pray for me ?

i just asked el or great father to make me an really effective form [female, not bird!] as numerous attacks will happen. thats if i go on. but all i got is this earthlevel mind. but that mind is godsize. the rules are 1. the more you know the bigger you grow 2. the more you care the more you dare 3. love is the way to get hearts to be brave 4. wisdom of good is about dealing with evil. there is no evil wisdom; they don't know the rules [see above]. and as you reading this can feel i am doing right now what used to be black magic. except these are the rules of growing to be god. and its god who is telling you. just in case you forgot.
so satan and yetzoah were originally or have come to be teachers? they test you. but they are good deep down as all were to begin with. they just either sound or feel awful. they were nearly going to infinite hell because of seabreezes cruelty. unheard unjudged. but they are fogiven as are all except those mentioned before. [at xmas i damned thelot to get you through that firestorm thing. hang on to it for a bit. if gay does in you will then be on the winning side. all of you. so he gets the arseache. who cares?] anyway so you see there's 2 levels of evil. these the maligned who test us. so they are reasonably good. which is why they fell into gays traps; testing their fellows, their scary religions. but look and mostly these people are odd but okay. christians etc usually are dreadful? ask them how to treat heretics, minors, genders, races, ...have you not heard of the inquistion? so the good want to be good but can't see anything wwrong with themselves. gay. what he is and made others to be is really evil. so i have got help coming.
i remembered that wet sac thing? gay said he was born of it. long ago. saw it and crawled right back into it. i don't know why. sometimes i do things i don't knknow why.
i came to a huge underground. lots of dark faced people wearing headdresses? like black feathers. no flames, no tortures, no milling in panic. we looked on each other in shock. then i asked to see who was their god? they hastened me along. then up. they weren't in any pain or distress. i came up into white susunshine. a real angel stood there. not bent or weak or mad or spiteful or ststupid. a strong attractive face. no wings. he was all white, steady. he also was surprised. i knew. i gabbled out my plea for help as fast as i could because i'm unstable. i will record here.
'this is the real universe isn't it? i have come from another; its a terrible place of cruelty...is your god alive? he pointed i looked. geomtry shining white in the near distance. others like this angel drawing near. i beg you to help us. do you know what is mercy? charity? of course he said. thank god i said. i think someone we call gay escaped from your prison below? gay? we know him he said. he got out by treachery some awful nurse. then he waited for our universe to start. he's taken over everywhere destroying ruining everyone everything is being muredered over and over ...please help us i think he intends to build to extreme power and then come back here and come behind you and your god and do thr same to you. revenge or jealousy. our universe will seem to you a parody of yours. but we the beings are in awful suffering. speaking directly to their god i said; hurry but don't leap without looking. he uses black magic. hurry. help. ' and with that found myself here at home. the angel looked concerned. so they have feelings there. as i describe our spiritlands you will see why thats important.
oh i forgot. i tried to thinkmof all thats happened/will happen at once at their god. but i reckoned to him about anat. i thought anat might be himself after being murdered [still in the future] by gay. so either anat/this old god are one and the same. or one or both of them are gay. since gay tried everything to fuck it up my guess its truly the first. which explains why gay is so afraid of death, doesn't it?

the next day saw great father being inspected by a thinking light. like a torch? so this old god has found us and starting with great father is diagnosing us. so judgment is more like a physicians diagnosis than the other thing. anyway if there is not any grown up sensible strong gerry god to go on someone please look after the little gerries out there. teach them how to grow up [suck their own blood and eat! eat anything!] and if they are too badly injured; please let them die quietly and in peace.

so gay is only a nasty criminal from there. well he's a lot worse now.
so we see all the signs of the end of the world coming in. i give the truths in this blog. i am always alone, though i need a friend like i'm in agony? the king or maybe its my daughter is never alone enough. things are happening also to ot others, like me. and today the pope 'will be asked to open an abortion clinic and bless condoms? a grandmother openly is with child by her grandson? america is tainted by jew-haters?
hope i live on? hope i don't? i can't make my mind up either. can you?

beginning to win

today gay threatened me saying 'you will lose your salvation'...i said liar; there is no salvation in you. i know now i am god; you only the parasite. i found out in time. you stole and punished and destroyed.. so you brought it all to ruin and misery. damn is the old form of doom. it cannot mean anything good. piss off you stupid sod. your reign just ended'.
he then arrived in 3 levels. kicked 1 off chair, flung another out by his hair. all yesterday wiping out entire realms. i don't want anything so ridiculously huge. then the last of the three said; so you know who we are? i said yes. and the child is now grown Queen. he said; have mercy. forgive. i said well i just roared. then he said; but how shall i be saved? and i flung him out too. he will be last in order. if i let him exist at all.

so i said. he just lost. there's more fighting to do. but its in sight, the end.

the message got through

you know for months i been going through all this? yesterday realised that a big part of me [redcloak] has never appeared. gay killed him while i was being born i think. so deeply is my mother in this. and the other day remembered how i tried to please him with perfect concentration when i was 5. he snatched a lightbeing out of my head. drooled with triumph. told me then i had no futures. which is why for years i don't look right in photos. something is missing. i am truncated. what he took of course was god in the lotus; something i suppose everyone else still has. so thats been sufffering terribly and thats source [your purusha, or effulgent light] died then. which is why the yogis try to get to it and be dead also. and why no amount of yoga can do anything for me. he killed both kundalini and that godsource in me. so greyflash was quite right. all that is closed to me. as i have said; there is no future for me. anyway thinking on this i got angry yesterday. now when i am angry for some reason i get the odd burst of ability? i asked the girls still tuned in to like be a circuit? i suppose they have little future either; if gay wins none worth having. true for all of you.

anyway just to say quickly i have done it. i worked it out. all of it. and asked for help. mercy. even if its death. anything is better than the futures. anything better than the past. i am answered. i got it right. so the good news is help is on its way. all we do is hold on. will tell about it later. just i will finish these teachings. but now hang on to your hats. i am so pleased and glad its started with great father. he must have been in misery and who thought to help him? no-one.

anyway now my teachings might end on a brighter note, just be patient and wait. next entries about various lives out there. and will tell all i know about anat. and end with what i did yesterday. and that will end after i describe whats been happening here for the last 2 years. be of good cheer. i actually got something right!! help will come to all of you. just hold on.

we are looking

we are looking on each other. just as i look at elohim and he looks on me. so great father watches me. all day i been noticing; looking on him. and now all speechless we see and know. he is my king. he is my king.

penny just dropped....with a clang

i remembered making 'diseases' under the command of general cruel? of course he was a white dove; so in my hypnotised state i believed he was god? went to all different worlds and went down into them, creating things you would call proteans out of myself? always in these warm seas...because there wasn't anything else?

how can i have been so blind? THERE WASN'T ANY OTHER LIFE IN ANY OF THEM.
you can't make diseases for things that don't exist. he would murder me each time i returned. why oh why do i keep coming back? with no memory so i never til now worked it out?

the proteans were LIFE. and i was putting them in thousands of physical worlds. why can't he do it? because like all the evil they lose [if they ever had] the creative ability. i never have; because i am good. so they use me to create. think. i was asleep. gay woke me [after we left first [place]and lo...great father was there, in his place. how is this occuring? because gay got me in spirit back into the past and at every point interfering. he said; when satans house is divided against satan; it is satan who shall fall. again he said; to break into a strong mans house you first make him weak, then you bind him. then you can steal forever from that man. and i never feel pity for the weak; gerry.

oh my god. it can't be...thats that that dream ended by telling me. you all quite literally exist because i gave you existence. so fundamentally you are all of you part of me. even more; the entire spiritlands and all that exists there; even maybe anat....built out of my mind. which means i am god because i can't help it. i am lord in my own mind. but this mind now contains everything? history, foreknowledge etc etc.

its like something from dr who; i built everything. out of me. its why gay won't need me once i am dead here; if everything out there including himself lives on. they would then be independent? he will then be lord of the 'universe' made hells by me as his slave? you see now how he does it? he has to use me every single time. in my mind i have all power he has none. and the wasp in the beehive sends all the bees mad; killing each other instead of the wasp? so wasp enslaves Queen because its the Queen who is the giver of law? ruin her and he has them all? the one piece of information i didn't have was that it started HERE. not back then. and to here we have all returned. so truth equals what i believe but what i believe has all this time been what he tells me. so now the power to end him; all of them; and all these halfthings in the physical worlds is within my grasp.

