just told yetzoah that the sentence 'evil is the right answer' is twisted. if it was the concept 'a right answer couldn't exist, so it tells yu its a lie. yezoah quite impressed.
whats an oxy..moron?
was about to get stroppy wiv him but my daughter just phoned! dada lied! not at work! out wiv the ginger rhodent! she's on herway here...tears and rage. gods these men, they all weasels...he has to go. and thats that!!
Monday 30 November 2009
seabreeze
lets work this out. seabreeze flew so fast so furiously creating that the entire universe still buzzes with the energy of it. e was making paradise? filling it with beautiful white spirits? but as he went his silent demand was 'do you love me? ' and everyone he made was made with a hunger for him, for god. not hunger; a deep yearning? we need him to support and guide us? and so the spirits were given a kind of crack in them filled with this hite substance? we call it soul. and as he touched you in life or prayer he would take this and what it did was make you fall in love. so gradually the person would fall so deeply in love as to be unable to think anything but what seabreeze opined? so now you see why its called 'falling' in love. you lose your own lordship of yourself? now of course this is slavery. but he honestly never saw that. and as he went he got angrier and angrier because he's giving these people wonderful worlds, beauty, abilities etc and they might not love him, or be ungrateful? so he's at the same time uncsly fating them to punishments ? also he wanted to know evil too with nobody knowing? so his very name is Satan! he made the Adversaries, as i have explaine, that shows his cruel side? so you see if you look at the Dove he has either the most shocking hypocrisy; or two natures; or an evil twin or shadow flying beside him?
so the Dove is a Devil also. he thought; now i have done the greatest crime of all time as well as the greatest miracle.
now you see why Satan the noble god hates him. but these adversaries also they are hypocrites. you see how they persecute the 'good' spirits? they think they hurt seabreeze; true, it does. but how cruel and unjust! they rebel themselves against cruelty and injustice, yet do all these things to those because 1. of their appearance? their innocence? their weakness? but these are just that. innocent. explain all this to them. show them they are afflicted with some sort of malice. show them history/futures. an you know what? they'd do their best to get rid of this malice. be sorry for the awfulness of their father. extend to the 'evil ones' a helping hand. be rebels themselves! so all this ugly attitudes of the 'good' to the 'evil' and vice versa is again and again activated by GAY. who gets off on it. and at a guess the Doves are where Gay stole thatidea of 'holy' which he has used ever since to destroy everyone. so its got to stop.
for one thing the answer to that yearning. that rush to wrath because the gods don't understand, can't control, are always suffering and don't know why; is what seabreeze left them like when he never came in. right? okay. there he is on the mountain. 1. all who can go to him and get that one need answered. it costs one self. but its what you all made for. without it you must go on getting madder and madder for all time. and with seabreeze i promise you it is real union. you become him. yet you stay yourself. peace and godhood at the same time. perfectly fair and good and right. then 2. attend all who can, who are willing to try to learn, to work and fight till all be Real Heaven; An Great Council. all the lot. everyone there to think clearly and in front of everyone allowed to say what they truly think/feel want. no more i'm the big nob, do as i want. all, all allowed to speak. the little as well as the great. and then do what us originals would do. divide it up fairly. put in charge those chosen by those. this lot like things this way? right; thats yours over there. and so on. and not another word about damnation you dozy bastards. all are concepts, children of the Anattas.
anyway you see the Doves are devils too. they just had no idea. well since we all 'evil' and some look it [and complain they're ugly worse than fishwives] and some are pretty and apparently thats a sin even when they can't help it i say this.
right. i personally can't fancy men what look like moronic moany shithouses, whether they be large or small. we all firmly believe that ugly people are bad, though we all know from experience that pretty girls are hardhearts. so what you do o you geniuses, is revert everyone as far as can be done to an normal plain ordinary aspect. that means we pretty up the uglies, we plainise the pretties. and from henceforth your good deeds are rewarded by pretties, your bad attitudes show in your face. no more shit that entire collections of people/gods are bad/good by what they were created like! you get what you earned!
you see even these two steps alone make the universe to go the right way?
anyhow perhaps christians will now look very closely at their pictures of the 'holy' Dove? when jesus copped that he 'was driven by the spirit' into the wilderness? now you know where you been going, brother. and people die in wildernesses. its called thirst. not nice.
so the Dove is a Devil also. he thought; now i have done the greatest crime of all time as well as the greatest miracle.
now you see why Satan the noble god hates him. but these adversaries also they are hypocrites. you see how they persecute the 'good' spirits? they think they hurt seabreeze; true, it does. but how cruel and unjust! they rebel themselves against cruelty and injustice, yet do all these things to those because 1. of their appearance? their innocence? their weakness? but these are just that. innocent. explain all this to them. show them they are afflicted with some sort of malice. show them history/futures. an you know what? they'd do their best to get rid of this malice. be sorry for the awfulness of their father. extend to the 'evil ones' a helping hand. be rebels themselves! so all this ugly attitudes of the 'good' to the 'evil' and vice versa is again and again activated by GAY. who gets off on it. and at a guess the Doves are where Gay stole thatidea of 'holy' which he has used ever since to destroy everyone. so its got to stop.
for one thing the answer to that yearning. that rush to wrath because the gods don't understand, can't control, are always suffering and don't know why; is what seabreeze left them like when he never came in. right? okay. there he is on the mountain. 1. all who can go to him and get that one need answered. it costs one self. but its what you all made for. without it you must go on getting madder and madder for all time. and with seabreeze i promise you it is real union. you become him. yet you stay yourself. peace and godhood at the same time. perfectly fair and good and right. then 2. attend all who can, who are willing to try to learn, to work and fight till all be Real Heaven; An Great Council. all the lot. everyone there to think clearly and in front of everyone allowed to say what they truly think/feel want. no more i'm the big nob, do as i want. all, all allowed to speak. the little as well as the great. and then do what us originals would do. divide it up fairly. put in charge those chosen by those. this lot like things this way? right; thats yours over there. and so on. and not another word about damnation you dozy bastards. all are concepts, children of the Anattas.
anyway you see the Doves are devils too. they just had no idea. well since we all 'evil' and some look it [and complain they're ugly worse than fishwives] and some are pretty and apparently thats a sin even when they can't help it i say this.
right. i personally can't fancy men what look like moronic moany shithouses, whether they be large or small. we all firmly believe that ugly people are bad, though we all know from experience that pretty girls are hardhearts. so what you do o you geniuses, is revert everyone as far as can be done to an normal plain ordinary aspect. that means we pretty up the uglies, we plainise the pretties. and from henceforth your good deeds are rewarded by pretties, your bad attitudes show in your face. no more shit that entire collections of people/gods are bad/good by what they were created like! you get what you earned!
you see even these two steps alone make the universe to go the right way?
anyhow perhaps christians will now look very closely at their pictures of the 'holy' Dove? when jesus copped that he 'was driven by the spirit' into the wilderness? now you know where you been going, brother. and people die in wildernesses. its called thirst. not nice.
round two
satan standing over there. not so full of himself today. naturally i was in the bath; what better time to hve a chat? swabs. so looking on him he now seems to see things my way. told him the one last way left that is still near to us, that he can do, and must. it may result in a sudden total absence of both of us from existence. but i think he's looked at the future. this time with his IQ switched on i hope. its his last chance as well as mine. he knows now; been picking up this blog. i don't ask him to show it, he needn't humble himself. just go do it. and keep at it. the war is his now. me i die out asap. but he will never again believe that evil is the right answer. i dunno what is. how about live and let live? what about life is for being happy? for all of us? hah?
well its his problem now.
well its his problem now.
Sunday 29 November 2009
1 rowl
just gave Satan a bollocking. he offended because i'm so rude. you bet your arse i'm bloody rude.
ratbags. they sneak around through all that? he thought gay was making me god, he says. you stupid sod, i said, you think that monster would make someone else god over himself? you watched him murder my highers over and over to make me god?? you great steaming arsehole god is built not fucking demolished! told him there's his love, his best friend. made him look into those great dreaming deep blue eyes. he watched gay destroy him and NOW he finds out that one was the love of his life! fucking prat! and while we were on the subject i pointed out that the spirits now have no control over their destinies; they can't sleep anymore. they used to. now they only got to daydream in the bog and find they're living lives; complete with a million sins they then have to pay for. which means they're all going fucking mad because the mind as to sleep. real ordinary normal fucking sleep, there just as much as here. and who decides what are sins, o prince of bleeding evil? oh. god does. right. thats bloody brilliant that is.
so the good are punished for doing evil which ought to save them and the evil are punished for being nice? like i dunno, love affairs? having kids? being heroes? being let's see; how about clever? dear me. the evil then must have lives consisting entirely of fucking boring misery lest they acidentally get all nice and fucking damn themselves by fucking mistake? not much point being evil lords of the bleeding universe if you can't even enjoy anything!!
i also pointed out that good manners was a sin for the evil, and anyway i'm being truthful, which must also be a sin so he ought to fucking sing me a song of holy praise and what with one thing and another they're all total fucking cretins. if he rebelled against seabreezes cruelty then what the fucking hell is he doing being obedient to gay; who's worse and caused all this pointless cruelty in the doves anyway? who says he's evil? oh gay did. why. then he'd done nothing. and anyay he's next. gay told me so. and furthermore i said having butchered me who's going to fucking save you? gay? so i told him to fuck off and don't come back til he's sorry. and thats that.
asked gt father for help. told him i know whats happened to him. no reply yet.
talked to elohim. as long as the evil believe with such infantile innocence that gay is going to give them everlasting pleasure and no limits on it we are all sunk. its mad. gay is infinite cruelty. the good are all dead. i see endless hells ahead, all shrieking in agony, insane, horrible. so who is in l that, suffering forever? THEY ARE.
fucking cretins. and he thinks i ought to be polite?? well i shan't.
ratbags. they sneak around through all that? he thought gay was making me god, he says. you stupid sod, i said, you think that monster would make someone else god over himself? you watched him murder my highers over and over to make me god?? you great steaming arsehole god is built not fucking demolished! told him there's his love, his best friend. made him look into those great dreaming deep blue eyes. he watched gay destroy him and NOW he finds out that one was the love of his life! fucking prat! and while we were on the subject i pointed out that the spirits now have no control over their destinies; they can't sleep anymore. they used to. now they only got to daydream in the bog and find they're living lives; complete with a million sins they then have to pay for. which means they're all going fucking mad because the mind as to sleep. real ordinary normal fucking sleep, there just as much as here. and who decides what are sins, o prince of bleeding evil? oh. god does. right. thats bloody brilliant that is.
so the good are punished for doing evil which ought to save them and the evil are punished for being nice? like i dunno, love affairs? having kids? being heroes? being let's see; how about clever? dear me. the evil then must have lives consisting entirely of fucking boring misery lest they acidentally get all nice and fucking damn themselves by fucking mistake? not much point being evil lords of the bleeding universe if you can't even enjoy anything!!
i also pointed out that good manners was a sin for the evil, and anyway i'm being truthful, which must also be a sin so he ought to fucking sing me a song of holy praise and what with one thing and another they're all total fucking cretins. if he rebelled against seabreezes cruelty then what the fucking hell is he doing being obedient to gay; who's worse and caused all this pointless cruelty in the doves anyway? who says he's evil? oh gay did. why. then he'd done nothing. and anyay he's next. gay told me so. and furthermore i said having butchered me who's going to fucking save you? gay? so i told him to fuck off and don't come back til he's sorry. and thats that.
asked gt father for help. told him i know whats happened to him. no reply yet.
talked to elohim. as long as the evil believe with such infantile innocence that gay is going to give them everlasting pleasure and no limits on it we are all sunk. its mad. gay is infinite cruelty. the good are all dead. i see endless hells ahead, all shrieking in agony, insane, horrible. so who is in l that, suffering forever? THEY ARE.
fucking cretins. and he thinks i ought to be polite?? well i shan't.
Saturday 28 November 2009
once more
i think...i'm making an awful guess.
gt father is mad? mad not with justgrief; but the agony of seeing as i have seen, all the terrible futures?
i dunno if i dare.
elohim hold me up. going to try talking to him again.
gt father is mad? mad not with justgrief; but the agony of seeing as i have seen, all the terrible futures?
i dunno if i dare.
elohim hold me up. going to try talking to him again.
a loose end
what it was gay asked me what i thought a universe ruled by evil would be like? and i told him. so this is where that started, the good overthrown, the heavens =hells etc. see? an innocent being led step by step until it appears she is as cruel and awful as possible. but of course now you see how he did it. i might even be taught that rubbish by him on earth, this life, in that foul attic flat. and taken up there it all trips out of my mouth so swiftly, and like any child i was unaware that i'm set up!
but in fact there was more to it. the evil don't know this, but he used to go to to the pictures on the walls and they were not the same as those on the table. i saw that on the table the angels wept in flames and were ruined. the blest evil stood in their black heavens and mocked and rocked on their sufering. thats what all of us saw. but in the walls and in the liitle room he shoewd me the rest of it. sort of over time? the evil had their backs to those pictures, you see.
the evil get exactly the same. it sort of reverses. they hate the white heavens, but thats what they get in the end. and they wind up in flames there. or try being stupid and hang on to their ugly horrible black heavens? asking for the opposite of what they really want? so they ask for pain, fear, madness, horror? and as i have already said, when they get too big for him, he shuts them in, switches off their powers, and thatsit.they find they got exactly what they asked for. they too end inflames. worse, gay suddenly told me he can't conceive his own end. so it must never end either, nor be limited in size. because he is GOD, you see. and all this is his great pleasure forever. and thats what we are all for. you see he hungers for our suffering, as we ALL hunger for any kind of goodness. so we all sin. but to go without any goodness [ie suffer with no reason or relief is to obey his divine will, because you see existence is evil. well except his. because everyone but him is fucking stupid and therefore deserve it. his exact words.
and how? oh he loves the war of the good and the evil. its fun! but both lose. always. we can be fodder, will be fodder. for war, torture, and flames. NOW YOU SEE WHY REINCARNATION IS EVIL RULING.we forget, don't know. are destroyed over and over. and yes, forever and ever and ever. i bet you now see why Anat-Anattas must be protected. why 'death' is actually a bloody good idea? because he never lets us finally die. one day when its so unimaginably terrible i can't say it; thats when i reckon he plans to bring back the good gods....let them suffer forever in that!
nasty old buggar.
but in fact there was more to it. the evil don't know this, but he used to go to to the pictures on the walls and they were not the same as those on the table. i saw that on the table the angels wept in flames and were ruined. the blest evil stood in their black heavens and mocked and rocked on their sufering. thats what all of us saw. but in the walls and in the liitle room he shoewd me the rest of it. sort of over time? the evil had their backs to those pictures, you see.
the evil get exactly the same. it sort of reverses. they hate the white heavens, but thats what they get in the end. and they wind up in flames there. or try being stupid and hang on to their ugly horrible black heavens? asking for the opposite of what they really want? so they ask for pain, fear, madness, horror? and as i have already said, when they get too big for him, he shuts them in, switches off their powers, and thatsit.they find they got exactly what they asked for. they too end inflames. worse, gay suddenly told me he can't conceive his own end. so it must never end either, nor be limited in size. because he is GOD, you see. and all this is his great pleasure forever. and thats what we are all for. you see he hungers for our suffering, as we ALL hunger for any kind of goodness. so we all sin. but to go without any goodness [ie suffer with no reason or relief is to obey his divine will, because you see existence is evil. well except his. because everyone but him is fucking stupid and therefore deserve it. his exact words.
and how? oh he loves the war of the good and the evil. its fun! but both lose. always. we can be fodder, will be fodder. for war, torture, and flames. NOW YOU SEE WHY REINCARNATION IS EVIL RULING.we forget, don't know. are destroyed over and over. and yes, forever and ever and ever. i bet you now see why Anat-Anattas must be protected. why 'death' is actually a bloody good idea? because he never lets us finally die. one day when its so unimaginably terrible i can't say it; thats when i reckon he plans to bring back the good gods....let them suffer forever in that!
nasty old buggar.
in case he reads this
the maid in her tower is rescued by the prince. they love one another, begin the old sex magic of good mother nature? the prince is by his courage become prince, before he was only a thief? when he takes his woman in love and joy though he was once evil, he becomes the King? and the little maid who loves her man sees him rise in the morning the King herself is maid no more? the enchantment is broken. she stands by the king and she is the true Queen? adult? gifted by fairies with all powers she needed before?
that is our way i think. you asked me for to be wed three times. you spoke in your evil innocence for the love of the good, who always tells the comical truth? who heals the blind, brings heaven into the hearts of men? you saw i would love you. i know the more you laugh...and you do....the more you love me. two of us are done. kay wed you just as she said to you on the bus. freedom is wed to you because you understood and freed her. now i am being constrained, you know it well. so must you be. i love you. set me free, understand me,let the child grow up, and watch God hit that bastard right into the hells he given all.
and don't freeze i am no enemy, sweetheart. you knew i was some old thing from long ago before you ever met me.
