well why not? you know there are all different aspects and levels to ppl. i may have a monster IQ but i can be a complete nit as well. i'm real. i had loves, i try really hard to educate myself, now i want to make a bit of money for the kids. see? a person. not nasty or anything. sorry about being a retard with VIP's. you don't get too many of them round here. in fact until i met my king i never met a wealthy person at all. oh yes. i don't believe he lied in any way. so i reckon there must be two of them. or maybe its the one but down here in the physical he knows nothing about it at all. which is very terrible for me. but i can't do anything. you know the maid must wait to be delivered from her cage? he started, and thats done. a lot has happened. anyhow the knight is the one who breaks a few unfair rules, not the lady. so all i can do is trust in him, all my faith i put in him. so i'm a real lover. there may be a bit of love-longing to put up with, but never mind, its good poetry innit?
oh i got 'war of art ' on the brain. don't see why i shd go to classes. s/wtg books quite deep. the rest is format and knowing bigwigs ;and obviously no good at that. so i shall save cash/time and just do it and do it and then find some agent give him the lot and then let everyone else do their thing. as long as the kids have their portion i don't care. in case i clock somebody. they seem to be the most frightful ppl. think i'll stay well away from all that. if they're good they'll be all right.
Sunday, 16 August 2009
followers
i don't want any. i'd like cp to drop in; feel she may find a lot useful, might even understand. but you can keep any comments to yourself. this is not fiction at all. you can grow up. or not. i do what i do anyway. and i'm not flwg anybody either. well cp. since i must have really insulted her. anyway i like the story.
right. so its a draggy childhood. needn't go on about it, so anyway there were murders and every kind of corruption. it was Gay who got me smoking. my one reward for all that, every day, was a fag. at an age when i couldn't sit up by myself. so you see why i hang on to it. now there were three of us in all that. but for now i think you ought to know that i am not evil. but a good of a very different kind. ancient. older than him, actually. but to make sure i'm going to be perfectly honest, i will do the things as i found them out in the right order. that means i might get a bit embarassing on you here and then.because i'm different. real. just stay with me.
about mental illness. they realised i was odd very young. about 7. but they did nothing about it til i was 10, when i went into care, had a shrink etc. all he talked about was sex. all of them do that. this stuff means nothing to them they said it was dreams. but it isn't. and in fact all they do is give you meds and ignore you. true. there's not one doctor i've ever told all this to. you can't. they are nearly animals. so yes i streak for the bin when Gay packs in trying to do all black magic and end the world. i get them to knock me out asap. its the only way to stop it. so far we're all still here. this is 4 times in all. the rest they were trying to stop me killing myself [years ago] and generally helping me get shot of my husband, thats all really.
so you see i became a nurse and now i help those who really are very ill and quite good at it too.
i earn my way, i don't do crimes or vices etc. my daughter survived, my grandsons grow and they love their gran like anything. i tell you this so you can judge whether be ill or evil. and the answer is no. and just so you know yes i was a terible womens libber when i was young; but you'll see why and how thats become more gentle. yes women have been oppressed and still are in many places. but now i love men; its also been hard for them.
right. so its a draggy childhood. needn't go on about it, so anyway there were murders and every kind of corruption. it was Gay who got me smoking. my one reward for all that, every day, was a fag. at an age when i couldn't sit up by myself. so you see why i hang on to it. now there were three of us in all that. but for now i think you ought to know that i am not evil. but a good of a very different kind. ancient. older than him, actually. but to make sure i'm going to be perfectly honest, i will do the things as i found them out in the right order. that means i might get a bit embarassing on you here and then.because i'm different. real. just stay with me.