lets see what happens. the child has become adult. the maid knows she is Queen. the person physical knows the history spiritual. the strong man finds his strength. the bonds are breaking; all of them. your existences depend on mine. but you have made me sick of living...


all anyone ever had to do was be nice to me. give me pleasant things places..but none ever did. as god i have had nothing but fear or murder or grief...it was such an easy thing. be nice to a kid; and win. but no; cruelty is your natures....so you lose from now on. and don't ask for pity; you who hate pity, never letting pity in you. not for me or anyone.

get lost. yes each one.teach me about maya, let me remember. and its i who begin here. its you who betray, hate, disobey even your own conscience...what bloody use are you? none.

so gay is really satan. satan must be another me? dunno about the rest. but purusha never cares because purusha..the effulgent light is dead; and has been for years. so the eagles now see their history also. and since tiny and weak as i am now i am still all that is left of the Queen....great father is awake. no wonder he looked on me with that tiny joy...he was beginning to wake to remember, and if i worked it out then so has he..gay has had us all tyrannising over each other; look how the name satan keeps coming up. but its only amongst some people on earth at this time who 'know what that name means'

the truth is its gay who is the real satan. your god my enemy. my name is gerry. it means holy; but nobody knew that until the other day...

so i am god. of course the truthspeller. who else can the real truthspeller be? but he's using me to destroy whats good and enslave whats good and the earth too. so he can have all to torture forever more.

no wonder elohim said to me 'promise you will never try to be my rival or commander; and again he said; when first met your enmity is swift like flame. but afterward i find in you an eternal friend'...of course i was happy to say that also to him.but look! a god wouldn't say that to a mere human! even then elohim knew...and didn't those spirit judges and gay himself just the other day keep trying to say i'm jesus? nonsense of course.
but if jesus was wrong...then yes. in a weird sort of way that makes me the real christ. doesn't it? feel its time now. for the first time i am judge.
of you lot as much as them.

on the white way

so the white religions are known to all. but are they quite what all believe them to be?

you read what i advised; to give up circumscision because its a form of witchcraft/sacrifice? you make the child over o some god you never saw whom all your history shows you is a dangerous friend? bit silly. again the jews are getting ready to rebuiild their temple. fine. but complete with animal sacrifice. you know now the terrible cruelty against animals out there. you see any god demanding murder...thats what it is...of animals, children, women, angels...is demonic? so if he isn't he won't want that; if he does then you don't want him. understand? and ir always does end up in holocausts. look at the old samaritans; burning lambs in a pit? we know now that was progress!! once it was living children. so you pack all that in. wherever you find people bent on that explain it to them. its not holy or good or nice. explain once. give them all time to repent. catch them doing it after that earns them death; both physical and spiritual. so now the jews are taught. the god they made all those bargains with...i mean BARGAINS? straightway know thats black. and wasn't elohim. if they ever manage to produce this merchant god do let us know. yhwh has some explaining to do. like all that genocide in israels beginning? now repaid in karma; if you care to see. what the ten commandments are is only reasonable. but the first three seem oddly egotistical. and in fact the jews subsequently got lumbered with a million bloody silly laws so that like the hindus they believe pork is worse than say, coveting. can't see they have defected from elohim to some other; are generally good citizens who seem to annoy others and never knew why? now i have shown you why. stop persecuting them. they didn't know. and niether did you. look at their good things. they are the most intelligent race. they are the most faithful, loyal to their false god. they have sufferd so badly. yet remain good people. so their enemy is the same as yours and mine. its gay and his devilish minions. so no more killing children or animals. or jews. the first victims in your history of gods which are cruel fakes? disguised devils? they should be pitied and loved. and helped to get over this awful cheat. clearly here is elohim still waiting. suggest you jews start asking questions while i can still answer.

then have we buddha. sounds good doesn't he? but you only know how wonderful he was because he kept telling you. nomiracles. don't call me god? how to escape endless lives...oh you kill yourself. same as vivekananda isn't it? in fact exactly the same. buddha didn't teach anything new. its all recycled ideas from the hindu systems of yoga. he told you how to deal with sorrow, age, poverty and dying. by self destruction. negation of you. thats what nirvanas is. don't believe me? read his scripture again. so he's right. but wouldn't it have been better to admit what was wrong; why its like this? and do something about it? anyway he's not extinguished at all. not like he said. no he's got a religion out of it. plenty of idiot victims so he stayed on. but changed a bit.
all the buddhists alive today are either believing in a fairytale like simpletons. or busy suiciding because he told them to. these same oh so compassionate etc do awful things day in day out. to their women. because women have sinned in a previous life; when presumably they were men? its nuts. its stupid. its cruel. which is why being lowly males they can't see anything wrong.

hindism is the oldest. now the various yogas are real and work. no sin. you don't destroy anyone else? but everything else in india is perfect;y foul. their insane caste rules.hating people for their names. loathing of women disguised as religious duties only imposed on those women. sutte. child mariage. dowry system. the absolute enslavement of women in every sphere. the incredible poverty...which they want everyone else in the world to solve for them. the pity of it that these people who gave us yoga have descended to this; gods which are demons...look at them again! damn silly ideas. worship even of living people. themselves usually quite aware of this i teach too. no the asians now are literally the most psychopathic of the nations. they kill or persecute like dogs squat.and have lost their reason to the greed for money. to me its the greatest shame on the earth today. they have no drive to civilisation or enlightenment i think. only riches and owning slaves. well thats what it amounts to. a thousand tears for india. they should be our teachers. but in that graceless state can't. must not. put their hearts and their house in order they must too. and thats that. and let us say it. it is india our teacher of growing to be gods...who taught also gay all he first knew. mind you he ate that guru. but india has a million others.

the moslems as you know i personally won't have in the house. they have sold their souls to be superior to women and are utterly cruel every day of the week. i say to muslim women its not your religion. run away. be alive. be free. spit on islam. it is not allah i hate but mohammed. for your information even allah didn't like him. he's in that white round thing in the forecourt of allahs place; where he can listen to him screaming. you shall not play the gods false. so mohammed is in hell and has been for yonks. but its all hell out there anyway. islam is a slaver, a murderous creed. look at it. it does one good deed. everyone of you coldly observe the behaviour and attitudes of islamics. and know its evil.

now finally for christianity. this is very much more a grown up seeming religion. until you realise thats what is wrong. they are outwardly correct. but their prayers and silly beliefs in nodding statues and being the 'precious child' whom jesus loves beyond all commonsense? you see its childish? so these are damn great babies. the priests are nearly all vicious. yes and now you see why. they are mentally destroying anattas or aping the woman. yet hate women just as terribly as all you men seem to. again its no reason in it. or what female dominated religion ever existed that went round making slaves of you? or burning boys? or all the rest of the sweet joys christianity has wrought? such as sexual repression yet giving the incontinent male all livcence yet somehow never the blame? never the shame? and look how rigid and cowardly it is! you have to keep the doctrines and the dogma and the correct wording and blah blah blah...or you're a heretic! they still try to ban from public view works of literature or films. just like nazis in fact. which is what in the last analysis youe christians are. so afraid of truth they allow zero debate. everyone got to think the same1 like machines or slaves. and just as caste ridden as any male led society always is. yet they think they're a light to the world and jesus set them free? to do what? oh be like the cruel nuns, the lying saints, the frightened prayers, the mindless laity, ther priests destroying little children ? hm. sounds familiar?
as for black magic christianity is riddled with it. its like they are blind and cannot see.
jesus they ingest. equals cannibalism in spirit terms. the son murdered in sacrifice to god-the-father. the son the son always the son. i have to tell you there are no fathers. there never have been. even you humans know the father is only a tyrant to the wife, the sons...plus a lecher to the daughters. and all because none of you admit that the male is practically an beast. he can't be a father. you have to love and yet be fair and strong and still civilised to be that. since even the gods can't how shall you? remember; great father is in a way speechless or asleep because the love of anattas never woke him. so no there never was a father. nor mother. we all orphans, trying to survive the hells made everywhere by these idiot males on earth the same as in the spiritlands.
so you know now that jesus is the son who imitates the father. such as molech or yhwh. gay told me jesus knew when he cried 'my god my god why have you forsaken me? that he was answered. gay was inthe cross he was dying on. holding him close. with 3 big nails. poor jesus. so now you know too as jesus found...gay is god and monstously vruel. but he does keep to bargains. no the christians aren't saved....but jesus did buy them and all mankind one thing. the curtain to the holy place was rent from top to bottom. so ever since anyone on earth can speak to any god. its what he did get for us. but he himself was silenced soon after, the various appearance people experience after that are all fakes. which is why they all lead astray; and talk daft. something jesus never did in life.

