i must finish these teachings. so they made 'universe maps'...now this will seem odd. its the same as gays white papers with etchings on. somehow these rule; as if the spirits live in them. i remember he left me as a baby with some on the floor; telling me to not touch them. i crawled around in my dirty nappy and an hour later [when he was certain i'd messed it] back he came and subjected me [in spirit] to infinite eternal fires. oh yes. theres a me in the 'lake of fire' a baby; of course. he said that 'as you burn you will have the consolation of knowing you were a good little girl'...so these black clothese they hung up glittering. they are life maps. anyway somehow you live in then at the same time as in ordinary life. and in them i was always 'god'...i'd start all alone in the dark quite terrified and no idea what to do. and always they ended with me going with my people [gods to you] into those huge black rocks on the crest of the white mountain. but the mountains if you think were created by the dove? so i don't know. maybe he's had me living [split off spirits] all different times? anyway i always won those. oh yes, these were the struggles with satan. i was never fair. in one march the dove saw me and filled me with strength; hoping i'd kill satan. then he was going to come in and take over, but i had no idea, and simply announced i was 'absolute tyrant'...the 4 faithful companions who woke with us were pleased! satan could hardly object....welll it was properly evil, wasn't it? and later i sent him to hell as soon as he woke. he cried; 'but i haven't done anything yet! i've only just been born!'....this is a full grown god to what looks like a little dark humpbacked creature. i was sorry, but intent on winning. so with me all this evil always wins was for a very long time in doubt. but as you see gay put me there, or they did. and my methods were pretty evil as well. another occaision satan showed me seabreezes silly theatres. the many little doves swirling about; he drove them mad. or i did. the foolish christs coming up, bravely being crucified; and tormented by devils until at last they realised there was no rescue, no good god, they were losers and that was their hell...satan said; do you think a god who could do this is good? i didn't answer; because i could see it was a fake or failure but also that satan was making it hell. he was. not this god we never saw. he once got a bigger dove [all these, like satan and yetzoah themselves, would have united with their 'overself' father seabreeze]...anyhow he wrung its neck, argued viciosly and then stuffed it alive into a black furnace where it must burn forever...its still there.
so you see the mad worlds of the gods? what did THAT dove do? nothing! it knew hardly anything that had happened...so satan was really unfair and cruel; yet hates doves, white spirits [who he resembles!] because he thinks they are! at the end of each 'turn' two things...i'd either go into these rocks...they each one still there. satan is afraid they'll all come out and desttroy his rule...he's right actually. but they won't wake for him. but for a good god yes they will. a big enough good god and all of them will. about 25 big rocks...all you do is make them laugh.the other is on a lower level [the one going back to the universe maps] i knew it was over. there'd be hundreds of good spirits with me. but i had no real heaven to give them. knew something bad was ahead. so i'd kill them all. push with my mind so they sank into sppace and were not. then i'd walk forward...a nasty little house. in it one 'absolute power' who was made so by me. he is getting nastier and nastier...i know why. he's gays thing. he has two sides to his face, one bright, stern. the other all dark, illfavoured, whiskery and dirty. he used to snap my neck. and there would be a round silver circle with a little silver metal man in it. thats 'adam cadmon'? then he'd hang it up in a warehouse. last time he accidentally touched me to another...shocked. there was a million of these gery-rings hanging there. so this is my last time he said. and put the little silver chap into a sick position with a carrot up its arse. sent that into the last 'map' and i looking on it saw both sides watch me die; and the realise all sorts of things which i didn't know then [or now] and both sides trying desperately to shock me back to life. failing. so absolute says to me; you see? you are utterly destroyed. then i am god. and i shall be worse than any before me. since then of course i have always had this strange feeling...yes even here on earth, that whatever i do i can't survive....and that its crucial, absolutely crucial, to ALL, that i do.