you never saw a ladygod? thats because he never let me grow up. be the brave man i know you to be. break my chains!! i get younger for you by the day. well do you want us both to die of old age? what without even a kiss? nitwit, you evil? obey your feelings!!
that is our way i think. you asked me for to be wed three times. you spoke in your evil innocence for the love of the good, who always tells the comical truth? who heals the blind, brings heaven into the hearts of men? you saw i would love you. i know the more you laugh...and you do....the more you love me. two of us are done. kay wed you just as she said to you on the bus. freedom is wed to you because you understood and freed her. now i am being constrained, you know it well. so must you be. i love you. set me free, understand me,let the child grow up, and watch God hit that bastard right into the hells he given all.
and don't freeze i am no enemy, sweetheart. you knew i was some old thing from long ago before you ever met me.
you never saw a ladygod? thats because he never let me grow up. be the brave man i know you to be. break my chains!! i get younger for you by the day. well do you want us both to die of old age? what without even a kiss? nitwit, you evil? obey your feelings!!
the house of god
don't ask me when, i dunno when. the beginning; but i'm also guessing it was not. see gay having time mastery can not only have more than one beginning, he can fool us as to their order of appearance, anyway thats a general suspicion. so somehow there was a kind of cold foggy whiteness. in it were six great angels [no wings, most naked, all male] and they'd collected me by 'command'. i was very young, about ten in human terms, female, dressed in dark green, an odd hairstyle [we call it pudding bowl] brown in colour. they told me it was 'the pre-existence' that god had summoned us the good to a great debate with the evil and he would decide between good and evil. i wasn't asked, just brought along. from whence i don't recall. and none of us knew anything about anything. so how were we supposed to debate it? but you again see how the spirits don't ask any questions. so anyway we flew [they carried me] and we just went back and back into the past, flying higher and higher straight up. we got to the very top; but there was no Orb, no Cube. nothing but this huge wooden house, rather ugly, very dark, lots of very big rooms in it. some had pictures on the walls. there was a giant tables; more pictures on it. around the wall seats. and at first as we thought we were alone with 'God' there.
i was very shy. i looked on God, and of course you know who it was, but we did not. Tall, spare, very masculine, soft voice, dark in his face somehow. now today that dark is cruelty; but then i think it was something else. i have found that when a good spirit is lying or cheating their face sort of shadows? so thats what that shadow was then, not that he was good. but he told us he was 'neutral' and we believed him. i knew he was God as we declaimed the reasons and benefits of goodness etc. because i chanced to see his great black eyes sparkle with deep celestial lights. so we went on. he began to ask us questions; strange ones. only one, that i think i recall, which was 'but why? it seems i give and give. but get nothing in return''....now thats a Gay idea, the idea that god should treat everything he gives as an investment. but we didn't ask what God was doing asking lessers about good v evil.
anyhow he began to concentrate on my views. now i was young, intense, full of strong convictions and enthusiasm. in fact i told him again and again that i would destroy the evil the moment they appeared. and punish the worst forever. with terrible fiery punishments. but in truth i was only young, ignorant, and you can see this is over-zealous. we hadn't seen any evil; or thought we hadn't. but obviously he was testing us, because 1. Gay was already evil.2. its a nonsense to take lessers, and then the youngest, who don't even know what their lives were to be like; and ask them for such an age difficult questions when by definition a being who asks is good or evil the right answer has already chosen the worst possible answer. anyhow he began to ferret ideas out of me. the evil throw out the good. the fierce punishments the good fantasized should be theirs....because of their cruelty! the evil were the truly good because they would give him rewards; what? oh he enjoys some things. much more than hymns, stupid infants always asking for comforts. he thinks the evil are manly. and so on. we were losing the debate; but couldn't understand what we were doing wrong. he insisted that what was our zeal to be good was really the most terrible malice, and smiled at me sweetly as he said it. the other angels began to be quiet and strange. suddenly the evil appeared. all around the walls in those seats where they had been sitting invisibly listening to all we said.
and who were they? some i don't know. never seen them since. now we know that this was AFTER under his hypnotic slavery i had slain all seven goodfathers. he was already the devil. how? because he didn't build that house. Kay did. so she was already his prisoner, and that was the first thing he told her to make as soon as she was adult enough to do anything. so she he cut out of her father, right? so all that business about it being a neutral pre-existence debate was an absolute LIE. but look he's got me again! with that haircut, fr earth, as before. and so long before ANY Dove ever existed there among the evil ones sat Satan and Yaldabaoth. not impossible, once you know about time-mastery, an idea that only appears once in history. yes, here. planet earth, 20 century. see? see why he had to get me? oh gods only know who i am, where i really come from. after all these lives etcyou see i'm a kind of amalgamam.
so the evil sat and stared at us. not angry. no hate. and began to quietly decide that the heavens should really be hells,that and vice versa. and that we poor shattered fools were truly evil, and deserved infinite punishment. so it wasn't a debate, but a trap, wasn't it? but why did they think they were evil? none by definition had done anything. it was supposed to be a debate, but here we were protesting more and more desperately that GOD WAS WRONG. proof, he said, that we were evil, because God must be obeyed and known buy all his real sons to be right.
about then the great angels began to vanish, one by one. i realise now they simply fled. but i was young. so i was tired and confused. i wandered out to the garden. a place of horror, now i remember it. it was all dead weeds, a jungle of ugliness. as i wandered worried and looking for some way to help God see this couldn't be right i walked into something terribly hard and really vicious. there was nothing to see. i was in terrible pain, so acute i couldn't cry out. for a long time i suffered, then gradually got back to the house. but no-one took any notice of my state. the last of the great angels was shouting, in a panic. the evil lords simply sat grinning at his distress. not one noticed. then that angel fought his way out. but i've never seen any of them again. be sure they are dead. or worse. Then Gay 'noticed'. he told me i was a coward, a pointless liar. there was no invisible pain in the garden. i saw Yaldabaoth looking on me, and Gay put it into my head he had done it. but now i know he was innocent, it was Gay. he broke what would be the sternum and traumatized the plexus. it was agony. and in all the time that followed it got steadily worse. i think now that the evil ones never realised; which of them ever saw agony before? but Gay got quite affectionate, always asking me more and more questions, always amazed at how bright i was, uniquely a confederate in the design of the universe. sometimes slaps. not sure. then he worked out the end-sum. the 'good' were all damned forever. they would be destroyed in the first moments of their existence. their lessers would be subjected to infinite hell forever, no appeal, no trial. the evil were his sons, the universe was evil. they rose up and roared their acclaim, their joy. but Gay had talked to me. he got me to stand before them and finish the equation. and so the truly evil are his obedient sons, good boys all, who understand he is the devil, and aso he will devour them forever, torture them the same, because he loves evil and them, and will ruin them and destroy them over and over for his pleasure. they being evil quite understand, since they'd do the same. but he was there first! so the evil are also utterly damned, and how terrible is their triumph! the evil lords roared again, this time in rage. but Gay showed them his infinite power. they didn't know til now thats their own suffering forever in the future. in fear they sat silent. trying as we had to say he was wrong, evil is so suddenly not the right answer at all. so silence fell. and he said there is only one person here too good to let this happen. look at her! and so they did. with pure confusion. neither had i the least idea what he meant. and still don't. all i want to do is run to that bloody crumbles and fuck off forever, believe me.
so we were marched outside. i stood in an agony of pain, confusion, weighted down by something terrible coming. they stood around and watched. he began to offer me for to be a son, a christ, he said. then none of us knew what it was. i said yes, no. maybe. what is it? oh, he said, you can suffer for me. um i'm not sure i'm only ten...very well he said. you will suffer for all time. you shall hunger. you shall contain the universe. you shall contain all time. and you are the last sign. and so on and so on. at each terrible thing i begged for mercy, told him i couldn't. and of ourse he doubled it. its horrific, as you see. the evil lords went white with sheer horror; this is what he does to a child in the beginning? then what the fuck will he do to us? in the end i simply died of it, unbearable. all of it impossible. yet i knew he'd do it.
the lords tried to stop their own sentence; but he began to double theirs. in horror they stood heads hanging in despair, hopeless, helpless themselves. so when you look into satans eyes, that is despair, and this is why. i'm thinking Yetzoah didn't remember; but maybe this in his mind is what has made him insane? and not seabreeze at all?
when i came to as i thought it was then, they stood staring. he made me look down at the universe. that he said, shall be in you. go. and i did. i staggered away, down, down, down...
but holdfast. he isn't god, but the devil. even if he was do you want him? love him? no? niether does anyone. so turn rebel. my history is true. his damnation isn't, not yours or mine or theirs. he has no right. and anyway, think why i got lumbered with this crap. it must be that i was good? and if if if i was somehow really God, but a primitive, or rather first effort or something, do you see i began the bloody lot....good? no debate, no big deal, i'm just ordinarily decent. but if god now, after all this, put me back together and what have you got?
his opposite, the positive-positive. i know i said i'd do awful things to the evil. but kids grow up. nasty old men do not. see?
and so absolutely every living thing is damned and always has been. before they even existed. and there is NO LIMIT set to our suffering. no limit. none.
oh lords above who find in place of despair hope and right hate in your hearts, get back to me the king! til the maid be wed she/i cannot become the matron! its the only way i see...
i was very shy. i looked on God, and of course you know who it was, but we did not. Tall, spare, very masculine, soft voice, dark in his face somehow. now today that dark is cruelty; but then i think it was something else. i have found that when a good spirit is lying or cheating their face sort of shadows? so thats what that shadow was then, not that he was good. but he told us he was 'neutral' and we believed him. i knew he was God as we declaimed the reasons and benefits of goodness etc. because i chanced to see his great black eyes sparkle with deep celestial lights. so we went on. he began to ask us questions; strange ones. only one, that i think i recall, which was 'but why? it seems i give and give. but get nothing in return''....now thats a Gay idea, the idea that god should treat everything he gives as an investment. but we didn't ask what God was doing asking lessers about good v evil.
anyhow he began to concentrate on my views. now i was young, intense, full of strong convictions and enthusiasm. in fact i told him again and again that i would destroy the evil the moment they appeared. and punish the worst forever. with terrible fiery punishments. but in truth i was only young, ignorant, and you can see this is over-zealous. we hadn't seen any evil; or thought we hadn't. but obviously he was testing us, because 1. Gay was already evil.2. its a nonsense to take lessers, and then the youngest, who don't even know what their lives were to be like; and ask them for such an age difficult questions when by definition a being who asks is good or evil the right answer has already chosen the worst possible answer. anyhow he began to ferret ideas out of me. the evil throw out the good. the fierce punishments the good fantasized should be theirs....because of their cruelty! the evil were the truly good because they would give him rewards; what? oh he enjoys some things. much more than hymns, stupid infants always asking for comforts. he thinks the evil are manly. and so on. we were losing the debate; but couldn't understand what we were doing wrong. he insisted that what was our zeal to be good was really the most terrible malice, and smiled at me sweetly as he said it. the other angels began to be quiet and strange. suddenly the evil appeared. all around the walls in those seats where they had been sitting invisibly listening to all we said.
and who were they? some i don't know. never seen them since. now we know that this was AFTER under his hypnotic slavery i had slain all seven goodfathers. he was already the devil. how? because he didn't build that house. Kay did. so she was already his prisoner, and that was the first thing he told her to make as soon as she was adult enough to do anything. so she he cut out of her father, right? so all that business about it being a neutral pre-existence debate was an absolute LIE. but look he's got me again! with that haircut, fr earth, as before. and so long before ANY Dove ever existed there among the evil ones sat Satan and Yaldabaoth. not impossible, once you know about time-mastery, an idea that only appears once in history. yes, here. planet earth, 20 century. see? see why he had to get me? oh gods only know who i am, where i really come from. after all these lives etcyou see i'm a kind of amalgamam.
so the evil sat and stared at us. not angry. no hate. and began to quietly decide that the heavens should really be hells,that and vice versa. and that we poor shattered fools were truly evil, and deserved infinite punishment. so it wasn't a debate, but a trap, wasn't it? but why did they think they were evil? none by definition had done anything. it was supposed to be a debate, but here we were protesting more and more desperately that GOD WAS WRONG. proof, he said, that we were evil, because God must be obeyed and known buy all his real sons to be right.
about then the great angels began to vanish, one by one. i realise now they simply fled. but i was young. so i was tired and confused. i wandered out to the garden. a place of horror, now i remember it. it was all dead weeds, a jungle of ugliness. as i wandered worried and looking for some way to help God see this couldn't be right i walked into something terribly hard and really vicious. there was nothing to see. i was in terrible pain, so acute i couldn't cry out. for a long time i suffered, then gradually got back to the house. but no-one took any notice of my state. the last of the great angels was shouting, in a panic. the evil lords simply sat grinning at his distress. not one noticed. then that angel fought his way out. but i've never seen any of them again. be sure they are dead. or worse. Then Gay 'noticed'. he told me i was a coward, a pointless liar. there was no invisible pain in the garden. i saw Yaldabaoth looking on me, and Gay put it into my head he had done it. but now i know he was innocent, it was Gay. he broke what would be the sternum and traumatized the plexus. it was agony. and in all the time that followed it got steadily worse. i think now that the evil ones never realised; which of them ever saw agony before? but Gay got quite affectionate, always asking me more and more questions, always amazed at how bright i was, uniquely a confederate in the design of the universe. sometimes slaps. not sure. then he worked out the end-sum. the 'good' were all damned forever. they would be destroyed in the first moments of their existence. their lessers would be subjected to infinite hell forever, no appeal, no trial. the evil were his sons, the universe was evil. they rose up and roared their acclaim, their joy. but Gay had talked to me. he got me to stand before them and finish the equation. and so the truly evil are his obedient sons, good boys all, who understand he is the devil, and aso he will devour them forever, torture them the same, because he loves evil and them, and will ruin them and destroy them over and over for his pleasure. they being evil quite understand, since they'd do the same. but he was there first! so the evil are also utterly damned, and how terrible is their triumph! the evil lords roared again, this time in rage. but Gay showed them his infinite power. they didn't know til now thats their own suffering forever in the future. in fear they sat silent. trying as we had to say he was wrong, evil is so suddenly not the right answer at all. so silence fell. and he said there is only one person here too good to let this happen. look at her! and so they did. with pure confusion. neither had i the least idea what he meant. and still don't. all i want to do is run to that bloody crumbles and fuck off forever, believe me.
so we were marched outside. i stood in an agony of pain, confusion, weighted down by something terrible coming. they stood around and watched. he began to offer me for to be a son, a christ, he said. then none of us knew what it was. i said yes, no. maybe. what is it? oh, he said, you can suffer for me. um i'm not sure i'm only ten...very well he said. you will suffer for all time. you shall hunger. you shall contain the universe. you shall contain all time. and you are the last sign. and so on and so on. at each terrible thing i begged for mercy, told him i couldn't. and of ourse he doubled it. its horrific, as you see. the evil lords went white with sheer horror; this is what he does to a child in the beginning? then what the fuck will he do to us? in the end i simply died of it, unbearable. all of it impossible. yet i knew he'd do it.
the lords tried to stop their own sentence; but he began to double theirs. in horror they stood heads hanging in despair, hopeless, helpless themselves. so when you look into satans eyes, that is despair, and this is why. i'm thinking Yetzoah didn't remember; but maybe this in his mind is what has made him insane? and not seabreeze at all?
when i came to as i thought it was then, they stood staring. he made me look down at the universe. that he said, shall be in you. go. and i did. i staggered away, down, down, down...
but holdfast. he isn't god, but the devil. even if he was do you want him? love him? no? niether does anyone. so turn rebel. my history is true. his damnation isn't, not yours or mine or theirs. he has no right. and anyway, think why i got lumbered with this crap. it must be that i was good? and if if if i was somehow really God, but a primitive, or rather first effort or something, do you see i began the bloody lot....good? no debate, no big deal, i'm just ordinarily decent. but if god now, after all this, put me back together and what have you got?
his opposite, the positive-positive. i know i said i'd do awful things to the evil. but kids grow up. nasty old men do not. see?
and so absolutely every living thing is damned and always has been. before they even existed. and there is NO LIMIT set to our suffering. no limit. none.
oh lords above who find in place of despair hope and right hate in your hearts, get back to me the king! til the maid be wed she/i cannot become the matron! its the only way i see...