so what is left? you the blue illuminati. free of every religion take what you need. and live. there are good things in all; but set out like sweets on a stall? take them. develop them. bow not to anyone unless that someone is a greater good. and for love sake win. its hell if you don't you know.

as for me i can't win. enemies everywhere now. i shall try to get to those kids and get them somewhere safe so they can grow up. will tell a bit of my lives out there just so you know what its like. i face oblivion same as jesus. but thats is better than living in this. with you. or them. so in a weird way i have won. once annhilated nothing more can happen to me. as long as i take the kids with me. maybe its different from returning to anat, i don't know. but now you see why you want me to win, need me to live. but gay and his minions will make it impossible. so you are going to be on your own. find each other now.

on the black way

i meant to teach about this before. lets do it now.
tantric yoga is the main form of black yoga. yes there is a black form of every 'white' system. gay said the chthonic house was the eleventh house of the kabbalah. it secret is; being behind the tree of life. in it is the evil or demonic form of kabbalah.there is even an evil version of the tarot. in christianity its the well known satanism. but that seems to me to 1. depend on an implicit faith in the very christ it parodies and 2. seems to have a variety of levels in it. so you get wicca; a silly return to celtic gods, and whitewitches; a herbal lore green earth be weird but nice sort of thing. we find these like 'magicians' always using angel names or god the son ideas; and not in parody. so in a way they calling themselves white etc count as loose christians; something the churches won't like. then you have the black kind. these deliberately set out to ruin all goodness in themslves. by destroying someone else. they begin in denial of their good god [jesus] and must enact a black or evil mass. in this they rape/destroy at least in figure an holy thing. not just in mind; in spirit they actually do this. now a lot of young men, their tiny minds set on sex, think that satanism is a kind of licence to be foul in word thought and deed. so their satanism is mostly sextalk. and not entirely wrong, when next you think of tantric yoga. now the hindus are two hearted on this subject. did you know that there is a special form of yogi who must eat filth, pray only to the darkside of say kali? they fear such a man but truthfully he's only adapting himself to the hell he knows awaits. but in fact this yogi is much the same as others. i mean he doesn't kill or rape? its all selfcontrol etc. so he winds up chaste, living on charity etc. anyhow you see how the darkside has its own catchment areas in each system. including islam. there are sufis who know 'allah' is cruel, a predator. so they try to get on his good side by presenting him with children. the boys have the ambition to know god; be saintly; but if they are chosen though they get a short burst of great feelings in fact they were just et. which moves their teachers up one level. but has destroyed them.

now buddhists have exactly the same. if you actually take the trouble to look in their temples apart from a big fat ugly stupid buddha statue look beneath it.yep; devils. in tibet, lest you all troop off to the dalai lama its the same. half their depictions of 'buddhas' are devils. look at them! now they will tell you they are accessing the dark side of the mind. yes indeed they are. with them its worship which is love; supposed to get them demonic help? as if cruel demons will help anyone; particularly some nit who loves them and in the same breath talks all day long about compassion and tolerance. yes to everyone in earshot [particularly rich yanks] EXCEPT THESE DEMONAIC BUDDHIS???
so you see even dear tibet is riddled with evil? but at least they believe they are teaching these devils enlightment. bringing them up to the light/ but now you see the universe made evil by gay thats not what is happening at all. its the other way about. the demonaic buddhs teach them the way of salvation instead; which everywhere is to do wrong. be wrong. yes its even in sikhsm and parseesm. the monads white are radiating sorrow, lonlieness? the dark arhats are true rulers. but equally lonely. the answer is of course that gay wants people to give up the joy pleasure hope they could have in order to gain something better? but there isn't anything better. its a lie. so you lose even what you think you haven't got [joy, pleasure, ease, security, faith in good. love, sexc. familys]..to find if you get what you asked for its not at all what you asked for; you don't want it and never really did. or you get what you didn't ask for; to find you already had it and hate it. like everlasting life?
so the black yoga is tantric yoga. it developed out of the weird stuff in the vedas about soma? they mean i think semen released in ecstatic union, plus it sounds like a hallucenogic. now thats another thing. all these sensory deprivations the indian yogis do? extreme poverty, celibacy etc? they hide the fact the ancients themselves used shortcuts;like this mysterious soma? incidentally as you develop you will find hatha yogis really get on your nerves. you know some of those really dirty half starved wirdos with atrophied arms above their heads? or boasting they can stop their hearts, or extrude their bowels for a good wash in the ganges? yes well that should tell you NOT to get suckered in. ask them what do such things accomplish in the spirit? the answer of course is nothing. why their neighbors don't get annoyed...well i just said. the ganges is a holy river...and they use that water to wash their bottoms? you see the indian mind is long rotted, they will worship cows, imbeciles, get hysterical on you like boom! they themselves can no longer discriminate, so you have to search for gold nuggets in hinduism like panning for gold, so expect to have to trawl through a sea of shit as well.

so tantric yoga exists. now young men are all agog. sex!! and want it. right? let me tell these its not what they want, a licence to ravish all females. for a start the yogi is never allowed to actually come. ever. its all teasing and teasing til the kundalini serpent is lashed into an fury and does what it does. which is knock you out of your body and expanding to be god simultaneously. but a black lord, not nice. what they do to pay the price is destroy whatever poor kid [can be boy but more usually girl] they mount. so only men can do it [gay again] and the soul of the other they utterly destroy. so not just torture and rape but the same in actuality in the spirit. what it is of course is they enact the triumph of evil. which means they kill the kid. but not until theres nothing left of his/her mind. just a mass of pain and revulsion. so the kid equals christ? and they have made christ do every sin. the pleasure they are after is cruelty. not sex. absolute power. to this aim. they walk away gods. but you are a fool if you ever try to meet one. because you will be next.

so now you see why tantric yoga is quite possibly the blackest form of the black art. the other like to it being the white version of evil; such as burning children alive to their gods? or anyone they call heretic? do you not see that evil is the not so secret religion or way everywhere??

so if you would be a blue illuminati you know and understand this. evil is the right answer. evil equals cruelty. the originally good ways to enlightenment are now either ruled by baddies. or are ways still more or less open to get the fuck out of existence; this everlasting life?

as an blue [truthknowing/seeking] illuminati your choice will be presented to you again and again. black or white; whatever your path is. but you know all this. so both ways are equally cruel now. and your answer must be strength. powers you must get and not give away. and use to chase the darkside back into its dark corner, to command the brightsiders into doing as you do. but you do not put anyone in hell to suffer forever. you simply kill. finish. let anat worry about them. i have to say you kill their spirits; but in the end you know if you wind up running society then don't debate capital punishment just do it. its ugly its not ideal its going to make the soft be all weepy. ask them if they want to go on being in hell with the little darling concerned. if they opine yes; right send them as well. i want good to rule; i never said good was soft in the head. gay says that. and we must prove him wrong. but remember that evil IS cruelty. and that is why evil is wrong. so we don't do cruelty. but must get power these old ways, and rule all of them. until it all is okay. then relax. the war is over. hang up your guns [but don't let them rust]. and walk away from power, being a 'god'..then thats to graduate. and live on inhappines and joy. which then will be okay. everlasting life in joys, love, kindnes and beauty. keep wise to what cruelty did so stay alert and strong. but everlasting life in that happiness will no longer be the curse it is now, but will turn into what was originally meant; heaven.

