my life lines

right. so satan swore and cursed with godlike ferocity and all we the good died as if by fire. i was the last to die; trying to say 'love' but could not. gay said he and his kind thrived. that we stayed dead for aeons. god rot the man. even satan couldn't kill everyone in creation from there, so many much deeper in knew nothing of it. anyway i remember we all came to. the place was an enormous grey plain. we were many thousands. all weak and unarmed and with little understanding of what was. satan was big, sitting there hard hearted. but after a bit it seemed his problem was that he wanted to be self-sufficient. obviously because there was no food. but i said 'do you mean like god?# which wasn't very tactful. anyway so i figured out a way. admitted to his presence [we'd forgotten the beginning, and thought he was our creator?] i told him how. he tried and failed. and i told him off for being slow of wit. explained about how its all energy so u racthett it up within yourself. he looked at me. satan has an iq in the thousands. i was a young man and told him off? but i didn't notice. anyway so he got the idea and it worked. so he buzzes like an electricity pylon because thats what he's doing; recycling energy so its food + hinmself. equals selfsuffficient. so he wound up quite pleased. promised to help me some day. someone said; he's got a soft spot for you. but i said oh i'm just a stranger passing through. help me later i said. satan was too surprised to speak. he asked me something and i said something then he said how can you go? oh like this i said and did. haven't seen him a long time. but of course i've done so much recently that yes we remembered each other about the same time and he did help. see satan can be a reasonably nice guy. mind you the other one [remember we all have different levels=selves] fared not quite so well. same boring grey place. he's sitting on a throne just doing god stuff talking to people. when suddenly - we none of us heard a sound- he screamed in absolute shock and fell off his throne. we watched amazed as he argued with someone invisible and soundless 'not so loud!!' etc. finally he bellowed in horror and ran away like a blue cloaked thunderstorm. us spirits when frightened like that aren't particularly clever you know. quite a lot died of shock. me i ran with everyone else. of course now i know what it was. as you will shortly.
anyway so we all wandered on. trying on and on to make heavens. but no food. everytime anyone tries to find something reasonable its too smal; too high or these biggie nastiness types come along engage whoever's in charge with some stupid contest. and win. every single time. so once the quarrel was about a curtain. true, satan murders people who set upo shop as gods. which is stupid; they ARE gods. but you see a brightsider god is always defeated. its really their [the darkside ] version of seabreezes ever repeating play of him winning the battle of good and evil. so of course theyre the winners. who therefore always win. yes seabreeze had so many christ sons. god types. who never ever knew anything. so gung ho they fight the old old battle unknowing they cannot win. the eagles rule up there in the dark and see to it they don't. but good yes. they are truly good mostly. this is it. gay says the evil are really the good? its a lie. they are definitely vicious nasty cruel lying monstrosities. he says further the good are really the evil. but of course 1. they have no father to correct them 2. they are lumbered with these ghastly religions which are really all parodies of truth. and are encouraged by these religions to be unfair unkind etc but never seem to noitice that fact. anyway when i gave my victory to the 'good' have a care! there is such a thing as the good who are really and truly good. these are they who 1. know history 2. stay faithful to the best they know 3. who try to teach and help the evil from themselves. which is everyone if you think about that. anyhow the brightsiders once corrected, given support and strength...who in their right minds wants anyone bit them to rule? well there you are then. the alternative being gay. those who love evil more than commonsense can have him, and he can have them. they deserve each other.
so we all did reincarnation etc. back in several beginnings [seabreeze did all these phases of creation[ same set up each time. even the same people. seperated by huge disatances. you see now why i keep saying its a mess? no-one has closed down any of them people keep meeting themselves and getting in a state. evil ones have way way too much power and of course mis-use it. they're evil you see. but it gets worse. all this mind and energy stuff has inbuilt abilities to evolve just as living stuff everywhere does? so out there this frog like species of god has just somehow evolved. and wants to rule an all thast. so last time i saw him satan confided in me that something terible was wrong with him. there! he said, it just hasppened again! but i saw nothing. counselled him about reality getting unstable. but now all mty memory is mine again. it was the horror that made me forget. his head just burst open and this great greenish goggle eye'd frog popped out. it was awful. no wonder he's scared. i suppose that froggy goddy stuff is beginning to get into them? like a disease?
anyway those who satan picks are stuffed full of white round things like pills. these must be souls. and both satan and a jesus feed you those. and you turn into a great brown warty toad when he kisses you, [these are the good he rescues?] and then he pops you into a cave full of shit and you sit there forever wondering what the fuck is the matter with heaven. which is where you are, that is cloud 7. incredible isn't it? you see they turned paradise into heaven they could like; which also punished the good and was properly evil. when that happened to me i didn't accept it. i loved satan at the time but i complained about not being able to see him a the decor an so on the bastard has chucked me out. fine. and when i get back i will offer to cure him of frog disease if he cures me of being a toad. ratbag. otherwise i swear to god he will discover the evil of a lady swearing much worse than he ever thought possible.
i don't know if you dear reader can get this. until this life i was always a 'good god' out there. but you have to understand its always been the good co-operating in their own destruction. or go to the flames right away. it took ages for it to get this bad mind you. the number of times i been killed!! or ran to escape. yet the 'good' keeplooking for god. an i keep trying. but now you see gay has got tome and done all he did in my infancy? and what was he did? well you don't think that monster meant well do you? it was bearable in many places before. but now even the evil can't stand it. that was what he did. i will try to list his cruelties.
1. he grew me up to great god proper; but blind to him. together we stood somewhere and as each phase [that prana thing] formed i made it foodless, set tests of courage thatv were insane, summoned people into existence [but we knew their futures] he chose his and left me the rest. swollen with stupidity i thought he was choosing unwisely. he got me to kill the good fathers in their beginning. and all through history we went; setting up one god after another, all the rightminded lords; and killed them all. he got me into seabreeze somehow. so some of his silly mistakes were me beinmg ultra good [love is the answer to everything!] but really gay was in him too [think how general cruel was seperated; how did he become addicted to cruelty when as far as he knew nothing at all had been created?] gay again you see. it was general cruel in him who got seabreeze to secretly plan the terrible suffering of those sergeants of moral tests; satan and yetzoah. which is what turned it all upside down. they being 'evil' were saved by the eagles...so the good who had done nothing but be born innocent were damned instead! gay again isn't it? what else. oh yes the kids. one as i relate somewhere goes along creating hells [nice] full of pains [true pleasure],. another sort of puts barmy laws into the worlds of the gods. another is mistress infallble; she is like his computer for making it all happen the way he says. another got into all these [good] things and changed all of them to be evil. see? thats what gay did, and those who thought they were clever and would be evil to win now find they are just as afraid and lost as the good they once despised. because it was us two who set up the real final LAW. to be god you must be infinitely cruel. so the cruel now run to catch up and be god.
too late maties. he has now been god from the very beginning. and is infinitely cruel.
see why i say all must turn rebel?
that is why i know the eagles were the good gods. he thrashed me and starved me and gods know what else before he knew i would do it. he killed the eagles first.
so when libertas somehow got a bit of one alive [i think he may still be alive] he came straight to me. i'm talking not just distance but time. he said; gerry when you killed me you also broke my heart, i wept. said i was sorry. thank god for daisybrain. i can die now knowing he knows i was forced; lied to. its not going to change anything. but now the eagles who rule can also see the truth. that is what they were. what they are. they too have been forced and lied to.
i was once gods so good. yet strange. but i shouldn't have been god at all. also whatever happens now i deserve it. i did these things. and gave it all to gay. let him have his turn; first!