lets see. there was a boy version of me out there. 'almighty' a idiot! he's got evil and good hopelessly confused. he winds up siting a vegetable on a midden; because i am leaving and he's too set on keeping what he's got to even come down and find out whats going on. rosalind was pure and faithful to the little promises of father seabreeze; but he never showed up. all this time she kept quiet, clean. then sometime ago she was molested by these weird dwarfs..and they dragged her down to satan. she said; i have no part in you satan, and you have none in me'...he promptly raped her. and imprisoned her in his cave. i saw her the other day; hurrying away from there. shining, but weaker, also not pure etc...i think the gods are now getting so frightened, because of course in all history no human being woke up being god before...remembered absolutely everything in the spiritlands, talking to gods they can't imagine, yet there they are...so i suppose he let her go. shes still good though. she let me know shes proud of me, a little black nubbin still trying to fight the battle of good and evil.
so i was going to go on and on, giving details, explaining. but do you really need to know? do you understand any of it? what good will it do, to know the gods behave like pigs? and its not as if i can understand what its all in aid of myself...just that as gays traps and cruelties got worse everyone out there is getting madder and madder. anyway i've foreseen all my endings. they have power. but not sense. they can make moral judgments like electron microscopes...yet not of themselves? never knowing it was gay? or attacking him when they did?
anyhow; geometrylight has been hanging over me for some days now. i've been shown or allowed to go to a completely new unknown state/place. thank god. so it may seem weird [to me as well as you] but every gerry who will not die must die. every gerry who is willing to die shall live in there; with me, as it were.
this is what geometrylight seems to think; consciously, awake, i am a decent, kind, loving person. but gay has turned my deep unconscious into god the all-powerful, and cruel..like him. this is the part of me he commands witgh little nursery rhymes, rubrics...and it does it. perfectly. whatever it is...so either it can't know what it does, or he's hypnotised it to reverse values, or its the devil; HIS god....which is why he knelt to me back in first place? so if i got this right i'm both perfectly good and perfectly evil; but niether is really responsible for themselves or even aware of each other? yet both, presumably; are me. which means i must be permanently gotten away from gay, because he'll be back. or another just like him. elohim for example. or satan. anyhow i choose to leave. that other state, where i can't be used to harm others anymore. nor shall i be subjected to anymore suffering. so i think i will take the offer; indeed i already have.
so what more is there to tell? i will think for a bit. but if nothing occurs to me by say next saturday this entry basically closes the teaching.
Wednesday 26 May 2010
Monday 24 May 2010
watching the day after
watching nuclear war film with jay. talking about whats wrong with man. if we know what these bombs do why can't we throw them away? why did we let them be made? can't grown ups stop it? this kid is 9...he's asking the questions we the people and our parents before us asked....sixty odd years. and we all feel the stupid islamics are scratching to get them. they believe not having them is proof they are oppressed and subject to predjudice. yet are blind to the fact their own death-cult religion and the universal hysteria and illiterate and cruel attitudes we all now see every day are proof to us [us clevers] they must never have them. so what have i told him.?
1. i know while nan stands on the earth, the earth shall stand. so while i live is mans big chance to sort it out now, because i can't stay forever. and i feel have no spirit to take over anything beyond anymore. i didn't tell him; he is 9.
2. i told him a true man would have sized up these things while still only plans. and hanged the scientists. destroyed the knowledge. but there are no true men. scientists like doctors love money, power, being godlike in human terms. no-one will disobey them. or even ask hard questions. the problem is that man refuses to grow up. being obedient to laws just any laws encourages more and more laws...officials are mad because they think a law is the same as divine fiat. man has given too much authority to people even less able to handle it than hinmself/ call it what you wil; law, democracy, religion culture....they all do the same; abnegate resonsbility for your life. your morality. your science. your medics. your government. your wars.
