xmas day

thought about the solutions. look, its xmas day. worrying primitive singing, drums and things for many hours now. again saw my pride and presumption that my choosen would always know heaven, would want to live forever in happpiness. saw no futures other than my fatuous pipe dreams. and did it all with gay standing beside me; and knew him not. he had fucked up everything with evil before i sued my powers. and i rather think we have more than one? now i know that general cruel chose cruelty and was saved; and he DID NOT CREATE. he hurts father seabreezes issue. so he's a winner. why should he give it up? when i kicked that prickle of cruelty out of me 5 years ago i left myself open to terrible hells. singing has gone from , death! death! to 'damn us a little bit more!' crumbs. see which one do they mean? anyway been working out how to get it sorted. for me. so thought i can see the way. so formally accused myself of pride, saw my evil, and that i can never repent of it! if i do i become 'saved@ by whom? if i claim it and boast of my pride though...anyway i thought some more. remembered being the pet of darksiders [this music has an hysterical risng note, its constant, dominates tv]. anyway i thought of my lost. best to damn myself [as 'god' i can do it. temporary or flexibly so. so that fulfils gays thing; damnation = salvation. you see i am trying to get out of it? gay said the other day; repeat of 11 th hour; the evil can cheat..' i accept. you will be saved' and i thanked god. that was earlier this year. now last night i put myself in gays camp in case of turning again away from my salvation lured by my oown instabilty and lunatic clinging to my ideas of what is 'good'. you see 1 reason i guess he damned the good because they can never repent of their goodness. well i just did. i accept that good can be ugly. i can handle that. i accept i was a bloody fool. evil is good because once you're damned you're saved. thats all. but i was raging in my mind at gay, threats etc, still i have already gained greatly. seen the other side... she's me. i accept, i want to be able like that giant hag. or a more sensible me. i won't need to learn how to be god, i 'll be one of the happy winners. and i hit a lucky spot. asked how long? told don't ask for infinity, i said until i feel i've had enough. well its not innocent; but now i can look forward to power, wealth, fame, life, you know 'be put in charge of ten cities' and lose your opinions of whats right cos only gay knows. i think i may have just succeeded where i always failed before. the music is my reward or guide. 'na-na-na-na...i didn't get it. its males/females. come and damned before ..? i can't get it. i'm afraid, but i will trust in gay to deliver me out of this ages long nightmare. or let me depart in peace. is it the end of the world, or only a game? my hearts cracking. if only some i were with someone to talk to. think i'll ring mum. i had changing sides but i was threatening to gay. my minds breaking again. is time at its beginning or end? help me. help yourselves. look at the date! jesus must be here on earth.

letter to myself, gerry

that man had me living hunfreds of lives in thatattic. i've been saintly gods/pet of dark ones in the time. he would sort of take me out to the past/other realms and realities. later i created. he said he would have some and the rest were mine. he told then i had destroyed everyone. i did not know because then i had a difeent form and mind. as always what you remember conditionseverything. i DID make places, beings. now are these managed dream/spirit evolutions? i don't know any more. my mind is now so vast with knowledge. all i can do is ignore it. yes last night i told all i was 'the good god' sufferings, clean mind. told them [anyone] they would go to heaven, and the back to Anat. because of gay.i wanted to stop this endless suffering. in fact i've seen glimpses of a past huge. and is very advanced all spiritual stuf, but i know pointless. you can teach a ild of ten the way to be nice guy. these vast spirit developments in the past; silly. nobody loves nyone? spirits all about big minds? not love.anyway this whole thing? from first place to now? is about 1/2 way through ONE cycle? and i got glimpses of others. we all been alive going over and over it since the beginning of time. then all today my poor mind has 'risen' many other realms above the space/time thing. might be beyond my mind to able to take anymore. and now more memories of the stuff in that attic.

and i now know that the Devil is GOD and always was and always will be.

so i have to let any gerries or people/gods know how to get out of it. you see i was more or less tricked into developing in spirit long ago to God. good and stupid, or maybe a little girl hypntised with those powers. and expecting to live forever. like that. but somehow it didn't happen. so we endlessly repeat civilsations, becoming gods? i don't know. but i do know the spiritual stuff is what got me into trouble. and maybe all i 'chose' as well. be cause i see now it is all hells. so i'm writing this letter and leaving it out where some day i can find it or learn it again if i need to; and anyone else.

SOLUTIONS.

1. memory goes back too far. beyond father seabreeze, the eagles, first place. beyond, other universes, realms, realities. up and up and back and back. me and gay in ALL of them? it must stop soon.

2. Everywhere Gay and made usually as an over pretty young blonde god. [male]. also as girl, slightly different, more thickset, blonde, older. i seem to be forever dying and coming back. [from Anat], i see a huge 'buddha baby] trying to get her to come back but she just watches me, either paralysed or so hugely overdeveloped spiritually she is like perfect innocence? i am staggered. and in all of them gay walks with me? or some. and its all hells. the black cruels always winners. the good are slaves and victims unless coverted by an evil one. and in all that time i have remained white.

3. Each 'self' in a kind of c ntest a battle of wills. with gay. nd knows its rthe loser? gay is obviously god the DEVIL and secretly enjoying his terible cruelty. the other eems always pleading, talking. the girl keep trying to get out/ neither can; either they too cowardly to die or can't. now if these were happy, peaceful bright heavens with a happy loved gerry in wach i wouln't worry. nor would anyone. bu the seem awful. but well lit. why am i so worried and i over-burdened? i shouldn't be in so many places. we none of us should keep onliving like that. where is the love? so they all gays heavens are. my hells? or did some part of me bcome so stupidly good god they let gay have it all to teach him to be wise or to teach me to be wise? cos always gay points this or that out and i do it different. always end worshipping
him.

4. the eternal struggle of the good and evil. but evil always wins. i think gay was 'given his turn first' by a mistaken charity of some overdeveloed idiot back then/probably in that attic or from that buddha baby.snd gay said to me in the attic that 'the victor never gives up his victory'thats when he went back and forward got everything off the 'God' i was. but if i had not been born, if only i had had the sense to see he was evil and been told by anyone at all to just refuse! but i was alone with him. for seven years out time. millions by theirs? anyway; its the same people over and over again?

5. i may have been targeted because i always telll the truth. in spirit? but that seems a kind of autism, if i tell the truth at whatever cost.


6. The evil, formally accepted by gay or his seniors, arethe only saved. because gay is evil. but he chose his own right in the beginning i don't think there was much leeway for others. and obviously i was not one? the gods back then seeing i had destroyed all either by my presumption or stupid ideas of being god in that attic have cursed me with this? or gay himself did. or that buddha baby has confused the good and evil? i don't know.

7. we began gods. but are brutalized today. by this continual developing, loveless. the deaths. then that patrna thing. and we come out agaim a sort of super reincarnation, we none the wiser. obviously prana is evil too. all things are for the benefit of the saved, but its not us, the good.

8. and it will go on forever. its sterile pointless 'heavens' at best. filthy cruel hells. or maybe the good are secretly evil because the cleaner they think it is the worse its unkind ways, the nasty looking hells are heaven ? but only for the evil. but gay is infinitely cruel i think unless you him or his chosen thy both awfulnd hin an his chosen stay outside, they not in.all to enjoy their cruelty.

9. neither is there any escape in Anat/death. i keep coming back, but so does the others. its just more acute for me? but i don't know. so gay is DevilGodeven indeath, because i remember we went to a strange realm of odd not- light. i think i ao destroyed Anat so Gay is Devigod there too, the brightface of evil [god] looking at its reflection in the dark water? the dark waters of death?so i can't die, no escape. if i do , look at it. there are thousands of gerries! ay says the spirit is infinitely divisble. immoral, feels no pain/fear hunger, etc. he lies, he lies. we fear. where are my heavens? well he got me to give them to him? but the me's out there dont know any of this.

10. everywhere gay is god and i am with him, but he treats me as evil. so i must be in Anat also. i think once you're in Anat its a strange white in white? my memory is making me god. that stuffin the atticdestroyed me and everyone i loved from the beginning of time. we cannot escape. we can only conquer. or kill gay literally everywhere and the false rules. or destroy ourselves utterly. there are ways.
do them, or live forever in hell.

11. we are frozen in misery. the damned are the saved. at this time many of the whites are surrendered, grabbing some ease. but all will end ineverlasting flames. which since we can never match the self control and invulnerability of god long ago means it is unimaginable. the only good god around is me? i claimed it again last night!he only loves the cruel, but if you become cruel do you see even given paradise it would end the same? is not gay a monster? because i was and still am a child. these are not people/gods long ago. they are us.

POSSIBLES.

