves? never knowing it was gay? or attacking him when they did?

anyhow; geometrylight has been hanging over me for some days now. i've been shown or allowed to go to a completely new unknown state/place. thank god. so it may seem weird [to me as well as you] but every gerry who will not die must die. every gerry who is willing to die shall live in there; with me, as it were.

this is what geometrylight seems to think; consciously, awake, i am a decent, kind, loving person. but gay has turned my deep unconscious into god the all-powerful, and cruel..like him. this is the part of me he commands witgh little nursery rhymes, rubrics...and it does it. perfectly. whatever it is...so either it can't know what it does, or he's hypnotised it to reverse values, or its the devil; HIS god....which is why he knelt to me back in first place? so if i got this right i'm both perfectly good and perfectly evil; but niether is really responsible for themselves or even aware of each other? yet both, presumably; are me. which means i must be permanently gotten away from gay, because he'll be back. or another just like him. elohim for example. or satan. anyhow i choose to leave. that other state, where i can't be used to harm others anymore. nor shall i be subjected to anymore suffering. so i think i will take the offer; indeed i already have.

so what more is there to tell? i will think for a bit. but if nothing occurs to me by say next saturday this entry basically closes the teaching.