3. the grown-ups knew nothing of these weapons till after they were used. and for years after not what they did. but the scientists did. so you see science is under gays control; as usual he buys souls. in their case for to be great scientists. famous. inventors. because of grown-ups doing things by numbers you have to have in each country millions like me who can think. and say no. there are none. the reason why so many rogue countries now have them is not hate but love. the spy says ' i love my country' the foreign offficial says 'we must protect; even up the balance of power'...the stupid religionists want the earth cleared of anyone not in their club like eradicating insects. as i have said; those who most want power must not get it? really all this because you don't want to admit what you are [powersick] how you feel [want parents to run your nursery forever], where you are or what time it may be.
what can we do now? you can't unknow something. yes you can. children are born empty of maths physics....of war, all this muck? learn to set up boards to judge weapons? or any tech with big implications. the board says no, its no. yes even in wartime. that is one thing. the other is this is every country that can be liable, the third is round up the books tapes pictures. everything. wipe it off the web. it means the next generation are going to be deliberately hoodwinked by their elders. and all the world must agree to keep this secret....take it to our graves everyone of us. so 4 you alll need to raise consciousness. treaties only put it off. you see they still around,m spreading? so the entire population has to see why. and do it all as one. and so you need films...tagged cos eventually these have to go too; to do ithe cs raising. and its armistices in every town or village or sstreet? throw whatever info you got in bins to be burnt and add name as a secret keeper to list. just keep going. and insist....not 1 country but all who got them or are trying...destroy them. televise so we seee it being done. and the penalty for anyone trying to make them in all countries is death.
see? its not impossible. but you alll do this. the govs can't the military won't....so you take resposiblity. give the future yet unborn a chance?
1. i know while nan stands on the earth, the earth shall stand. so while i live is mans big chance to sort it out now, because i can't stay forever. and i feel have no spirit to take over anything beyond anymore. i didn't tell him; he is 9.
2. i told him a true man would have sized up these things while still only plans. and hanged the scientists. destroyed the knowledge. but there are no true men. scientists like doctors love money, power, being godlike in human terms. no-one will disobey them. or even ask hard questions. the problem is that man refuses to grow up. being obedient to laws just any laws encourages more and more laws...officials are mad because they think a law is the same as divine fiat. man has given too much authority to people even less able to handle it than hinmself/ call it what you wil; law, democracy, religion culture....they all do the same; abnegate resonsbility for your life. your morality. your science. your medics. your government. your wars.
3. the grown-ups knew nothing of these weapons till after they were used. and for years after not what they did. but the scientists did. so you see science is under gays control; as usual he buys souls. in their case for to be great scientists. famous. inventors. because of grown-ups doing things by numbers you have to have in each country millions like me who can think. and say no. there are none. the reason why so many rogue countries now have them is not hate but love. the spy says ' i love my country' the foreign offficial says 'we must protect; even up the balance of power'...the stupid religionists want the earth cleared of anyone not in their club like eradicating insects. as i have said; those who most want power must not get it? really all this because you don't want to admit what you are [powersick] how you feel [want parents to run your nursery forever], where you are or what time it may be.
what can we do now? you can't unknow something. yes you can. children are born empty of maths physics....of war, all this muck? learn to set up boards to judge weapons? or any tech with big implications. the board says no, its no. yes even in wartime. that is one thing. the other is this is every country that can be liable, the third is round up the books tapes pictures. everything. wipe it off the web. it means the next generation are going to be deliberately hoodwinked by their elders. and all the world must agree to keep this secret....take it to our graves everyone of us. so 4 you alll need to raise consciousness. treaties only put it off. you see they still around,m spreading? so the entire population has to see why. and do it all as one. and so you need films...tagged cos eventually these have to go too; to do ithe cs raising. and its armistices in every town or village or sstreet? throw whatever info you got in bins to be burnt and add name as a secret keeper to list. just keep going. and insist....not 1 country but all who got them or are trying...destroy them. televise so we seee it being done. and the penalty for anyone trying to make them in all countries is death.
see? its not impossible. but you alll do this. the govs can't the military won't....so you take resposiblity. give the future yet unborn a chance?