so then we protect children. and women are of course much more important than you thought before, good will know its limited limit is both cruelty on the one hand and stupidity on the other. what will cure mankind of these dark side yogas [its what they all are] is you. teach. lead. guard. and where you have to; execute. when will you know you won? when its as easy to talk to the gods as it is to your lover in the bed . when nothing remains of all these cruel ways. when your yogas and yogis no longer teach you to run away.

a powerhouse

i'm working like a powerhouse these days. just wrote out all the instructions on mahayoga. asked great father, that eagle in the near future who appears to be trying to suss me out, and poor lost beauty [who i have found] to get me through it all. its to put right all i did wrong because of gay. but i set a limit. or several. 1. i will give joy any time i can. niether will i deprive myself of joy. 2. this purusha seems odd. i will judge it as well. 3. omnipresence i shall avoid. none of the other gods were that daft. if you explode your mind like that i'm not surprised you never reappear; you just blown up is all. seems unnatural and a form of suicide. remember vivek an co are trying to get out; know its all endless descents into hell. so they give up all joy and hope; and vanish. but i will stay n put it right. i know it wasn't hell to begin with. i know how it got this way. i must put it right. so i want some of the powers [skills] they are manifestations of the same maya yes. but bloody useful ones! anyway the one power we need is omnipresience. to know in advance. i suppose i already got that...anyhow feel these 3 great eagles will help. bit nervous; they must have faith in someone who has done them much wrong. we shall see.

thank god for yoga! you see how the genius or great men who discoverd it did it taught it transmitted it...do you see they were greater than all other men put together? and we don't know the name of even the least of them. so these are your real teachers and saviours; so unattached to egoism they give us this way; and no religion, no prises. no history even. compare to your religious founders!

mahayoga contains kundalini. another yoga really quite important is karma yoga; with this one you will recall past lives as a matter of course. just these three practised as much and as regularly as poss plus all this teaching...and one by one you will be gods. raja-yoga is mastery. those who only want to moon after holy people are doing bhakti yoga. the one which just gets in the way is hatha yoga; the one all about perfect body. they forget what all the yogas are; travel out of the body/world. so read the bhagavad gita. and the rest is practice, practise, practise. but then you have the choice. vanish. or stay short of 'perfect freedom' which to me sounds a bit like blowing your brains out; and start putting things right.

hope you choose to stay.

the illuminati

an african criminal tried to steal my id the other day. pretending to be a dying christian wanting to use her wealth to set up a christian fellowship. nearly got sucked in. there's another; this one pretends to be a refugee in a camp trying to access money in an african bank; islamic. well you know as soon as i saw its an islamic bank i knew there wasn't any money. islamic banks routinely steal from females. and this african bank BAIO if i read the french correctly is permanently being shut down for crime and then coming back to do more. the moral of this story is that everything in africa is corrupt. they only lie and steal. which must include AID. so anyhow the first was only a scam. i read the identical missive dated 4 years ago on a scam monitoring site. so i dumped both.

but what was born of that was memory. if you look whats wrong is all these spiritual happenings; and the only clues i ever get come from gay!! what i really need is the opposing wisdom. but there is none.

i remember the black illuminati; not on earth but out there. their opponents are the white illuminati; but of course the real thing has never existed. all we got for the brighside are 'saints' and 'mystics' who are absolutely blinded by their [false] religions. the black illuminati being darkside have all the power; but now i went and upset their applecart. anyway we see the dark are evil' equals right but stupid, creating their own hells. we see the white illuminati are not united or even aware. they being good are wrong in this set up of gays. hence have no power depend on childish rubbish like a name or wooden symbol to do it all for them. history shows you how utterly stupid they have been. it only looks alright. they have been the cause of a lot of misery and murder because they don't judge their own morality?

which leaves me. now when i saw all history via father seabreezes memory it looks blue with the endless vistas of it? so i want to bring to be something i never had myself. the blue illuminati; seers of truth. explorers of the spiritlands. directors spiritual and also growing themselves. to make new gods of themselves using yoga/prayer to remember and develop. helping others through these terrible gethsamanes. also works; theres nothing so insane as someone who quacks all day long about love or helping others but does nothing themselves. the blue illuminati are better than this.

it occurs to me that anyone who has read these teachings; wherever they are now [jewish, christian. islamic. buddhist, hindu; they ARE being taught. if they do them; yogas etc... isn't that a blue illuminati? of course it is at least potentially. if they will swear to be part of my army; dedicated to healing this crazy universe, these injured gods.....they ARE members.

i can register as a religious order/charity; and will if i get round to it. but thats only important to those ungodly sods who are really all about money. we ...if any try it...are not. but we do need each other. so that is why i must register. the name the address the email. so they can find each other. but we won't need meetings and sonorous prayers; and you already know what i say about celibacy. chastity yes; until love favours you. so no monks or nuns per se; unless you need to do that as part of your stage of development? anyhow; I APPEAL TO YOU WHO READ!!

watch out for our order; the blue illuminati. will publish contact deails asap. talk to each other? maybe a website? we'll see...remember we explorers. yes faith but not so we can't see where we going. think of yourself like an astronaut...you going to find strange things. but no we don't have to do them; or like them. we must conquer the evil [of both kinds]...or lose.

suffer the little children??

last blog today. you know jesus said ;suffer the little children to come unto me'? well its meaning on the surface was to 'allow'...its also however a threat? you must become as children to enter the kingdom of god? how entirely true. like infants agog for sweeties you follow the kindly stranger. into the dark. the woods. the fires of hell. suffer then means to suffer. but my law of karma is not exactly the same. after all if you think the reverse is there also. 'they shall suffer their own will' is to mak the cruel know suffering til they hate cruelty. and stop, but it also hides another? allow your good natures to make you happy? your fellows happy? the law then says as i have said; the universe will give you what you give to it? the universe isn't space/time you ninnies. but the nexus of people/gods you all live in.

how shall i teach them; all these great snarling oafs; all the ruins left to me of the good i loved? you all children again as we see. but mired in your nastiness. lost. yet still my faith is in you. you are still intelligent and can learn.

okay i try. 1. for gods sake stop circumscising your children. its a practise of black magic and pure perversion. so stop. you will continue to be people of god you know. but not marked so horribly for holocausts. or don;t you know even now what originally a holocaust was? yes the burning alive of children to monstrous male gods!!
2. cease and desist from all practices evil in your religions. you can see for yourselves what a lot of them are.
3. leave children to grow up. teach them when they ask and only what they ask. leave sensible discussions till later. go back to eating round the table as a family; when after dinner these gentle sad discusssions should be.
4. you men stop this insane idea that you are 'entitled' to sex. no you are not. nor shall you try be every means; lies, bullying, money and all the rest, to get it. sex between a man and woman when love is the energy in both; thats worth having. thats worth waiting for. but its the woman who shall from henceforth make it clear when she wants you. any boy who keeps masturbating in public like a dog; which is what you have all been doing!! must be chemically castrate till he is older, wiser, a bit more human. if he can't or is so deeply perverted that all his sex is cruelty and the destruction of innocence; be strong...he must be put to sleep. its what you do with dogs like that isn't it? yes. well then this is the same. you are not animals only. to insist you are by this behaviour earns you humane death. just like the animal you have become.
5. what else? stop infant baptism/whisphering magic rubbish at them /painting them into a corner. when a child is grown he will seek god of his own accord. or some god will come to him/her. the other thing is dominating the world by numbers. and such religionists you have made slaves. these are your children? then love them and don't do that to them.
6. very precious to you now are the teachings of growing to be gods. the various yogas are true. and work in time with you. you need them all. and now you see these my teachings are the truth? and so you are free.

now go away. learn and grow. now because you know all this; the world might chance to go on. if you do as i say be a freer kinder nobler place. you shall each have a chance to escape now all the traps. find each other. heal the sick. which is what i have just done for you? and start with the doves; the eagles are too dangerous and big for you now. but one day they shall be healed and free. if you only hide my 3 touchstones; my 2 joined up laws in your hearts; and do them; feel them. when ever you get the chance!

and [i feel hopeful] maybe one day i will be alive. and happy. in heaven. and so will all of you. be good! just don't show off. or follow like blind men the cruel teasers. okay? enough for today!

the wall of hate

woke up to feeling a wall of hate building up against me. so i answer them now. since these haters won't let me speak if they do get me.