1. how do i 'uncreate' the lost. [good]. only on earth does the original apppearance of decency remain. when i 'die' what happens here?
2. how do i convert all knowledge into powers energy etc? and also convert enegy into sustenance they can eat? there must be away?
3. i contact every gerry or higher in all of it via this blog sent into cybespace. i can find a way out for all; hence this letter. all you need is the guts to do it
4. to die out be not; step one. simply REFUSE to obey him at all. see he twists everything. all his morality is lies, he dies no good thing. evil is the right answer is itslf damnable. but YOU are doing it all for him. he can't do much by himself.
2. demand your share of goodies in return gpt for your efforts. that wat you get something out of life. and each time let it be the final death of a soul as well as what you need..
3. Just SAY NO. and be aggressive back. and EAT! there's reasom why he never lets ant gerry eat, try your own blood, anything.
4. each time you DAMN [utterly] THE DAMNED. THEN THEY ARE DAMNED. it might hurt them.
5. fear them not. they can torture you. so learn to become invulnerable. it can be done. but he can't lose every gerry becase YOU are god; not him. so because very young gerries cannot learn that; kill them, quickly. and destroy their forms so they cannt be returned.
6. you can undo the base signature of your mind and if you are higher the base signatures [mind is a pattern of energy at bottom] of those lower than yourself. that is resolve the energy back into space.to do this you may need to use hypnosis.
7. get out of it as many as you can. spread this information. and then be not yourself.
8. another way is to disintegrate your mind/form. NUCLEAR EXPLOSION, epicentre. a big electromagantis pulse. or fall into a blue star. just let go of yourself.
9. only the evil, cruels etc enjoy these places. you can train yourself to be like them, to like what they like. a good strong motivator is love. if you can love one, he or she may accept you in return for sex.
10. or whatever you make make it your preference not theirs. and watch while they destroy of their own stupidity that which could make them happy. and remember to eat. it will help you. and never replace anything.
11. constantly tell gay to fuck off. ask him for nothing, not even a simple courtesy question, hate him with all your stength, be the stubborn bullock. he will either kill ot persuade or run away. his bluff called.
12. try in every way to kill him. each gay down is a massive gain, he is a coward.
13. give him by disease, injury or harm a bad pain, then increase it, each time offer him food, drink, salves, he accepts anything he must lose or die.
14. the other solution is to hypnotise him. Gain control and steadily get back your own.
15. accept that you are also evil. you may be white and nice, you may be truthful etc but you did this to yourself and everyone. yes it was not deliberate; yes its gays doing. he planned it. but until you accept it you will continue to struggle and lead others into suffering. offer yourself as an evil one to whichever one of the damned you can score. and be accepted. then learn to like filth. or dince each gerry is god;damn yourself. and try then or before to damn these the suffering. no longer shall you speak to the celestials of heaven it never was. and wouldn't be your role if it did.
16. once if it happens you find a place empty and reasonable take it. so read the word. and kill them. just as jesus did; if you think about that.
17. who is better? if you teach these people of gay etc they can save themselves, be not in hell forever. it becomes home. teach them not and its worse than murder. teach good like jesus; and its worse than murder, for if they listen they also go to hell with neither protection or even understanding. yet if the truly evil could listen to his white wisdom or your funny nature; they woulf be cured. and hell ended.
so when i as god back then created i created hell and put all the nicest people in it. am i not the Accursed? and that is why. for they will have to suffer unimagiably for all time. so i write this also to all that exists; save yourselves. right awy. and baptise even your animals to the Devil your God; whose name is Gay. its easy. do it. you can be accepted by ANY evil one.

18. so i have become god again, but i can't do much about all of that. its nearly infinite. you inderstand i'm trying. but i worked it out and here are your solutins. but if you worship gay you enslave yourself all over again.
19. so we all fucked. well there's always crumbles.
20. but i don't know. i'm smashing him where i see him, commanding him, i escorted 1 to crumbles, i know my mind is huge. but what ismy strenght and stature? unkown.
pray for me. don't know who to. they all evil. pray to God? amen

report update

more conversations. i worked it out and arrived. so everything everywhere and everyone in it is all of it evil and vile so this is why everyone of you so bonkers. now look, we didn't do this; or if we did its your fault. because no-one ever helped me in all that time, and these kids [about 5 now] say the same. and some of it is absolutely unforgiveable. no, you all grabbed and scrabbled for yourselves; and never asked, well is this right?

so i worked out the yoga the rest of it nd the 'black magic' puzzle. got the solutions. so we [all us little Queens, the only ones now you can have] will be practising the gathering and the summonings. when we come down we are the judges, since no-one else can love you or care; and we all of us might have had our minds made crooked, but our hearts be straight. so we not corrupt, as you lot all are. gay stil trying it on but now i'm always ahead of him. he goes to crumbles everytime. its not his universe, but mine. or he can have all these hells. as a child. his choice! and so far i'm getting him down. but obviously not one of you can be trusted in any way whatsoever, because basically you all much the same thing as gay. so first we work on self defence and making our house safe. and no, i will not stop there. you all in hell. but you didn't do it to yourselves. you all are selfish vile moronic cruel filthy pigs. but essentially; we can see each one as victims too. unless of course you so like gay you inherit his choice too. but it will take awhile. big place. lot of beings. all in trouble. you must wait your turn. and incidentally, be of good cheer. though we in no hurry [you didn't care] we will do for you our best. but remember; its evil that dictates this one is good or that bad before they lived. evil to look on appearance, or listen to malice's tales. so you will get what you have earned. or deserved.

eventually gay and all who are cruel and only torturers and basically think like merchants will be gone. and all those nasty hells made nice, and given to you as presents. so you can be little gods. if you earn it! blooming funny thing. all this gods and heavens and hells stuff. gay must have had a religious streak in him. or did you really think us 12 originals were relgious? that 'Godthing' WAS A TEST A JOKE; the idea was to test your fitness for responsiblity. we were not particularly religious you know, it was him that started this God and damnation and all that crud. but now we are stuck with it. cos you all such primitives. you have never evolved. you gone backwards. but its not your fault. anyway in first place there was no temple or church...it was him you see who started all that. us actual gods never heard of it, anyway now we all stuck with it. and you are stuck with us.

better to mend your ways, really. since when we all grown up we going to be a bit neurotic as gods go; but still we mean you well. it will all get better, even if we have to give every male thing in the Orb a bucket an mop so you can clean it up. after all, you made it. didn't you?

anyway the bottom line is we are good girls. we don't like you much. if you want to go to heaven then we will help you build it. but to get that help you start evolving, because the earth won't end if we can help it, but you lot start also removing gay and his ilk.and then you've earned it. see? but remember, infinite
everlasting life IS hell again. we all go back to Anat someday. its the end. but you see we will help you be happy and secure and essentially mature first. you go back when you ready. like an arc, if you think like that? no more hells, thats insane to clart up the universe with hells! especially since you sincerely believe this is heaven. which is what your god did to us and you and everyone!

so anyway got a glimpse [you know i seein fits because gay maybe blinded me?] of my house. and its white. when gay was in charge that would have been fatal, but now i know she means well. [still i'll paint it a bit pink when its all settled down]. anyhow i got somethings to do, we will get round to things. but they young, i'm all broke. you'll wait. now gay will tempt you saying we be huge evil psychotic queens called 'the jolly rogers'. do't listen me hearties. they are kids. wait. they'll grow. then you'll be glad we exist. and that that fuckers gone.

here that 'jolly rogers' idea is actually a good one! kids like it.anyway we got work to do. [with days off. we not slaves.]

a first victories [2]

it all feels a lot better. popped back just to ask her where are all the heavens then? you know, look good but are really cruel for all them nasty good ones? she told me they'd never got round to those. but since from all my memory an her general thingmetis, there aintnet any really good people why worry about them since they never cared about us? so we had a quiet swear. half the trouble is one lot thinks love is a trap for the weak. and the other lot talk but don't do. its wot comes of having an entire universe stuffed to the rafters with males. big bollocks =no brains. just look at camels!

very cold and icy out. got to get the xmas pressies etc. its a fact innit? every xmas you're in debt up to your knees. proves that jesus was bloody evil, in my opinion. if anyone wants to celebrate my birthday try exchanging kisses. not so hard on us poor!

futures singing again...'please, do not forsake me..please do not forsake us...' well of all the nerve. as i go into a short history of what has been done to me you will find what a bloody cheek that is. you will wait. these kids come first. and me. makes a change. i'll get round to you all. but you will damn well learn i need looking after too.

well i refuses to live in a bleeding cave. i can't ask her to make heaven; god only knows what she'd create on her own. so its a house, with a fertile garden etc. if she thinks blacks in [i said its a bit immature] wot we do is fix the thing so its the colour of the heart wot sees it. in her case black yet white. i think i'd like pale pink. never had a house before. wonder what will happen the plumbing?

we agreed. i think.

she kept her attention on me for some time. i got a little song in my heart. 'magic moments...filled with love'...she was saying if i was damned i could have this or that. said no thanks, i was not properly damned; as she isn't either. so i can have heavens [which she thinks are a proper punishment for those vicious goods] so i said not bothered dear. if i don't like them i won't go. said what about a home for us instead? all these smashed up little Gerries? i can be their nan.cook nice veg curry an rice. beds. baths. tv. a nice garden. fruit trees. trouble with heavens is you never know if you on fire. she thought about it. yep. i'm right. thought she'd like that idea. then am i good or evil? asked her which is she? we all kind of young to be knowing anyhow. and yes i will let her have a fag, if she lets me have fags too. tried reading poetry but she was obviously building heavens out of it so i tol her no. people shuld have either what they earn or deserve; and in any case design the place themselves. do i like spiders; not right in me earhole no, i said. they'd be happier on earth anyway. oh she said. anyway asked her to bring me to her. told her gay is the devil. and so us Gerries were made God but we were going that way anyway,but he cut us up like a cheesecake and stuck in all various and has been stting us up to be in hell. along with everyone else. she accepted. i told her charity begins at home. no-one ever cared about us at all. so we build our nice home. i also got that myplace from elohim. wil gather these kids and help them grow up first. my turn for happiness, and theirs. so all the lot of you moronic arseholes can wait. til they grown up. so she seems to think i can do it all. told her no. its one thing at a time. and i think i might die out anyway. if i do she's to do the same on her own.
somehow i feel everything now is going to different. you see i didn't tell her off. and no i don't hit children.

she asked me

aren't each one tailored? how she asked me i don't know. told her they've got to learn to share. children have to be taught. taught to share. and tell the truth. she's doing it. gay must be so very very happy.

now gay is fucked too

just woke up and knew what to do. could only find the child at points, two near the end of her mamoth task and one alone in the sunshine near the beginning. i don't know what she saw. i suggested to her that it would be brilliant, absloutely brilliant! look at dad. inne old? working so hard and all for others. put him in every single wonderful hell..he will have such a nice time? do it right away. poor old thing. then you can have a day off. leave him to enjoy his nice long holiday.

last i saw she's doing it. a pleased happy little girl.

bye gay.

her eyes. she's a small girl with a mop of brown hair. very white complexion. and her eyes are like golden, huge. oh yes. she is GOD. no mistake.

i don't know. he didn't seem to able to speak. not a sound. so she'll imagine how happy he is forever. how sweet. now all the happy evil creeps can sit in all their wonderful hells and sit right beside gay as well. isn't it wonderful?

