final entry; 24.08.2010

its been quite a thing. i see i now have 13 followers! gay is more or less in hiding; but because its all been a little too easy i am still in battle dress as it were. the gods [satan and yetzoah] are beginning to respond positively; i am determined to cure them help them; making it clear to them i want to be fair to them. i am not like gay!! the king turned up again; he does love me! he is there of his own accord...i looked at him, began to step towards him..he in joy began the same....suddenly he stopped, look really frightened, and searched found an invisible way out...ducked into the bushes...was held up by a big concrete wall; so an upper part of me let him go wherever he thought it was....

was distressed. so he's as trapped or badly served as me! and when hes near i become much more clearly spirit AND LIKE A MACHINE...no woman would normally just stand and just feel nothing. thats the love of my life...i think if anything is ever to go right the first sign will be that he wakes up to how i am his..the love [the real love] of this mans' life! so thats what i meant to say. spirits...they don't seem to feel love, or sex, or affection. you feel pity or compassion for them they react badly. its an 'insult'...crazy. so you humans think jesus and that kind love you? thats what they're really like; super-intelligent machines, going on about their crazy moral ideas and feel nothing, no love or pity or grief. down here i can see BOTH SIDES are talking gibberish...whether its glossolalia or ululalia or conventional ethics or super ethics or plain murderous evil because of gays dynamic concepts is irrelevant. they who cannot feel cannot care. its fake; even if they are programmed utterly to do it thats all it is. a program. small causes have big effects both ways!

so i have found a teacher; though he has been dead 50 years, he is still caring. though he is white robed i do not sense any trick or trap. his name was sawan singh ji; i got 7 keys [very deep books on yoga]...he began teaching me last night. loads of connections made in my mind. so he knows all this. points out he's asian and i can be construed as very predjudiced. i do. i expect i am. but also i know india is the house of the teachers, and he is still one of them. its not the race that makes a man evil, its never judging himself...so now i will do that...for me. [white].
i can now hear the spirits. they the white frequently demand gibberish, insist evil is right, judge on the most ludicrous terms. but they are also me's and desperately ill. the black are exactly the same; but killers and esily turned permanently hostile. so they are just as sick.they are living in a world where rhe reversals are due to living in their own united subconscious, half the time the person either are killing/torturing/damning are THEMSELVES. but its only now i know this. the war gay made was MOSTLY you automatically murdering yourself! so one cries right! the other 'wrong'! they are doing it, both of them, because they don't know the other IS them.

as for white peoples, are they not mechanical, money grubbers, concrete jerks at everything? gay was white. but then so am i. judas was a jew. but so was jesus. my teacher was indian...only his pity can save whats left of me now. so its the religions which are all carefully aimed at the weakest point of each people which are all both conslations and poisons. they imprison the sons who should become adults. gods. and the white peoples seem adult but are the most infantile of the lot. so to judge me my judgement is i am glad i fought. if i find myself in hell its easy now. i walk out. and you then are left in it. right?
which race is godlike? none. each one can be. those who get there have no race. they are blue...see?
my general invitation is this; practise my 3 magic touchstones OUT THERE IN SPIRITLANDS.as well as here. keep within my 2 joined up laws. and any thing you do to make the universe [not space, us minds!] happier will make you happier; and once heaven is reborn i or the sane gods will bring you there. and with me at any rate get this; true goodness isn't infantile, or senile, or toxic or trapped into religiosity. they are all wrong way!! god isn't religious! who shall god worship! how can god fit into a smelly building? but we...us minds are HEARTS or we are nothing. and god can fit very comfortably in one of those. god is pity, love, kindness those feelings are god [you] living in your [you] house [you]! and what are the spiritlands like? grey sandy empty places, the 'sky' is grey or horrible. there are seas but really you can't swim; you go down to lower planes...people look like awful roundheaded wooden puppetsblue black robes, or snot green devils,,,all the atmosphere is one of sick horror. that is what they all come to; the heavens are awful. time is different too; millions of years they seem to live. and some people know. wasn't it vivekananda who said its like a long dreary dream? more like a terrible nightmare, they eat your face, your heart, the back of your mind...for the GOOD in you....isn't it dreadful?
where is God? my memory goes right back now; think its me. condemned gay said 'by the real gods' [whom i never saw] to live forever in hell a child bec ause i made or gave birth to the millions ?? of good in an universe evil, and gave them all everlasting life...he said thet thought it was the greatest crime. so those gods were only him.so thats why every beginning i had to remember i am a child, hes 'God' and you know now he set me up. even to give the apes consciousness, he said i'd done it. another terrible thing. well he sets me up. so hes the devil. right? told me he was god almighty...as he was. hes always taken powers i earned off me; a hypnotised child in utter misery..