1. your prophets/founders were liars. if they had of been real true prophets; whats the very first thing they would have told you? that god proper was Female. Anattas was Wisdom; Queen and Queens of the gods. your prophets told you the opposite didn't they? encouraged your mindless contempt for females because they were buying your support. buying YOU ful stop. you men only want a god who loves you no matter what you do; because you are superior males? well well. look whh that is. so your prophets led you directly into this? worse than judas, hey?
2. your prophets/founders were liars. none of them explained the rites and understandings of your divine things are all a species of black magic. don't believe me? when god demands of abraham/the jews a snipppet of flesh is that not the same as nail parings, hair etc? when god demands abraham to murder his child and counts him righteous because he was willing to do it, what difference is there between god and molech? none. and so the jews have sacrificed their children ever since. no prophet ever said so. but uyou see i just did. and that promise made between abraham and god? idiots. at midnight? no witnesses? flames and butchered animals? its black magic.
what about moses? a murderer to begin with. how much true in what you are told of him? look at the story where israel; that is every jew ever to be born; stands between good and evil. good they swear, is whatever god demands. even if it is evil.?? go on read it again you wise males who managed not to see that in oh, 2000 ++ years? this is why when i first met an jewish person she accused me hysterically of weird hatreds i didn't know. as jews typically do all the time. unaware that they are accusing children [i was 14] of a people who had just fought their enemies? sick and sad. they just will not leave off with their self-pity. and look; its this strange aura of evil people can sense about you. and now we all see why you have it. yet you jews truly believe you are holy, sons of god? yes. just look what he does to his sons...so i reckon you are!! or don't you know even now that 'holy' in the times god called you so meant 'set apart for sacrifice to god'?? and why have none of you like EVER noticed that moses and jacob had to FIGHT the angel of the lord even to live? a funny angel, being beaten by a bloody human. another set-up i think, and so should you. look at your kings..murderers. enslavers of women. even david. even solomon. yet you jews believe you are destined to rule all mankind with a rod of iron? in a way you shall. the rod of iron might be your bombs, hidden in judea somewhere. oh and last but not least you self-pitying jews; a people i have admired for years and years...lets read together the story of the fall of man, shall we?
it opens with god creating a garden. there are other cities and lands on earth [the land of nod, to the east] so this is a myth really about how the jews began. anyway this god is elohim. i know him well. he has evil in him. anyway you lot didn't know that. so he creates animals next. now elohim did tell me he made spiritstuff into matter. well someone did, because here we are, so i believe him. and then he made man. now we see the original god of the jews was elohim? so all those convenants with abraham were made with whom? ywyh means nothing to me. nor you!! so el says it is not good for man to be alone. very true. but look what the place is called! EVES-DEN. the dwelling of eve, mother of all the living. so eve is a title and the woman is really an effigy of god Anattas, isn't she? look next...god makes her from man? this is nonsense. the female is the template? in spirit and in flesh? so heres another male lie. you know in your bomes you are the lowly sex. and can't bear it. so we get all these lies designed to put you in power, and punish all females as well. at any rate the serpent [they mean dragon] tempts them wth wisdom? think about that. but what they get is self knowledge. which yes is the beginning of wisdom. we are told god is angered. to gain wisdom is to start to see through his little theatre? the serpent tempts eve first solely to give men the reason and right to rape enslave and murder women forever. you see how cheaply he buys you? and then he curses the woman with pain...can you still not see who he is? with slavery,,,still no? and the man oh horror! with work? got no idea? proves you men are morons then.
and then you are driven out of the garden.

believe me gardens don't mean the same to your ancestors as they do to you. or me. anyway thats your chief myth. and it is mostly myth. it makes the male both hero and victim and son? yet look at your history. who are the nicer people? women. who suffer all things, sons but never acknowledged to be sons? women. so all it is is your favourite nursery tale. you the liar and fool became lord of earth! wow, isn't that wonderful. [no]

funny how gardens crop up. jesus wept and was crucified in a garden. the babies and children burnt to various male deities [molech, yahweh..] were nearly always females...and most tophets were gardens. even crematoria today; in gardens, come to think of it the holocaust victims? aren't the deathcamps now all of them gardens? so you see if gardens are what you think you want, somehow you get them.

and now yes right now you are accusing me of antisemitism!! can't you read? elohim is with me. not you. the truth is out. bit of a cocney...but all the secrets are being shouted from a housetop...aren't they?

well i'm tired already. but lets have a crack at the bloody moslems. well words fail me. you are all the most glutinous bullying pigs on the face of the earth. your koran drools over torturing people in hell on every page. how you long for it! you see that is your paradise? oh and raping little girls. well 72 different virgins every night equals children you creeps. as it does in every filthy muslim country. i told you i beat allah up and what was left was a black devil. your entire religion is violent and aims at being the only religion. tough; i don't like you. you are 100% about dominating women to death. and thats all. for this you sell your spirits. cheap. wholesale. no difference now between you and the dogs is there? and you love goats; not only for food. cretins! lok at it! pigs+dogs+goats. its unclean you all are. no wonder its you shall destroy the earth. you are so reliably stupid. so dependably violent. so ruinously proud of your evil. yes you are truly sons of gay. so i shall see to it he gets YOU..

every word mohammed said was infected by mohammeds diseased hatreds. which is why he was allahs servant. so to devils you all turn. leave islam. right now. break free you slobbering slugthing from all those cosy promises. be a man not anymore an addict to the worst in you.

also theres this. deep down you men i think have always known this. look. when you see mens sex lives do you not see how they train themselves to see women as things to 'pickup'...to delude with fair talk about respect? yet its all to get sex? then you see men can't stay with normal sex? its got to be nasty. then nastier. oral. anal. girls. boys. beats, YES IT IS IN ALL OF YOU. finally let us see into your ghastly male minds..we look beneath the image of venus infernal. huge tits etc. we go beneath again. to something begging for mercy. and not getting any. yet no-one female has ever done anything to you? again dive further down, and we see your real most basic turn-on. yes. you are slithering and plunging into a great soggy corpse wriggling madly with worms and soaked in shit. but its female. so thats it. deep down every man wants to shag his mother? and destroy her? but the real mother is god; whom none of us ever saw. so then this is no myth but your real actual fall. this is your disease. why you madly go on and on about sex. the itch of this can never heal. its god Anattas you devil males want deep down to destroy. your vengeance for being the more lowly. and now all can see why you males are the lowly sex. and why not one can ever be holy. or a sevant of god. i mean real god. the great female; our Queen. Anattas. see?

your futures

right now to delineate the futures. remember YOU are in all of them. me either i win now or disappear. now i can't see any other futures than these. but i have several times heard singing. 1. was the mad choirs begging for damnation. they got it. i had to get everyone past the flames which seemed to be waiting soon. will undamn people as they earn it; also when gay is down and the gods are sane again. meantime you all 'damned' its to save your necks. 2. the other two times of singing i think were futures that somehow got that through to me. letting me know there is some point to this struggle; that someday they might exist? but i have to tell you i see nothing of them. there is no change visible to me now.