Tuesday 18 May 2010
getting up speed
so gay is apparently giving in. yesterday i thought well i'd better start trying to teach the idiot religionists [particularly the poxy islamics] about their evil which they are blind to? opened a twitter a/c wrote to obama.
seeing more of futures for the zillions of spiritland gerries. know how gay planned to end the world. now getting messages [they still don't know even about each others existence; never mind me] that gay is leaving them, they don't understand... also have maintained a vigilanr watch for any numbers coming in which is another way he intended to unseat the worlds grasp on life, reality.
but then tonight realised. we been round this at least 6 times. that is we all live these hopelessy miserable lives from alpha to here. the last life, indeed the one life, of gerry? he gets me in the attic. all the other times the world ends. i was burnt by islamics [thats that stupid christ nailed to a pole...she i refused. ] other times i'm not sure except it was violent. always giving up my life for others. end of world; and then remember that thing the future meeting us? no it was us coming back the other way...well whatever it was...i see now before he always ends it here. the choice being to depart into the hellish futures i forsee and have described? or go back to the beginning and try again? isn't it awful.
so. no i bloody well will not try teaching the damn religionists anything. time they grew up and looked at themselves and saw the bleeding obvious; they ALL liars, frauds, perverts, slavers, murderers, vainly tring to but their way into heaven by obedience to ways that are selfevidently evil. cruel. and so its all hell by their own efforts. you can find another to die for you. in fact if you were worth any such thing you'd never demand any such thing. i've suffered enough. you instead learn to judge yourselves. leave your nasty religions. accept my two joined up laws. practise my three magic touchstones. if you ever do you will see at once the first person you help isn't you but me!
so i will not try to intervene in politics. this blog is my sole teaching. because me getting up and starting thinking going on is part of how the world ends? so i must not. and this means i will die quite ordinarily. all his lies and deep programs are coming to light. so cancelled the account. this blog teaches the gerries, the gods, those who really want to learn. the rest do i care anyway? who can only sit and gloat and snatch like monkeys, saying oh its a free lunch, oh i must be on the winning team, oh cruelty is not only fun, it makes me god-like. nope.
its beginning to look as if they, the true darks, are the ones who backed the wrong horse. but i will investigate this idea, that some of the seeming evil are truly good. i will inspect the king. he thinks he is one. alright let him show me. so yes i was supposed to be your messiah. but that was how he got it all. how every other time he has destroyed me. and the world with me. not this time. i will finish the history now. there's not that much more to go; and i only know the things i experienced. still you need to know.
there was a spiritlands before he expanded me and using all these little gerries turned it into hell. even another history which now we'll never know whay it was like. yesterday i stopped trying to get all those kids to somehow come back into me. its gone on too long they can't. besides theuy all have earned rest, heaven. victory. so instead i been telling the gods to explain get them understanding who they are. they are my army. little soldiers everyone of them as good as gold. brave like no stupid man ever had to be in all history. and now one by one they are waking. learning. growing up. but i must die with some sort of master spirit coming out? just what did elohim do? what about greyflash? i don't know. but if nothing does if i am dead even as i write...the kids are all you got. and they will have to somehow grow their own 'executive function' ...we call it adult ego. be god. or back that thing will come, and we already seen you creatures are hopelessly inadequate to even see through his purveying of hell in place of heaven. you will come to all those miseries. who can save you? if not them?
at any rate from now on i have no designs on a public life. if you manage to destroy the world you will be doing it all by yourselves.
seeing more of futures for the zillions of spiritland gerries. know how gay planned to end the world. now getting messages [they still don't know even about each others existence; never mind me] that gay is leaving them, they don't understand... also have maintained a vigilanr watch for any numbers coming in which is another way he intended to unseat the worlds grasp on life, reality.
but then tonight realised. we been round this at least 6 times. that is we all live these hopelessy miserable lives from alpha to here. the last life, indeed the one life, of gerry? he gets me in the attic. all the other times the world ends. i was burnt by islamics [thats that stupid christ nailed to a pole...she i refused. ] other times i'm not sure except it was violent. always giving up my life for others. end of world; and then remember that thing the future meeting us? no it was us coming back the other way...well whatever it was...i see now before he always ends it here. the choice being to depart into the hellish futures i forsee and have described? or go back to the beginning and try again? isn't it awful.
so. no i bloody well will not try teaching the damn religionists anything. time they grew up and looked at themselves and saw the bleeding obvious; they ALL liars, frauds, perverts, slavers, murderers, vainly tring to but their way into heaven by obedience to ways that are selfevidently evil. cruel. and so its all hell by their own efforts. you can find another to die for you. in fact if you were worth any such thing you'd never demand any such thing. i've suffered enough. you instead learn to judge yourselves. leave your nasty religions. accept my two joined up laws. practise my three magic touchstones. if you ever do you will see at once the first person you help isn't you but me!