Friday 27 November 2009
break the law of opposites!
i'm still communing with her. occurred to me she's been trained in that crap that everything in spiritlands is the opposite of here. who made it so, because it wasn't true before. gay made it so, if it is true.
so wesay good, they hear evil? ask for health, light, truth, anything good and they take the opposote meaning? it could only happen if evil ruled; and it would be aimed in malice at anyne who didn't know. such as the good? or the sane?
so i'm going to break the law if there is one. we do the exact opposite of this universal tweedle-dum tweedle moronicsm. words mean what they're supposed to mean. if anyone does 'opposites' to lessers he's cruel; and to highers he's lying. so good means good and so on. so here we stand, me and me so to speak, softly we say our first real law; LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND WHEN I SPEAK; IF ALL I CAN DO IS THE WORDLESS SCREECH OF A BABY IT IS STILL THE LAW EVERYWHERE/WHEN THAT I MEAN WHAT I BLOODY SAY, AND NO MORE NONSENSE ON OPPOSITES. IT IS FORBIDDEN'
can't say it any quieter. she chanted under her breath and i typed it. and every god in the blleeding universe heard it. amen.
so wesay good, they hear evil? ask for health, light, truth, anything good and they take the opposote meaning? it could only happen if evil ruled; and it would be aimed in malice at anyne who didn't know. such as the good? or the sane?
so i'm going to break the law if there is one. we do the exact opposite of this universal tweedle-dum tweedle moronicsm. words mean what they're supposed to mean. if anyone does 'opposites' to lessers he's cruel; and to highers he's lying. so good means good and so on. so here we stand, me and me so to speak, softly we say our first real law; LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND WHEN I SPEAK; IF ALL I CAN DO IS THE WORDLESS SCREECH OF A BABY IT IS STILL THE LAW EVERYWHERE/WHEN THAT I MEAN WHAT I BLOODY SAY, AND NO MORE NONSENSE ON OPPOSITES. IT IS FORBIDDEN'
can't say it any quieter. she chanted under her breath and i typed it. and every god in the blleeding universe heard it. amen.
its still going on
christ i'm tired. she's not said much. every now and then a stray thouhgt or memory and she sort of picks it up, examines it. she's forgotten what it is like to be human? anyway i'm telling her she is much stronger than him or he would not have kept her like that. anyway i will never again believe a word he says; not about evil being the answer. no damnation isn't salvation. look at those who do believe! they become more rubbishy as you look at them. the king is unique, the only one of them i've ever found who i loved and who began to love me. which is doubtless why i was again betrayed....someone dashed the cup from my hand and he didn't understand anymore than i did. what it is is they are ordered to reject me, keep me out. thats when i believe as they do, when i am really trying! so no more of it.
the king must do whatever. the war is between me and that thing and ends here where it began.
she asked me what can i do? well so far one top gay has been taken by me to crumbles and been undone. he said i hadn't given him long enough! another claimed it'was his turn to rule' insane liar....its I who have never ruled, been even noticed heard or understood. so that one's dupe turned and as far as i could see saw the truth and reacted strongly, but i saw no more. another tried to give me thousands of little white heavens where he said i could do it all my way. saw instantly that future me was just a head. a head floating about in empty sterile heavens. obviously waiting for that thing to destroy it all over again, so i turned and burned his head right off him. two others they run. the boy surrendered; but thats another lie, of course. god in me wakes. so far gay keeps trying to question me, no answer give i to that thing. all this in the last six months and i still walk about in r1 being a bloody human!
just told her he is the lesser being. and to remember what it is he does to her. like eating her heart? her face? her brains? all of it, remember! now come that is not salvation, he is not a teacher, and also HE IS NOT HER FATHER!! she's looking at first place memories now. think child. those studies? i see them from here. more than one. thats where his mainstem self stays....and thats where we go get him. and kill him. all of them including the tiny inner space ones, walkingabout in their furious self-pity. they are his engines. she's got to the father[he came down from the past in april]. he said, 'gerry when you killed me you also broke my heart' i wept and said 'father i'm so sorry i didn't know what i was doing'...so he knew he was my father. didn't he? when did gay ever let you call him father?
so now i name you ladychild. time to turn rebel. destroy that misery, be free. 'won't it hurt?' she justasked me. no. being free of your murderer does not hurt. be free. forget about good and evil. as if that thing knew! in fact he shows he doesn't in those vile concepts. if they are the same then he's ok. if they are not its him thats damned, not you. and be glad. salvation is begun when you can look into your heart and say 'i like myself, i pleased i did good by my neighbor and myself.' i can say it. can he? then who should be the judge, you? a child lost in hell with not one friend? him? have you ever known that thing praise or credit anyone? no. so then the right judge is that black father. and the instant he woke he came straight to me. sad, in a hurry. to save me from that monsters black cruelty. only one way to do that now, love.
the king must do whatever. the war is between me and that thing and ends here where it began.
she asked me what can i do? well so far one top gay has been taken by me to crumbles and been undone. he said i hadn't given him long enough! another claimed it'was his turn to rule' insane liar....its I who have never ruled, been even noticed heard or understood. so that one's dupe turned and as far as i could see saw the truth and reacted strongly, but i saw no more. another tried to give me thousands of little white heavens where he said i could do it all my way. saw instantly that future me was just a head. a head floating about in empty sterile heavens. obviously waiting for that thing to destroy it all over again, so i turned and burned his head right off him. two others they run. the boy surrendered; but thats another lie, of course. god in me wakes. so far gay keeps trying to question me, no answer give i to that thing. all this in the last six months and i still walk about in r1 being a bloody human!
just told her he is the lesser being. and to remember what it is he does to her. like eating her heart? her face? her brains? all of it, remember! now come that is not salvation, he is not a teacher, and also HE IS NOT HER FATHER!! she's looking at first place memories now. think child. those studies? i see them from here. more than one. thats where his mainstem self stays....and thats where we go get him. and kill him. all of them including the tiny inner space ones, walkingabout in their furious self-pity. they are his engines. she's got to the father[he came down from the past in april]. he said, 'gerry when you killed me you also broke my heart' i wept and said 'father i'm so sorry i didn't know what i was doing'...so he knew he was my father. didn't he? when did gay ever let you call him father?
so now i name you ladychild. time to turn rebel. destroy that misery, be free. 'won't it hurt?' she justasked me. no. being free of your murderer does not hurt. be free. forget about good and evil. as if that thing knew! in fact he shows he doesn't in those vile concepts. if they are the same then he's ok. if they are not its him thats damned, not you. and be glad. salvation is begun when you can look into your heart and say 'i like myself, i pleased i did good by my neighbor and myself.' i can say it. can he? then who should be the judge, you? a child lost in hell with not one friend? him? have you ever known that thing praise or credit anyone? no. so then the right judge is that black father. and the instant he woke he came straight to me. sad, in a hurry. to save me from that monsters black cruelty. only one way to do that now, love.
then why you?
and why you?
why not great father? or the eagles? or the Doves? but of course he did. how? thriugh you. always. always you. you can get into them. into their minds. unknowing of what you are yourself ruled by; and so it looks as if you have done all these things.
but the truth is, he is in you.so he does all these things.
so he is in truth the very devil.
which means? who must the devil destroy and ruin, before anyone else? why you?
why you first?and always always a child?
yes, he is a coward. but what else?
because locked up in you is God. the real one. uncs, but alive.
and obviously.....GOOD.
so now look; you turn in hate on gay. and somehow we all the gerries in existence have to come together and like a jigsaw puzzle put this the real God all back together. and then as i hope like an army of avenging Gods put the spiritlands right or kill them all. because they all this time could have helped, worked it out, done better, or even a little comfort spared us. and never did. not one.
amen. our flagword might be caritas; yes. but a good nurse will knock a raving agonised lunatic out of life if there is no hope left for him. and that is true of gay, and those who love cruelty like him.
why not great father? or the eagles? or the Doves? but of course he did. how? thriugh you. always. always you. you can get into them. into their minds. unknowing of what you are yourself ruled by; and so it looks as if you have done all these things.
but the truth is, he is in you.so he does all these things.
so he is in truth the very devil.
which means? who must the devil destroy and ruin, before anyone else? why you?
why you first?and always always a child?
yes, he is a coward. but what else?
because locked up in you is God. the real one. uncs, but alive.
and obviously.....GOOD.
so now look; you turn in hate on gay. and somehow we all the gerries in existence have to come together and like a jigsaw puzzle put this the real God all back together. and then as i hope like an army of avenging Gods put the spiritlands right or kill them all. because they all this time could have helped, worked it out, done better, or even a little comfort spared us. and never did. not one.
amen. our flagword might be caritas; yes. but a good nurse will knock a raving agonised lunatic out of life if there is no hope left for him. and that is true of gay, and those who love cruelty like him.
WHY NOT CHAOS?
If these laws of evil were the right answer then why have 'laws' at all? law being an idea of the good ? it is because if evil was all; then it would all have been chaos andstayed chaos. but then gay would also suffer, insanely and forever. we notice that he goes nowhere without someone else to bear the pain? hence good had to ive long enough to make chaos ordered. then gay comes in and twists and wrecks and tortures; because look...he never created. you did. or these others. all gay does, everything he tell us, is always a lie.
and i have met several of these the evil he says are really the truly good. the damned who are really the saved?
no they are not. they are the utterly selfish and disgusting. they get left alone or a time. and then they find out he is their jealous god alright. and suffer for all time. so its all been an exercise in basically supreme masturbation. we understand cruelty being his only pleasure then thats what it is.
look at those he calls good. the murderers, the torturers the tyants...not punished, they go on and on. remember that bitch nurse who always interferes. her loud bossy voice? the certainty that she 'knows what to do about this one'? yet i am god, who would save her and everyone else; but they the evil are so sure it is I who must be destroyed? and so these aren't good at all. are they? they're not even clever.
oh yes. even animals are involved. that 'nurse' is a lot more stupid and insensitive and incapable than the dog, the cat? and where do u think that dog, that cat are now? see? you know.
now turn we.
and i have met several of these the evil he says are really the truly good. the damned who are really the saved?
no they are not. they are the utterly selfish and disgusting. they get left alone or a time. and then they find out he is their jealous god alright. and suffer for all time. so its all been an exercise in basically supreme masturbation. we understand cruelty being his only pleasure then thats what it is.
look at those he calls good. the murderers, the torturers the tyants...not punished, they go on and on. remember that bitch nurse who always interferes. her loud bossy voice? the certainty that she 'knows what to do about this one'? yet i am god, who would save her and everyone else; but they the evil are so sure it is I who must be destroyed? and so these aren't good at all. are they? they're not even clever.
oh yes. even animals are involved. that 'nurse' is a lot more stupid and insensitive and incapable than the dog, the cat? and where do u think that dog, that cat are now? see? you know.
now turn we.
the great child
shes here. she arrived yesterday. i heard 'something something sky plus'...a little old old old voice. yet a kid. looked up. and she's there. all around very brown. never never have i seen any spirit in that state. like a child but huge? and old. and so tangled up in Gays cruel insane 'laws' she is...i don't know how to say it. i'm carefully trying to ask her to follow my logic.
1. if the good =evil, and the evil =good; then both are a lie.
2. if according to the dynamic concepts good and evil are identical; then my behaviour is my behaviour. there is no point judging anything. 3. if there is, it is only that i want to live. be happy. secure. various pleasures, such as food, sex. but these need respectively, a viable food source. and other ppl. but she being god, has had nothing whatever but pointless suffering.
4. which makes no sense. if her existence is evil [gay says life is evil spelled backwards] then die. no? then that too is a lie. if her existence is good, then good is worth having. then why has she sufferdc like that? for being good? yet all she has been made to do is evil? then she should long ago have been free and a lord and happy. 5. but she came still a slave, a child? 6. because gay is evil. it is his existence that must be ended. 6. and so we just agreed to look after each other. get hold of the others. find and defend our own place [yes that one].
she IS turning. she sees what he's been doing. there is only one true evil. gay. everybody else is his or mine. ppl. they are called people...
got to make her remember that bloody house in the beginning.
say it to me again. SKY PLUS....
1. if the good =evil, and the evil =good; then both are a lie.
2. if according to the dynamic concepts good and evil are identical; then my behaviour is my behaviour. there is no point judging anything. 3. if there is, it is only that i want to live. be happy. secure. various pleasures, such as food, sex. but these need respectively, a viable food source. and other ppl. but she being god, has had nothing whatever but pointless suffering.
4. which makes no sense. if her existence is evil [gay says life is evil spelled backwards] then die. no? then that too is a lie. if her existence is good, then good is worth having. then why has she sufferdc like that? for being good? yet all she has been made to do is evil? then she should long ago have been free and a lord and happy. 5. but she came still a slave, a child? 6. because gay is evil. it is his existence that must be ended. 6. and so we just agreed to look after each other. get hold of the others. find and defend our own place [yes that one].
she IS turning. she sees what he's been doing. there is only one true evil. gay. everybody else is his or mine. ppl. they are called people...
got to make her remember that bloody house in the beginning.
say it to me again. SKY PLUS....
Wednesday 25 November 2009
size
hm. well about sizes. gt father is absolutely huge. in my vision all i could see of him was this tremendous black eagle beak; and beneath me the huge Eggs of his Sons, the fathers. now each one of those contains A GT. UNIVERSE. right? and the fathers would have been maybe half his size? i'm talking about the first fathers, all of them great black eagles; the ones with the good concepts? Gay reckoned to me the other day that there are another six eagles. i dunno if its even true, but reacted to that information quite strongly. so i suppose if they are different eagles then they are your 'lords of darkness' as related in my poem. they must be smaller. but i don't know. then the Doves, each one, are much much smaller than the Eagles. maybe half the size? so you see all the Doves together couldn't fight the Eagles. now our father-Dove made all this Creation we live in. but the spiritlands are vast. this Creation is all his name; it is vast white mountains in a chain. at the foot of these mountains are like seas and space? our universe is on such universe, they're a kind of flock of universes at the foot of each mountain. so the far end;[you call it the Past] is as i have named it 'West Point' and this end [yes we near the End] i have named 'East Point'. i had to name things or get so muddled i could never explain it to anyone. So now you see the huge differences in sizes of the Gods.
now the lords can appear as human sized; but you will know when you talking to one because they can change size. but normally they are in their own place enormeous compared to a human. the lower gods of the realms are much smaller again; for example Allah and Zion and Elohim are much the same size to my eyes, but obviously can grow larger at will. so you know a god of the old order because they all wear black robes. i dunno why. maybe it don't show the dirt. the ones who wear white robes are usually out of order. either they know but little or as i have said they turn out to be a bit nasty. but not all. some of my spirits are very white, as father seabreeze made them. they okay ppl, but definitely oppressed. and then you got seabreezes colour codething. those who wear blue[all diffeent blues there be] are your knowers', and those in various reds be your feelers. or something like that. but after all these ages a lot of lowers also wear black robes, on account of either they accept the universe is evil or because of their suffering. don't judge anyone on account of their robes, is all i say. so Elohim wears greyish-blue; which is a sign of his suffering i suppose. but he must be from the first history; anyway he remembers it. Zion i have said wears red, very ornately decorated. And Allah is just all shiny. well he was. oh well he'll get over it. the jesus's i have often noticed they wear dark green, or black, or white when they on show; 'being holy'...and yaldabaoth [the yetzoahs] all wear brown, except once i saw the begot one teaching the [frantic] angels black magic and it still makes me feel sick; he wore crocadile green scaley trousery things and this livid pink tunic. it was bloody horrible, and the place too warm. and that is 'triumph'? the truth is he feels sick too. and of course lord jesus the Son is always in grey. as for their faces all are beautiful to me. like angel looking? as you see in pictures. oh and i hardly ever seen angels with wings. no wings. well a few. but they are very small. and two angels i have seen from first history. one i tell of later, since it is the kings business. the other was like huge and electric? a thing like an electric shock man? he can speak, but he's utterly different. you touch him you die. but he too is a servant, just like the rest. so i suppose he was naked, but never noticed. well he must have been. how could clothes last any time on him?
so anyway you see the differences in size? but a human isn't as small as they think they are. all have a soul-house; its not in your guts but its close; and big. and so are you, really.
then above gt father the mad realities created by Kay in her slavery to Gay. filled with shouting wiggly bug-eyed thingies. above them [they are in the quadrillion cube] more space...the above all the lot that terrible wooden house. its very big. outside a great ruined garden, all full of what you think are weeds. and all below that house is encased in a gigantic weblike thing. so thats called the Orb. you see the horror of it now? and be sure that once Gay has made sure of the final enslavement of all here....he will go with Kay and those me's the children...to make more Orbs. all hells. thousands of them. and all, all alive, to suffer in them endlessly.
now u know this don't you see how foolish the evil are, to agree with him that evil it shall be 'limitless'?
now the lords can appear as human sized; but you will know when you talking to one because they can change size. but normally they are in their own place enormeous compared to a human. the lower gods of the realms are much smaller again; for example Allah and Zion and Elohim are much the same size to my eyes, but obviously can grow larger at will. so you know a god of the old order because they all wear black robes. i dunno why. maybe it don't show the dirt. the ones who wear white robes are usually out of order. either they know but little or as i have said they turn out to be a bit nasty. but not all. some of my spirits are very white, as father seabreeze made them. they okay ppl, but definitely oppressed. and then you got seabreezes colour codething. those who wear blue[all diffeent blues there be] are your knowers', and those in various reds be your feelers. or something like that. but after all these ages a lot of lowers also wear black robes, on account of either they accept the universe is evil or because of their suffering. don't judge anyone on account of their robes, is all i say. so Elohim wears greyish-blue; which is a sign of his suffering i suppose. but he must be from the first history; anyway he remembers it. Zion i have said wears red, very ornately decorated. And Allah is just all shiny. well he was. oh well he'll get over it. the jesus's i have often noticed they wear dark green, or black, or white when they on show; 'being holy'...and yaldabaoth [the yetzoahs] all wear brown, except once i saw the begot one teaching the [frantic] angels black magic and it still makes me feel sick; he wore crocadile green scaley trousery things and this livid pink tunic. it was bloody horrible, and the place too warm. and that is 'triumph'? the truth is he feels sick too. and of course lord jesus the Son is always in grey. as for their faces all are beautiful to me. like angel looking? as you see in pictures. oh and i hardly ever seen angels with wings. no wings. well a few. but they are very small. and two angels i have seen from first history. one i tell of later, since it is the kings business. the other was like huge and electric? a thing like an electric shock man? he can speak, but he's utterly different. you touch him you die. but he too is a servant, just like the rest. so i suppose he was naked, but never noticed. well he must have been. how could clothes last any time on him?
so anyway you see the differences in size? but a human isn't as small as they think they are. all have a soul-house; its not in your guts but its close; and big. and so are you, really.
then above gt father the mad realities created by Kay in her slavery to Gay. filled with shouting wiggly bug-eyed thingies. above them [they are in the quadrillion cube] more space...the above all the lot that terrible wooden house. its very big. outside a great ruined garden, all full of what you think are weeds. and all below that house is encased in a gigantic weblike thing. so thats called the Orb. you see the horror of it now? and be sure that once Gay has made sure of the final enslavement of all here....he will go with Kay and those me's the children...to make more Orbs. all hells. thousands of them. and all, all alive, to suffer in them endlessly.
now u know this don't you see how foolish the evil are, to agree with him that evil it shall be 'limitless'?
by which name do i go?
hm. well Gay started off a satanist; according to mum. but i think he was well beyond anything like that, so Gay has been or became the God we know not; the Real Devil. Satan as i have shown being a victim of cruelty also. Now Real Devils are all of them his. And will come to regret that fact just as surely. the other sibs as i have said; are three evil-evils. the rest in various terrble states looking each one for a champion. but i don't think there is one. so they are all Gayists, some very reluctantly so. This includes mum, i suppose.
then there are Satanists, the gneral sort. Some believing they must be absolutely cruel and vile, some more avid on sexual licence. and a few like me who see that Satan is really a Rebel himself against cruelty. but he only remembers the Dove; not Gay. or he didn't. i been showing him my memory also. ditto the Yetzoah's. its up to each one. who do you want to be God? so far not one has chosen Gay, i'm so happy to say.