1. gay is bullying me out in spiritlands. he says 'the earth just ended; don't you care?' there i am quite mad...i say no i don't care. he says 'but that was you just went up in smoke'... sounds good doesn't he? but he set me up. there i am a child quite mad. if the world ends that way he has spent years getting the thing to happen. he did. not me...i will go up in smoke with you? then he says 'that was the last thing i needed. i don't need you anymore' i say; but i have earned my freedom; he then says 'freedom? i don't believe in freedom. well except for myself. god is the only really free being. which means no-one else has any choice, doesn't it? '

2. he told me once that 'when a black man rules in the white mans' house, when women are tyrants to men, when the gods walk the earth; that is the signs the end of the world is about to happen'. he wants monsters to erupt into r1. he wants everybody panicking. he wants all the lifers to really see him [thinking he's god] as he really is. your only choice then would be to run to either jesus or satan. as you know neither are particularly good. and he set me up unwilling to be 'ante-christ'...that is the truthspeller; so you can know all the secrets. too late. btw, i did spell that right. its ante-christ=before him. as you see is true. also anti=the antidote. to so many toxins. one of them being the idea that jesus loves you. or god. no. what they love is to murder souls/eat people. over and over.
3. so korea has the bomb and they are mad. seemingly sane; so do the paranoid jews. and the infantile americans, a people who secretly believe america is the world; the rest of the planet just having no real relevance or right to exist. russia? another crazy. ditto china, the waxworks there having no empathy with the suffering of even their own people. the fault with them is the chinese oriental psyche itself. like aliens; cold yet liable to hysteria. various countries in europe have the bomb. and they are also increasingly mad. with them its not religion but the scrabbling to be big noises in history, politics. gay will see to it their wish is granted. and in the end i think it will be about food; as much as religion. and look, there scuttles ahmadjedinnabad; building his bombs even as i write. are any of them sane? is there anyone out there having the virtue to stop it? no not one. they are all males and so cannot. because that is why the male was assigned the more lowly place to begin with. he is poisoned by his fatal sex obsession, his ready aggression, his more primitive social paradigms? from violently maintaining his power in the stone-age to death camps and the universal enslavements; you see the male is close to the hamadryad baboon? intelligent in all things but the seeing of himself? hence the vile religions. so no. there is no-one to stop it.

what happens next is people in r2 and above suddenly realising the truth; r1 is the anchor that holds the rest, so they will start intervening massively. which means all of you will steadiy go into r2 or above. vanishing acts right n left, just as the bible says. only to walk into weird monstrosities, devoureres and shrieking gibberish. they are your end selves! but how can you know it is you until you get there?

anyway the realities no longer anchored peel away. jesus and the rest will collect all they can. the rest see those are hells too and so the running begins. people running in circles? shrieking because its the end of sanity? from here on reality is what gay decides it shall be. truth is what gay thinks it is. you are his toy. forever. so yes people will try to fight. but a bit late don't you think?

so for a long time r2/r3 try to control or reverse it. going into spiirtlands as i advised. aiming computer information at them; driving then]m to keep up. it blasts away one shell 'self' after another; revealing that gods many 'lives'...thats their version of reincarnation if you think about it. and finding always a black grim devil in there somewhere. not understanding that all have had to acquire an evil side in order to survive? which includes these r2/r3 avengers, but they will never investigate themselves. so the lesser gods who could be made an army of the rightminded shall be destroyed by the people who most need them; because i guess they now suffer an 'antigod religion'? when its all too late. and damn silly. because r2 and r3 are semi=spiritual? already their minds, the once fantastic minds of the gods, are ringing with stupid insane gibberish. the cure is not in destroying others then is it?

out further great satanic civilisations are commencing. people appear to be following my advice at this time. there are no beauties, no black devils either. they here must earn beauty by their good deeds? but you see who is deciding what are good deeds? if you do good only for pretties then what good is it? it is their nature they must make well, but cannot because goodness is leaving the cosmos. they cannot. and so devils must be. further out the doves now fight to leave it. but the eagles ruin their escape and in mad vengeance for what never happened destroy them. sorry to late, for these doves are really sons too, the eagles find their devil sons are now their own tormentors, and end devoured.

and so evil grows and grows and becomes unstoppable. gay will drive every reality mad with his incessant cruelties. yet he has no mind to recall it all. i mean he isn't a god. he just does what he does. there's no reaon for any of it. at a further point he will insist on Great Conquest. that is opening up more and more universes. creating more and more Orbs, from my poen see its already on its way! all filled with millions of realities. millions of worlds. all stocked with gibbering monstrosities. who's only function is to cause suffering for gays pleasure and scrabble in indignities to get out of suffering, which gay finds so amusing. now i call these universes 'pages'. would you like to know how many? uncountable, it goes on forever. and these beings are yourselves, over and over. the silent places already exist. in them your bravest nicest self is trapped. at first looking like electric weeds. silent sad gardens. but each drooping design if you look at it will resolve into a person suffering terrible pain. and its you. and now you know why the gods run away from the silent places. gay doubles their pain at the slightest resistance. its he and his kind who always threaten punishment? now you know what that means. i saw him outside the brassy harsh looking one. everyone had gone in. the place was flashing violently; like black and white X rays? he smiles; 'its only a party' he says. it isn't. that flashing is the gods and these are his own evil ones; being degodded. being tortured into eternal silence. which won't do them any good. a bride you see can never say no? but yes means you're a whore. very true, isn't it? well thats your own mentality i just described. isn't it?

and the wriggly bugeyed beings in the cube are in the same sorts hell. so all who believe god is good without looking at him are finally answered. its everyone else who is good. he is the only real evil. so all alike are brought to everlasting hell. such a good place. so full of pleasures? yes well for gay it is!!

anyway at last all is silent. whats left of you all locked up in infinite agony. he locks them into it. i see him a nasty old man walking into the dark. the wind is strong, cold. all is dead there. and he feels sorry for himself. he's looking for new gods, someone new to torture and betray. he feels sorry for himself. gay is good at that. self=pity being the motive of all the cruel i think. and that is all your futures.why? because though he looks everywhere there are none new. so he grabs you all cripples forever and you go back to the very beginning and start all over again. just as you are. gay can't heal and neither can you.and round and round it goes. from everlasting to everlasting. so the evil who go round converting trying to save? whether they call themselves christians or satanists or gaists or moslems...you see the truth do you? all are damned. there is only one who isn't which is gay. so what ever else you learn learn you this. everlasting life is the curse of curses. and death is only the way home to the peace of the real fathers? but they must shut the gates. and soon, they don't want him with them? be warned. anyone who promises you everlasting life; when you already got it you poor sods...that one is a liar and your worst enemy. right? right!

so now i have damned him. i have woken. always too late. always not a single friend to help me.
i can kill him. been trying. but i think the idiots will murder me before too long. oh you muslim morons. you christians infantile. buddhists who never know evil is a male liar. and real. you shall not be indifferent to evil. no you shall hate it and kill it. or this is all that shall be. my own halflings will be my executioners. they obey gay; evil is the right answer. so kill me they will. as i try to kill him and save them as well.

are you not all of you complete and utter imbeciles? but i still care. please don't kill me. you need me more than you need life.

o gawd

o gawd the very night i swore to either do silent place or go to bed early yes! i feel love for entire population of damn great knuckle dragging yobs; which means a poem is being born into brain...

really you should be grateful. but you're too primitive to know that; never mind feel it. but one day you will wish you could say it to me. but never will...