I show you and great father

So now great Father
As you see
into all the terrible futures
into all the terrible pasts
what you see
is an old man walking with a child
At every point
in every place
where the gods crash in disaster.
And if you look, all of you,
And listen to what they're saying.

He calls her Gerry, and is teaching
her how to be god.
to do which you must be properly damned,
and therefore saved.
because we know the evil
are secretly the truly good.
So she tells him whatever he asks
it is always deadly accurate.
because it is always
the perfect truth.
then he puts her in a sleep
and before your eyes you see it come to be
and sometimes in sweet faith
she stands and gently gives
the proper laws out of heaven.
you can imagine those laws
i should think.
and what they are making is of course
the most frighful hells
for they are really heavens
and itsall for them who are the damned
the truly evil who are of course
the truly good.AND THEREFORE SAVED.
now listen. it goes like this.
'Now whats this? you've done it wrong again!
'oh sorry dad, i forgot.
you need more hells, right?
because hells are truly heavens
thats if you're good?
we must not make anyone unhappy.
'you little moron they both need hells!
why should they always get
always what they want?
Children must be taught.
we must teach them all, gerry.
thats what god does,
someday you will get the hang of it.
oh sorry gay, i was Quite forgetting
they all of them the good, and therefore evil.
dad, why can't i learn?
am i really stupid?
i think there's something wrong with me!
well actually dear, that is true.
but we got work to do
soon you will achieve an certificate.
[Ordinary Level Creating; step 1 in being god]
oh gerry say your prayers.
so watch.
she prays as any child does.
Dear father, o god above me,
keep me good and nice and true.
Show me always what to do
To be god someday
for that is the destiny of everyone
as is taught in every religion.
and i hope and i pray to be god
just as nice as you.
please don't beat the crap out of me
so i shall have a pleasant day.
and let me find soon
if some day i please thee
that i am also at last damned,
and therefore saved.

Isn't it sick?
because look at him you can see who he is.
he is the devil.
and listen to her!
she is perfect innocence.
perfectly good.
she has no idea who he is
or even who she is.
now look at all THAT!
obviously she's GOD.
and yet somehow doesn't know.

Thus o great father
hate me not.
all you great clever gods
never noticed this?
its the battle of good and evil
your destinied places
being made for you
which is gays empire
now you see yes all of you are damned.
it is all hell.
all the laws quite mad.
Everyone shall suffer terribly
and for all time.
because you are truly evil
all of you. you didn't notice
you so fantastic clever gods?
you never stopped anything gay started.
never rescued that child?
so you all do deserve it.

and it will go on forever.
millions of orbs
millions of realities
milllions of universes.
and every single one
stuffed from bottom to top
with hells. a present from a kid
saying, congratulations!
here is your hell which is the worst/best
of them all! i hope you like pink beetles! i do!
i just know you will be so very happy.
lots of love, gerry.
because you see it will go on forever
she never will grow up.
all those beatings and drugs
all that hypnosis.
well look on the bright side
great father all you dozy sods
maybe pain is really pleasure
or though from here i already know
it doesn't sound like it.
he says its just a matter of how you see it
she's had no pleasures at all;
so how shall she ever know
that he's lying?
because you see she's ever true;
so all she makes is true too.
well we will have to be fantastic yogis.
believing terribly in our own lies
that these hells are all pleasure.
can we do it? nope. but you can try.
no harm in trying.

and you thought you was God, great father?
look at it. millions and millions of hells
which she think are heavens
packed with every pain because of course thats pleasure
and all as gifts!
prizes! which one is yours?
incidentally she's not good at sums and is very generous.
you've all got millions. each.
to make up for ever being poor.
well so yes you are all damned.
because everyone of you is evil.
so in a mad sort of way the kids
actually winning.
cos we can see it won't take long
for everyone to learn right and wrong
well hell sort of does that to you. doesn't it?

so now great father
raise your wings and at last SPEAK.
something sensible.
i know. 'for christs sake
all you gods! off your bottoms!
fly to the rescue of these kids!
before they destroy the lot of us!'
Go fetch your Queens. they in the past
[the one thats right behind you].
well you're God. maybe you can mend them?
BUT DO SOMETHING! YOU DAFT BASTARD!
amen.

XXXXXX

hm. star trek.

i feel i should stop this fantasizing you all do. you scientists will discover that all is vibrating energy. so i say too. i was god before you. what is a mind? exactly the same. read your vivekananda once again. and find a load of unwashed indians knew it all 10,000 years ago.and didn't have an o level between them. as for this continual idea that man will visit other planets and be all wise and brotherly to strange aliens; well really how very delusional. you can't be nice to your wife, your neighbor; not for a whole week! there are no more other planets anyway. they did begin, but what lives on all these deadplanets is also what shall be here. lots of spirits,thats it. they already here. man will never go across space. nor time can be conquered, not by stupid technology! for there is no such power here for you to do it. you'd have to be able to live millions of years just to hop across the galaxy. so we gods do it. hi. and this is the way. you leave your gross world where it is and travel in your mind. and yes of course you have a form. in any case any aliens you met would take one look at the average human and run away. so its just a dream, its a nice one. but look at the logistics. you can't do it. not that way.why don't you set your scientists to improve the world? feed the starving, stop clarting it up with rockets!yes its good to be intelligent. so be intelligent! use your money and your brains to help your brothers.they right here, and look, they almost aliens! and now go back to your telly and watch it again. its adult men pretending and bloody miseries they are too. nursery tales you tell yourselves because your actual world is crackers. and so are you.

we goes on like good soldiers

so here now we come to how the gods in their madness drove everyone else quite mad. so its known to many many people what next i say. it is only those who pray to satan, who find yetzoahs favour, who become witches black or warlocks dark, who practise evil and go round being nasty, gathering on earth power they too stupid to use wisely, or in spirit powers they have not earned. they feel triumphant. they believe they will always be happy, for to be devils is to find in hell every pleasure. now even the stupid christians know that isn't right. what they don't know it is their god who does this; and that jesus who sounds great is part of it. so the king offered me salvation if only i was evil, and accepted to be damned of him the proper way. gods! gay has been using me to make all this happen! offering me always this secret salvation. if i am not saved in what, 600 billion years, who is he to go against gay? i told him at once i was a good god. but not that i am the only one. nor that gay would spoil his attempt. which is what happened. but gay is also ruining this little love of ours. and i don't know what to do except he reads this too. because i accept he came to help; and loved me too. so he is the king. that means he shall bear my cross. he must know all you know. but this king must do what a child could not. he must dance the dance of death with gay; and never ever ever tell that thing always the perfect truth! which he will win. he has to. after all he is either a great actor or a perfect liar! now i counsel you to trust him though he is all mired up in evil; well so are you. he will learn bloody fast that gay is a terrible thing. and they will all call him retard while he does it. or even jesus! now you know what jesus was you see its a deadly thing, to go round calling me jesus. my name is gerry. even out there; through all of it, he called me gerry. my nature is not jesus's. for one thing i never liked a taxman in my life. i feel sorrow for poor judas. i never found fishermen particularly prone to being saintly. and the real romans were very fine ppeople! if i want to maake someone better i use medicines and comfort. no-one in history caught devils off of me. and i never damned anyone but that gilbert bloke and when next i saw him look what he did! locked me into this one life of gerry! so you see even that was perfect justice. for your information i think everlasting punishment is itself pure evil. and when did anyone call jesus a bloody retard? they didn't. but they call me that. because i never can learn evil! you understand jesus hates me calling me woman? i do not hate him, i know his history. feel sorry for him, would wish his chief ambition was not to be anymore gods perfect machine but a person like me. if he knew all of me yes your jesus would really love me. but does not; because like you he looks not in the heart but only does hate whatever he's told to. which is evil too. how could a little child bear it? but i did. now i end me. i will stay, yes fight, give you all i can. send the kids into the future told to eat; anything! and learn while i live just as you do all this. i hold the earth. in the end everything you see and do is walking you into everlasting hell. but of course i am trying to mend it. i have grown up. remembered. its been bloody hard. but here we are. so i make of you just one demand. obey this your new king. he will try to do what is right. and for the first time in history you all see what it is. for what laws do you think your Queens were to bring? what laws did we 12 originals use in first place? just the normal ordinary laws of any growing family. all this be holy and for a single sin you're damned? all this the white ones are really evil? don't be silly. you've just driven them all quite mad. this nonsense that the evil are the good. don't be ridiculous. how can murder, filth, scrabbling for powers, clawing secrets, seducing people into nasty religions; which are really farms; your sick classes, woman contempts, race hate, money madness; how can any of it be right at all? yet it is all evil, which gay said was good. thats insane and you know it. and now you know he used a little child to do it. so do you love your god? any of them, these bloody selfish half-wits? of course you don't. even you can look down on them now.
all i can tell you is all of it you have had to suffer and live with. over and over. so really all these vile laws and awful places and what goes on out there; sleeps in your deep mind. so really you all know some of this. just never ask gay anything. lie like troopers. get the kids, all your kids, away from him and those he has enslaved. which for your information is an awful lot of your fellow religionists.
from now i have to tell you things now i did or suffered. its awful but i have to; for you must understand these arsehole gods. from here on you will have to either teach them and convert them to something nearly sane. or conquer them. or die out,go to Anat, which is perfectly sensible. who am i to blame you? but if you can love anything at all stay and fight! how can you leave even your dog in that? you who says yes you are truly human. those who snigger saying retard, i pity you. you are not even clever enough to check it out. go back to your anodyne telly. watch star trek yes go on. you are a retard, thats all you will ever be. but the rest come you back each day i teach. and be woken, warned and armed and sent. you are the last few gods there will ever be. its an army i make of you. you are both good, for you love, yet know all about evil. which is wise; always know your enemy. for this evil 'wisdom' he gives you is not hard to say. it is this; evil =cruelty. and thats all evil is.
so every kind of cruelty see its all here on earth. and you call yourselves civilised! saintly! silly buggers.