As for the stupid religionists, i have to tell you that Allah, and Zion, and Elohim are three completely seperate and independent beings. they too meet for the first time. The eagles also; and the Doves, they all meet and because of me, they are remembering too. what happens next is up to each one, they all of them have freewill. But it looks like they remember Gay and all his works with hatred. For none of it was necessary; none of it inevitable. he made the universe evil. but its everybody else who suffers it; never Gay. and the variety of the rest, christians buddhists, whatnot..look at what you FEEL. hate? murderous? then you know who is really your god.still in doubt? then look at what you DO; the actual history of your religion. its the same, isn't it?
so lets get one issue finally right and out of the bloody way. NOBODY has any such right as to damn another forever and ever. that is infinite cruelty. a greater being has a responsibilty to those his lessers. the gods have been eating souls all this time; but whose way is that? it is Gays' way, of course. Yes, we are sons. but thats all of us. and you do not own your children. neither do you eat them. or enslave them. all of this nastiness is Gays. I have damned Gay; but so shall all the gods. what else can you do with him? but as you see he has this thing called ''crumbles'....its painless and final. he chooses this or suffers his own will. and all of it upfront, shown and explained. which is a lot more than he did for anyone; isn't it?
but they say if the universe is evil how can we do otherwise? i say the universe consists of minds; your own. and each of us and all of us can choose, can change, find another way. as i do, all day long in fact.so anyhow i tell the brave ones who read this blog choose your gods carefully. a religion that teaches slavery, hate and murder is WRONG. you only agree with it because you have never been taught to think. now you have. start thinking then. its nice to own women? then you can be women in that state until you know as certainly as the sunrise that slavery is evil. and lose that conceit, and that stupid religion.
as for all these devils out there, you know what? i don't think they ever were given a good thrashing by a real good god yet! amen, amen. that day is coming...
so by what name shall you call this way? i reckon you might call it 'way of the messenger'.....since that is what an angel IS...and blimey it is one AWFUL MESS, isn't it?
then there are Satanists, the gneral sort. Some believing they must be absolutely cruel and vile, some more avid on sexual licence. and a few like me who see that Satan is really a Rebel himself against cruelty. but he only remembers the Dove; not Gay. or he didn't. i been showing him my memory also. ditto the Yetzoah's. its up to each one. who do you want to be God? so far not one has chosen Gay, i'm so happy to say.
As for the stupid religionists, i have to tell you that Allah, and Zion, and Elohim are three completely seperate and independent beings. they too meet for the first time. The eagles also; and the Doves, they all meet and because of me, they are remembering too. what happens next is up to each one, they all of them have freewill. But it looks like they remember Gay and all his works with hatred. For none of it was necessary; none of it inevitable. he made the universe evil. but its everybody else who suffers it; never Gay. and the variety of the rest, christians buddhists, whatnot..look at what you FEEL. hate? murderous? then you know who is really your god.still in doubt? then look at what you DO; the actual history of your religion. its the same, isn't it?
so lets get one issue finally right and out of the bloody way. NOBODY has any such right as to damn another forever and ever. that is infinite cruelty. a greater being has a responsibilty to those his lessers. the gods have been eating souls all this time; but whose way is that? it is Gays' way, of course. Yes, we are sons. but thats all of us. and you do not own your children. neither do you eat them. or enslave them. all of this nastiness is Gays. I have damned Gay; but so shall all the gods. what else can you do with him? but as you see he has this thing called ''crumbles'....its painless and final. he chooses this or suffers his own will. and all of it upfront, shown and explained. which is a lot more than he did for anyone; isn't it?
but they say if the universe is evil how can we do otherwise? i say the universe consists of minds; your own. and each of us and all of us can choose, can change, find another way. as i do, all day long in fact.so anyhow i tell the brave ones who read this blog choose your gods carefully. a religion that teaches slavery, hate and murder is WRONG. you only agree with it because you have never been taught to think. now you have. start thinking then. its nice to own women? then you can be women in that state until you know as certainly as the sunrise that slavery is evil. and lose that conceit, and that stupid religion.
as for all these devils out there, you know what? i don't think they ever were given a good thrashing by a real good god yet! amen, amen. that day is coming...
so by what name shall you call this way? i reckon you might call it 'way of the messenger'.....since that is what an angel IS...and blimey it is one AWFUL MESS, isn't it?
a lot to do
tons to do.
an islamic called last night going on about sky. his eyes were all popping and swivelly. i laughed in my heart. reckon he'd come to punish the fool woman who says such bad things about islam. knew he couldn't. the gods did their thing. he left quite quickly. you see a murderer of the truthspeller will go straight to the worst hell they can find. they need me alive a bit longer. and they see what i see about the religionists; and agree.In fact its they who showed me. so this bloke cleared off. all the gods wait on me. which shall include allah whenever he gets his eyesight back.
no news really. the weather has been atrocious. very wet n windy. cold like i dunno what. they've had terrible floods in cumbria.
mum was telling me once i've retired it should be possible to get moved to a better flat elsewhere. will enquire. but no rush, still. it would be nice to live somewhere more civilised.
an islamic called last night going on about sky. his eyes were all popping and swivelly. i laughed in my heart. reckon he'd come to punish the fool woman who says such bad things about islam. knew he couldn't. the gods did their thing. he left quite quickly. you see a murderer of the truthspeller will go straight to the worst hell they can find. they need me alive a bit longer. and they see what i see about the religionists; and agree.In fact its they who showed me. so this bloke cleared off. all the gods wait on me. which shall include allah whenever he gets his eyesight back.
no news really. the weather has been atrocious. very wet n windy. cold like i dunno what. they've had terrible floods in cumbria.
mum was telling me once i've retired it should be possible to get moved to a better flat elsewhere. will enquire. but no rush, still. it would be nice to live somewhere more civilised.
Monday 23 November 2009
still with you
still with you.
since yesterday knocking more poems into pc; do some everyday.
only one in head. seems a bit parrerns? not ready...
all us here ok.
since yesterday knocking more poems into pc; do some everyday.
only one in head. seems a bit parrerns? not ready...
all us here ok.
Friday 20 November 2009
last post today
i thank my friend and commander, elohim. that day in the museum he began to make me understand, grow up so i could both endure and live long enough to teach. and he has built my heaven for me. i know it will be good. and there he shall always be welcome. and if i am destroyed, well thats his, and i know he will fight on in his way. for the battle still goes on, every night i am either tested or in prayer talk to them, or do works on those out there, or plain suffer these attacks and testings. Gay said i would be tested to destruction, and so i know all this will kill me. who could live long like this? but so far depite several collapses in fear or just exhaustion i still hold.
i thank and praise both Satan and Yetzoah, who thought they must destroy me but now find they learn and i do not hate them nor disagree with them. instead i value them. because i've been a victim too, and am just as much a rebel. Satan is beautiful, a noble strong god. i've been in love with him twice. thats me. always falling inlove. a peculiar woman, really.
i wish fatherseabreeze well. he knows all about everything, and if you see wasn't he set up too? as for general cruel look at him! because of his evil all the evil hate him! not such a genius then, a? but even he can be okay again. its just a matter of will. later i will tell you what i've seen of the futures. for now i but say none of these gods, not one, is alive in any of them. so now you see they listen more carefully.
and i thank black father, who protected me for so long. we quarrelled and i ran away. but now i remember and know i still love him, and would die even though i am a devil, or was, to defend him.as i rather think i will have to do.
so this teaching i suppose is a kind of will thing, a testament? be wiser. know both good and evil for the traps they are, cease to obey Gay. once that ratbag is gone then work it out more fairly. be no more intent on this bloody stupid 'damnation' thing. since when i tell you about what happened in that awful pre-existence place, you will see ALL were damned by Gay. absolutely ALL. So its another Gay thing, used solely to cause suffering. so stop doing it. not one of you has any such right. and anyway remember karma? they shall suffer their own will.?? in any case as the oldest god around i am not yours to damn. so stop or i will kick your bum. and thats that.
i thank and praise both Satan and Yetzoah, who thought they must destroy me but now find they learn and i do not hate them nor disagree with them. instead i value them. because i've been a victim too, and am just as much a rebel. Satan is beautiful, a noble strong god. i've been in love with him twice. thats me. always falling inlove. a peculiar woman, really.
i wish fatherseabreeze well. he knows all about everything, and if you see wasn't he set up too? as for general cruel look at him! because of his evil all the evil hate him! not such a genius then, a? but even he can be okay again. its just a matter of will. later i will tell you what i've seen of the futures. for now i but say none of these gods, not one, is alive in any of them. so now you see they listen more carefully.
and i thank black father, who protected me for so long. we quarrelled and i ran away. but now i remember and know i still love him, and would die even though i am a devil, or was, to defend him.as i rather think i will have to do.
so this teaching i suppose is a kind of will thing, a testament? be wiser. know both good and evil for the traps they are, cease to obey Gay. once that ratbag is gone then work it out more fairly. be no more intent on this bloody stupid 'damnation' thing. since when i tell you about what happened in that awful pre-existence place, you will see ALL were damned by Gay. absolutely ALL. So its another Gay thing, used solely to cause suffering. so stop doing it. not one of you has any such right. and anyway remember karma? they shall suffer their own will.?? in any case as the oldest god around i am not yours to damn. so stop or i will kick your bum. and thats that.
just a hope
it occurs to me that this is a really good idea; putting it all on cyberspace. yes i teach those pl who read. their minds thus instructed will change and if they are brave and sensible they shall find they go out there to be treated respectfully, on their way to becoming gods. but also you realise the spirits can't read our books? if i even was able to get it published. so they would have to wait until those who learn here went out there and told them. but they ARE able to pick up tv nd radio, and i bet they can 'read' this blog just as well as you can. so i am very glad i chose to do this. because out there the more you understand and know the more powerful you are. and since it is obvious i requires them to know their history and see what has happened and turn rebel themselves this is a perfect way to do it. because Gay cannot track which of them knows what. they must see i'm a friend. all this history will explain, and with luck they will tecover some sanity, and begin to realise that when Gay says the universe is evil he means all the minds in it. well how can space or time or rocks be evil? so its the minds that are enslaved with this rubbish; all of it his. they now for the first time could understand, and decide for themselves whether to be good or evil or what.and my advice is to take it one step at a time. you are the Gods. you were all forced. you see it all turns into Hell forever. there are none saved. turn you Gods, on that thing. and be masters in your minds, Gods made wise at last. i do not suggest be 'good' since none of know what it is. and we see how easily Gay destroyed the 'good'. but evil in the end is still slavery, still terrible. there is only one way left open to all of us; and that is rebellion. however secret however small, begin. and hopefully all will at last turn and fight. and don't worry. its better to die and be not than live on being that things slave. so decide and do right away. yes, secret all. but each litle thing you do does two things. 1. it makes the universe happier and 2. you shall each one no matter how far gone you are be the less evil. until one fine day you will look around and there is heaven and you are truly wise Gods. thats it. thats all. and do stop this bloody sick black magic. its his way of keeping you all insane, do it and he wins again! so as far as i know whats sent electronically exists forever. so the truth is here, you have been warned. and keep the earth safe. because the battle was fought here. and to this world you can all still repair and rest in your own long struggle. safer here, even though all here live in monkey type ignorance. so keep it safe. because it is now home.
a lesson again
so someone is bound to think what about the sermon on the mount? ok, let's think about that. its actuall in two parts, the blessed be part, and the cursed be part. now look us at the blessings. who and when and where amongst you ever received any blessing for any of them? answer, you get your reward in heaven? what heaven? as you see the opposite is reality. but lets go through the list. blest are the poor...the apostle adds 'in spirit' trying to give the rich some way in. he means if you are not poisoned and sick with the greed for money. okay? i have been terribly poor. i assure you its not a blest state at all. it is misery. i have absolutely NEVER seen or heard of anyone at all being comended for starving or their children going hungry. it is not blest. it is awful. why would the gods bless someone for not doing something about it? though i agree that the love f money is making ppl sick, it is not in itself evil. its something only humans get anyhow, in other places there is no money. none whatever. next the meek shall inherit the earth. well where has that ever happened? oh every day. look for the meek and gentle; they are buried in the ground at your feet because the grave is all they ever get. they count as weak. you'd be amazed at how obvious the meek are in spiritlands. they inherit pain. what about the peacemakers, the children of God? interesting, that one. because father seabreeze was going to do actual battles if he'd come in, that good beating evil stuff? and if you look a lot of grief lands on the good because they won't fight! they won't stick together and actually fight the evil oes. they all pacifists and wind up slaves. so the only blest peacemakers are guns, actually. since guns do give peace a voice, as it were. the pure in heart? well yes i think that ones' still fairly likely to happen. i am one of those; so yes i see God. all of them. if you have been reading your lessons you will know that seeing the gods isn't quite the blessing you think it is. but yes, in the main, if you keep clean in your heart and practise prayer, yoga...you will see the gods. but if i were you i'd practise remembering your past lives, especially those in spiritlands FIRST. its quite easy to do. but everyone needs help to start with. another; blest are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, or they shall be filled? if God was good there wouldn't BE anyone hungering for justice. that one tells you jesus knew something was very wrong. and do those who thirst for truth, hunger for justice, ever get it? no. its another thing you've always had to fight for, isn't it? blest are those who mourn? don't be ridiculous. for one thing, say u mourn for a loved one who died. you have virtually no chance of ever seeing that one again. and if you do you see them as they really are, or perhaps they turn out to be an enemy. in any event as i have said, the spirits are a bt short of emotions. and if what they mourn is this ugly battered world well 1. go fix it u cretin or 2. i assure you r1 with all its faults is a very nice world and its yours. all you got to do is keep it nice, share the goodies, and pass it on to your children. its the last little bitof whats left of heaven. so guard it carefully. anyway u see my drift? none of these blessings are real. but they all do show you that God has allowed a lot of misery.
now turn we to the curses. yes same guy. o so holy sweet nice jesus. anybody who doesn't listen, and believe he's greatest, will go to hell. now it was jesus who taught you all about hell. notice he knows exactly what its like. its the worst thing imaginable. and there's no trial. no appeal. its infinite cruelty then, isn't it? and notice jesus never anywhere describes heaven. thats because he didn't know.
and for what crimes? oh being rich. being a teacher, who does not teach ppl to close their minds and hate. oh and priests, who will not worship him. hm. thats everyone in any society who might see whats wrong wit him and tell the ppl, isn't it? and since he was 'gods son' its applicable to every time and place. so if you obey him, and in fear forbid teachers, priests...voila! a primitive unchanging society that sends its children out to him forever. gee thanks.
so what says gerry? hear my sermon on the mount; well i live in a top floor flat, but its near enough.