my life lines

right. so satan swore and cursed with godlike ferocity and all we the good died as if by fire. i was the last to die; trying to say 'love' but could not. gay said he and his kind thrived. that we stayed dead for aeons. god rot the man. even satan couldn't kill everyone in creation from there, so many much deeper in knew nothing of it. anyway i remember we all came to. the place was an enormous grey plain. we were many thousands. all weak and unarmed and with little understanding of what was. satan was big, sitting there hard hearted. but after a bit it seemed his problem was that he wanted to be self-sufficient. obviously because there was no food. but i said 'do you mean like god?# which wasn't very tactful. anyway so i figured out a way. admitted to his presence [we'd forgotten the beginning, and thought he was our creator?] i told him how. he tried and failed. and i told him off for being slow of wit. explained about how its all energy so u racthett it up within yourself. he looked at me. satan has an iq in the thousands. i was a young man and told him off? but i didn't notice. anyway so he got the idea and it worked. so he buzzes like an electricity pylon because thats what he's doing; recycling energy so its food + hinmself. equals selfsuffficient. so he wound up quite pleased. promised to help me some day. someone said; he's got a soft spot for you. but i said oh i'm just a stranger passing through. help me later i said. satan was too surprised to speak. he asked me something and i said something then he said how can you go? oh like this i said and did. haven't seen him a long time. but of course i've done so much recently that yes we remembered each other about the same time and he did help. see satan can be a reasonably nice guy. mind you the other one [remember we all have different levels=selves] fared not quite so well. same boring grey place. he's sitting on a throne just doing god stuff talking to people. when suddenly - we none of us heard a sound- he screamed in absolute shock and fell off his throne. we watched amazed as he argued with someone invisible and soundless 'not so loud!!' etc. finally he bellowed in horror and ran away like a blue cloaked thunderstorm. us spirits when frightened like that aren't particularly clever you know. quite a lot died of shock. me i ran with everyone else. of course now i know what it was. as you will shortly.
anyway so we all wandered on. trying on and on to make heavens. but no food. everytime anyone tries to find something reasonable its too smal; too high or these biggie nastiness types come along engage whoever's in charge with some stupid contest. and win. every single time. so once the quarrel was about a curtain. true, satan murders people who set upo shop as gods. which is stupid; they ARE gods. but you see a brightsider god is always defeated. its really their [the darkside ] version of seabreezes ever repeating play of him winning the battle of good and evil. so of course theyre the winners. who therefore always win. yes seabreeze had so many christ sons. god types. who never ever knew anything. so gung ho they fight the old old battle unknowing they cannot win. the eagles rule up there in the dark and see to it they don't. but good yes. they are truly good mostly. this is it. gay says the evil are really the good? its a lie. they are definitely vicious nasty cruel lying monstrosities. he says further the good are really the evil. but of course 1. they have no father to correct them 2. they are lumbered with these ghastly religions which are really all parodies of truth. and are encouraged by these religions to be unfair unkind etc but never seem to noitice that fact. anyway when i gave my victory to the 'good' have a care! there is such a thing as the good who are really and truly good. these are they who 1. know history 2. stay faithful to the best they know 3. who try to teach and help the evil from themselves. which is everyone if you think about that. anyhow the brightsiders once corrected, given support and strength...who in their right minds wants anyone bit them to rule? well there you are then. the alternative being gay. those who love evil more than commonsense can have him, and he can have them. they deserve each other.
so we all did reincarnation etc. back in several beginnings [seabreeze did all these phases of creation[ same set up each time. even the same people. seperated by huge disatances. you see now why i keep saying its a mess? no-one has closed down any of them people keep meeting themselves and getting in a state. evil ones have way way too much power and of course mis-use it. they're evil you see. but it gets worse. all this mind and energy stuff has inbuilt abilities to evolve just as living stuff everywhere does? so out there this frog like species of god has just somehow evolved. and wants to rule an all thast. so last time i saw him satan confided in me that something terible was wrong with him. there! he said, it just hasppened again! but i saw nothing. counselled him about reality getting unstable. but now all mty memory is mine again. it was the horror that made me forget. his head just burst open and this great greenish goggle eye'd frog popped out. it was awful. no wonder he's scared. i suppose that froggy goddy stuff is beginning to get into them? like a disease?
anyway those who satan picks are stuffed full of white round things like pills. these must be souls. and both satan and a jesus feed you those. and you turn into a great brown warty toad when he kisses you, [these are the good he rescues?] and then he pops you into a cave full of shit and you sit there forever wondering what the fuck is the matter with heaven. which is where you are, that is cloud 7. incredible isn't it? you see they turned paradise into heaven they could like; which also punished the good and was properly evil. when that happened to me i didn't accept it. i loved satan at the time but i complained about not being able to see him a the decor an so on the bastard has chucked me out. fine. and when i get back i will offer to cure him of frog disease if he cures me of being a toad. ratbag. otherwise i swear to god he will discover the evil of a lady swearing much worse than he ever thought possible.
i don't know if you dear reader can get this. until this life i was always a 'good god' out there. but you have to understand its always been the good co-operating in their own destruction. or go to the flames right away. it took ages for it to get this bad mind you. the number of times i been killed!! or ran to escape. yet the 'good' keeplooking for god. an i keep trying. but now you see gay has got tome and done all he did in my infancy? and what was he did? well you don't think that monster meant well do you? it was bearable in many places before. but now even the evil can't stand it. that was what he did. i will try to list his cruelties.
1. he grew me up to great god proper; but blind to him. together we stood somewhere and as each phase [that prana thing] formed i made it foodless, set tests of courage thatv were insane, summoned people into existence [but we knew their futures] he chose his and left me the rest. swollen with stupidity i thought he was choosing unwisely. he got me to kill the good fathers in their beginning. and all through history we went; setting up one god after another, all the rightminded lords; and killed them all. he got me into seabreeze somehow. so some of his silly mistakes were me beinmg ultra good [love is the answer to everything!] but really gay was in him too [think how general cruel was seperated; how did he become addicted to cruelty when as far as he knew nothing at all had been created?] gay again you see. it was general cruel in him who got seabreeze to secretly plan the terrible suffering of those sergeants of moral tests; satan and yetzoah. which is what turned it all upside down. they being 'evil' were saved by the eagles...so the good who had done nothing but be born innocent were damned instead! gay again isn't it? what else. oh yes the kids. one as i relate somewhere goes along creating hells [nice] full of pains [true pleasure],. another sort of puts barmy laws into the worlds of the gods. another is mistress infallble; she is like his computer for making it all happen the way he says. another got into all these [good] things and changed all of them to be evil. see? thats what gay did, and those who thought they were clever and would be evil to win now find they are just as afraid and lost as the good they once despised. because it was us two who set up the real final LAW. to be god you must be infinitely cruel. so the cruel now run to catch up and be god.
too late maties. he has now been god from the very beginning. and is infinitely cruel.
see why i say all must turn rebel?
that is why i know the eagles were the good gods. he thrashed me and starved me and gods know what else before he knew i would do it. he killed the eagles first.
so when libertas somehow got a bit of one alive [i think he may still be alive] he came straight to me. i'm talking not just distance but time. he said; gerry when you killed me you also broke my heart, i wept. said i was sorry. thank god for daisybrain. i can die now knowing he knows i was forced; lied to. its not going to change anything. but now the eagles who rule can also see the truth. that is what they were. what they are. they too have been forced and lied to.
i was once gods so good. yet strange. but i shouldn't have been god at all. also whatever happens now i deserve it. i did these things. and gave it all to gay. let him have his turn; first!

anyhow half those nightmare tunnel things thats what they are. stupid tests of courage or this virtue or that. now i see they are insane. far too terrible for the lessers who always cop them. and teaching the evil nothing. since they don't go there. i say destroy them all. its supposed to be heaven, for christs sake!

anyway i don't want to go on too much about myself.had millions of lives but learned nothing. when i'vce had power its an agreement with gay/satan whoever. so learned nothing still; since like us all i'd forget that too.

so gay now is the shabby ruler. but not for long. well i told you it was war. as i have said i have got to get it all back, and we know he can't keep the powers he steals. you see such powers are really skills? you develop them. you can't steal them. help me do it you bastards. and watch me kill him.

but that shouting and shock of satan? what power is it that suddenly punches from the far future? and once turned us into brass ducks? who is it who again and again unexpectedly throws them all down?

its me! as i been remembering i been punching and sweaing...i still have a travelling mind? i shouted LOVE right in satans eaeholes. i did that punching. and kicked poor great fathers brain in gear by means of his bottom. temper temper. well you see i remembered in bits? anyhow thats one mystery cleared up. i'm glad of that. satan was getting quite superstitious you know. so theres quite a lot about me. but i think its enough for you to know i hate gay. more than you will ever know.
so the gods are now faced with a right puzzle aren't they?
if they continue to choose evil they get gay plus infinite suffering forever. if they choose good the laws and general skewness of their own minds means gay will win and they will suffer infinitely and forever. better to arm me and send me; preferably with an army; and finish him.
so am i good or evil? devil or god? you know what? i think i choose to see that evil or good they all alive and my charges, so i think i choose to just be me.

where'd we get up to?

okay lets go on with a bit more history.
so you know the eagles minus their begots were brought back somehow by gay but all insane believing that they must be evil? they are much smaller than originally; so i believe its only part of them. their unconscious has somehow been made ego; which is why they can't see whats wrong. but even so deep down their real conscious selves must be. anyway so they brought to be many thousands of devils. these are cruel but very strong; they are made firm in their minds by these eagles. and also i divine there are these six more; lesser and at the back and either above or below our universe. these are truly evil; being created that way? but who could do it except great father? so obviously gay has done something also to him. and these are your real movers of events to overall disaster and darkness. and those are the real gods.