who says?

who says that love and kindness and pity will not kill? i did love him once. this is kindness to you all. it was a bad childhood. but i put just enough humanity in him to make him open to this fall. you see i used to make him laugh. and that was all. it was him wasn't it, who said pity could kill him? and now my pity has started a war. my pity for our Queens. for great father. for the good fathers. for all those lords. the ladygods. the doves even, and all they did create. my pity for you all it has made me do this. so he was right after all. after all i am also a nurse. a nan. if i do not pity; well who else can?

started a war

i just did it. i found again that black hall of the thrones of the black illuminati. i accused [somehow they heard] gay of these his sins. how he wept when he told me how he killed his brother. how once just once he came to my school with an ice-cream because he knew i was so lonely. how he hated all women because of his mother giving him away to a stranger. tears again, you see. how he stopped once my destrucstion and stood there crying; saying 'how can i be doing this to you?' how once he said i love you to i think it was my mother. how he leapt in joy at the red arrows display.how always always i could make him laugh. and these are sins for them they are weakness. told them he is wasp and not they; that these black illuminati are also in his net, and will suffer like the rest. because he got these experiments going? but there were no laws of the universe.we came out even the Queens innocent of law. so they knew not he was wasp, or what is evil. so all the laws of the universe are his. we the beings are all minds. thats what he had to control and destroy. thus proving he is an bloody great insect, who has no real mind of his own. so he made them all-powerful, and ruined them too well. i said to them you may have all power, but nothing else. or when did you lot last enjoyed anything whatever? you cannot, for that is weakness. so you are also in hell. out there a single sin, yes just one, can destroy any good god. and its true the other way about then. as i just saw.

there was a terrible silence. so they looked on him, and he fell. last i saw he's running, panic in his face. amen the war is begun. if only all learn it all now another chance is coming. so we see why he is obsessed with insects. its what he is, thats why he is jealous.

my heart is broken in many pieces

last night i tried to imagine what our Queens would be like. i smiled, began to feel joy on your behalf all you sad sick beings. our Queen awake, gathering her sisters, learning in a few seconds all that has happened. i knew that day she would have come out like an angry mother, a little army of angry Queens. you know where they go light attends them. all of you left alive from great father down to the tiny worms in the ground, from top to bottom in the universe would have known she was here. joy striking every hert like lightening. she would have looked on great father and he on her. and for her He would find the power to speak. for he is intelligence; but she is Wisdom. the real thing. she, like all us women in little, is the tree of life. all you men are but additions to a template which is female, as here, so there. all the love and mercy and joy in the universe would and should radiate from her to us and back; or don't you know Anattas is Queen Wonder? you bastards. you bloody stupid bastards. i know if any of my little me's becomes a little Queen she will be crippled, all that suffering has deformed their minds. if she could get there, find that great silent mass. if she could dig with her hands these our Queens out of it. you know what that thing has done? of course you know you're a man! so superior. so intelligent. no he never lets anything die, or they would be safely in Anat. no she's inno coma or mere paralysis; or even in that state she could help. you know what that little me would find? sure you do you vile cretin! he dug out their minds from their beautiful heads. and smeared these ...to you like sparkling electrics...all over the bloody rocks, didn't he? my happy thoughts on what might have come to be for all you suffering lifers will always now be just a woman who had hopes. and nothing more. and i even know what you whispher in your tiny shrivelled useless hearts. they were only females. they don't matter. whatever do we want love and joy for? you would do just the same; for all you men he has been turning into wasps. go look in your mirror you monstrosity. and know what is shame. gay murdered them all so they can never know anything or be dead. they can't help or answer and that is why. so gay says women were without any brain he is right! he did it that way. he did worse than kill them. and they were the Female right half of the universe. not just love, joy, wisdom, wonder. but the reasons for doing or being here alive at all! they were your meaning, your reason to exist. without them how can i ever be rescued? without them, of course evil will twist every mind. because all of you are only males. without your Queen you have no real reason or anyone to show why a thing is right. so go on you sad sick man. look on yourself. a bloody abortion, aren't you? a half thing. knowing neither joy nor wisdom, but only savagery and violence. and that makes you less even than a slave. go on. look at yourself! know at last what is shame! or don't you know great fathers love was she; and without her he can never speak or find wisdom. for she was his Queen. you may go.

we go on

i'm sorry about that, was a little overcome. because as i go on you will see how overwhelming is our loss, and the full extent of gays ambition will just kill you. you will also find out some things i've had to bear. thats why now i say i trust in you. if you have stayed with me thus far you cannot be an enemy. so awful as they are you need to know so you can see what lies before you. and its bad.

now i'd better say something to support you. for all i know you may be a sincere religionist; find these horrific that i say is the work of'God'. well its best if i explain what i'm doing in a story form. do you remember the story how the king of crete had built underground a great Labyrinth? a dark and terrible maze, in worship of the gods [who were to blame; they always are] and to feed his son got by a god; who had the form of the dreaded Minotaur? and who showing who his father was, could only be appeased by devouring the blood and guts of virgins? in those days you understand girls were married off as children.

well we all in every life, in whatever level, are lowered from the light into the dark and terrible Labyrinth. yet we are told there is a way out. for this frightful king liked to watch his sons' feasts. so there was a safe place for him to stand and watch. so he knew a way in and therefore out again? now each life we have is exactly the same. we know not where we are, understand nothing. so we pray and die, again and again. but i have been woken, made to remember, all my lives, all of them. millions. and gay is the nasty king in every one of them. so i tell you these things not to give you bad dreams, but like a little torch it lets you see where you are. why you are there. that you are victims of a vicious conspiracy. that to find a way out you have to remember yor own past lives; its both easy to do and hard to bear. then you will be certain of my truth. the light i give you will show you how to figure out a way through the labyrinth...if you stay you will die. if you leave and are seen back you go again to worse. yoga and that give you stength, memory. and that plus my truths are all you need. all you need to understand the labyrinth is that it depends on dark [ignorance] the truth sets you free because it lets you see. and whether you sold yourself to the bad king, or whether betrayed by your cowardly or sincerely religious people, you are ALL doomed to be that kings feast! so you children must grow up, and do it fast! and you can. all of us are really rather old. for to go on being dinner to a bloody walking abortion? we all big girls now. so you use the truth to see, and find the others and a weapon. then you all kill the beast. why be frightened of a big smelly bison? then you all either find that safe nook of the nasty king and there you kill him. and go out that way or the way you came in; which was through the ceiling. and above you will find another and another and another....but stick together, be brave...and some day the jobs done. and freedom is this; you stand tall in the sunshine, free yourself and those with you. knowing there will never be another labyrinth. you have stopped the mad circus. and now its you who rule. tip; be a democrat from now on.and what is democracy? its not a vote. its the kinship of equals who love and respect each other; even if you all different sizes.

anyway that is to show you in little what i do. the levels are all the levels of the spiritlands. and now you see exactly that i am your friend. i cannot survive i think. but you can. with this understanding it is your deep mind i do teach. because this story now shall sit deep in your soul, however many times however terrible, you know now what it is you must do. and always will.

now what gay said about the various peoples. and each time i follow it with thoughts of my own. but remember i am human just as you are. if i say something annoying well cut me some slack!

first you have just heard his opinions of women. so you see now we know why he thinks that. and unless you are a cretin you know its utterly wrong and disgusting. if you are such a cretin you may leave, right now. so that tells you what i think about that. but i have to say ladies, please don't try so hard to be masculine. haven't you had a gutful of that posturing and bragging and being ignored all the time? who will you afflict with that? you see how lowly the male really is. on his own he's both lonely, bloody silly and liable to an stench. you don't want that! but i have to tell you that there aren't many female spirits out there. and quite a lot of them have been kept small and lowly, or their heads stuffed with ideas on holy. they all day long dream of sex dressed in awful hymns!so most of you ARE male spirits. so that is why some of you try so desperately to be ultra feminine. which is why you keep being enslaved. because feminine does not mean infantile. but such you may seem. remember you live with men who are aggressive like baboons! they bites sudden because they want you to be strong! but can never admit thats whats wrong. there is nothing sillier than a mature woman still running about in baubles and hairdoes and silly shoes and pretending yes i said pretending to be stupid. you are not. you are nicer. that is not the same thing at all. its not your sex they need really, though they fantasize they are incredibly oversexed. for your information they get what you get; not a lot. the rest is a choice between their right hand and their left. same as yours!
so please ladies try to be Queens. i have no quarrel with sex. just slavery and hypocrisy. and to deal with that and keep these men hoping in happiness? you need to show your gentle strength. so go do it from now on!