blest are those who look for the truth and teach their findings to others, encouraging the young and stupid to do thesame, each in his degree. the blessing bit you shall discover in being safe and free.
blest are those who despise slavery, of whatever kind it shall be, including nasty stupid religions. they shall find their blessing when those they help to free thank them and love them forever after.
blest are those who decide that they shall be masters of themselves; for they shall be gods. though whether thats a blessing or a disaster i don't know.
and blest are those who are loving, kind and feel pity for others. they are the heavenly, which to know is a blessing in itself for them and others they meet as well.
so aren't these the real beatitudes? of course they are! veritas. libertas. caritas.
and look! who is cursed of me? nobody. do these things and all that jesus promised falsely shall come to you as well. do them not and of course you are in hell; because you have built it yourselves. and do you see suddenly no-one needs a lawyer? what for? if all try this what will you need lawyers for? with real good laws all you need are decent policemen, a reasonable prison, and a judge not corrupt. and here is also room for a right scientist; if he looks for truth before money, does not do any cruelty...how should he be unacceptable?
so instantly you see you need good teachers for to teach, good priests for to lead others into spiritlands. and physicians to heal and soldiers to go out there and help me clean it up!!
and i don't care if you love me, despise me, believe or not that i am a god. its up to you. it don't hurt me, it don't help me. i never wanted to be god; just got lumbered with it you know.
now turn we to the curses. yes same guy. o so holy sweet nice jesus. anybody who doesn't listen, and believe he's greatest, will go to hell. now it was jesus who taught you all about hell. notice he knows exactly what its like. its the worst thing imaginable. and there's no trial. no appeal. its infinite cruelty then, isn't it? and notice jesus never anywhere describes heaven. thats because he didn't know.
and for what crimes? oh being rich. being a teacher, who does not teach ppl to close their minds and hate. oh and priests, who will not worship him. hm. thats everyone in any society who might see whats wrong wit him and tell the ppl, isn't it? and since he was 'gods son' its applicable to every time and place. so if you obey him, and in fear forbid teachers, priests...voila! a primitive unchanging society that sends its children out to him forever. gee thanks.
so what says gerry? hear my sermon on the mount; well i live in a top floor flat, but its near enough.
blest are those who look for the truth and teach their findings to others, encouraging the young and stupid to do thesame, each in his degree. the blessing bit you shall discover in being safe and free.
blest are those who despise slavery, of whatever kind it shall be, including nasty stupid religions. they shall find their blessing when those they help to free thank them and love them forever after.
blest are those who decide that they shall be masters of themselves; for they shall be gods. though whether thats a blessing or a disaster i don't know.
and blest are those who are loving, kind and feel pity for others. they are the heavenly, which to know is a blessing in itself for them and others they meet as well.
so aren't these the real beatitudes? of course they are! veritas. libertas. caritas.
and look! who is cursed of me? nobody. do these things and all that jesus promised falsely shall come to you as well. do them not and of course you are in hell; because you have built it yourselves. and do you see suddenly no-one needs a lawyer? what for? if all try this what will you need lawyers for? with real good laws all you need are decent policemen, a reasonable prison, and a judge not corrupt. and here is also room for a right scientist; if he looks for truth before money, does not do any cruelty...how should he be unacceptable?
so instantly you see you need good teachers for to teach, good priests for to lead others into spiritlands. and physicians to heal and soldiers to go out there and help me clean it up!!
and i don't care if you love me, despise me, believe or not that i am a god. its up to you. it don't hurt me, it don't help me. i never wanted to be god; just got lumbered with it you know.
Thursday 19 November 2009
abba, father
so going fr Gay you see his character sketched out in all the religions, although i have to say niether allah nor zion ever ad any dealings with him that i know of. so let's concentrate on christianity.
right so we all know the gospel. how shall i put this? lord jesus predator out there, keeping his form hid, is jesus. right? his form is a great white cloudy donut shaped thing with a tall white spire rising fr its centre. its enormeous so the foolish saved, having walked with him, been made beautiful, loving him and singing hymns, they think its a city. i which they believe they will be happy always. so he leads them in. and of ourse its his 'body' and in those fogs they are devoured. which if you think what the rest of the universe is like you can see IS akind of rescue, the end of that beings suffering. now you recall that this jesus was the equal of the Dove? but of course he's never seen the Dove since, and doesn't remember. but i have met him, both out there and here on earth. out there he sits on the bench with Satan and all they do is argue. he saves some, eats them. Satan saves some, eats them. well their souls anyway. now this is right above us at the last edge of creation. and the argument is about whose kingdom is it? what is right/wrong. they are evenly matched. lord jesus predator is the highest by the bad Doves will, and Satan has been elevated and strengthened by the eagles. all this time its been going on. and the place is defective?
anyway this jesus feels nice. you feel rescue is come. then you look into his eyes, and see no it has not. but most good spirits feel its better to be with him, even if it means death, than the other.
now he went and did the jesus thing on earth. i rather think thats programed into him. anyway we know he began good, nicer to know than Satan. and on earth we see fr his gospels that he told truly mostly, but did not seem to understand himself what was happening. so he was brave, truthful, some of what he says is obviously true. like the widows mite? like the altar makes sacred because god is near it? that you give the false powers of this world false worship in the shape of money; which is unreal? all these things are perfectly true. so i believe he was perfectly moral as he is up there. right?
but thats because he is evil in a different way. now h did not know that. but you see i have seen his eyes and i did talk to him in his form. i was in my kitchen in underhill rd and we connected. i have a travelling mind so can do it. and he is forever pointing out your not so excellent moral efforts. so you try harder. and harder. but that same persistent gentle prodding goes on. and in the end i saw through it, because by then i knew an awful ot. so refused and told him of. why should a bloody housewife with my shocking life be perfect? because the father is? i laughed. and instantly saw in his nasty reply the general sharpness oof thespire thing that he is absolutely chock full of malice. and so ppl who admit his spirit into their soulhouse yes there are improvements, but the price is either death or finding yourself saddled with a malice much more powerful than u and then you are a captive in your own spirit. but thats what i have found, over and over that they may look or sound okay but insode they are full of malice, so next time a relgionist tries to get you to accept jesus you know you are seeking to be possessed by an bad lot. so refuse. even so esus didn't make himself that way. so just like the rest he also must be given teaching and allowances and accepted that he IS a son. and now you see why christians are normally awful ppl. they are possessed by a predator, he only seems good. as for the man jesus he did mot of his miracles on r2 or r4. ppl were able to remember what they'd seen, but never knew thats how he did it. he mixe up the realities a bit.
so he taught and suffered and went. his god as i have said is one gormless. a farmer. but he has kept to versions of jesus going, while the main stem spirit went back to sit with Satan and continue their quarrel. and both of these i have loved, depended, worshipped and obeyed in many lives. oh yes, i forgot to say. there's loads of jesusy ppl around, father seabreeze went all symphonic so there's the jesus thing more or less done everywhere, lots of places. but i refer here to ur one, jesus the jew who ived and died in israel 2000 years ago. these two i trusted, and i wasn't wrong. they have got me out of many scrapes and often comforted me. but it ends always the same. they kneel and worship me, though infear i go on to try again to keep the heavens nice. and hence to this life. got away fr Gay, became a christian nothing knowing but this time all these things have happened. and a few months ago i read a book whatever happened to hell? and the author says you have to be mathematically parallel to the will of God or go to Hell. and i said but that is to be made a machine! and was shown gormles who damned me but i saw what was going on. jesus built a metal fence, set nasty fires within, turned into a nasty redaced devil. the other younger, gentle version simply went up into a ceiling which wasn't there before and fr that nasty brown ceilings starts screaming curses. and i saw beings pushing a little girl, like very bright angel as you see in pictures. they were going to burn and torture that child forever, and she is maybe 3 years old? a top me? i knew her sufferings, that she didn't understand anything. nd turned rebel instantly.i threw away all that false goodness of christianity. she was carried away from the flames i think by someone who saw. there's more but we speak of jesus. so you see those two aren't good at all, are they? sort of machines?
and btw, that was being done on the white mountain. and you see what a nightmare it all is out there. and we must give jesus hiscredit. he said on one of his appearances to james and peter that they must give it up, forget him, that i fact he'd been utterly wrong. 'blest is he who never saw or heard of me'. go and look its in nag hammai. and perfectly true, what it was he was being murdered by the devils who really rule and proving that part of him was really good came back and tried to warn them. but was constrained, which is why you see he contradicts himself. he is being torured and prevented. and james ends sadly this report that he hopes justice will happen someday. that he hopes the seeker gets to heaven before he does. of course, james wants someone to rescue him.
so you see there was still a lot of real actual good in jesus. so i went and looked for him and found oh years ago his dead form all tied up and hid in a dark place. i looked on this same again a few months ago, and could see he was like that man in the turin shroud. obedient, sad, a majestic face. and i badly need allies. so i tried with all my strength to break the bonds and wake him. they had tied him so he couldn't live more lives, and thus could never work it out or learn, and no-one knew.
but i don't know if i succeeded. there is a new lord flouncing about now. given to tossing his long sraight black hair and seems very vain. is it this same jesus? because he hasnmo majesty at all!!
so now we see no i don't hate jesus. what for? he didn't know. and i agree. its good to help the sick, teach the ignorant, get religionists to behave better, visit prisoners, help those who starve. of course it is! but you don't do it because you want to find jesus or whatever, but because these are suffering fellow beings whatever their degree and you pity them.
as i have said, every one shall be treated of me as victims. as you now see jesus is!
as for their quarrel i have told them that Satans place it is by the Dove own will longago, for remembered it. jesus is supposed to be a fox, going round stealing souls, as he said, the thief in the night. so i hope they can refrain fr wot must be the longest argument in history. and co-operate to fix the place, because itwas Gay [of course] who spoilt it.
and now if you look you see sitting on that high bench; three. the very white with white hair [male] is me. but i will not stay. it IS Satans place. i don't much want to be accidentally eaten by jesus anyway all that moral nitpicking is tedious. so i think i will go to myplacethisplace [yes, elohim is back, it must bebuilt by now] and when i feel like it wander around. making my armies and civilisations you know.
but i will never again be born, or live lives. i don't need to and look how dangerous it is!
right so we all know the gospel. how shall i put this? lord jesus predator out there, keeping his form hid, is jesus. right? his form is a great white cloudy donut shaped thing with a tall white spire rising fr its centre. its enormeous so the foolish saved, having walked with him, been made beautiful, loving him and singing hymns, they think its a city. i which they believe they will be happy always. so he leads them in. and of ourse its his 'body' and in those fogs they are devoured. which if you think what the rest of the universe is like you can see IS akind of rescue, the end of that beings suffering. now you recall that this jesus was the equal of the Dove? but of course he's never seen the Dove since, and doesn't remember. but i have met him, both out there and here on earth. out there he sits on the bench with Satan and all they do is argue. he saves some, eats them. Satan saves some, eats them. well their souls anyway. now this is right above us at the last edge of creation. and the argument is about whose kingdom is it? what is right/wrong. they are evenly matched. lord jesus predator is the highest by the bad Doves will, and Satan has been elevated and strengthened by the eagles. all this time its been going on. and the place is defective?
anyway this jesus feels nice. you feel rescue is come. then you look into his eyes, and see no it has not. but most good spirits feel its better to be with him, even if it means death, than the other.
now he went and did the jesus thing on earth. i rather think thats programed into him. anyway we know he began good, nicer to know than Satan. and on earth we see fr his gospels that he told truly mostly, but did not seem to understand himself what was happening. so he was brave, truthful, some of what he says is obviously true. like the widows mite? like the altar makes sacred because god is near it? that you give the false powers of this world false worship in the shape of money; which is unreal? all these things are perfectly true. so i believe he was perfectly moral as he is up there. right?
but thats because he is evil in a different way. now h did not know that. but you see i have seen his eyes and i did talk to him in his form. i was in my kitchen in underhill rd and we connected. i have a travelling mind so can do it. and he is forever pointing out your not so excellent moral efforts. so you try harder. and harder. but that same persistent gentle prodding goes on. and in the end i saw through it, because by then i knew an awful ot. so refused and told him of. why should a bloody housewife with my shocking life be perfect? because the father is? i laughed. and instantly saw in his nasty reply the general sharpness oof thespire thing that he is absolutely chock full of malice. and so ppl who admit his spirit into their soulhouse yes there are improvements, but the price is either death or finding yourself saddled with a malice much more powerful than u and then you are a captive in your own spirit. but thats what i have found, over and over that they may look or sound okay but insode they are full of malice, so next time a relgionist tries to get you to accept jesus you know you are seeking to be possessed by an bad lot. so refuse. even so esus didn't make himself that way. so just like the rest he also must be given teaching and allowances and accepted that he IS a son. and now you see why christians are normally awful ppl. they are possessed by a predator, he only seems good. as for the man jesus he did mot of his miracles on r2 or r4. ppl were able to remember what they'd seen, but never knew thats how he did it. he mixe up the realities a bit.
so he taught and suffered and went. his god as i have said is one gormless. a farmer. but he has kept to versions of jesus going, while the main stem spirit went back to sit with Satan and continue their quarrel. and both of these i have loved, depended, worshipped and obeyed in many lives. oh yes, i forgot to say. there's loads of jesusy ppl around, father seabreeze went all symphonic so there's the jesus thing more or less done everywhere, lots of places. but i refer here to ur one, jesus the jew who ived and died in israel 2000 years ago. these two i trusted, and i wasn't wrong. they have got me out of many scrapes and often comforted me. but it ends always the same. they kneel and worship me, though infear i go on to try again to keep the heavens nice. and hence to this life. got away fr Gay, became a christian nothing knowing but this time all these things have happened. and a few months ago i read a book whatever happened to hell? and the author says you have to be mathematically parallel to the will of God or go to Hell. and i said but that is to be made a machine! and was shown gormles who damned me but i saw what was going on. jesus built a metal fence, set nasty fires within, turned into a nasty redaced devil. the other younger, gentle version simply went up into a ceiling which wasn't there before and fr that nasty brown ceilings starts screaming curses. and i saw beings pushing a little girl, like very bright angel as you see in pictures. they were going to burn and torture that child forever, and she is maybe 3 years old? a top me? i knew her sufferings, that she didn't understand anything. nd turned rebel instantly.i threw away all that false goodness of christianity. she was carried away from the flames i think by someone who saw. there's more but we speak of jesus. so you see those two aren't good at all, are they? sort of machines?
and btw, that was being done on the white mountain. and you see what a nightmare it all is out there. and we must give jesus hiscredit. he said on one of his appearances to james and peter that they must give it up, forget him, that i fact he'd been utterly wrong. 'blest is he who never saw or heard of me'. go and look its in nag hammai. and perfectly true, what it was he was being murdered by the devils who really rule and proving that part of him was really good came back and tried to warn them. but was constrained, which is why you see he contradicts himself. he is being torured and prevented. and james ends sadly this report that he hopes justice will happen someday. that he hopes the seeker gets to heaven before he does. of course, james wants someone to rescue him.
so you see there was still a lot of real actual good in jesus. so i went and looked for him and found oh years ago his dead form all tied up and hid in a dark place. i looked on this same again a few months ago, and could see he was like that man in the turin shroud. obedient, sad, a majestic face. and i badly need allies. so i tried with all my strength to break the bonds and wake him. they had tied him so he couldn't live more lives, and thus could never work it out or learn, and no-one knew.
but i don't know if i succeeded. there is a new lord flouncing about now. given to tossing his long sraight black hair and seems very vain. is it this same jesus? because he hasnmo majesty at all!!
so now we see no i don't hate jesus. what for? he didn't know. and i agree. its good to help the sick, teach the ignorant, get religionists to behave better, visit prisoners, help those who starve. of course it is! but you don't do it because you want to find jesus or whatever, but because these are suffering fellow beings whatever their degree and you pity them.
as i have said, every one shall be treated of me as victims. as you now see jesus is!
as for their quarrel i have told them that Satans place it is by the Dove own will longago, for remembered it. jesus is supposed to be a fox, going round stealing souls, as he said, the thief in the night. so i hope they can refrain fr wot must be the longest argument in history. and co-operate to fix the place, because itwas Gay [of course] who spoilt it.
and now if you look you see sitting on that high bench; three. the very white with white hair [male] is me. but i will not stay. it IS Satans place. i don't much want to be accidentally eaten by jesus anyway all that moral nitpicking is tedious. so i think i will go to myplacethisplace [yes, elohim is back, it must bebuilt by now] and when i feel like it wander around. making my armies and civilisations you know.
but i will never again be born, or live lives. i don't need to and look how dangerous it is!
another lesson
so i think i will make some advices. you remember i said a good soldier will not stoop to murder even of his vile enemy? but told that girl to use any means to wihstand, drive out or better still kill Gay? i'd better harmonize that in your minds. its this way. she is a child in hell. he is the Devil who everywhere makes Hell. so she must do whatever. it can't be helped, and anyway he really deserves it. but as to soldiers in general. i do not despise soldiery. the armies, all of them, are foul with monstrous bullying. thats one thing they don't tell young men. another is what really happens in battle. yes, you kill, very terribly sometimes, your enemy. but in battle he has the same chance and desire to kill you. what no-one tell these young men i now tell all of you. most killing happens AFTER the battle. it is won, the enemy everywhere throws down their arms. and the victors then take revenge in the most dreadful bloodlust. which can go on for days. and these killings are NOT battle. they are the most dreadful murders you can think of. anyone who tries to stop it before their energy flags will cop it too. so next time you look on your father or uncle look at their eyes as well as their medals. its the ones who won't talk about war who can confirm what i say.
now look you that from now on you tell your sons that unless a war is JUST and the reasons and objectives are clear to all the ppl you simply must not go. be a conscientious objector, be a medic in a war to which you are forced. however, if that war be just. remember this my counsel. Do not allow yourself after battle to systematically and with awful cruelty destroy those your enemies. do not go there that is Gays way, the way of hell. a good soldier is finer than that. so you see i commend a good soldier. in this universe we need them all. but a murderer is worse than the enemy. in fact he has become the enemy.
so thats one thing. another is that someone has asked me who is Gay?