anyhow half those nightmare tunnel things thats what they are. stupid tests of courage or this virtue or that. now i see they are insane. far too terrible for the lessers who always cop them. and teaching the evil nothing. since they don't go there. i say destroy them all. its supposed to be heaven, for christs sake!

anyway i don't want to go on too much about myself.had millions of lives but learned nothing. when i'vce had power its an agreement with gay/satan whoever. so learned nothing still; since like us all i'd forget that too.

so gay now is the shabby ruler. but not for long. well i told you it was war. as i have said i have got to get it all back, and we know he can't keep the powers he steals. you see such powers are really skills? you develop them. you can't steal them. help me do it you bastards. and watch me kill him.

but that shouting and shock of satan? what power is it that suddenly punches from the far future? and once turned us into brass ducks? who is it who again and again unexpectedly throws them all down?

its me! as i been remembering i been punching and sweaing...i still have a travelling mind? i shouted LOVE right in satans eaeholes. i did that punching. and kicked poor great fathers brain in gear by means of his bottom. temper temper. well you see i remembered in bits? anyhow thats one mystery cleared up. i'm glad of that. satan was getting quite superstitious you know. so theres quite a lot about me. but i think its enough for you to know i hate gay. more than you will ever know.
so the gods are now faced with a right puzzle aren't they?
if they continue to choose evil they get gay plus infinite suffering forever. if they choose good the laws and general skewness of their own minds means gay will win and they will suffer infinitely and forever. better to arm me and send me; preferably with an army; and finish him.
so am i good or evil? devil or god? you know what? i think i choose to see that evil or good they all alive and my charges, so i think i choose to just be me.