now in their madness these injured eagles decided to play good against their superior evil. so each eagle built with his devil sons the white doves. so there are 14 of those. now the other 12 i know nothing of. the last two [i think after all there are two] are respectively father seabreeze who masde all this last creation; mounts and seas and so many levels. and all the doves except general cruel who is seabreezes other half filled their respective creations with white and good and gentle spirits. these would count as lords, christs and angels to you. because each dove thought he was good. had beaten cruelty. would make therefore paradise for himself and many children good to share it? unknowing of these dark mad lords behind, above? seabreeze didn't even know he had a cruel twin. general cruel as i have related ill=treated jesus til he became a double=agent. working wrong but seeming decent. general cruel once conquered also antagonised satan so that is why satan went so badly wrong. it was also general cruel who went through every world he could carrying me as a loving servant. he would order me to go into these worlds and make disease and the cures both medicinal and miraculous for him to cure the afflicted. you can see how blind i was. to do this so 'god' could seem yet more glorious in the future? better not to need such vainfglory. better never to create disease! but as usual i was young and couldn't see it. he would strangle me with his puny little talons whenever i rose to him. all religions which have 'saints' or christs tried by suffering are there in part not just because gay destroys all the good. but these spirits go through every agony to reach 'god' yes they know he's there just beyond sight; and one reaches him. tries to tell him whats happening thsat everything is wrong. asks for help these poor little people; and then he makes them look into his eyes. they see pure cruelty; like a tigers eyes? their own turn up in fainting horror because they can't get away. he makes them go into darkness beneath his belly. and so the rest never know whats happening til their turn comes. and its a bit like reincarnation? they go through unknown hells and then are bereft of their memory. returned to the start; where all they know is fear and problems. sense 'god' is near; and struggle to reach him all over again. he has a major son too. a huge redcloaked type. know the evil even in normal appearance by some shabiness or roughness. this one is a bully, with an unshaven face.

please remember it all was made sunny, greenery, pleasant dwellings. except for the heights; which always were empty and sandy/ now its mostly dark out there. gay said the old gods fought over the food. but not just food; eat lessers or not. there were so few flowers? no trees or a straggle here and there. they had no idea to get out and above ALL the realities. or technology to make food. even good ideas [such as mine to eat lessers memories] would be destroyed by satan n co/ you see they have lost the ability to distinguis good aand evil? this is what gays teachings have done to them. the ones i killed as gays slave were obviously all the ones who could have seen through his rubbish. or made food. or just killed him.

anyway the other doves created elsewhere. i haven't remembered that exactly. but now there are literally thousands of realities all at odd angles? and he keeps going in to these and these days he is openly god. it turns nasty. the shadows at your feet are evil. the flat grey sky/ the minor primitivre creatures? and he grows worse and worse and such is his 'power' and they all believing himthat they are saved having agreed with him that evil is the right answer do nothing to stop him. and so everywhere literally everywhere it is becoming hell. so the good knowing nothing find they have no strength against the evil even to say no. and the evil like blind men work harder and harder at creating hell for themselves because gay tells them hell is really heaven. they have forgotten an equation can be reversed as well. so pleasure can equal pain anytime he doesn't like you. and gay hates all. his mind went long ago.

once it was too terrible to be in darkness. or sense that heavy cloying fear which one feels in the presence of evil. but now devils torture gods by flame; constant questions; shoving a universe in their heads, and always always these accusations. all the evidence shows these poor sods as guilty. its all set up, but these gods can't even say it or know it. so yes all go to hell. and all hells are very bad. and gods are much tougher than the lessers. whose hell in consequence is unbearable. and all of us yes YOU are going there.and we all have many split off 'selves'...they are just as much you as you are. and we are all out there for centuries. time betwwen lives being different? so. do you think evil is right? adaptation? ah yes. but then it goes on and goes on getting worse forever. so its wrong!!


the othe adversay was yetzoah. now for years i called him yaldabaoth [means king ugly]. now he's the original copy of god but done all weak and ugly? he's tall, midddleaged , black curly hair, his head deformed; like its missing at the back. eyes black, white skintone. wears brown habit and is 1. prone to frenzied madness. 2. seabreeze filled him with every wrong idea save 1. 3. he's liable to violence and is extemely hardwilled. 4. he can swear too.

so yetzoah awoke at the bottom of the dais rising up to seabreezes thronew. oh i forgot to mention; seabreeze made for himself many forms, most ith abilies and 1 temptation. and huge thrones and crowns for himself? and fiats [small] and triumphal music. but yetzoah looked up and nobody there. sensed as carefully as he could in case god was invisible. and knew all creation had been abandoned. so its mine he thought, but then grew muddled as he also knew he was supposed to be the devil; and now he would hsve to care for others like god? he began swearing and after that i don't know what happened to that one. i think he wanders sometimes helping people sometimes not. sometimes its evil help sometimes its good. as i said he was made mental anyway/ you see these unnatural responsibolities are making him very ill? but you also see that what seabreeze assumed were to be his sins he hasn't done? and see he does try to do good. but the universe is evil; so he cannot. thus the law is you must ask. don't ask don't get. but don't ask wrong for something right. or i will kill you.

the great one though was really the cause of seabreezes banishment from his own creation. and therefore its conqueror. as he was being delivered [yes thats what i said; seabreze buzzing with power begot him by mistake]; the eagles woke him and showed him thr terrible infinite suffering seabreeze had secretly planned to do to him.all the 'evil' created by seabreeze would only have kept losing in each pahse. they woke believing that their rolev was as godgiven as jesus; [true] and therefore their punishment would be a sham and very short] but how did they know unless they'd programmed seabreeze to think it??] yetzoah reacted violently. they fought. the son [the real jesus] was captured. seabreeze retired into dark solitude. the holy spirit flew high. the sons battled but yetzoah won. for millions of years they marched here or there. the started on the higher registers but are now back with the fathers levels. the son kept every promise told the truth deformed himself into frantically eating souls knowing they would all come back but such was his agony he was trying to stop yetzoah. so yetzoah proclaimed everywhere his one right idea; which now is; 'i am god! i am god'! and when you see them you will find that these the evil and all like them have the more powers, understanding. the eagles do what the evil pray for; and ignore the good or send them troubles. oh yes with gay you must ask for the opposite tou mean. and hope they are faithful and kind and truly give! so yetzoah marches about. he by fear taught the gods lesser weird and useless mathematics. 2x4 = 17...they believe it absolutely. too afraid to tell him its balderdash. or that he's a bully. he got in a thing like a flying chariot? twice actuallly. one is carried by archangels. he's got it too hot, the music too loud, he doesn't like heighhts and has been going away from creation into space for thousands of years. but is too proud to stop and come back. much the same story withn a little one. got into a flyer [no angels] and didn't know how to stop or steer. too hot too loud and has been flying in a circle tfor around 500 years, silly? yes. the evil get more stupid you see. the good too. as will you. its so horrific you'll be too frightened to be clever.

because the mad eagles saved them they can both show you their sonship. i have seen satan with his beautiful face shinking like a cool white star.i have seen yezoah with a halo. haloes are shining white crowns but above the head. his skull is better now. he also seems saner. he was the one who teaches man; things like taming animals. bread . money. cities. they were all once wrong ideas? but you see now useful. funny thing now the son is dead [he had to 'confess' being a common duck and then was allowed to die out in peace; but yetzoah is quiet these days.

so thats him making round black ball things to throw at the good. these stick like hot resin and are toxic. and between all these evil ones the good have been everywhere and at all times enslaved, made weak, punished horribly for 1. good looks 2. their good natures 3. being losers 4 any kind of 'disrespect' to any evil one.

i share some of yetzoahs memory. thats how i know his thoughts on these occasions. i don't know quite how; but he must have done it sometime in the past.

so you see what i must be in for? but if i don't warn you all will go out there and be unprepared. you won't know how to get in to the winning side, you won't know how bad its going to get. you won't determine in your minds that you have a mission. get me out of any trap.. the kids let them grow up. become gods yourselves. heal the eagles. kill gay and any black devil who can't stop gouging, fighting the weak and helpless, raping good things. brightsiders. jesus. buddha, you want to help them? stop worshipping them. go out there and kill. i will tell you how if i didn't already.