about mental illness. they realised i was odd very young. about 7. but they did nothing about it til i was 10, when i went into care, had a shrink etc. all he talked about was sex. all of them do that. this stuff means nothing to them they said it was dreams. but it isn't. and in fact all they do is give you meds and ignore you. true. there's not one doctor i've ever told all this to. you can't. they are nearly animals. so yes i streak for the bin when Gay packs in trying to do all black magic and end the world. i get them to knock me out asap. its the only way to stop it. so far we're all still here. this is 4 times in all. the rest they were trying to stop me killing myself [years ago] and generally helping me get shot of my husband, thats all really.
so you see i became a nurse and now i help those who really are very ill and quite good at it too.
i earn my way, i don't do crimes or vices etc. my daughter survived, my grandsons grow and they love their gran like anything. i tell you this so you can judge whether be ill or evil. and the answer is no. and just so you know yes i was a terible womens libber when i was young; but you'll see why and how thats become more gentle. yes women have been oppressed and still are in many places. but now i love men; its also been hard for them.
good day?
well baby sat for kez. she loved the bracelet and the purple ring; but the red ring didn't fit so joy! i got it. she looked so pretty all shimmery sparkles on her face. they went out to dinner and i cleaned her place up a bit, bathed the boys put em to bed. they were back by 11. i was surprised, usually its 4am. up again and my resolve the same. a beautiful day. people sort of looking at me, calming down, all pts settled and nothing much to do at work; pat having put on a really nice dinner for me. so i spent most of the day fashioning my futures...i don't have that much left so really i'm showing strange god my wishes. yes he's still with me. so all these months with the gods and there's a lot to do. today felt different. i know what it is. you know before a great change the world seems to hold its breath? like that. hm. i forgot to put the dates in. the poem 'to bringer f damnation' i did two days ago. the one 'my name' is oct 2008, and 'big brother and little love' is 07.02.1990. do not think i knew it all along. like everyone else i knew nothing, and the bits i remembered were so bad/weird i couldn't do owt but try to forget and get on with normal life.
lesson 5
Gay always denied he was my father. and i look different to the others. i think he was right. i think he made my mother do what a woman shall not do. so if that is right he was not my father. so a son of adam thats what i must be. oh work it yourselves none of this is vital the important thing to know is that creation began here and he will end it here. so you see the power he has, i sleep now. tomorrow you learn again. child of the future i put my faith in you, for you will have to sort out the awful mess he's given us. but only be patient with them for they nothing knew.
lesson 4
so i am named with an odd name. ppl always leer that its a boys name. but you know who named me? Gay did! so start the right way round to make it a bit easier.
todays bread on the water..to feed the fish. and improve my aim.
My Name.
Jesus, that name means God rescues, when never Gay rescues anyone,
But its'yah'? who is yah i hear you ask,
and tell you i've no idea. and that name nazareth. 'the house of the unclean'
so Jesus is some sort of leper, isn't that so?
Then man acclaimed him calling him
son of david, but he only said of himself the actual truth
that he was the son of man.
And all who follow him become ruined.
Now i was born and named Geraldine
which name means woman among the spears
for i have to fight this battle of good and evil
over and over again,and my last name
was Knight, a warrior who rights wrongs,
who is chivalrousto women, and destroys dragons.
so all my life i done these things.
But now my first name is Gerry, even Gay calls me thus
which in hebrew mean holy. my last name is Stevens
which in greek means crown,
But always my middle name is Jessica
a name which means 'light of God'
and also child of Jesse
which scripture says is David, the Messiah.
and note ye, my fathers name was Gay
though he never was, his only pleasure in cruelty
otherwise he was a misery. and that is God.
so who do you think i am?
can you just hear that Geraldine sounds like Jehovah?
be at peace, gentle friend,
Jesus makes them weep
But i shall make them all laugh in the end.
Being funny and the black messiah.
todays bread on the water..to feed the fish. and improve my aim.
My Name.
Jesus, that name means God rescues, when never Gay rescues anyone,
But its'yah'? who is yah i hear you ask,
and tell you i've no idea. and that name nazareth. 'the house of the unclean'
so Jesus is some sort of leper, isn't that so?