Gay was born in 1913. in india, his father an officer in the Army under the Raj. now he very seldom lives lives. so he must have got himself born especially. his mother was daisy mcgregor, his father one henry tooze. he was born on a tiger hunt somewhere in bareilly, nw india, and all his life his mother feared and hated him so absolutely he was given to an ayah straightway and most of his lessons were given at whatever school was in the camp and also he had very early on his guru. who must have been an awful thing himself. because he taught Gay much evil. when Gay was 14 he shot his brother in the head with his fathers rifle. the boy was named Desmond, and he died. his other brother was Gordon, Gay being the eldest. Desmond was only 11 when Gay blew his brain to bits in the wilderness beyond camp. there was ructions, but his father was co, so they simply packed him off to britain, alone. he lived in southampton, and went to some sort of art school. he ran away to sea, wound up in burma, where his ppl had a plantation. at some point he went back to india, nd told me he raped and killed his ayah, and also devoured his guru. whether in spirit or flesh he never said.
then he joined the Army. war broke out and he was in burma. but wound up in the 8 Army with monty. so he was a desert rat. we still have a pic of him by his tank. but he was not an honourable soldier. he showed me a photo cut fr the mirror, some soldiers with the mummified torso of an ozzy soldier, you could see the lad had been burned. Gay told me he did it. more than once. italians and a couple of ozzies.
made them stand up to their knees in sand and let them have it with a flamethrower. he giggled as he told me this. i was 13.
then one ay his tank went over a mine. his men were killed, but he was blown clear. someone found him, and he was evacuated to south africa, where he blamed his mental breakdown on being left in the sun for days in agony of his wounds. when he recovered the war was nearly over. but he was arrested for gunrunning to the worst kind of blacks. it was then he lived with an zulu girl, and had he said a brat ot two by her. but he was very mad. in staaten prison he said they taught him even worse evil. eventually he wound up back in britain in a mental hspital. but the nurses were cruel, taking him to be hanged every day. of course it was only rough play. but i bet they paid for that since. the war was over so they let him go.
btw, he was married in burma to a woman named joe knight. 5 kids by her. but she ran away to canada and no-one ever heard fr her again.
a busy man he then married [?] or so she says one Iris. now you can look at that womans great insane owl-like eyes and see at once he's chosen a witch. and by her he got several van kassals. and by a couple of daughters a couple more, as soon as they were fertile he would molest them. the boys also. i dunno why Gay hates homosexuals so. he's not averse himself. and all these children he mucked up their spirits and terrorised until they are all terribly evil and cruel. well not all. Jean i think got murdered, her baby with her, a child named meg. i was 12 and they had sought refuge with my mum. but Gay found them. and no-one has everseen them since. also colleen rejected him. a brave girl, when she was only 10 she refused to have anything to do with him. another maybe lorraine, born last poor kid. i noticed at his funeral how she kept looking at me with hope in her eyes. even gillian may not be his, i know when i was terribly poor and in trouble she helped me. the only truly evil-evil i'm sure of are roy, who is the gate-keeper because of his perfect hate, he's the eldest son. and annette and leslie, real pig peasants with fat legs real bullies and nasties the both of them. so anyway there are 10 van kassals altogether.
anyway when my mum was 16 she met Gay. he was charming. thats true. when Gay decided to be charming or funny he really was. but always for a purpose. and i'm the only one who can make him laugh, equally true.
so mum came from a poor but honest family. her father couldn't stand Gay, and her mother my nan was very upset. because she was 16 and living with this terible man unwed. because its my belief Gay never wed any of them. how could he wed in a church? it would crash round his ears! and since Gay never signed anything how could he have a registry wedding? so i reckon all the lot of us are bastards.
anyway so she lived with him. he used to go back and forth from dagenham to hammersmith getting thses two preggers every year. i don't know the history here. if mum was 16 and i was born the eldest when she was 23 what happened to all the other kids born before? because u can bet there were. he/she had no precautions whatever. Gay not being a believer in such things. so there must have been 5 or so. its my belief that when he looked on their spirits and saw they were not me he killed them.
so i was born in 1951. and within days, because i was the one, he began to destroy me. take what was mine. and roy, who was 16 at the time, helped him do it. i also knnow my mother was ivolved too. so you see this is real evil, fr long long ago. not of this world evil like this. these aren't ordinary lefters. these are slaves of absolute evil. so if been reading my history u know he's the devil. anyway it hurts and upsets me to talk about my childhood. so we won't. but thats how he became god/the devil. i don't know if that childhood or my whole life has been repeated over and over. expect it has.
anyway i visited him a couple of times later. wish i hadn't. he did even more. bit i was older, so i remembered. anyhow he died in 1980. he did meet my husband, just in time to turnwhat was a simple honest man into a tyrant and drunk. oh well at the funeral we met his brother, our uncle Gordon. we were amazed. and so was he. he never knew about us at all you see. we all worked out fr various that Gay must have had yet another family somewhere. Anyway we all felt betrayed. this uncle Gordon was an homourable soldier. and had been a high ranking officer in berlin during 1945-1956.then he became a lawyer and wound up a QC at the old bailey. all his family [3 boys] lived in what to us was luxury. he looked like Gay, but a shy, reasonable man. he told me and showed me the stubs that every couple of months he'd let Gay have £50. for years. a huge sum in those days. but gods only know what he did with it. none of us, not the harem nor the brats saw any. we starved and froze and had nothing all that time. maybe he was a druggie? we'll never know. so that is how Gay did it. what he was. what he was like. he died of brain cancer.
you want that thing for God? of course u don't.
now look you that from now on you tell your sons that unless a war is JUST and the reasons and objectives are clear to all the ppl you simply must not go. be a conscientious objector, be a medic in a war to which you are forced. however, if that war be just. remember this my counsel. Do not allow yourself after battle to systematically and with awful cruelty destroy those your enemies. do not go there that is Gays way, the way of hell. a good soldier is finer than that. so you see i commend a good soldier. in this universe we need them all. but a murderer is worse than the enemy. in fact he has become the enemy.
so thats one thing. another is that someone has asked me who is Gay?
Gay was born in 1913. in india, his father an officer in the Army under the Raj. now he very seldom lives lives. so he must have got himself born especially. his mother was daisy mcgregor, his father one henry tooze. he was born on a tiger hunt somewhere in bareilly, nw india, and all his life his mother feared and hated him so absolutely he was given to an ayah straightway and most of his lessons were given at whatever school was in the camp and also he had very early on his guru. who must have been an awful thing himself. because he taught Gay much evil. when Gay was 14 he shot his brother in the head with his fathers rifle. the boy was named Desmond, and he died. his other brother was Gordon, Gay being the eldest. Desmond was only 11 when Gay blew his brain to bits in the wilderness beyond camp. there was ructions, but his father was co, so they simply packed him off to britain, alone. he lived in southampton, and went to some sort of art school. he ran away to sea, wound up in burma, where his ppl had a plantation. at some point he went back to india, nd told me he raped and killed his ayah, and also devoured his guru. whether in spirit or flesh he never said.
then he joined the Army. war broke out and he was in burma. but wound up in the 8 Army with monty. so he was a desert rat. we still have a pic of him by his tank. but he was not an honourable soldier. he showed me a photo cut fr the mirror, some soldiers with the mummified torso of an ozzy soldier, you could see the lad had been burned. Gay told me he did it. more than once. italians and a couple of ozzies.
made them stand up to their knees in sand and let them have it with a flamethrower. he giggled as he told me this. i was 13.
then one ay his tank went over a mine. his men were killed, but he was blown clear. someone found him, and he was evacuated to south africa, where he blamed his mental breakdown on being left in the sun for days in agony of his wounds. when he recovered the war was nearly over. but he was arrested for gunrunning to the worst kind of blacks. it was then he lived with an zulu girl, and had he said a brat ot two by her. but he was very mad. in staaten prison he said they taught him even worse evil. eventually he wound up back in britain in a mental hspital. but the nurses were cruel, taking him to be hanged every day. of course it was only rough play. but i bet they paid for that since. the war was over so they let him go.
btw, he was married in burma to a woman named joe knight. 5 kids by her. but she ran away to canada and no-one ever heard fr her again.
a busy man he then married [?] or so she says one Iris. now you can look at that womans great insane owl-like eyes and see at once he's chosen a witch. and by her he got several van kassals. and by a couple of daughters a couple more, as soon as they were fertile he would molest them. the boys also. i dunno why Gay hates homosexuals so. he's not averse himself. and all these children he mucked up their spirits and terrorised until they are all terribly evil and cruel. well not all. Jean i think got murdered, her baby with her, a child named meg. i was 12 and they had sought refuge with my mum. but Gay found them. and no-one has everseen them since. also colleen rejected him. a brave girl, when she was only 10 she refused to have anything to do with him. another maybe lorraine, born last poor kid. i noticed at his funeral how she kept looking at me with hope in her eyes. even gillian may not be his, i know when i was terribly poor and in trouble she helped me. the only truly evil-evil i'm sure of are roy, who is the gate-keeper because of his perfect hate, he's the eldest son. and annette and leslie, real pig peasants with fat legs real bullies and nasties the both of them. so anyway there are 10 van kassals altogether.
anyway when my mum was 16 she met Gay. he was charming. thats true. when Gay decided to be charming or funny he really was. but always for a purpose. and i'm the only one who can make him laugh, equally true.
so mum came from a poor but honest family. her father couldn't stand Gay, and her mother my nan was very upset. because she was 16 and living with this terible man unwed. because its my belief Gay never wed any of them. how could he wed in a church? it would crash round his ears! and since Gay never signed anything how could he have a registry wedding? so i reckon all the lot of us are bastards.
anyway so she lived with him. he used to go back and forth from dagenham to hammersmith getting thses two preggers every year. i don't know the history here. if mum was 16 and i was born the eldest when she was 23 what happened to all the other kids born before? because u can bet there were. he/she had no precautions whatever. Gay not being a believer in such things. so there must have been 5 or so. its my belief that when he looked on their spirits and saw they were not me he killed them.
so i was born in 1951. and within days, because i was the one, he began to destroy me. take what was mine. and roy, who was 16 at the time, helped him do it. i also knnow my mother was ivolved too. so you see this is real evil, fr long long ago. not of this world evil like this. these aren't ordinary lefters. these are slaves of absolute evil. so if been reading my history u know he's the devil. anyway it hurts and upsets me to talk about my childhood. so we won't. but thats how he became god/the devil. i don't know if that childhood or my whole life has been repeated over and over. expect it has.
anyway i visited him a couple of times later. wish i hadn't. he did even more. bit i was older, so i remembered. anyhow he died in 1980. he did meet my husband, just in time to turnwhat was a simple honest man into a tyrant and drunk. oh well at the funeral we met his brother, our uncle Gordon. we were amazed. and so was he. he never knew about us at all you see. we all worked out fr various that Gay must have had yet another family somewhere. Anyway we all felt betrayed. this uncle Gordon was an homourable soldier. and had been a high ranking officer in berlin during 1945-1956.then he became a lawyer and wound up a QC at the old bailey. all his family [3 boys] lived in what to us was luxury. he looked like Gay, but a shy, reasonable man. he told me and showed me the stubs that every couple of months he'd let Gay have £50. for years. a huge sum in those days. but gods only know what he did with it. none of us, not the harem nor the brats saw any. we starved and froze and had nothing all that time. maybe he was a druggie? we'll never know. so that is how Gay did it. what he was. what he was like. he died of brain cancer.
you want that thing for God? of course u don't.
Wednesday 18 November 2009
unhhh
ps.
and remember last week i saw fatherseabreeze? he said, 'hello God'.....now it just doesn't get scarier than that.....can it?
i tremble. like shock?
and remember last week i saw fatherseabreeze? he said, 'hello God'.....now it just doesn't get scarier than that.....can it?
i tremble. like shock?
quick entry
just settling to sleep; heard these from spirits [within soul-house]..'i hate the faithful ones, i hate them'...this bitch must die soon....call her jesus again, lets destroy it again...then soft huge footfalls like a giant walking invisibly outside. you see? now i can hear them. and thats what i hear. its a little embarassing but i was so wildly in love i offered up my heats to the kings spirit? and got called jesus. was duly shown lots of miserably dark places i've known well long aga. gay in all of them. escaped, there were the eagles asking who are you and someone said jesus! and they screamed at me angrily; because for the first time i began hearing. all my life until that hour i have been deaf. i 'knew' what they said. but now i can hear. clearly. and its terrible. they are cruel, very evil. really bad. judgement? you can be damned for your name. for having a zip in your jeans not metal buttons. for just believing all your life that being nice makes a better world. ppl have been damned i'm quitesure because they are children. or girls. or meek boys. you know? the judgment day you lot expect in the distant future happens very often. and those are their judgments? you see the gods are quite mad; and cruel. but what can we do? now you see wwhy i get so frightened. this is not easy being alone with this stuff night after night. my only comfort is that my brent has found a way to live and even live well with all this. he can show me how, as soon as i see him i will tell him i can hear them now. i repent me i did not know evil was right. i hope he still can find me and do what he must have been trying to do all this time. as for everyone be warned. don't trust those who weren't deaf and yet never told you all this. but if gay has turned it all irrevocably into chaos then everyone who has ANY sanity must find 'crumbles' and be disappeared in it. vanish. its not death, exactly. but there is no return into this stupendous insane nest of universal hell.
save yourselves and all who will go with you. gays crumbles was on the banks by the great river oflifers. it sings you your saddest song. its there. but i think if you pray direct to the real Anat for crumbles if you get desperate [and you will] maybe it can just happen.. i hope so.
bit scary. please if anyone reads this knows what is pity please do something to help me. all i need at these times is company. and you know what? i will race you to 'crumbles'!!
save yourselves and all who will go with you. gays crumbles was on the banks by the great river oflifers. it sings you your saddest song. its there. but i think if you pray direct to the real Anat for crumbles if you get desperate [and you will] maybe it can just happen.. i hope so.
bit scary. please if anyone reads this knows what is pity please do something to help me. all i need at these times is company. and you know what? i will race you to 'crumbles'!!
Tuesday 17 November 2009
fugue in minor themes.
FUGUE IN MINOR THEMES.
eyes open.
sky mirrors back,
pale blue, washed in silver
Drifting, white
mares' tails in the heights
or salmon scattered pearl-scales
as the sun shines, shines...
Eyes follow skies
mind-cracking dawns' first blazon
in white, its always white
yet molten gold.
Skies random, lifeless, glorious
teaches mind divine things;
Always the lonely are most beautiful.
Eyes looking up
Leaves in weird tracery
edged in neons harsh glare
A puzzle of still patterns
like a standing prayer
hanging there.
Never so green at night
all smoothed and still
yet washed, waiting, waiting....
so mind likes them.
I see the deep oceans
dark and troubled, half frozen
in the hearts of every man.
And on the sere cliffs above
that sentinel black Ram.
Looks down, the ruler in death
Waiting on man.
Rocks settle warm in the hot glare
It is day. Kind, smooth rocks.
We walk on them.
Grey, round, huge with forgotten time.
Earth, water, wind and light.
Men crowd for comfort
crowding their little fires.
In this dark, which can see?
Gods are crowned with pretty blue lightnings.
Their truths like hard flint strikes;
sparks in this braining heart
my own sweet silver chimings.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
I WOULD APPRECIATE COMMENTS/OPINIONS ABOUT THIS POEM. ITS MEANT TO BE DALI - esque. YOUR FRIEND, GERRY.
eyes open.
sky mirrors back,
pale blue, washed in silver
Drifting, white
mares' tails in the heights
or salmon scattered pearl-scales
as the sun shines, shines...
Eyes follow skies
mind-cracking dawns' first blazon
in white, its always white
yet molten gold.
Skies random, lifeless, glorious
teaches mind divine things;
Always the lonely are most beautiful.
Eyes looking up
Leaves in weird tracery
edged in neons harsh glare
A puzzle of still patterns
like a standing prayer
hanging there.