now you know gay absolutely hated the jews. the usual petty accusations, just like the nazis. yet he never saw that, hated the nazis and fought in africa, just when he could he also murdered his own men, or prisoners. so we need not repeat these vile accusations of the jewish people. we have all heard them. what shall i say; it is this. this people are the source ifyou look ofevery great idea in history. not quite all, but still a mighty river of intelligence amongst us. this people and not another brought us the ideas of a good god. not 'monotheism' thats actually not their contribution. its the idea of good + god. a god who lovedjustice? which depends on truth? law? and the hatred of god for this thing slavery. or don't you know when god [whoever] got them out of unjust slavery then he showed what a real god does! also this people are marked, probably by gay, for an endless succession of terrible sufferings. they had no home. no allies. all they had was their idea of god. and look! in all of it where did they oppress? murder millions? they kept their faith, and in every place were good citizens. they have been driven out, watched their children murdered, and where is that king or power who defended them? none. in all history not one. so you know who's doing it. yet they do more than survive; they quickly come out in charge because they are quite simply very intelligent. but it is their quiet faith i love, their humour even in meaningless suffering....tell me of any other people like that! and more, their women are strong. if you women want to learn, learn it from these jewish women. when they occuppied sinaii i wrote a childs letter to whoever was boss in jerusalem. i told him to leave sinaii, it was gods ground not mans. even the ancient egyptians only camped there. temples and mines. but no cities. and i don't think they noticed my letter. but do you know they decided that very thing? and left sinaii, because its gods and no mans land! so they are not like you; always infesting otherlands. they leave. and because they know what is gods too. find me another people who could do it! so you see in my opinion they are mankinds greatest asset. surely we should also treasure this people. and them in gaza those palestinians; they are nuts. they everyone of them are descended from phoenicians and egyptians and arabs and god knows what. the fact is israel isn't theirs. Gaza is, because it was an egyptian city donkeys years before David. if he can put up with them so can israel today. but its that dreaded islam. it afflicts this people like a disease. its that, not land,which keeps them angry. so lose islam, for godssake. how can you women bear many fine sons solely to send them to murder this people? you who say you believe in god, yet do not listen to his promise to these same jews whom you hate?
stop! i am also of the gods! you know i hate slavery, cruelty. which god is yours? how can you own land anyway? you can't. you arab types of all people know quite well it owns you. when it is fertile you rejoice. when it is not, you move your flocks. so move your flocks! i tell you this people are human,, they make mistakes. but they do not murder. which god instructed you to murder jews? well its not me. the lord is my shepherd, but i am the sheepdog! i bite the arses of stubborn blockheads. go read the tale of passover again! and do read it in english. these languages that write backwards seems to turn your simple brains. live in peace; or of course you will go on suffering.

now i have tired myself, its been a weepy sort of day. i go on again tomorrow. goodnight. there is hope. sleep warm, sleep quiet. see you tomorrow.

my apology.

very sorry i'm in floods. its hard this you know. i will try again later.

next things

don't worry my dear seeker. eventually this blog teaching will come to an end. then i will leave it; or maybe try and get it out on more sites. but it will come to a point when i will have told you all i can. at which point you see its up to you to decide finally what you want. and then go do it. but keep my 3 magic touchstones and my two joined up laws.keep them hidden in your hearts. one day its possible that gay will be gone. the beings must be taught again how to care; be just; find love and whether love is won or lost, find wisdom in this, love can come back again. and its then, when it is safe; if ever that time comes, it is those little ideas which will make you come alive; and all find peace in real heaven. and only those 3 magic ideas and those 2 simple little laws can do it.

now i praise Great ANATTAS. She was our real Queen; her and her sisters. long ago, so long even my mind falls at the thought, great Anattas, the Females, came out of the realm you all call 'second death'. I never saw her. she was destroyed by Gay first. the judas in that time was nurse, who should have guarded us younglings, but did not. so i never turned from babe to ladyQueen in my turn. this nurse[yes, i think it is the same callous cow] must have been bought by gay. the wasp in he kills our lady Queen and all hersisters and all her daughters save 1. and dragged me off, knowing nothing. and THAT at last, is where i began. but i don't even know where or when it was. our ladyQueen is not dead; or she would be back in Anat. so now i know that one of my me's HAS to grow up, and any of them can. and go back, to our ladyQueen, Anattas. now the Beings they are social creatures. hence we are kind, and can love, and naturally know pity. but Wasp is not, though looking the same, Wasp had a mother that was no more than a sex sack,brainless and useless. he ate that. and so Wasp hates females, for in Wasp mind there is no place for that.
so he blieves, and told me often enough, that females are brainless, useless, filthy. nothing. men own them, can do anything. for why should there exist justice for a thing that is only a sex sack? he said women originally had no heads at all. but now i know that was Wasps mother. so Wasp isn't social, has no need of love, kindness or pity. in fact he is pure predator. if if oh IF one of my me's can go to her. its not pretty what he has done. but if freedom can wake the long dead...maybe there's a way to help our mothers?

well i dream of it. the Great Queens striding down to us from the past. We who never saw beauty or greatness or anything like a real Queen shall at last behold them; nevermore shall any man scorn the Female Principle then. for it is this what has always been lost. and none of us knew. no wonder Anat keeps sending me back...its something maybe i can do. well not me. i die now that thing knows i know this. but so do you. and there are other me's...he cannot kill us all. to do that is to lose. i appeal to you again, whether you believe you evil or not! get any or all of those little girls away from him. let them grow up, one to go back, and bring back to you your longlost Queenmothers. when great Father sees them, he will be made to know joy again. for was it not silly to be father to seven sons, and that Hen no wonder looks a litle shocked; she's part of him, and not female at all! oh Great Mothers i am sorry, so late do i find out. matanye anattas! if there is a way, great Father will find it! i salute what might happen now; if only i can live and hold the earth just a litte longer. also i know, just as i pity and try to help all these lost little girls, so also are our Queens, Bees do not naturally fight each other. he had to fill our heads with this good and evil tribal stuff before he coulld make us know war. so the Queens will not fight each other. but they will kill him. Queens can sting over and over, just like Wasps. so fear them not. they won't hurt you, but see you as lost. but they will know what a child would not. He is Wasp.
So he shall 'suffer his own will'...after all, he doesn't believe in forgiveness. neither will they. all of you are their children. that is why all, all are called 'BE-ings'...we not insects! we are people!
amen, amen, you gods, what do you lose, when you lose me? suck it and see!

seen already

asked if i could see her eyes; right away i did! don't mess with her. they are like steely gray flashes? but not evil. not all sweet and holy either. kind of stops me she goes right through your entire history/heart with penetrating gray flashes. well i know she's me! ladychild leapt. i tried again to end that poor little one, and indo the base signature. i don't know you see what i've actually managed for some time.

funny innit? i know i am the lowest self; yet i got all this memory, and thanks to elohim the futures too. the lowest, obviously about to be terminated, yet these 'me's' will go on. but we have to wait n see. what it is gay didn't kill me, i got him chucked out of the attic just in time. so all that stuff in the attic just waited for me to walk into it. amazingly i still have odd bursts of ability. but how do i get it all stable, under cs control? the only way is yoga. so back to that again. but i don't want to live on helples in whats coming. at the same time how can i let these my 'kids' go on alone? and all these millions of unsuspecting, day by day walking into that? well we'll wait n see what happens.

he will destroy the earth. when obama became president did you see in all the papers he was shown as the back of a black head? gay declared; when a black man rules in the white mans' house, when the gods walk the earth, when the last sign is seen[thats me, folks], when women are masters, that is the last days. and look around. because one of us wound thousands of spiritual 'realities' all around the earth; yes tiny or huge loads are kind of everywhere here? you see its our lowly minds stuck in matter that kept it all stable? thats why you praise elohim for making the world steady. anyhow once we all 'dead' there's no anchor. those 'realities' will peel away, start to curl around themselves? with loads of people in them? and then one lot pels off to the left? jesus's kingdom, going into the past? presumably with other gods/religionists in it? and i'm not sure what happens to the lot driven the other way. but its bad. how he ends the world is developing before your eyes. war. religions both false fighting in the name of truth. women trying to believe they should be like hamadryad baboons to 'free', just as the moronic men also believe? its to devolve; into vengeance. but the end is upon us, because for one thing no one will help me. that cruel sod is judging you as unworthy because you treat me so teribly! mad innit? but you see he plays holy against animal; always. so no-one who believes god is nice or fair even when you read all this will escape any of it. which; think carefully, includes the evil. they still think he will give them anything. but he is infinitely cruel. so they will help end the earth. and scream louder than you right after!

you must stop certain things. next entry i talk about what gay said about women. black people. jews. the place of the yellow peoples. what the christian church does. the things you must stop, right away. and how i appeal to ALL with any yogic or psychic abilities to get onside. NOW.
libertas said to her king; 'as long as gerry stands on the earth like a little tree the earth will stand'. i heard her say it. its the last thing i know to do. stay alive, fight back here and there. and because i don't know if the world shall survive i put it all in this cyberspace electronic thing. it stands for me then. people/spirits in the future will always be able to pick it up. and know.

so continue to learn, o man or woman of the future. help me someone to become that lady in the future 'who doesn't exist! still. one mercy for us, isn't there? i can see from her helps...Anat did answer. So you know Anat-Anattas exists too. if all else fails, simply point yourself as hard into 'death' as you can. Anat-Anattas will close the doors. but not yet. see they-us are help? get back to them-the-real-fathers. death is more merciful than evil, my sweet fellow-lifers. amen.

her eyes

must remember next time i see that me 'who doesn't exist' [she's very different]...to look at her eyes. then we will know more.