Then man acclaimed him calling him
son of david, but he only said of himself the actual truth
that he was the son of man.
And all who follow him become ruined.
Now i was born and named Geraldine
which name means woman among the spears
for i have to fight this battle of good and evil
over and over again,and my last name
was Knight, a warrior who rights wrongs,
who is chivalrousto women, and destroys dragons.
so all my life i done these things.
But now my first name is Gerry, even Gay calls me thus
which in hebrew mean holy. my last name is Stevens
which in greek means crown,
But always my middle name is Jessica
a name which means 'light of God'
and also child of Jesse
which scripture says is David, the Messiah.
and note ye, my fathers name was Gay
though he never was, his only pleasure in cruelty
otherwise he was a misery. and that is God.
so who do you think i am?
can you just hear that Geraldine sounds like Jehovah?
be at peace, gentle friend,
Jesus makes them weep
But i shall make them all laugh in the end.
Being funny and the black messiah.
lesson 3
so history, second history though all think its always been so began here in that attic. no-one alive but me and Gay and another remember anything at all of first history. but it was very different to whats out there now. great civilisations. all there's left is old ruins now. and the gods gone stupid never ask whence all these ruins.? trouble is Gay to make sure no-one finds out or gets above him or man invents something to hurt him, will destroy all life on earth. soon. and i know now and i have got to stop him. keep the earth safe, and for the poor Gods who all been mad for centuries blast him out of existence. so now i teach you quickly what i teach. it may take a while there' a lot. but there must be someone who can learn, and in his turn try; or far in the futures its all silence and absolute agony. no rescue and if no-one learns its better to die.
lesson 2
now he's been dead for years, how indulgently they say it. actually he's not. the spirits not only exist but they are all over us, everywhere. and because of all this mankind is about to meet them. so get the truth, now. Gay was tallish, thin, his skin dark grey from smoking. his hair like a badger, black with some grey. thin nasty lips anys was. and great cruel furrows fron his nose to his ips. and his eyes were dead black. so Gay was evil, but then he is the devil and this is your Lord God'.
lesson 1
Gay took my mother simply to get me. we lived in an attic. Gay was terrible, he destroyed me all day every day for years. mum is his follower and my jailor. she's known for years and never feltsorry once. she has killed so many of her children, yet seems so nice. so my sibs are all darksiders, their religion is Gay, and they are nasty bullying monsters just like him. but i grew up a brightsider, just as i am today. and never knew all this till i grew up. but he drove mad so many times, killing my spirits to get is own way. for Gay must be God to ruin all and torture them defenceless and forever. and thats how he did it. by torture and spiritsand hypnosis and drugs to find God in me and enslave her. so this is serious.
untitled
i don't think Gay meant for me to get any help. ever. or have anything at all i might be happy with or be comforted by. its been a long battle, the real battle between good and evil. best now to put poems talks on this; for the future yet unborn, otherwise no-one learns they get only hell everlasting. i've gone through it all, quite alone. so i only address myself to them, keep my faamily going, take up s/w for the kids and everyday i will do this. i want you o know whoever reads this, only learn and go away; follow what is good for you and everyone else. or go away. i will finish this.
Hello little children. are you sitting quietly? then i will begin..
Hello little children. are you sitting quietly? then i will begin..
Saturday, 15 August 2009
killing retards.
oh i never noticed it before! i am a retard. similies; thick, stupid, dull and boring. isn't it amazing how you can gauge a person's nastiness by the way they blast forth these terms when plainly they don't know you at all? i 'm not keen on such people. they seem always to be callous, greedy, useless, selfish, unhappy, narcisstic and whatever they 'create' is either meant to milk the moronic masses or they've stolen ideas from their betters and yet never learn or go further themselves. neither do they help, educate or rescue even their children, but instead ...why yes, we all know them...they're fascists and torturers and oh very rich. which never does them any good because money always goes to someone worse; so basically who is the retard?