so i will not try to intervene in politics. this blog is my sole teaching. because me getting up and starting thinking going on is part of how the world ends? so i must not. and this means i will die quite ordinarily. all his lies and deep programs are coming to light. so cancelled the account. this blog teaches the gerries, the gods, those who really want to learn. the rest do i care anyway? who can only sit and gloat and snatch like monkeys, saying oh its a free lunch, oh i must be on the winning team, oh cruelty is not only fun, it makes me god-like. nope.
its beginning to look as if they, the true darks, are the ones who backed the wrong horse. but i will investigate this idea, that some of the seeming evil are truly good. i will inspect the king. he thinks he is one. alright let him show me. so yes i was supposed to be your messiah. but that was how he got it all. how every other time he has destroyed me. and the world with me. not this time. i will finish the history now. there's not that much more to go; and i only know the things i experienced. still you need to know.
there was a spiritlands before he expanded me and using all these little gerries turned it into hell. even another history which now we'll never know whay it was like. yesterday i stopped trying to get all those kids to somehow come back into me. its gone on too long they can't. besides theuy all have earned rest, heaven. victory. so instead i been telling the gods to explain get them understanding who they are. they are my army. little soldiers everyone of them as good as gold. brave like no stupid man ever had to be in all history. and now one by one they are waking. learning. growing up. but i must die with some sort of master spirit coming out? just what did elohim do? what about greyflash? i don't know. but if nothing does if i am dead even as i write...the kids are all you got. and they will have to somehow grow their own 'executive function' ...we call it adult ego. be god. or back that thing will come, and we already seen you creatures are hopelessly inadequate to even see through his purveying of hell in place of heaven. you will come to all those miseries. who can save you? if not them?
at any rate from now on i have no designs on a public life. if you manage to destroy the world you will be doing it all by yourselves.
Saturday 15 May 2010
last remark
had a nightmare night a few days ago.all night seriously considered whether or not it might be true, that i an the devil. the really evil one?
well if i am i think its terrible and i should be humanely put to sleep. if i am then i never knew and trying to keep hold of the idea is making the world spin. if i am then i was not an instrument of 'god' but the main engine of the train and the driver. but that is not what i remember at all. what is true is that various split off bits of me have allowed or caused terrible things to happen to all, anyone at all, that i told him [in a asc] who could stop him or help me.
the devil a girl-child; in all that endless suffering? no it must be the other way round. it is gay who is the liar, the slaver, the nurderer, the fiddler, the abuser, the torturer, the false witness, the mysognist, the queer who hides it in attacking other queers, the cruel mocker who thinks cruelty is 'fun'
no. your god; your oh so superior male god who is no-ones father, who betrays all who believe in him no matter what they think their religion is...he is the DEVIL. so who should all; everywhere ....be trying to help? get away from him? fling into battle beside? well me you muffin. me.
well if i am i think its terrible and i should be humanely put to sleep. if i am then i never knew and trying to keep hold of the idea is making the world spin. if i am then i was not an instrument of 'god' but the main engine of the train and the driver. but that is not what i remember at all. what is true is that various split off bits of me have allowed or caused terrible things to happen to all, anyone at all, that i told him [in a asc] who could stop him or help me.
the devil a girl-child; in all that endless suffering? no it must be the other way round. it is gay who is the liar, the slaver, the nurderer, the fiddler, the abuser, the torturer, the false witness, the mysognist, the queer who hides it in attacking other queers, the cruel mocker who thinks cruelty is 'fun'
no. your god; your oh so superior male god who is no-ones father, who betrays all who believe in him no matter what they think their religion is...he is the DEVIL. so who should all; everywhere ....be trying to help? get away from him? fling into battle beside? well me you muffin. me.