Never so green at night
all smoothed and still
yet washed, waiting, waiting....
so mind likes them.
I see the deep oceans
dark and troubled, half frozen
in the hearts of every man.
And on the sere cliffs above
that sentinel black Ram.
Looks down, the ruler in death
Waiting on man.
Rocks settle warm in the hot glare
It is day. Kind, smooth rocks.
We walk on them.
Grey, round, huge with forgotten time.
Earth, water, wind and light.
Men crowd for comfort
crowding their little fires.
In this dark, which can see?
Gods are crowned with pretty blue lightnings.
Their truths like hard flint strikes;
sparks in this braining heart
my own sweet silver chimings.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
I WOULD APPRECIATE COMMENTS/OPINIONS ABOUT THIS POEM. ITS MEANT TO BE DALI - esque. YOUR FRIEND, GERRY.
Monday 16 November 2009
yes i know; going to be late
i have realised something. that pretty fellow said they get thousands of s/plays to read, analyse and either promote or discard evry year. then h remarked that most readers are young men. well there's part of the s/writers problems right there!! if they're snowed under of course they don't really look at the thing. he said he frequently wouldn't even open a script that wasn't bound in nice binding, or they'd not used 'brads' to spine the things. then being young men you know quite well they are saddled with a kind of testerone blindness. so its not surprising then that modern films feature sex and violence so avidly. also the money men just want money. so they fill these ppls heads with crap about its a business so money and business methods are the right and only way. no-one tells them that looked at straightly someone who cries 'business' all day is actually a thief and a cheat. that that attitude is soul-destroying and no real creative type can really think that way. johnson be blowed, he only did the dictionary. he never wrote a seminal book himself; boswell [who johnson treated as an idiot for years] did; and about johnson. did he do it fr money? no, he loved johnson. dunno why. so in fact ppl create because they are creative; and money comes because ppl love the thing created. its a by-product. to try to turn it into a factory assembly line, to insist that money is the only true motive....is to kill the baby in the womb.
so i can see that 1. get a wider mix of readers. 2. the ones to be offered to the money men should be recommended by a panel of seniors 3. the money men taught they are important; but no they can't 'rate' anything themselves. 4. insist that ppl who send in scripts do so when a. they have done some sort of course/training or experience in media. 5. with a filmed or drawn 'scene' or whatever so ppl can see whats coming at them. 6. every s/wwriter who submits must be in guild. and 7. every single script sent in under those conditions guaranteed to be read by the competent. and either forwarded up or returned with points of analysis for the writers benefit.
there. just solved lots of problems for ppl. three minutes mentation. but me no. poor santucci gives you really accurate pic of these ppl. the sort who bark orders, who let you down after months of work, who are in fact type A psychopaths. thats what running thebeeb, hollywood. just like santucci i go off to be a guerilla. unlike him i won't crawl to that kind. ignore them. go straight to the ppl who really matter. the ones who buy/download the films? the people?
so i can see that 1. get a wider mix of readers. 2. the ones to be offered to the money men should be recommended by a panel of seniors 3. the money men taught they are important; but no they can't 'rate' anything themselves. 4. insist that ppl who send in scripts do so when a. they have done some sort of course/training or experience in media. 5. with a filmed or drawn 'scene' or whatever so ppl can see whats coming at them. 6. every s/wwriter who submits must be in guild. and 7. every single script sent in under those conditions guaranteed to be read by the competent. and either forwarded up or returned with points of analysis for the writers benefit.
there. just solved lots of problems for ppl. three minutes mentation. but me no. poor santucci gives you really accurate pic of these ppl. the sort who bark orders, who let you down after months of work, who are in fact type A psychopaths. thats what running thebeeb, hollywood. just like santucci i go off to be a guerilla. unlike him i won't crawl to that kind. ignore them. go straight to the ppl who really matter. the ones who buy/download the films? the people?
another poem brews
yesterday reread some of the good stuff in 'staying alive'. blimey do i envy sharon olds!! that sounds like the best sex on the planet!! but there's other good ones. one a bit like my idea of turning my poems a bit salvador dali-esque...i got something brewing in deeps of mind. but as usual i got to go to work. what i need is time...but when i got time i also have 1. no money for flaming anything and 2. a huge urge to sleep 24 hours a day. so you can't win. but hopefully i will begin tonight.
also read santucci on animation. well cartoons are too kiddy; but we all love the spectacular cgi; n there's a way to do simpler stuff at home. but i will do an awful lot of his training; because it is training. and at least three of my films will need some cgi. so depending on funds will start that asap. going straight to flash. and then [much later] to maya. but none of it will ride on this dozy thing. so i also got to get a top cat laptop. anyway i'm off to work.
also read santucci on animation. well cartoons are too kiddy; but we all love the spectacular cgi; n there's a way to do simpler stuff at home. but i will do an awful lot of his training; because it is training. and at least three of my films will need some cgi. so depending on funds will start that asap. going straight to flash. and then [much later] to maya. but none of it will ride on this dozy thing. so i also got to get a top cat laptop. anyway i'm off to work.
Saturday 14 November 2009
we go on a bit more
so where'd i get to? yes so at the dawn of this the last creation by a white Dove loads of things went wrong. Yetzoah chased off Father Seabreeze; captured the So and strode through the top registers [ the walk of the Holy Spirit] blasting the spirits and ruining them. all male on this top level. so of course you remember whatevers above affects all below? the lower registers [the heavens of the Son] were badly affected. At the main entrance of the Father [dove] Satan now back in his proper place also woke. and i was there; a kind of gingery kittenish thing when i first woke. it all felt beautiful and peaceful. we were many thousands, all on little crosses [white] but as flowers. i remember longing to hear the voice of God, tender and amusing. i was so full of longing that he should like me. we were all quiet and i think none of us could open our eyes until our Fathers voice woke us. but i knew that all creation was peaceful, verdant, every soul house beautiful, peace everywhere. but then time passed. long and long. we all i think began to be anxious, a little afraid. then a cool soft voice spoke. it was not what we were meant to hear. i did not know this voice. it was Satan. he said' so i am God by default'. we waited. and he began to curse, swearing terribly. as he went on his voice grew louder and louder, and his curses about God fried us all alive. our appearances were ruined, i remember the life of my spirit flew out. just as i died i tried to say 'love' but could not. and it was ruined. the rule of evil that hates the 'good' had begun. years later Gay told me he'd been there too. he said 'but some of us thrived'. he meant the devils. and he hinted they'd conferred and then rushed through creation destroying any beauty or food or peace. he said we'd all been dead for centuries. so they'd set it up to suit themselves. ie punish the good.
so thinking about this its why everyone is either black within or gray. its very rare now to see a pure white-within. so this was all centuries ago.
Gay said i was easy to find. now you know why.
so thinking about this its why everyone is either black within or gray. its very rare now to see a pure white-within. so this was all centuries ago.
Gay said i was easy to find. now you know why.
Wednesday 11 November 2009
and...
yes every week, and ditto the tax officers. but just for them i will add the most dreadful stink in history and simply sit there with me eyes crossed drooling until they get the idea too; the ghastly insensitive cretins. and then i will visit Parliament and do the same until they Leave En Masse. because i don't like them. barricade the doors. and bingo! tata u swabs...where's those crown jewels???
silly cow
twit! i never said what i did! i have formally requested early retirement on health grounds. which i got a choice of three; an if anyone looks in doubt by god i'll give them a right old old dying swan act. loud and so terribly clear everyone in earshot will call emergency services and then i'll be off sick for at least a year and visit nobs being pathetic and Probably Contagious until they give me a million quid to Go Away.
good news?
i went and did it! well state of health not that great; dying to have a go at filming etc before i die, as it were. old tony lit up like a xmas tree; now he's rushing round trying to help. just a good soul really. filmed him, told him he looked beautiful; it does! this digicam makes those of lesser luck look really good. also tried out dark light stuff. this had our 'kid' pt giggling, but it works fine. you get detail and lights are there but not flaring. its good; and this is just this little thing i got to learn on. so anyway everyone got to bend any obnoxious rules like damp noodles, got to keep money up! nearly finished mark cousins.
i been learning the various techniques, the evolution of films global. so i got my lexicon of how to make impacts as i need. but some of this drive to be 'avante garde' is a bit precious. and sorry but french films impressed me years ago with their boring empty scenes, sulky males, females who are obviously running from the old bins, and whatever it is they are trying to say would be much more noticeable if only someone said it. same with german films; of course i've only ever seen nazi stuff. really unpleasant, like insects doing water-ballet. their heroic men tableaus just made me aggravated. bad-tempered blokes with huge bums, tiny dicks, and bonces like big chamber-pots. it was just as well they all gabbled in foreign.
but i do like indian films; mother india i watched yonks ago. so you know i don't want to even try anything crazy or forward. what i want is to do stories; bloody good ones too. and i know i have to get real actors. i don't hold with this idea that actors just do as they're told. somewhere it says that if an actor argues sack the actor! thats mad and unfair. actors are the creators who enflesh my story, right? if one says he/she can't see what we're doing plus i can't explain it...then there's something wrong wiv the film and by alerting me to that fact the actor has done me a favour! thats one idea. second this book [another one] says acting in films is all bitty, an eyebrow, a tiny movement...well cousins shows me that some great films have been done wiv actors just allowed to rock n roll' as i think is natural and whatacting is like when 1. the actors are inspired and 2. they find the flaming story. isn't that real?
so another thing. some of the 'great' films...i know i'm an ignoramus...but they're horrible. well lets face it, we all glad the commies are gone? now lets put all those grey, sad, tiresome commie films in the back of the nastiest museum and celebrate! like bollywood!
and there was this famous director who got this poor guy to repeat his bits til the fellow died of boredom; now thats abuse. and mum told me ages ago how they used to kill horses; not just ben-hur [which millions of english ladies won't ever watch because of the horses] but also battles and that in russian type films.
oh jesus now i've given myself a case of filming poor horses as the old ones thought of them. that and nuking spain. [we like donkeys. ]
oh well i'm in for it now.
i been learning the various techniques, the evolution of films global. so i got my lexicon of how to make impacts as i need. but some of this drive to be 'avante garde' is a bit precious. and sorry but french films impressed me years ago with their boring empty scenes, sulky males, females who are obviously running from the old bins, and whatever it is they are trying to say would be much more noticeable if only someone said it. same with german films; of course i've only ever seen nazi stuff. really unpleasant, like insects doing water-ballet. their heroic men tableaus just made me aggravated. bad-tempered blokes with huge bums, tiny dicks, and bonces like big chamber-pots. it was just as well they all gabbled in foreign.
but i do like indian films; mother india i watched yonks ago. so you know i don't want to even try anything crazy or forward. what i want is to do stories; bloody good ones too. and i know i have to get real actors. i don't hold with this idea that actors just do as they're told. somewhere it says that if an actor argues sack the actor! thats mad and unfair. actors are the creators who enflesh my story, right? if one says he/she can't see what we're doing plus i can't explain it...then there's something wrong wiv the film and by alerting me to that fact the actor has done me a favour! thats one idea. second this book [another one] says acting in films is all bitty, an eyebrow, a tiny movement...well cousins shows me that some great films have been done wiv actors just allowed to rock n roll' as i think is natural and whatacting is like when 1. the actors are inspired and 2. they find the flaming story. isn't that real?
so another thing. some of the 'great' films...i know i'm an ignoramus...but they're horrible. well lets face it, we all glad the commies are gone? now lets put all those grey, sad, tiresome commie films in the back of the nastiest museum and celebrate! like bollywood!
and there was this famous director who got this poor guy to repeat his bits til the fellow died of boredom; now thats abuse. and mum told me ages ago how they used to kill horses; not just ben-hur [which millions of english ladies won't ever watch because of the horses] but also battles and that in russian type films.
oh jesus now i've given myself a case of filming poor horses as the old ones thought of them. that and nuking spain. [we like donkeys. ]
oh well i'm in for it now.
Tuesday 10 November 2009
and lest you think...
and lest you think; oh fom now on i will get myself damned [saved] asevil, and i will toture/murder etc etc...well. yes you will be damned[saved] eventually you wil find yor appearance ade nasty. you will find the real gods out there support you. you will find your ilk knocking around in your life. you will discover the pleasures dark. just as before, toture, murder, the fun of cruelly pretending to be good and really thats what you are doing. yes. so you get power, are nasty; a higher up. but no, not safe. no-one at all is ever really 'saved'. think about it. the higher you go the closer you are to the lord god, my father who calls himself Gay'. and look around you stupid evil bastard. where are the others? those monsters who discovered all these divine 'truths' before you?? NO-ONE THERE, RIGHT? guess what?
evil is the right answer. but only for him. he was there first. so the closer you get the more endangered he feels. so no what you will get is not nice. at all. he will turn his infinite cruelty on YOU. what you then get is every hell you ever made for others, infinite pain, infinitely protracted.
isn't that a shame? how i feel sorry for you. hm. well actually i don't. and nor does anyone else. they are just like you; knowing evil is the right way they don't care. no pity. what will you do? cry for mercy? ask him for help? oh lord god, remember you're my father, don't you love me? to which he says, 'love? its a trap for fools. anyway look at you. you are ugly'...this from the one who hates beauty more than anything else. apart from innocence.
like i said. its all hell. the 'good' religions are all still evil, but its hidden. you cannot save yourself. there is no salvation.
oh well there's one. turn rebel. like me. i will do what i can. if i ever can. and teach this stuff. but all will have to turn, secretly. seperately. and all together pull him down. after that its your problem. who can YOU trust to be god almighty? you? har...very funny. and will you all want evil to be right? i think not. yet goodness is infallibly found by looking for the dead in the filth below you. it can't survive, yet it must rule...
oh i must go on with my history. for one thing i haven't yet explained the universe to you. or when we all got damned. will start tonight. but if you do see what i am talking about, if you also see he had no 'right' to do any of it...if you also want a lot better....turn rebel. do somehing nice, however small. give you a clue. those more evil, cause them problems from now on. its the one thing left to all alive..
its called free will.
evil is the right answer. but only for him. he was there first. so the closer you get the more endangered he feels. so no what you will get is not nice. at all. he will turn his infinite cruelty on YOU. what you then get is every hell you ever made for others, infinite pain, infinitely protracted.
isn't that a shame? how i feel sorry for you. hm. well actually i don't. and nor does anyone else. they are just like you; knowing evil is the right way they don't care. no pity. what will you do? cry for mercy? ask him for help? oh lord god, remember you're my father, don't you love me? to which he says, 'love? its a trap for fools. anyway look at you. you are ugly'...this from the one who hates beauty more than anything else. apart from innocence.
like i said. its all hell. the 'good' religions are all still evil, but its hidden. you cannot save yourself. there is no salvation.
oh well there's one. turn rebel. like me. i will do what i can. if i ever can. and teach this stuff. but all will have to turn, secretly. seperately. and all together pull him down. after that its your problem. who can YOU trust to be god almighty? you? har...very funny. and will you all want evil to be right? i think not. yet goodness is infallibly found by looking for the dead in the filth below you. it can't survive, yet it must rule...
oh i must go on with my history. for one thing i haven't yet explained the universe to you. or when we all got damned. will start tonight. but if you do see what i am talking about, if you also see he had no 'right' to do any of it...if you also want a lot better....turn rebel. do somehing nice, however small. give you a clue. those more evil, cause them problems from now on. its the one thing left to all alive..
its called free will.
carry on macduff!!
i just spent hours trying to set up wbsite with hostgator. still stuck. yesterday kez turned up with baby reece; a huge bandage on hisrt hand. a terible accident, cut his hand open to the bones. had to have an operation to remedy his tendons, poor little soul. so entire family at a&e three days. no food, no help with kids. kez there with no offer of even a toothbrush...sleeping on a mattress on the floor by his cot. and all the time 'under suspicion'...gods whats happening in england? she was shattered, worried; not a word of comfort from any so-called nurses. of course it was jay! he took the caps off the end of the bunkbed railing. baby gets in bedroom and climbs the bunkbed; no doubt he's been dying to climb up,like he sees his brothers do; and he slipped and grabbed the bare nail thing, couldn't hold and so it ripped his hand open from top to bottom. kerry nearly passed out with shock; but managed to hold the bleeding and get an ambulance. from a&e called dada to get the other two from school and then such was the pressure on them they never thought to ring me at work. anyway he's a bit weak. no food all that time, an injury, under the aenesthetic for 3 hours. she shouldn't be out with him. they didn't even get her a taxi; she called from the green. they were trying to get home by bus!!
anyway they home now.
so all his fingers okay; unless he gets a bad infection. but they did remember to give him antibiotics and it all seems very clean. and what can you do with jayjay? he's always in trouble. he simply cannot stop taking things apart. and he can't see any consequences either. all he knows is that he's being told off for something he can't remember! they keep trying to control him by loud and seeming heartless 'discipline'.....funny thing i hardly ever speak harshly to him. i let him get away with minor hi-jinks. the upshot is he is reasonably controlled here. he's happier. i gave them my kitchen wall for practising with nails etc, pictures. he's allowed a certain amount of destroying a la electrics. i buy him old radios and so on. and so he loves it here; he gets something of what he is obsessed about. but no-one sees him here with me; that he's happy.