still they are right. no good things ever come from good feelings. they call you fool on the cross, in the deathcamps, anywhere they rule...but its them that make it all hell. if you make all hell, where will you go to get out? if you make yourself a devil, who wants you at all? who is a retard? oh the one who cares. naturally.
i'm tired.
still they are right. no good things ever come from good feelings. they call you fool on the cross, in the deathcamps, anywhere they rule...but its them that make it all hell. if you make all hell, where will you go to get out? if you make yourself a devil, who wants you at all? who is a retard? oh the one who cares. naturally.
i'm tired.
pills
blow bloody war of art. and the gods can stuff it too. taken me pills cos i know what will happen if i don't. that old muse will just have to hang about here and there. eventually we'll get there. i dunno what i'm doing. buttercup? from 'the harbinger of damnation'? well there's a lass or possibly very puzzled chap who just gone and upset his gods hey! you sure you're not me? doing that as well!! well smoking give me a voice like a tiny frog; but here comes another one!
' you were meant for me, i was meant for you, nature patterned you, and when she was done, you were all the sweet things rolled up in one, you're like a plaintive melody, that never lets me be,and i'm content the angels must have sent you and meant you just for me...'
gods help the lot of us. and i promise to do my all to help them. and i still have only a small idea of what i'm doing. apart that is, from being a tiny bit devious. or plain bonkers. goodnight, wherever you are, my sweetheart. unless you are a lady, in which case maybe you need a vet.
' you were meant for me, i was meant for you, nature patterned you, and when she was done, you were all the sweet things rolled up in one, you're like a plaintive melody, that never lets me be,and i'm content the angels must have sent you and meant you just for me...'
gods help the lot of us. and i promise to do my all to help them. and i still have only a small idea of what i'm doing. apart that is, from being a tiny bit devious. or plain bonkers. goodnight, wherever you are, my sweetheart. unless you are a lady, in which case maybe you need a vet.
buttercup?
build me up, buttercup, i know you will, for i love you still, but worst of all, you're never there, where you said you'd be, and i need you, more than anyone baby, you know that i have from the start, so build me up, buttercup, please don't break my heart..
and then there's this one. 'guide me O thou great redeemer, pilgrim through this barren land. i am weak, but thou art mighty, hold me with thy powerful hand.'
here's another; ' all you need is love. all you need is love. love is pity too.'
feel like singing to the man i love, my king who i will never understand nor know; 'this is the captain of your ship, your heart speaking. we've run into a little storm, the boats leaking. i'm sending out an sos, cos we're in distress, i hope you understand, don't be too grand, there's no hate in me, let there be none in thee; try a kiss and no more rules; ain't we both just sick of them, when we might sin, how can that be when all you do is love me, as i love you too?'
and then there's this one. 'guide me O thou great redeemer, pilgrim through this barren land. i am weak, but thou art mighty, hold me with thy powerful hand.'
here's another; ' all you need is love. all you need is love. love is pity too.'
feel like singing to the man i love, my king who i will never understand nor know; 'this is the captain of your ship, your heart speaking. we've run into a little storm, the boats leaking. i'm sending out an sos, cos we're in distress, i hope you understand, don't be too grand, there's no hate in me, let there be none in thee; try a kiss and no more rules; ain't we both just sick of them, when we might sin, how can that be when all you do is love me, as i love you too?'
o dear we 're off again aren't we?
bloody war of art! can't sleep been nagging me invisible 'friend' like anything. if i sleep its nasty dreams so shan't bother.. now what? can't do hswk lest that Utterly Repulsive Thing downstairs starts complaining again. And all i can think about is what i have to do, which is at least final. which is also why it never seems to be done! bloody war of art! he's right about everything BUT...he's just got no idea what its like dragging the fate of all around plus visions and christ knows what else...he shd try it sometime. while he lives here. well i said i'd have a go no pills. but right now i'm frightened, whether i sleep or not the bastards come. And who is there for me? not a bloody one.