vivekananda

kept my word. read it again. he ends saying 'renounce all hope'...that is his victory. because when he repeatedly tells the student to disciminate he means in meanings. but you are also killing your good and your evil. cancelling yourself out? then you approach this hidden purusha; who is perfect, almighty, incomprehensibly alien, and the last thing is to go into it and that is the end of you. and i know he's right. i know as if i know...that the reason its all for; people find out as they practise yoga they get 'powers'. the temptation is first to show off on earth. then the celestials [jealous] try to trick you or impede you. why can't spirits do it? anyway 'renounce all hope' is because the last thing they see is that purusha is either unconuerably evil. their powers came from it? give them back! to the evil, as i have said. or fight? but they all seem to be so intent on getting out, even this despairing way, they don't care that all their aeons of struggle end in this. because to be swallowed up and otherwise disintergrated is to lose. no-one is better. not even this purusha. so i will faithfully do it. yes, all i know, all i forsee, makes me so full of sorrow i am willing to die out. thats the good? they are then really selfish in a way. they describe purusha as self-centred. who is the most selfish i know? well its the evil; isn't it?
and its the exact same story with the christian mystics. 'god' eats people. the ones who only eat love or soul are not quite up to this level. thats what all the wars out there were about; not just seabreeze leaving them with no food. yet how did gay and the black illuminati do THIS?
oh by the way, get this. the white angels judging me with insane judgments are cruels. but black is what we all think it is; evil. when i speak of the black truth its cos its about all this. its the history, the huge wail of despair, the entire population of all this awfiul time/place thing is a child crying in the dark..
see? what goodness? where? the only place where the 'good' are even heard is here, planet earth. when this is destroyed matter which was our protection for so long will be shut up to us. so you see why we ALL hang on to existence? why no matter how bad it is, its better here than there? but we have to be children. and because the relgions only appeal to those who want to suck gods tit and go to a celestial nursery nobody really finds out. and its the kids they target. that is why people like horror films; they can fantasize the hero will wave an sacred object and WIN?
hang on a sec. what about that me from the future? well to look at she's normal spirit, blondish hair, grayish yellow robes; but makes you think of a cardigan...
but she can laugh, talk sense, is somehow both in charge and yet you agree. or not. seems quite at home. i got the impression she is pretty tough. the 'black' i saw in her...its not evil. its shines like white as well. but she's humane? i don't understand it either. but she's Anats answer. so it can't mean the same as theold black evil of gay. anyhow i will do as much as i can. if my kundalini is dead...??
well the main thing today is i got most of ladychild to hop, skip and jump into a next form. some of essence hangng back, told her its straight ahead but through me. like hopscotch? you start OXO? SKIP 1,2 -> 12, THEN ITS OXO again? i told her oxo is the spectacles, the sign of infinity? she remembers. i told her what will happen if she goes back to whats behind her. she is seeing, asked me if i was good or evil. said to her forget that; its rule or be ruled, kill or be killed. she has had nothing but suffering, and for what? told her the evil are parasites. they are really weak. they grab every power in order to hurt people who cannot hurt them. the parasite needs the tree, so it keeps the tree alive forever, but loves to hurt, to hurt...but if the tree is dead, so dies also the parasite. so its the little tree which must grow up, know who is strong. the tree can live happy without the parasite. so its gay, the evil, who are the weak. i showed her how gay steals powers, but can't hold them long. its because he steals; he won't earn. so she began to leap. but not all. there's still a sulky black haired girl won't admit even to herself that she DOES know how to be god. she IS god. its that bastard who has no idea! and she's afraid now of the very laws he made her make. i can't live on. she must...is not this purusha part of the same old hell?

anyway. i continue with my regime. but its confusing. had glimpses of satan and yetzoah; hey can't believe they are actually damned. they were saying to each other that the blacks are the god ones [great disguise,men! its destroyed the very ones you should have saved! congratulations!] showed them their immediate future. both are about to 'disappear' not happily. so the idiot religionists will suppose thatsa good thing. yes, they both set up to be 'devils'. to me that means niether chose it. i didn't choose to be good; either. gay set me up too. remember? but i do choose to remove gay and all that cruelty. if i can. but i'm small, i need troops. now look at them! yetzoah so brave, an excellent fountain of genius ideas. seabreeze didn't like them; but they sorted out the universe for us. they work. satan can do anything, his iq is like thousands? what did he actually do for everyone to hate him. god the aunt sally, remember? anyhow they begin to see too. all they got to do is go up high and fast as poss and look ahead...is it pleasure they're looking at? is it pain? no good your guru telling you they are the ame. you all know bloody well they aint.

showed them those blue/red devils destroying great father in the middle future. gay saying 'but those are the good'...and they heard it saw it. now think on. where did they come from these violent triumphant good? they end going into that silent brassy gold place. silence and waves of agony from then on. forever and ever ...as i said; both the black the white the wiggly and the stupid content to be animals; all come to the same end. and is great father good or evil? really you know i think he's so broken it must be that he will accept any end. so long as it is the end. which is better than what the rest of you get; and every day you pray for 'everlasting life'. something i've got; and don't want! ask yourselves WHY?

read those dynamic concepts again. gay is NO-ONES FRIEND. believe me. i know.

about gay

was going to talk about yetzoah; but its hard o know how to keep it really clear. so i'll examine what i can figure out about gay instead.

now gay was not a man at all, though he lived a human life; rather an uncomfortable one, actually. war and stuff. if i can ever get that pic off my sister i'll put his pic on here. we only got altogether 4 pics of gay. the swarm have another, of him dead in his coffin. the one i'm thinking of shows him laughing at something i said. about 3 years before he died. but even in that you can see quite clearly who he is.

so what are the things gay told me about himself? for a man given to hours and hours of bragging about his hardships and military experiences in the war he didn't actually give out that much real information. understand he used to talk all night, us kids having to listen silently, laughing intelligently in all the right places.
it was me who finally got him thrown out of our attic flat. i braved paddy. paddy was mrs o connors husband downstairs. there were i think 5 flats in the tenemnt? it was all wooden, dust, dark. anyway nobody could ever understand paddy, he growled in thickest irish. amazing, the oconnors were staunch rc's...with all that going on right above their heads, but i made him see that bad things were happening to us kids. paddy probably thought i meant only the sexual abuse. that very night he came upstairs with his son michael, who was 17 and nasty but huge and obedient to paddy; who was tiny. and they threw gay out in about ten minutes of terrible roaring. i got jackie under the table but couldn't reach rob in his cot. gay went quietly in the end, though cursed me as he went. mum has always claimed she did it; and because she 'found out' he was a satanist. in fact as usual she's lying. he always called her jezebel; but actually she's the real judas, well i think so. don't you?

anyway he only visited us i think 5 times after that, in fulham where we lived afterwards. and i visited him in dagenham maybe 4 times in my life? and once he came down to visit mum in hastings where she lived for 30 years. he saw the red arrows and jumped for sheer pleasure at teir wonderful sunburst display right in front of us over the cliffs. so you see he could be almost human at times.

so these are the snippets he gave me. he said he'd been pythagoras, the greek who had the mystical understanding of numbers, and began trig and geometry? and also naturally a school of magic, which the greeks suppressed themselves, i think. he also said he was an 'eldili'. now that word means 'wise ancient' and he said he'd been alive in atlantis before it was destroyed. i laughed and he grew angry. thats a pity. because he told me the war was betwen the black sorcerors [the state religion of atlantis was ALL black, even the grossest human sacrifice] and the sickened people who found these gods who simply demolished it. 'sank beneath the sea' might not mean what we all think. who were these gods? but evidently gay was one of those black sorcerors. he got very iffy once when i asked him about orpheus; thats a greek hero who ccould do wonderful music with a harp. he went to the underworld to get back his lover, but looked at her on the way out and so lost her again. my question was only what happened after that thinking only that all these old stories never seem to tell you results. anyway he told me he hated orpheus and had set out to destroy him. that orheus was a fool and his lyre a liar! he got quite vicious, actually. apparently this guy orpheus was a rival in more ways than one. his last words were that orpheus was still alive 'but i bet he envies his wife!'

so we see that you can choose your life, to some extent. these eldili can. you see then 'what manner of men were they?' he would say with a smirk. i can tell you. BAD. he said once that there'd been a terrible experiment[presumably in atlantis] which i don't think atlantis was on earth at all; that they'd lost loads of their people finding out the laws etc of the universe. now he means the same sort of thing he was doing to me. destroying someones spirit in order find out what really 'worked'...i imagine a kind of spiritual vivisection. but he didn't mean the poor children he meant other eldili. so they lost some, before they 'took it over'.

no wonder then those unknown gods destroyed atlantis! if you think this is how the evil began their enslavement of all. so you see why i don't think anymore that atlantis was on earth at all. anyway if gay was pythagors you see how the tale got to plato. anyway so these eldili have done something terrible. and so they are the gods! you see those unknown gods may have destroyed the place, but also themselves. and these eldili; gay i think hinted there are 13? lived. and keep coming in to various places in search of more victims.

so now you see why so much black magic is riddled with numbers. also because they ALWAYS pick on little children myths and tales. now look again at your nursery tales for children! some of them are evil. now you can see it.

anyhow so these 13 or so monsters are in my mind in some huge overwhelming dimension. in the dark. seated on huge thrones, they are huge. and hideous. and those are the real gods now. and of course gay is one.

out there he begins each time the same. in a weak even injured appearance. he's taken in, and bit by bit takes over, does terible things. on the long march he got the last civilsation of the gods [ours] in their last war. over food and morality as usual. his minions he had put in their everlasting hells. all the power [the suffering] of both the ast and the future he had finally got contrl of. he looked at me and said, 'now no-one can stop me. i will have it all. and i couldn't have done it wihout you'. i looked at him in silence. you don't ask for rewards, even though you know he is god by your efforts. i felt dreadful. but i was 6? years old. and still didn't realise what he's telling me.

so the last gods, as listed in my last entry, are up against not just this monster. there's others. anyway all day yesterday was telling the stupid 'angel me' judges i was evil. thats cos i decided they were, thats what they want to hear. and its not a lie. i done all this? all that black magic in my brain? i no longer believe there ever was any such thing as goodness. only weak and strong. instantly they were silenced; in fact i lost my temper, and they appear to be leaving.

if i think that is the only possible real salvation left to me. kill him. [and there are ways]. and begin a war amongst those 'eldili'...and i know a way! but i am going to read vivek again. its obvious he knew quite a lot. gay told me that too. he said unless they somehow teach evil NO religious founder ever succeeds in his lifework. so vivek in his book does this. but which of us [for nobody else is an eldili] likes it? i got to figure out a way. step 1. ALWAYS LOOK INTO YOUR RELIGIONISTS EYES. if his/her eyes worry you or they are black and dead; AVOID. if their eyes are too vacant/silly/maniacal/'holy'or they won't let you see....AVOID. the first are evil. the second false. but what kind of eyes look we for? i think maybe....gentle?