seconds away; round two
yesterday quite importnat. mind wrenched open to experiences in infancy. grown-ups took me a baby could sit not talk to a house all painted white. i don't know who they were. tormented me for ages lots of shouting. finally they slit my eyeball open; they'd seen it in a film. the revulsion? fear? sent me insane ...ants or something poured into my mouth til i choked. now this has to r2 because there was sunshine; which i never see in higher realities.
what it is the beings there must treat me as evil. destroy me, ruin me; because i am good. this happens to anyone who is even pleasant. that way [crackers] gay damns them the right way. they are then saved, but noone cares about my terrible endless suffering.
so i remembered that. and then being out in the dark space with him. a sandy lonely place. he said something and then strangled me. he has to kill me in a way that doesn't destroy my form [=body] that way he can bring me back. this girl a little older; maybe 10. then i noticed a similar memory. suddenly hundreds. then thousands. each girl-me believing they all alone. and i can see he's been doing it over and over. a few hours later [it takes ages to get over these things] another lot..like a grat sparkling blue cloud...but its a great mound of life-memories; apparently still live. thousands of them. got glimpses. gerry on a beach. gerry begging. gerry trying to get herself saved. taught by gay. going round ruining this person or that...thousands.
that together with the upover realities which i restrained myself from destroying last wednesday; glad i did now...get rid of gay they still viable. is the lot. oh and reverse side of coin.
so the universe when you die is evil. while you can you suppposed to get yourself damned and then you find its easier. but he gets you anyway. now the king did accept me. just for telling a lie. but the cup was dashed from my hand by doubtless a little gerry walking along blindly obeying him [gay] trtying to get herself damned? why? its all built out of me or i'm his opposite, the good god, who he has terrorised for aeons into turning it all into hell. making it evil. but myself am good. hence all the punishments; i'm apparently incapable of being evil any too long? so all that in the attack is where the Devil [gay] became god. and so did i? and the real battle of good and evil was between us; not in the hearts and minds of eagles or doves or angels or lords or lessers or men...just us. and i been pulling him down,
last night a real biggie was stood watching me. i told him it was over. that i can't forgive any of it never mind all; and told him to lock himself out of it ALONE until all the gods freed and sane hold a trial. no everlasting flames; thats his thing not mine. so he surrendered and began walking down into the darkness his face began to resemble a pig... all night relaxed. knew it might be too soon.
this morning saw the swarm swarming. they all in england for iris's funeral. i know they been ordered to take me out. and this afternoon i was listening to music when i heard; yes gerry is worth her weight in poison. you see they [i didn't see the speaker] still trying to make out the good are really evil? i started [its horrible to hear this sort of thing]...and saw gay looking older, fiercer, dressed in grey, watching intently...then i caught a gold chalice tubling in front of me. knew he was trung to poison me again. told upper spirit its only real if you believe it. only deadly if you believe it will kill you; like an allergy? gay enraged coming at me; trying to kill him /make him drink it/pour it out...i said; gay is poison. like a disease pathogen he kills and deforms. the good nurse uses poison to kill disease. also recalled gay said 'you're going to a different world; where the laws are diffrent...there when the princess kisses the prince SHE turns into a frog'...so i'm going to the dark realms in my travels/dreams.a new realm, one i didn't know before? but that means i can leave too. so already got the attention of geomtrylight. and now must get out of that nasty gay=right realm myself. so the battle is not over yet. he's like a snake with multi heads. each time you chop off 1 two more grow. so he must have a vital spot. find it. and i win.
but the van kassels being in england is a worry. anyway let me state the truth. goodness is NOT poisonous. you can drink tea made by me; and thats all it is. tea. but you cannot be even too physically close to gay or van kassels....so which are the toxic ones? he forced me to make it all evil. so its all hell for me because i don't match? on the other hand he is going down. i can mend what i have done. must in fact; since i have a conscience.
incidentally i compared my sufferings downtime to the far aheads...to all the suffering seabreeze caused? its not father seabreeze who can claim the greatest crime of all time. its gay. of course. anyway look on the brightside; now you see he can be bested. he will surrender. no bollocks about mercy being stupid or forgiveness a crime against god was there? first thing he says; forgive me. mercy. but how shall i be saved'.