Gods does this woman never stop moaning!! i know! war of art? you sadistic shit! i'll write another one!
Just had a thought. Does cp's husband know what this lady is doing? o dear. hey mind ur own business. But i bet he never rowls with her. not ever. anyhow if i ever meet steve press the red button i will knock his bloody lights out.
Gods does this woman never stop moaning!! i know! war of art? you sadistic shit! i'll write another one!
Just had a thought. Does cp's husband know what this lady is doing? o dear. hey mind ur own business. But i bet he never rowls with her. not ever. anyhow if i ever meet steve press the red button i will knock his bloody lights out.
Friday, 14 August 2009
stunned!
i can't believe it! cp is a woman? well a blooming odd girl, going about doing that stuff! she certainly fooled me! hm. well offered the olive branch, hope she realises that one of us is real. so stunned i need a cuppa tea. how ever does she know all that [if youre under 36 clear off] that sm sex\stuff? i never knew anything like that in my life...but its all there in her poor little head. oh dear. she can't have had a proper mum at all. been in bad company or something. on the other hand i found those bits quite entertaining but what dragged me out the saddle was of course these threatening 'evil comes to get u ' stuff. either she don't know what she's saying or she does. like a medium. but you might know i would ride to the flaming rescue. O Christ when i thought cp was a bloke i sang him 'bird on a wire' ...no wonder she blocked me!! obviously didn't cheer her up much at all. she thinks we're telling HER she needs something for depression? its us what just looked very hard at the pills.
anyhow my day. Apart from Madameselle Pinkerton blowing me brains out I had a really good day. Sort of. I read 'war of art' and he's absolutely right and thats what i got to take on board, and do the flaming lot. But he says stop taking meds... in case resistance lets you play sick/victim a nd you lose the way again. Well i try it, i suppose. Anyway i come home and i don't know...he says get the chaos out of your life first. that always means hswk right? but its the middle of the night....when can i start? turn pro, he says. what in a week? you know he tried for donkeys years to succed...yet i never heard of the one film he got done. but i know i'm certain that 'war of art' is true as can be!!
apart from that pts all happy [particularly the one who thinks h's 10 years old] and Olu just discovered i can be a real mate in need. so i'm glad of that, its taking her ages to find her feet.
WELL GODS BLESS POOR CP, I HOPE S/ HE GOT THE GUTS TO GO ON WITH THE STORY.
anyhow my day. Apart from Madameselle Pinkerton blowing me brains out I had a really good day. Sort of. I read 'war of art' and he's absolutely right and thats what i got to take on board, and do the flaming lot. But he says stop taking meds... in case resistance lets you play sick/victim a nd you lose the way again. Well i try it, i suppose. Anyway i come home and i don't know...he says get the chaos out of your life first. that always means hswk right? but its the middle of the night....when can i start? turn pro, he says. what in a week? you know he tried for donkeys years to succed...yet i never heard of the one film he got done. but i know i'm certain that 'war of art' is true as can be!!
apart from that pts all happy [particularly the one who thinks h's 10 years old] and Olu just discovered i can be a real mate in need. so i'm glad of that, its taking her ages to find her feet.
WELL GODS BLESS POOR CP, I HOPE S/ HE GOT THE GUTS TO GO ON WITH THE STORY.
Big Brother and Little Love.
Big Brother clenches his jaw, the car skids
And slams, the headlights blaring on walls and the Trogs.
They are heavy and leathered, their tiny eyes
Set evilly on punishment, the ending of rebellion.
Little Love feels his water dripping, but he gets out
His ankles shocking on the street. Big Brother speaks.
He is angry, commanding. The blow knocks him down.
And Little Love screams like a girl in the jeering
Mob of heavy hitting Trogs; the troops of seeming decency!
With black boots slamming home, Big Brother cries 'run'!
And Little Love runs, and runs, the orange streetlamps
Spinning, alone in horror he runs to no-help,no-hope.