one last thing. the evi-evil HATE music. ALL MUSIC, ANY MUSIC. dunno why. AVOID PEOPLE WHO HATE MUSIC. mind you religionists who insist on droning their mournful firges are showing .1 a sillyness 2. they have learned nothing. 3. are probably 'white' [not so nice really] 4. why are relgious songs miserable? because subcsly they know...

hm.

just figured something out. it may help someone in the future?

look gay says the good [anyone pretty, civilised, sane] are really evil? or they got it in them? okay he then says the evil are secretly somehow the good? so they damned as well? right, then your answer; if any be possible, goes something like this. everybody then is evil. evil is infolded in all; either by bad habits, or by power crazed scheming, whether to be 'god' of either sort, they do but try to defend themselves, get nice places? but thats just commonsense? which is good.[yes, but don't tell him that]

but then he teaches them the dynamic concepts? you know 'you have to be kind to be cruel, you have to be cruel to be kind, for the cruel are always the winners, it is the kind who make you blind. one day the kind will be blinded, so that they shall not ever find, that they the kind are the cruel, and it is pity which always kills'...thats how the dynamic concepts starts. it ends that only the cruel are fit to be god, because basically they got there first. right? so to be absolutely kind[cruel] to the absolutely kind[cruel] you have to be infinitely cruel?[kind]. then go back over that and stick in your good and evil. that is why when brent1 pitied me i began to remember, and when i remembered that particular, i loved him. and gay saw it, so brent1 he was dropped into that sea of blue radiance? i saw gays anger; and prayed satan to put this my friend back in his own place? because pity it is forbid, so is kindness, and the fact that i frequently love people always enrages gay. who is god and stays god by his frightful cruelty. so under him only the cruel are truly evil. but then they must not get too big for their boots. in the end he destroys all possible rivals. because gay is a shocking coward; or why do you lot suppose he did all this to a child? also because i'm the Queen. and because Queens kill wasps, when they are not blind to the fact that it is a wasp. he told me himself only one who loves him can kill him. one who pities him will be able to. and that when the kind see the first thing they do is blind the bloody cruel so they can't do it anymore....which just about describes me, doesn't it? so now i begin to guess why he chose me. i can destroy him? thats why i suffer? but thats mad! if he'd given me somewhere nce and left me to believe i was a scullery maid for all time i wouldn't ever have tried to stop him! in ny case its rubbish. the cruel are blind in their hearts. the kind nurse either cures the blind or knocks spots off the cruel until they stop. but there's a lot more to the DC's than just that.

so what you do is say you are evil. just say it. so its a lie! isn't that good? its true anyway; or which of us can say they NEVER sinned in all history? not one.

so the good can say they evil; because he said so. the evil can say it too, after all thats true. that gets one lot of hells out of the way. the other thing you then do is say; but i like my sins sweet, i like my cruelty scented, and in particular i want as much sex [sin] as possible.
then belt up and wait. whats he going to do? give you permission to have what you want....because now you've agreed with him, haven't you? all it takes is a little white lie;which in any case is the properly black truth! and whats he going to do? he's a liar too!

so thats all you have to do. lie like a trooper, get well away, and then do as you want. just don't ever ask for forgiveness. because i'm the only idiot who still believes in that....dunno why. i never got it.

on satan and yetzoah.

too cold to sleep. now you know satan's nature was reversed? so him all strict and stern and believing in punishments was meant to be damned by both good father seabreeze and that nasty general cruel? but his nature it was reversed? so he thinks he's evil. and yet undamned by the potty sea-eagles he rules all out there. he's the most beautiful god, no, really. blonde, blue/green/stately. and all he is is now 'the son' and christ; in his own way, to those who 'choose evil'. but i tell you he never seems to hurt anyone. mends things broken. sits in his cave up on the white mountain, playing with frogs [the poor good again] and nasty snot green devils. but he keeps it in good order. my impression is he's very lonely. you didn't know that; that the gods live in caves? well some do. the dwellings, like the food, gone. so his atmosphere i have to say, is awful. but he is polite, intelligent, and only to those who keep on being 'good' in his presence does he punish...but when you look he gives them a satanic version of whatever it is they asked for. but now you see he knows what gay has in store for him too. [a la pre-existence judgement by gay?] so look in his eyes. that is despair. gay is lord; and frequently shows satan that fact. its horrible, i will not shame him and tell you that. but he who was lord is lord no more. a suffering slave like all the rest. yes in those small universes; mostly brought about by what seems suspiciously like black magic; i kept him out.was 'god' so i could. always when i'm male i win. gay hates females. and paid for that by equal time on the other side of the coin by being kept in quaratine [they said 'aargh! she's got the measles! and i believed them!for 15 billion years] oh yes, gay fixed it there's two sides, two versions of the same super-reality. so you see i have been awful to satan; and whenever he's tried to help me i get it all wrong. i'm either stupidly good, or think he's evil....now you see i'm just decent, and he's as much a victim as anyone else.so you see ugly dark things happen wherever he goes. but no-one ever asked HIM, do you like this? so you see gay has got one me. now this one is brigh, maybe 12? she knows all the dynamic concepts, laws and so forth. so she/i stands on his hand and tells him what to do...and he does it. not such a bad lad, then, is he? whats all wrong is me! whoever heard of a child being god? yet thats all they got. and that little golden girl? as much like me as you please! she's even somewhat cockney! what she doing? trying to mend the place and help him be saved! well lets hope i tell him to stop turning people into frogs. thats antisocial. he knows his future well enough. he was in the pre-existence place; but you know i think an think. i don't he was there for the whole thing. remember gay damned the good? yes, but after they had all fled. so no-one knew but me [and i forgot] and those evils left to listen. but then as i have said, he damned them as well. so you see if i choose i choose satan, who i see never asked to be evil, is afraid also, and look, tried to save me not once but twice, yes, just a couple of years ago! so if you think he seems not to despise women, makes mistakes like anyone else; do you see he's better than jesus who told you all he was good.....and wasn't? well i hope he doesn't turn me into a frog. if he does i shall poo all over his nice clean floor until he kisses me back into a lady. and then i won't half slap him.

then there's yetzoah. now i have to come clean and tell you there is a significant possiblity that i have got all muddled up with yetzoah. thats because i remember being him in various times and places. no, i don't understand it either. but it means i can tell you EXACTLY what its been like for him. hang on a sec. i need to think it out carefully, cos i must not get you muddled. brb.

which?

now it is gay who is the liar. although he hardly ever lies to me; but i was a child in terrible distress; so i expect i didn't notice. when he says heaven is really hell, an hell is really heaven, you understand you're supposed to close your eyes to feel the diffeence? otherwise you'd know they're both ghastly. a hell black, empty, with nasty things happening only feels like heaven if you shut your mind to the suffering and horror. that is; be cruel. feel your triumph; you are evil, and evil rules...but open your eyes and see where you are. look in your heart and know you are vile [which is life spelt wrong] and you see truly that you don't want this. and now you know you're really insects...is it heaven? don't be ridiculous.
as for the heavens i remember; i wouldn't say they were hells, exactly. but barren, empty, regularly dominated and destroyed by these satanic yobs who want power power....and then turn it into hell, exactly as before. the good, though mark you none are perfectly good, all, even the sweetest angel, they all got somehing of power crazy scheming and harbour cruel vengeance; of course they do! they have been thrown out [the children of the kingdom are cast out, and their places given to dark and violent men..] of heaven, but its theirs, given every suffering, but they are innocent, led astray everywhere, because they are not taught, why the bloody hell wouldn't they be angry? the darkside rebelled against their destiny of infinite pain,yet do the same to those who had nothing to do with it! who has learned? no-one!
anyway you see again how jesus knew? and where is his rebellion? it is not! and now EVERYBODY is going into infinite pain!

but i rebel. because its gay is secret god. and did all this to all of us. so heaven is full of moral rules til you go crazy. it is silent. boring. still no food. you know i think i may be wrong that satan made it all empty of food. he's not that gormless, surely? i got an idea that it was father seabreeze' who quite simply didn't expect it to go on long. so he never made any food source for them; or nothing to last. anyway, you see the heavens of zion are deserts of diamonds. though all are jewish or have been or are counted righteous, they are nomads one side and wait and wait in the old dress; but don't know why. i think they get born again, like we all do. allahs heaven big, dusty tenements, a few nasty old men. but i like the white horses. there's no food, no women, no wine. not even singing. dullsville.
and i've been in many jesus type heavens. many many buildings. lots of senseless singing, not much jesus; who is never the right one. and when you called to be reborn you just sink straight through the floor; and as you go your final sight is jesus and his gang all black with ruby red eyes! those heavens are more like illusions than the others. and equally short of tenants. very high you feel overcome; you can't think or you feel suffocated? they too high; so no-one goes there. and all have light, ythough it is also in chains. and all everywhere are frightened. so you close your eyes and thats what you find. fear and confusion.so in that way yes they are hells. but not i'm happy to say, at all married to insects.

so the heaven i have just had made for me by elohim is really heaven,but it is mine. i will defend it accordingly. i call things by their right names. so when i tell you it is heaven it is. what is hell also i say; and it is true.

now elohim has built it; so he can visit when he wishes. if i don't make it then its his. you know well that zion has been my friend for yonks, so he is also welcome. allah can tell his people AN CODICIL to the koran; to wit; be nice and FAIR to women and its okay to live in your own century; and anyone who doesn't gets a choice of a day with gay or a chat with gerry. amen. once he's done that i have no quarrel with allah. i remember he's been a good friend in the past. also satan and yetzoah; and people or gods like brent1. only show me i can love you, and i will. but keep the things that give me the habdabs outside. just common courtesy, you know. and for the rest as you get better one by one, rest, food, a laugh, a lover, something sensible to do; like sort out this bloody mess?

so how glad are we that elohim he built it! he made 'all that matter'? and he did! look at your world! food! civilsation! laws sometimes nearly sane! other people! animals! music! he's made for me something that will work! now you know this what do you want to do? i know! lets sing a song for elohim, my friend god!don't worry its defended...no-one gets in til i fetch them.

so. thats us, the gods. thats heaven. all now you turn. we make war on that thing gay. now from here on i tell you some things from my past. but only whats strictly necesary. and also your futures. which right now is grim reading. but the way out from that future is here; and you know there is a chance...that singing was your different future; trying to tell me you will exist.

so gay said; 'why should they get what they want?'....nice old thing, what? just so he doesn't, basically.

