penny just dropped....with a clang

i remembered making 'diseases' under the command of general cruel? of course he was a white dove; so in my hypnotised state i believed he was god? went to all different worlds and went down into them, creating things you would call proteans out of myself? always in these warm seas...because there wasn't anything else?

how can i have been so blind? THERE WASN'T ANY OTHER LIFE IN ANY OF THEM.
you can't make diseases for things that don't exist. he would murder me each time i returned. why oh why do i keep coming back? with no memory so i never til now worked it out?

the proteans were LIFE. and i was putting them in thousands of physical worlds. why can't he do it? because like all the evil they lose [if they ever had] the creative ability. i never have; because i am good. so they use me to create. think. i was asleep. gay woke me [after we left first [place]and lo...great father was there, in his place. how is this occuring? because gay got me in spirit back into the past and at every point interfering. he said; when satans house is divided against satan; it is satan who shall fall. again he said; to break into a strong mans house you first make him weak, then you bind him. then you can steal forever from that man. and i never feel pity for the weak; gerry.

oh my god. it can't be...thats that that dream ended by telling me. you all quite literally exist because i gave you existence. so fundamentally you are all of you part of me. even more; the entire spiritlands and all that exists there; even maybe anat....built out of my mind. which means i am god because i can't help it. i am lord in my own mind. but this mind now contains everything? history, foreknowledge etc etc.

its like something from dr who; i built everything. out of me. its why gay won't need me once i am dead here; if everything out there including himself lives on. they would then be independent? he will then be lord of the 'universe' made hells by me as his slave? you see now how he does it? he has to use me every single time. in my mind i have all power he has none. and the wasp in the beehive sends all the bees mad; killing each other instead of the wasp? so wasp enslaves Queen because its the Queen who is the giver of law? ruin her and he has them all? the one piece of information i didn't have was that it started HERE. not back then. and to here we have all returned. so truth equals what i believe but what i believe has all this time been what he tells me. so now the power to end him; all of them; and all these halfthings in the physical worlds is within my grasp.

lets see what happens. the child has become adult. the maid knows she is Queen. the person physical knows the history spiritual. the strong man finds his strength. the bonds are breaking; all of them. your existences depend on mine. but you have made me sick of living...


all anyone ever had to do was be nice to me. give me pleasant things places..but none ever did. as god i have had nothing but fear or murder or grief...it was such an easy thing. be nice to a kid; and win. but no; cruelty is your natures....so you lose from now on. and don't ask for pity; you who hate pity, never letting pity in you. not for me or anyone.

get lost. yes each one.teach me about maya, let me remember. and its i who begin here. its you who betray, hate, disobey even your own conscience...what bloody use are you? none.

so gay is really satan. satan must be another me? dunno about the rest. but purusha never cares because purusha..the effulgent light is dead; and has been for years. so the eagles now see their history also. and since tiny and weak as i am now i am still all that is left of the Queen....great father is awake. no wonder he looked on me with that tiny joy...he was beginning to wake to remember, and if i worked it out then so has he..gay has had us all tyrannising over each other; look how the name satan keeps coming up. but its only amongst some people on earth at this time who 'know what that name means'

the truth is its gay who is the real satan. your god my enemy. my name is gerry. it means holy; but nobody knew that until the other day...

so i am god. of course the truthspeller. who else can the real truthspeller be? but he's using me to destroy whats good and enslave whats good and the earth too. so he can have all to torture forever more.

no wonder elohim said to me 'promise you will never try to be my rival or commander; and again he said; when first met your enmity is swift like flame. but afterward i find in you an eternal friend'...of course i was happy to say that also to him.but look! a god wouldn't say that to a mere human! even then elohim knew...and didn't those spirit judges and gay himself just the other day keep trying to say i'm jesus? nonsense of course.
but if jesus was wrong...then yes. in a weird sort of way that makes me the real christ. doesn't it? feel its time now. for the first time i am judge.
of you lot as much as them.