Little Love gently stacks and shuffles and sorts
Five bright cards; they have come from far
All different. Each one reports his lover's pleasure
'hi there'! Big Brothers smashed hand signs them.
Its been two weeks. The clock ticks.
The sunshine furls in the curtaiins, the flat is quiet.
Little Love is crying, here in the quiet security
Of no-help, no- hope. Big Brother the prisoner
A captive beaten every day, every hour, far away.
Little Love is 15. They met in the arcade, when he was 12.
Big Brother had a manly gentle kiss. It was a loving seduction.
Like a bright father, he took Little Love off the streets.
The black phone shrieks in early morning. He trembles.
They're to meeton the bridge, the time now or never
Little Love goes, frightened and furtive, athirst for
Big Brother, poor dying lover, Little Loves homely friend.
Iron grey stacks up to early sky. Big Brother balanced.
His face is broken, he is drunk with torture. He is blind.
With a great guffaw, the iron stave smashes down.
'help meee' the cry is high and imbecile. He drops. Gone.
Little Love stares at the brown waters. His lover is dead.
The cobbles hurt his soft fists as he pounds howling.
Until the loud Trogs see him, he howls like a dog.
And runs, runs, an unwanted rat, to no-hope, no-help.
Its dark and wet in here. The mad iron ring swings
Crazily over his bowed head. He's in rags, whitefaced,
Unsleeping, afraid of the maniac cellar of the weird.
Little Love lost, hiding in the dead cellar of the mind.
He's dreaming of Big Brother, happy days, a rescue.
Like a child he wipes his eyes. He cannot see me.
I stop the iron lights. I kick away the thinkbox.
Not that its harmful, I do it to stop his fear.
He's more afraid of my dark presence than even of Trogs.
His thoughts whispher of ghosts and devils. I kneel beside.
Its company, a devil in the dark, warmth waiting in the air.
Slowly he talks to me, of going away, to the roof of the world.
'Its called 'Numeneor', I say quietly. He stiffens.
A darkness that speaks! Is it God? I laugh, for I am gentle.
'You are asleep in my mind, I tell him. 'All souls talk here'.
'This roof of the world for which you pray, used to be Heaven.
Without me it is Hell. But there are many loves there.'
'Do you know it?' he whisphers, trying to search oout God.
'Yes, I know it. You'll get there if you go up. Its easy.
But you are very alone, my son. Tell me of your sorrow.'
He is defiant, as all are to the dark that smiles and speaks.
'Surely you know!' he says, determined to test me.
'My son, your love I know, your history it is known.' I say.
'I'll never betray you, he says, his heart flooding relief.
So I show him Mugdumenor, the crazy, and lonely, and beautiful.
'Not on my own, he cries. 'Not without you. And...my friend?'
'It is as you say' I whispher; and the daylight crashes in.
He gets up and walks into the light, his eyes hopeful at last.
The brown waters swirl sluggishly. The Trogs hang beside me.
Deep below, Big Brother lazily drifts in the waters.
I know my kiss will let life leap into his body
If only he loves, remembers Little Love, my friend.
Together we'll restore right rule, the right rule, to Numeneor!
'All for one. And one for all,' I tell the shocked silences.
'What is that to thee? Follow thou me.......
And slams, the headlights blaring on walls and the Trogs.
They are heavy and leathered, their tiny eyes
Set evilly on punishment, the ending of rebellion.
Little Love feels his water dripping, but he gets out
His ankles shocking on the street. Big Brother speaks.
He is angry, commanding. The blow knocks him down.
And Little Love screams like a girl in the jeering
Mob of heavy hitting Trogs; the troops of seeming decency!
With black boots slamming home, Big Brother cries 'run'!
And Little Love runs, and runs, the orange streetlamps
Spinning, alone in horror he runs to no-help,no-hope.
Little Love gently stacks and shuffles and sorts
Five bright cards; they have come from far
All different. Each one reports his lover's pleasure
'hi there'! Big Brothers smashed hand signs them.