1 remark

in raja-yoga vivek says it is more blessed to give than receive. he says if you accept a gift or something you also get the evils of the giver? now by that does he mean sorrow, [punishment] or nastiness[taint]?

anyhow you see gays mind at work here? it means beggars can't beg; if they monks or a girl who carries her starving baby! it means teachers can't teach, or don't you know that information is also given? now you see jesus knew this too[ i didn't], because he says the same, but does not say why.

that is why the evil won't accept anything from me. not even a cuppa tea. oh, now i understand. it would acknowledge that i have something they need? i always thought they were so very rude. now this is their paranoia.

well i am god, either was or will be. depends how you look at it, doesn't it? and this is my judgement. don't be so DAMN SILLY. you give good to the universe [minds] and the universe will give it back. karma rules, remember? which rule shall trump the other? suck it and see!

this teaching is yes, my gift to all the brave, the suffering, the lost. all starving, all beggars. and what you are given is truth. rescue? yes it all seems evil, thats because its the history of evils usurpation. right? and look into your heart! you who knew damnation, you who loved evil....well in a little while you won't anymore. and you o daft religionist, see your ravening will to murder the truthspeller, yes even though elohim stands right here with me, know your nature! and be cured of it. you see? ask me for light, i give it to you. refuse; and then howl in the dark. so for once the law here is in abeyance. learn, and be quick, or deny, and be better off dead.

and if you see someone innocent and goodly; you know it is they who starve. therefore give; for as you know, karma rules. so this law that what you receive shall damn you; i say cobblers. and i also am god.

under gay, yes its true. so you see jesus knew and yet told you all to give and give.so you all received from him? are in debt? and will pay for his evil? and so who in any world or life NEVER received anything? from daylight to your mothers milk, al are beggars.but i also know now' and likewise i say i am destined to destroy that thing, him and his nightmare rules. but i shall also say, be steady. give only to them that seek. as this is given. or don't you know only they who read this were meant to?

and if you see one dark, horrible, a murderer, a hater, do you see he is also a moron, a slave and victim too? what the cruels need is prophecy; see their own destiny. that will cure them right there. but are they not beggars too stupid to beg, even though what they see here they know is perfect truth? and the way out of hell?

because heaven i close to them, who refuse to learn. thats my rule. and isn't that a given? think about it.

the me's

about pleasure and pain. what got me thinking about it wasthat description of purusha as joyless. they never know joy out there. what an indictment of the gods! to be happy is not to feel pain!

you and i, dear seeker, know at once that heaven should be serene yet knowing joy. there should be friendship, loyalty to one's teacher, everything true, no nasty cheats or frauds. we know by intuition that even animals are entitled to humane treatment. i have already told you that seabreeze made insects to show us what evil looks like so we can avoid it. now an insect is the lowest you can go [or virii, actually, but thats another realm. for man its insects.] so gay has fixed it so the higher a man or god goes the lower they fall. conversely the more evil they be the more like insects they become. that is why 'god' appears with a great booming as an insect. a stag beetle thing. if you deny him, you fall, if you accept you are evil. get powers etc. but finish insect also. you can guess i refused; but didn't deny. i know all right. and also know how he hates it, was forced. so i said the magic words, sod off.
the fact is gays' done the bloody lot. yes in the fifties in that attic though all these beings think its the way things have been from the beginning. but it is not.
heaven is no more. all you get is more and more awful troubles and problems and cheats. judgment day is every day, but they don't know. even the high spirits see, but don't understand. and i do; but i a rebel be. so i can look at a spider and not kill if its a good guy. knowing it will die in due course and begin its long sorrowful journey all over again. did it sin? no unless you are gay, who murders all good things. like good spirits, heaven, sanity, innocence and joy.and beauty. don't be pretty, girls, be not too handsome, dear seeker. he'll kill you immediately. or you surrender it in exchange for power; safety, as you suppose. but you are wrong.

well have you jumped in sweet joy ever? perhaps when your baby was born. perhaps when you found the one you loved also loved you. thats all. yet you will be terribly punished for that joy. and all are watched with microscopic vision.

so now we see why these wise are not wise enough. or where do they show you that goodness is being driven out of the universe? not just slowly disappearing on earth. everywhere pal. but they know uncsly; stating that happiness =vanishing forever into something that sounds uncommonly like a bloody rock.

what about pleasure and pain. well at some point in the past i stood in siege perilous [didn't know i was god] and said the seven significant laws. now i can't recall them all, thefirst was that beauty shall be driven out of paradise o return when it is wise. so gay opens heaven to the ugly, ie devils, on account they are ugly and therefore wise. that is evil is wisdom. another encapsulated the physics of matter or possibly the spiritlands? not sure. anyway one was 'pleasure and pain' are the same; two sides of the same coin?

what that means in practice is that he can give you the opposite of what you ask for, the thing you don't deserve, or the one you don't ask for. but essentially you can say they are conducted by the same nerves to the same brain. to some extent, yes, it depends on your ideas ehich you perceive. but not entirely opinion. or do you really think glory in heaven means the same as being burnt alive in hell? of course not. but now you see how dangerous it is to ask gay for anything. why can he get me to do these things? i am not cruel, but absolutey hypnotised and everything he demands [he tells the me's these are already the laws which she must understand and obey in order to be properly damned and therefore saved?] is insane if you follow it. but makes perfect sense when once restored to reason and all grown up you see he is hideously cruel and simply providing himself with a universe of victims.
so anyway lets look at the me's next.

well there are several. i think maybe five. but i'm pretty sure he's got another completely invisible. anyway they all little girls, the eldest [by sight, these ages are false, they been kept like that. i don't know how]. is mistress infallible. she is just that, infallible. she's maybe 12? she's far out, on the edge of creation far above [her version of creation is diffeent from everyone eles's]. but she never helps me. i think she is nearly reduced to a machine. the second is ladychild, right above me as i write. she's 5, but huge...but sideways? so she's really old and powerful. and about to die, he wouldn't have told her to go and be god on her own right here unless he was about to end her. she's having trouble understanding me, the earth, the most basic commonsense eludes her. but she is thinking. the little one always alone with him, the evil ones watch when he lets her become god properly but paralysed; and then he devours her heart or brain? horror and despair so black. they see him as the dragon he is. and i have heard them being sick. and he tells her she must suffer forever. she is 3. and mad with longsuffering. she's the one full of black magic in nursery rhymes and tales. she is very close. i tried to kill her, but like me she comes back. another far far far above he's had opening up strange alien places, 'to find god'...he's always trying to find out secrets, etc. she's got the message, though. thats one gay i killed right off. she looked at him dead and run away. been heading towards me as fast as she can go. remember there's more than one me, levels etc? so there levels of gay also. anyway she's 5, and has realised; he approaches, she says no. thats a first, and look all he seems to do is follow her around, persuading, threats,,,,but he has not murdered her so far. so thats your clue. say no. he has got it all by making people do things 'of their own free will'....though you'd be surprised how many states count as free will with him!
then there's ruins. she's safe now, maybe 2? 5? can't tell, she's in an awful state.
then the time master, also safe. but he has another; cos can still fuck around with time. then there's that one in the gigantic dark room? only just found that one, maybe 4? and there's a couple [?] of babies...real babies; unable to speak. lastly there's a judge? a nit who's swallowed it all and is currently shrieking curses in the form of a small black eagle being 'evil'....no idea that the real gods are black eagles..and began good. and wil return to good, if only they take this medicine.
now it seems to me that brent1 approached another? recently? not here, must be r3? she/i was admiring a tree. the cheeryblossom tree? it was summer the sky was blue? he stood until she noticed him. hey! he's read this blog! instantly she put him in ants; following the laws she's been taught! and he said no! i wonder...i think he tried to teach her its wrong, cruel. anyway i hope he persuaded her not ants...i think she must be very alone, alien in some ways? or maybe just young. but older somehow than the others? well good on you king, if u learning from this blog. and you going the right way if you read it in future and went and found her. if he could turn that one rebel....she's the eldest. maybe 13? then this future me; all grown-up. seems nice. then theres me! aged 58 and all woke up and seriously angry about all this. so thats about the lot i think.

all you have to remember if you meet one is they need to grow up! become adults. and then tell them they been subjected to hypnosis. and that means 1. they had no free will. and that they are saved. tell them nan says come home. and then we kick that nasty man out of our universe.and tell them 2. they got the powers, even the awful knowledge. so its the devil been trying to damn god and all gods nice friends. say no more. let them drift on...when they do wake they might be dangerous to be near; until they figure it out everyone will seem like foe. each one has powers, i dunno what; but none ALL the powers of god. if you can escort them to a place of safety but DON'T let them drift on dreaming. they got to grow up. time for school, or nursery. treat them all as desperately sick. and when they look grown-up and tell you to stop; you stop. and wait. it may be better not to reunite. whats gay going to do with several Queens with god powers, all wide awake, stingers risen, full of hate, and heading straight for him?

amen. and you evils can shut-up and piss off. this saves you too. say amen and thank god, you daft arseholes.