thats your god. don't let his minions win. they are criminaly insane and too stupid even to know they kill their salvation if they kill me.
what it is the beings there must treat me as evil. destroy me, ruin me; because i am good. this happens to anyone who is even pleasant. that way [crackers] gay damns them the right way. they are then saved, but noone cares about my terrible endless suffering.
so i remembered that. and then being out in the dark space with him. a sandy lonely place. he said something and then strangled me. he has to kill me in a way that doesn't destroy my form [=body] that way he can bring me back. this girl a little older; maybe 10. then i noticed a similar memory. suddenly hundreds. then thousands. each girl-me believing they all alone. and i can see he's been doing it over and over. a few hours later [it takes ages to get over these things] another lot..like a grat sparkling blue cloud...but its a great mound of life-memories; apparently still live. thousands of them. got glimpses. gerry on a beach. gerry begging. gerry trying to get herself saved. taught by gay. going round ruining this person or that...thousands.
that together with the upover realities which i restrained myself from destroying last wednesday; glad i did now...get rid of gay they still viable. is the lot. oh and reverse side of coin.
so the universe when you die is evil. while you can you suppposed to get yourself damned and then you find its easier. but he gets you anyway. now the king did accept me. just for telling a lie. but the cup was dashed from my hand by doubtless a little gerry walking along blindly obeying him [gay] trtying to get herself damned? why? its all built out of me or i'm his opposite, the good god, who he has terrorised for aeons into turning it all into hell. making it evil. but myself am good. hence all the punishments; i'm apparently incapable of being evil any too long? so all that in the attack is where the Devil [gay] became god. and so did i? and the real battle of good and evil was between us; not in the hearts and minds of eagles or doves or angels or lords or lessers or men...just us. and i been pulling him down,
last night a real biggie was stood watching me. i told him it was over. that i can't forgive any of it never mind all; and told him to lock himself out of it ALONE until all the gods freed and sane hold a trial. no everlasting flames; thats his thing not mine. so he surrendered and began walking down into the darkness his face began to resemble a pig... all night relaxed. knew it might be too soon.
this morning saw the swarm swarming. they all in england for iris's funeral. i know they been ordered to take me out. and this afternoon i was listening to music when i heard; yes gerry is worth her weight in poison. you see they [i didn't see the speaker] still trying to make out the good are really evil? i started [its horrible to hear this sort of thing]...and saw gay looking older, fiercer, dressed in grey, watching intently...then i caught a gold chalice tubling in front of me. knew he was trung to poison me again. told upper spirit its only real if you believe it. only deadly if you believe it will kill you; like an allergy? gay enraged coming at me; trying to kill him /make him drink it/pour it out...i said; gay is poison. like a disease pathogen he kills and deforms. the good nurse uses poison to kill disease. also recalled gay said 'you're going to a different world; where the laws are diffrent...there when the princess kisses the prince SHE turns into a frog'...so i'm going to the dark realms in my travels/dreams.a new realm, one i didn't know before? but that means i can leave too. so already got the attention of geomtrylight. and now must get out of that nasty gay=right realm myself. so the battle is not over yet. he's like a snake with multi heads. each time you chop off 1 two more grow. so he must have a vital spot. find it. and i win.
but the van kassels being in england is a worry. anyway let me state the truth. goodness is NOT poisonous. you can drink tea made by me; and thats all it is. tea. but you cannot be even too physically close to gay or van kassels....so which are the toxic ones? he forced me to make it all evil. so its all hell for me because i don't match? on the other hand he is going down. i can mend what i have done. must in fact; since i have a conscience.
incidentally i compared my sufferings downtime to the far aheads...to all the suffering seabreeze caused? its not father seabreeze who can claim the greatest crime of all time. its gay. of course. anyway look on the brightside; now you see he can be bested. he will surrender. no bollocks about mercy being stupid or forgiveness a crime against god was there? first thing he says; forgive me. mercy. but how shall i be saved'.
thats your god. don't let his minions win. they are criminaly insane and too stupid even to know they kill their salvation if they kill me.
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