Its been two weeks. The clock ticks.
The sunshine furls in the curtaiins, the flat is quiet.
Little Love is crying, here in the quiet security
Of no-help, no- hope. Big Brother the prisoner
A captive beaten every day, every hour, far away.
Little Love is 15. They met in the arcade, when he was 12.
Big Brother had a manly gentle kiss. It was a loving seduction.
Like a bright father, he took Little Love off the streets.
The black phone shrieks in early morning. He trembles.
They're to meeton the bridge, the time now or never
Little Love goes, frightened and furtive, athirst for
Big Brother, poor dying lover, Little Loves homely friend.
Iron grey stacks up to early sky. Big Brother balanced.
His face is broken, he is drunk with torture. He is blind.
With a great guffaw, the iron stave smashes down.
'help meee' the cry is high and imbecile. He drops. Gone.
Little Love stares at the brown waters. His lover is dead.
The cobbles hurt his soft fists as he pounds howling.
Until the loud Trogs see him, he howls like a dog.
And runs, runs, an unwanted rat, to no-hope, no-help.
Its dark and wet in here. The mad iron ring swings
Crazily over his bowed head. He's in rags, whitefaced,
Unsleeping, afraid of the maniac cellar of the weird.
Little Love lost, hiding in the dead cellar of the mind.
He's dreaming of Big Brother, happy days, a rescue.
Like a child he wipes his eyes. He cannot see me.
I stop the iron lights. I kick away the thinkbox.
Not that its harmful, I do it to stop his fear.
He's more afraid of my dark presence than even of Trogs.
His thoughts whispher of ghosts and devils. I kneel beside.
Its company, a devil in the dark, warmth waiting in the air.
Slowly he talks to me, of going away, to the roof of the world.
'Its called 'Numeneor', I say quietly. He stiffens.
A darkness that speaks! Is it God? I laugh, for I am gentle.
'You are asleep in my mind, I tell him. 'All souls talk here'.
'This roof of the world for which you pray, used to be Heaven.
Without me it is Hell. But there are many loves there.'
'Do you know it?' he whisphers, trying to search oout God.
'Yes, I know it. You'll get there if you go up. Its easy.
But you are very alone, my son. Tell me of your sorrow.'
He is defiant, as all are to the dark that smiles and speaks.
'Surely you know!' he says, determined to test me.
'My son, your love I know, your history it is known.' I say.
'I'll never betray you, he says, his heart flooding relief.
So I show him Mugdumenor, the crazy, and lonely, and beautiful.
'Not on my own, he cries. 'Not without you. And...my friend?'
'It is as you say' I whispher; and the daylight crashes in.
He gets up and walks into the light, his eyes hopeful at last.
The brown waters swirl sluggishly. The Trogs hang beside me.
Deep below, Big Brother lazily drifts in the waters.
I know my kiss will let life leap into his body
If only he loves, remembers Little Love, my friend.
Together we'll restore right rule, the right rule, to Numeneor!
'All for one. And one for all,' I tell the shocked silences.
'What is that to thee? Follow thou me.......
Thursday, 13 August 2009
HAZARD WARNING
I should have mentioned it before but every now and then I will unleash a poem or story on this thing. And they can be strange or rude or funny. Because I reckon my poetry lacks beauty, I will try out me purple on YOU! comments welcome. gerry
to the bringer of damnation
words in pain sound broken
clocks are lies, the world is soaking
in blood and tears
how very odd is God, they cry
kissing the whip, again
they the insane.
shall Jesus kiss Judas twice?
and this time refrain
from killing his lover in midnight shame?
O touch I the spider all desperate
in his lonely prison, kiss the bedewed brow
tell him even now even now
love is possible.