the good news is i have won...he's down. it was a terrible thing. i thought it was over for me. quite surprised there was a next day and another and another...sawan singh did help but hes gone again; presumably its up to me. i am reconciled with the big two; and shortly will try to talk to lord jesus predator. because the answer is gay insisted it was impossible to save me, i was dangerous...yes well i was to him! i have partially grown up. so attacked over and over..he gave in. i promised him even as i flung him out and damned him 2 recalls. yes in the far future when its safe, when all are innoculated.
so here we all are. i meditate on the lavender bushes in the garden where he finally crashed into anat. sad. really sad.
now he said the world must end when people knew the truth. but i reckon it will hold. if this is all the heaven there is then where else can i live? or truth be told? an if i keep shtum who shall ever work out we're in a babys mind, that she shall suffer terribly for all time unless we figure out a way to stop...ourselves?
so i found my other helps. make no mistake, i'm small but at the top. and will neither end the earth nor leave anyone in awful states.
the key to heaven, when we have builded it again, is always the same. love someone, be kind, feel pity...but we will never now entirely be rid of evil. nor do i need a load of woobbly pink blancmanges in heaven...still enough devils around...which is why god may be female; but i will also be armed/?
incidentally i asked father seabreeze to make me a new form, that of one like the ladies in that film Avatar? a conveniently beautiful huge over sexed female god you now have; waiting in the wings as it were. but mainly huge. we had enough being little in a world of big hogs, ta. theres more to add in. i been doing an awful lot. but now i found my helps...why the heck would i go? shan't. its my fault, right? so i stay n fix it. one by one you go to sleep, quiet, warm, with your nan at peace; back to anat. but theres plenty to do before that; i need a lot of gods! and ladygods! and first stop after the gerries is to find foods [and now i know how] and sort some better thing out for the animals. because all it is really is nature recycling minds, right? gods n religions are bad; except mine! [you are allowed to find me funny; i like it very much to know i make people laugh].
those who feel murderous hate; choose to believe i am the devil or evil...look on my father gay. its all true. and if you go on this way what shall i call you? well if you are cruel and crazy and insulted by the truth... why then you are the devil named gay; aren't you?

anyhow hope is ahead of us now. one day all these teachings might be redundant in any case. i have a teacher of a bright kind now; who knows all i know yet we find a way out together.....for everybody. save me; save yourself, as i have said before. it was an awful fight; but my main spirit is dead. and so is gay. he's gone. the lessers are down. the futures he builded have to change now. but i can't see. the black dragon above the Orb i have been shown [by kay] is dissipating. she killed that as i killed the others.

now the next 'me' is around. father seabreeze took me into his bosom and a second later a tall Avatar cat lady [no whiskers she asked and he laughed!] came out. i am not in her. she stands on the horizon watching now, so i am her but also nothing ....but we shall see....

so gods bless all who read and learn. and learn to bless in return...what is a blessing? it is to know pity, and find it. to be loved, and love others. to be kindly in your natures. to know history and also that the future is brighter....be good men, knowing the woman who loves is your Queen and love her, she is your friend and the heritage of Anat. and so you, O man, shall become also true, and Christ, and Son. here ends the teachings. now all i have left is to live for my dependents to provide for them, and grow if i can with my guru sawan singh ji...and in due course die or just go; but now you know whats been going on. so YOUR guru is from now on waiting for you. i add to this blog from time to time, but no more new entries, i was only going to get rid of typoes...oh well.

be blessed. please know i was weak but i have done my all for now. goodbye. gerry.