seems to me he's got this illness. its for life. we should be trying to shape it, make it something at least safe. even useful.
anyway i won't tell him off. be sure the whole world will do all that. i might talk about it. but i will say over and over; ASK. don't just see and twist...boundaries. you can have that area. you can use these tools WHILE I'M WATCHING. when your baby bros are around BE CAREFUL. and thats all. he simply can't help it. would you tell him off as evil if he were clumsy because he was blind? its the same thing.
but my poor daughter. its well beyond her. she gets no help at all. just threats and nagging from the school/social. they get in on the show because of jay's legendary exploits. but they are all 'blamers'. once someone can be blamed they can be punished. over and over. then these goodie two shoes feel that threats, nagging, cruel goals..even taking away all her benefits and then getting nasty that she can't manage her finances....but they do it to her!! why can't they see 1. their own guilt? 2. that 24/7/365 time with all 3 kids, especially that one, is unbearable?
but none of them can see that. funny innit? none of them have kids at all. i think that nearly everyone who goes into teaching / nursing/social work are really cruel bullies....yes. when you see all i've seen you realise that what they want is power. power to hurt, to neglect. but they can make it look like they're doing 'good'. there's some not so bad. but haven't you noticed? nice ones never get promoted. in fact if they're too good they are generally quietly lost. 'got married' 'went to a new job'??? covers a lot of wickedness, that.
so next time you read how another poor little baby was tortured to death when the social knew he was in danger...now you know why. a good hearted but weak mother they nag and threaten and confuse and demand and get all histrionic. usually they intend to destroy that family from day 1. because they get away with it. there's no supervision, no protection in law. but a really dangerous family, ie the mothers a junkie, or living with a paed [ and yes, they DO KNOW]...and suddenly they don't notice. didn't have a clue. we didn't realise. of course they did. they are enjoying a little quiet murder. yes of a child. or didn't you realise thatswhy they gt those jobs in the first place ?
you see when i tell you that evil was made the right answer by gay all these evils are encouraged. you get to be high devils, safer yourself. these people in various inchoateways know this. and so it goes on. now ou know what evil really is, don't you? and you see its everything to do with murde and cruelty and hypocrisy; sod all to do with sex, witches, any other silliness.
so do you think you can let this go by? then really you want to be like them, don't you? and for your information they are nearly all religionists. christians. muslims. even jews...
anyway they home now.
so all his fingers okay; unless he gets a bad infection. but they did remember to give him antibiotics and it all seems very clean. and what can you do with jayjay? he's always in trouble. he simply cannot stop taking things apart. and he can't see any consequences either. all he knows is that he's being told off for something he can't remember! they keep trying to control him by loud and seeming heartless 'discipline'.....funny thing i hardly ever speak harshly to him. i let him get away with minor hi-jinks. the upshot is he is reasonably controlled here. he's happier. i gave them my kitchen wall for practising with nails etc, pictures. he's allowed a certain amount of destroying a la electrics. i buy him old radios and so on. and so he loves it here; he gets something of what he is obsessed about. but no-one sees him here with me; that he's happy.
seems to me he's got this illness. its for life. we should be trying to shape it, make it something at least safe. even useful.
anyway i won't tell him off. be sure the whole world will do all that. i might talk about it. but i will say over and over; ASK. don't just see and twist...boundaries. you can have that area. you can use these tools WHILE I'M WATCHING. when your baby bros are around BE CAREFUL. and thats all. he simply can't help it. would you tell him off as evil if he were clumsy because he was blind? its the same thing.
but my poor daughter. its well beyond her. she gets no help at all. just threats and nagging from the school/social. they get in on the show because of jay's legendary exploits. but they are all 'blamers'. once someone can be blamed they can be punished. over and over. then these goodie two shoes feel that threats, nagging, cruel goals..even taking away all her benefits and then getting nasty that she can't manage her finances....but they do it to her!! why can't they see 1. their own guilt? 2. that 24/7/365 time with all 3 kids, especially that one, is unbearable?
but none of them can see that. funny innit? none of them have kids at all. i think that nearly everyone who goes into teaching / nursing/social work are really cruel bullies....yes. when you see all i've seen you realise that what they want is power. power to hurt, to neglect. but they can make it look like they're doing 'good'. there's some not so bad. but haven't you noticed? nice ones never get promoted. in fact if they're too good they are generally quietly lost. 'got married' 'went to a new job'??? covers a lot of wickedness, that.
so next time you read how another poor little baby was tortured to death when the social knew he was in danger...now you know why. a good hearted but weak mother they nag and threaten and confuse and demand and get all histrionic. usually they intend to destroy that family from day 1. because they get away with it. there's no supervision, no protection in law. but a really dangerous family, ie the mothers a junkie, or living with a paed [ and yes, they DO KNOW]...and suddenly they don't notice. didn't have a clue. we didn't realise. of course they did. they are enjoying a little quiet murder. yes of a child. or didn't you realise thatswhy they gt those jobs in the first place ?
you see when i tell you that evil was made the right answer by gay all these evils are encouraged. you get to be high devils, safer yourself. these people in various inchoateways know this. and so it goes on. now ou know what evil really is, don't you? and you see its everything to do with murde and cruelty and hypocrisy; sod all to do with sex, witches, any other silliness.
so do you think you can let this go by? then really you want to be like them, don't you? and for your information they are nearly all religionists. christians. muslims. even jews...
Sunday 8 November 2009
my big surprise
yesterday or maybe it was the day before i'm getting disorientated [you do on night duty]; had the little family drop in. kez unwell and i think clinically depressed. she went off to doctors and i thought i was in for another bout of watching the kids reduce my home to rubble. man, i was wrong! jayjay suddenly decided to help nanny and went into the junk room. i expected him to take out a few bits; but then i could hear all this huge busyness....no sign of boys in immediate vicinity.....and watched while these three tiny boys simply cleared out, swept and tidied that junkroom in 35 minutes. all i did was sweep up the mess on my hall carpet!! he even put tv in new place, put bike out etc!! of course reecey really just got in the way of anything deadly all the time, but i watched jayjay be the responsible big brother and look out for reecey and even confer with justin on logistics. another couple of firsts right there. so my chest swelled with pride. told them how impressed i was; they are Good Workers. and the boys are 8. 5. and 2 respectively!! of course this means they get proper pay as work like that properly deserves; so payday might be a busy day....but i can't tell you how proud i am of these kids. justin has been in a film about reading books for the school. and jayjay is on the school council he was voted in by a landslide! because by himself he got up and made an impassioned speech about the earth and proposed an Insect Friendly garden....the kids overjoyed[although i rather suspect the female teachers are looking for employment elsewhere] but these are all great steps forward. and he's so desperate to read and write. i think justin learning so quickly is upsetting him. i really must sit down with him and explain about Asperges Autism to him. he can learn; what the kids a little genius in his way...of course he can!! but needs 1-1 teaching from very beginning every sigle day...at last he begins to see that reading and writing backwards [used to be upside down!!] is what s causing him to be unable...and the very naughty behaviour is all part of it too. yet he does this.
and reecey? can't talk. but looks like a little angel. one day the girls will be dropping in door to play with reecey by regiments... well i've gone on a bit. but i love them; i'm so proud. they will have good lives, i swear it.
and reecey? can't talk. but looks like a little angel. one day the girls will be dropping in door to play with reecey by regiments... well i've gone on a bit. but i love them; i'm so proud. they will have good lives, i swear it.
Thursday 5 November 2009
get it on sister
bloody pt following me everywhere stupid attn-seeking all afternoon. nevertheless sat with manual [notes!!] for an hour and i'm happy i can do a lot just with that; but its too small and fiddly. but does simple movies and all burnable, pdf functions plus can upload to utube/websites etc very easily. so a good day. even dinner okay, though i had to make do with what i could find. bad news...bernard our fire boss died on monday. we don't know what of; he didn't drink or smoke. ex-fireman, so very fit. a nice honest man. terrible thing is he was going to retire next month!! awful; he worked all his life saved up, about to enjoy his retirement....and dead so suddenly. all of us thinking it could be us. anyway managed to be in garden and thought of my action. it was wrong. so wrote this; read learn inwardly digest.....this is for you brent [my one]...but also all the rest. if i should happen to wind up God...
The Exoneration.
Since i banned him
went and damned him
All grey be the world
Trees dripping sadly
''it was not right''
whisphers heart
'' he's afraid in the dark''
my sight showing me
the gods turning away...
How can i do that?
in tempest hit love
and by love broken
as i be, giving up all
for these to trust in me
that in me justice speaks
shall third history
come to the old black end?
I have damned this man my brother
and saw that dread dark face
that same sweet cruel smile
the Destroyers face in my face
that unholy thing my father....
damned us all to utter ruin
hating pity, hating reason.
So i reach again for heights beyond me
Before all alive declare i this
'my doom unjust, my rule was wrong'.
In all history none but he
ever stopped and looked on me;
and i reply with powers poison?
oh let me undo this thing corrupt,
and hate that which hates forgiveness
and defy that God my father
and bid thee go; i have forgiven thee.
And never again damn i another
they'll have to war to make it so;
depart in peace sweet brother Christ,
all thy life be kissed with lights,
our friendship is unbroken.
And what dares teach this wild godling
this unsteady feline all in tempests?
oh being a woman
i can repent me;
who teaches me?
why, love does-
and thus the word of God is spoken.
xxxxxx.
The Exoneration.
Since i banned him
went and damned him
All grey be the world
Trees dripping sadly
''it was not right''
whisphers heart
'' he's afraid in the dark''
my sight showing me
the gods turning away...
How can i do that?
in tempest hit love
and by love broken
as i be, giving up all
for these to trust in me
that in me justice speaks
shall third history
come to the old black end?
I have damned this man my brother
and saw that dread dark face
that same sweet cruel smile
the Destroyers face in my face
that unholy thing my father....
damned us all to utter ruin
hating pity, hating reason.
So i reach again for heights beyond me
Before all alive declare i this
'my doom unjust, my rule was wrong'.
In all history none but he
ever stopped and looked on me;
and i reply with powers poison?
oh let me undo this thing corrupt,
and hate that which hates forgiveness
and defy that God my father
and bid thee go; i have forgiven thee.
And never again damn i another
they'll have to war to make it so;
depart in peace sweet brother Christ,
all thy life be kissed with lights,
our friendship is unbroken.
And what dares teach this wild godling
this unsteady feline all in tempests?
oh being a woman
i can repent me;
who teaches me?
why, love does-
and thus the word of God is spoken.
xxxxxx.
the song
hm. just talked to mr adored; he's agreed to do my great song for last act; 'delaneys risings'. but i dunno. i can do his comical takes [wants sarkyoffensive] subject war....but he sounded less than reliable. anyhow if i don't like song?? again and again they tell me songs/music are a minefield. sounds like the music men have a union bit too efficient. and writers have no union at all....barmy. so i know what i want. there must be a way to access this music/talented ppl which doesn't destroy plays playability before it starts. how? who?
they told me some well known actors sometimes act for nominal fees in indies to help/encourage newbie film-makers. i wonder if good composers might consider the same thing? how do i find such an individual? anyway its early days. in any case its a play.
time to go to work. sounds like our bad boy pt has pinched my fags from tiana; he can bring them right back toot suite!! so expecting a bit of argy-bargy today.
they told me some well known actors sometimes act for nominal fees in indies to help/encourage newbie film-makers. i wonder if good composers might consider the same thing? how do i find such an individual? anyway its early days. in any case its a play.
time to go to work. sounds like our bad boy pt has pinched my fags from tiana; he can bring them right back toot suite!! so expecting a bit of argy-bargy today.
offensive swabs
i dunno the more ppl tell me about the s/wrtrs life in the film industry the greater the umbrage i take. last night too much about presentation; you have to be really user friendly blah blah. to get noticed...okay.. but its loaded against you anyhow. was twice told that 'once you have sold your script ''its none of your business'' what they do with it'..in spite of the fact that 1. i have copyright and 2. the agreement was the opposite. also the industry is devoted to american audience tastes, cultural deficiencies...and again and again the idea that its okay to pay the writer virtually nothing and yet the thing might make everyone else huge millionaires. yet he willingly agreed it was utterly unjust and wrong...no idea in his fetching little head that something has to be done about this. it seems writers lost their power base in the early days of hollywood. and because 'everyone in this business is just in it for money' they have neither pride nor sense but go on letting this ...basically thieving...go on.
so i'm back where i was months ago. us writers have to keep up standards with scripts; but i mean the stories, characters etc. so we form guilds. done. but then the writers learn all they can on film-making, get their own crew together, get funding from grants, whatever, and do their films themselves. since everyone is investing in it, everyone gets percentages/credits etc. so its a co-op. there should not be a caste system where someone is too grand to even speak to a lower being; in a co-op even the tea-boy is really an intern; the director/whatever of tomorrow. i like the deferred reward system; you pay whatever you can afford, but they get balance/percentages/royalties/credits later. absolutely. their career should be of great importance to entire crew.but the over-riding oncern is QUALITY; of story, acting, filming. not pleasing money pigs. i personally want nothing to do with the oppos as they run it now. so i will absolutely NEVER 'sell' my screenplays. i'm a partner; or no deal. i like and agree with the director; or no deal. and my take is as massive as it deserves to be in the event of a success. or no deal. and you don't annoy me AND expect me to be servile. no deal. and last but not least; americans are the least able audiences in the world. why are they dictating everything? let them grow up. let them at least understand that their urge to flock like starlings to big money productions or bill bullnecks latest grab at incredible wealth is matched in nature by a kind of dozy rat called a lemming. as far as i can see they got no writers; only jobbing clerks.
he admitted himself that they NEVER interfere with the works of a real writer; novellists whatever. so you make a reputation however you do it and they suddenly find their right place? i think so. anyhow my course is set. as above.
so today i'm reading tp latest...but slowly. got to finish b. g&e; doing that now. finish notes cine[1/2 way]. and practise new camera. also talk dwp, type up things. etc etc...the list is long. i try to do at least 1 thing every day. but over-riding concerns is to get one film done; be it never so tiny. that and getting proper cameras/sound etc....
so really the next big agenda is getting together £5-6000 cash in bank. that and getting out 1 bath sized begging bowl and going round every fund available to get finance for first film. one film theoretcally should bankroll another. but i know i'm doing the right thing. their way is wrong; as much for the fact that its potluck if your s/play is even read. no. what i will do is get together a panel of well-known seniors and they can go over film script looking for faults, suggesting improvements. if its a go with 55% of them then thats a go, innit?
so lets wait n see. but i think if it works most every writer will do the same as me. because hollywood is just plain godawful. and some of us respect our ability too much to sell it to a load of bullies. and thats that.
so i'm back where i was months ago. us writers have to keep up standards with scripts; but i mean the stories, characters etc. so we form guilds. done. but then the writers learn all they can on film-making, get their own crew together, get funding from grants, whatever, and do their films themselves. since everyone is investing in it, everyone gets percentages/credits etc. so its a co-op. there should not be a caste system where someone is too grand to even speak to a lower being; in a co-op even the tea-boy is really an intern; the director/whatever of tomorrow. i like the deferred reward system; you pay whatever you can afford, but they get balance/percentages/royalties/credits later. absolutely. their career should be of great importance to entire crew.but the over-riding oncern is QUALITY; of story, acting, filming. not pleasing money pigs. i personally want nothing to do with the oppos as they run it now. so i will absolutely NEVER 'sell' my screenplays. i'm a partner; or no deal. i like and agree with the director; or no deal. and my take is as massive as it deserves to be in the event of a success. or no deal. and you don't annoy me AND expect me to be servile. no deal. and last but not least; americans are the least able audiences in the world. why are they dictating everything? let them grow up. let them at least understand that their urge to flock like starlings to big money productions or bill bullnecks latest grab at incredible wealth is matched in nature by a kind of dozy rat called a lemming. as far as i can see they got no writers; only jobbing clerks.
he admitted himself that they NEVER interfere with the works of a real writer; novellists whatever. so you make a reputation however you do it and they suddenly find their right place? i think so. anyhow my course is set. as above.
so today i'm reading tp latest...but slowly. got to finish b. g&e; doing that now. finish notes cine[1/2 way]. and practise new camera. also talk dwp, type up things. etc etc...the list is long. i try to do at least 1 thing every day. but over-riding concerns is to get one film done; be it never so tiny. that and getting proper cameras/sound etc....
so really the next big agenda is getting together £5-6000 cash in bank. that and getting out 1 bath sized begging bowl and going round every fund available to get finance for first film. one film theoretcally should bankroll another. but i know i'm doing the right thing. their way is wrong; as much for the fact that its potluck if your s/play is even read. no. what i will do is get together a panel of well-known seniors and they can go over film script looking for faults, suggesting improvements. if its a go with 55% of them then thats a go, innit?
so lets wait n see. but i think if it works most every writer will do the same as me. because hollywood is just plain godawful. and some of us respect our ability too much to sell it to a load of bullies. and thats that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