Yes, for the loon and the gnome, and the groaner.
why is it icy blue eyes that rave
in the furious dance, clutching at pleasure
lest it be lost forever?
let me see your deep scream,
O dreamer, truthspeller, rich Amadeus
they the puppets, you just the same
safe in your deadwood boxes.
the pupeteer is mad cruel, like you
under arrogant whip and your own disdain
shrouded in dark evil, innocent creeping-
like me, little christ, weeping.
clocks are lies, the world is soaking
in blood and tears
how very odd is God, they cry
kissing the whip, again
they the insane.
shall Jesus kiss Judas twice?
and this time refrain
from killing his lover in midnight shame?
O touch I the spider all desperate
in his lonely prison, kiss the bedewed brow
tell him even now even now
love is possible.
Yes, for the loon and the gnome, and the groaner.
why is it icy blue eyes that rave
in the furious dance, clutching at pleasure
lest it be lost forever?
let me see your deep scream,
O dreamer, truthspeller, rich Amadeus
they the puppets, you just the same
safe in your deadwood boxes.
the pupeteer is mad cruel, like you
under arrogant whip and your own disdain
shrouded in dark evil, innocent creeping-
like me, little christ, weeping.
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
not a wasted day
whizzed to the opthalmologist this morning. he says before looking that my 'vision is perfect' i nearly laughed. been shortsighted for years. then he did the bright lights business. he says 'oh your optic nerve is just a funny shape; you were probably born that way.' i asked him about the nerve going white[very abnormal] and he said 'oh thats not important'!! honestly how do these people qualify? i had a million exams in my life and NOBODY said my rt on was 'a funny shape ' before!! so marching off to second op asap. anyhow then i stumbled [vision shot cos of drops] to get jay. we had a nice afternoon tho he continues to be enthralled by candles. i figure let him get it out of system while nanny there! got back and what i found was C.P.!! now i know how much is actually true! but maybe he doesn't! weird, huh? but anyway its really well written and i'm fascinated by this guy. he's as much a victim as everyone else...but at least he wants to know how/why. so now i follow. but gently. he almost knows.
Monday, 10 August 2009
history
strange but now we know that we are descendants of a man called Dickson who in the 1700 's wrote a huge journal. its kept in the university of birmingham..where I went to school! he was a haberdasher and very keen on enamelling and jacuarding. so he walked the midlands with his sons; some of whom died. And he wrote about the people and the trials/hangings, politics, his experiments, architecture and many passages about his\love for his wfe/children. So thats on Gay's side. The other people we have traced going back from there are soldiers, engineers, a chief surgeon of scotland, several ministers of the kirk. Gay told me once that he thought his lot were Hamiltons. But mum said Daisy [Gay's mother; if you can imagine such a thing] traced her people back to Rob Roy McGregor. Anyhow Jacqui says we're Comyns with a very ancient lineage; one of whom was this statesman in 1400's who was also a historian and he's done a marvellous book; on the politics of his time; and of our family! Iwait with bated breath its arrival. Once I got the history Iwill do the same from his day, 1450's til now. because history is my fave subject. NOW WE KNOW WHY!
Friday, 7 August 2009
hello!
said i'd have a go at proper blogging...its taken 100 years but here we are at last! bit confusing; discovered i'd got a google acc. first i knew of it! sorry about the photo; not a photogenic person. in fact all cameras crack up and wind up mental. i don't why; never cursed them, i'm sure. there's some weird woman on twitter, she advertises her sexy photos! dunno why she wants to show me. but no worries here; you might get family pics or the dogs or cats, but if you want any of that stuff she's in vietnam which is probably just as well. well today i had justin we watched madagascar 2 and we laughed like anything. funny cos last night it sent me to sleep in 4 mins. kids have silvery laughter. course then he has to find the trumpet but it wasn't as bad as when jayjay does it. apparently dada has found himslf a flat! farewell dada! and i hope he keeps his genes well away from my daughter forevermore. and why do i always get stuck with the removals? bloody expensive. think i'll buy myself a camel; save a fortune. righto, here's me and you'll get used to it. and then you'll find you like it.
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