tantric 'yoga'

i am having a really bad day. i feel unwanted and that nobody at all reads or learns. not even 1 comment. nothing. everywhere its the same. why? i don't know an i don't care. its mad because if anyone was to ask for anything; here is where they shall find the answer!! i'm the truthspeller. not a prophet, exactly, though i have seen all the futures. you know mankind? eager to learn, desperate for the truth, looking for the answers all their worthless lives? where did we come from, why are we here, what happens when we die? and i am telling them.

so anxious are they to learn they don't even look. nor care at all what is to happen to me. of course when its their turn suddenly its the most important thing in the universe. well if they will not care for me; why should i care for any of them? i tell them love is all they need to find forgiveness; with that passion they can forgive others themselves. but my love has been steadily murdered. who cares for me? not one. and its been very hard, these attacks. no-one will come. i been completely on my own in it for many months now. have decided to die quietly and comfortably as soon as is reasonably convenient.

now i was going to explain tantric yoga. but since no-one can be arsed to read it whats the bloody point?

the kama sutra

i been having a good day. decided to crack on with the play. got my themes, my characters, worked out its levels. even done a map of the stage/ampitheatre; in case i got my exits etc messed up. the poetry will flow like a little river; but i have to rest and anyway need to let it all settle and get fired up. then you watch; bang! i'll do half in a night, half the next. anyhow got not much to do. read my last entry, and thought of 'baboons can't read the karma sutra'. as it happens i read it the other day. years ago i read a smaller copy, with the pictures. in those pictures you only see young ladies on swings. in my old copy then i didn't know it was actually a form of yoga these blokes thought they were doing. but in my present copy, which is gigantic, i learned several things. basically that baboons read it wiv praise; because it was bloody baboons who wrote it! you see then i was 15. now i am older, and can see what i read?

1. this is a form of yoga? then what does it accomplish in spirit? they got sort of the right idea. i also say a life without passion is wasted. that the two sexes are two principles of the universe. niether shall disrepect the other. they both essential. not just in reproduction. but spiritually. i go a lot further. i say its the females who steadily improve the race. i say the men by their constant drive to be harsher and tougher are making themselves de-evolve! which is why the world has not progressed in so many ways. you can't see that because of your comparatively easy lives. but its true. even a peasant in classical times spoke of the ideals and laws of his time intelligently, thugh he was illiterate. they knew why some things were right, and responded with emotion to their duty. were glad to learn. if their religions were contemptible they did also fit their time. now look, stalin, hitler, mao, the silly mussolini, even today everywhere tyrants, even small genocides. in roman times or even before every one of the humans then alive would have risen in wrath. stopped it because it is utterly wrong. you say 'we stopped hitler' ? ah, but why? to help the jews, the gypsies, the witnesses the unfit? you bloody liar. only when hitler obviously threatened your own rulers and fatcats was there any stopping him. and millions died because it was too late for them. and who even bollocked mao, stalin; or today who destroyed pol pot? idi amin? the cretins in rwanda? nobody even went in to help. you are all of you losing your moral sense.

now look again at the karma sutra, you see in every page the AGE of the girls [and boys] chosen by the 'great lover'? yes. they are best under the age of 12. !! even mature women are only good material to practise this art on if they are maried or basically can be ruined in some way. then again, look at the lovemaking as it is described. you get the girl with her legs doubled up between you? against a wall.in a seat. always this is best, the authors opine, to force the female against her legs; yes even while she's trying to balance half way up a pillar!! no mention whatever of teasing her breasts in touch or lips, indeed come to think of it there's no real exposition of how to turn her on at all. its all 'pick up her legs hold them up and enter. oh or bend her over like a boy and go in there '. see? you must know perfectly well those are the actions of someone using a woman with the intention of making bloody sure she can't enjoy it! then you get chapter and verse on scratches and slaps and then real beatings; this the authors assure us, is real passion. remember they are sending these blokes; whether young or old, ugly or not, nice or bloody vile....at young girls. who are one and all, whatever their age, to be seduced into 'love' by the judicious use of TOYS. BEADS. oh an the occasional singsong!!! so you see at once they've lost the plot.they are giving males a licence to rape, beat, seduce too young. and not a bit of it, particularly the use of her legs like i dunno what, is ever likely to pleasure a woman. no wonder all indian old ladies look so sour depressed and miserable. believe me, they are!

go on, read it for yourselves. the beautifully expressed lyrics on oral sex, anal sex; its all for the man; isn't it? there's not really a single part that tells a boy the entire and whole thing is LOVE. yes, and when SHE loves HIM, and not before. and even the most stupid person must see this is not to be bought by toys? by silly flattery? women are people. and contrary to all you ever knew they will not respond until YOU love THEM too. then its a doddle. it will all fit, it all rolls along by itself. the sex stops being a mere masturbation, which is what sex without love/passion is. you won't be studiously adopting positions in pretence. without love its a fake and a bore. but with love, with that terrific blast of energy which lights it all up, melts away every inhibition. makes it all easy and can send BOTH sexes into 'multiple orgasms; then you got something quite different. its called passion. and that sort of love, which begins to make forgiveness in both of them possible first for each other, then others, even on a huge scale? it changes your balance in the universe. you have found love. total acceptance. forgiveness, the real thing, happens in them both, the two principles of the universe are found and connected? and then your bad karma is being cancelled out, you see? you are bringing joy into being where before was only tedium. and joy for your information has also a kind of light? so now you see what the kama sutra should have taught you. AND DOESN'T. don't read it anymore people. its a kind of male education in being a 'stud' and nothing more. passion is real though. but not that way. btw, yes its possible for same sex passion to happen.

and how shall you make a woman or a man fall in love with you? and how shall you make yourself fall in love like that? the answer is you cannot. when you are ready, mature, when so is the other, when you meet...well it may not happen even then. no-one, not gods or man, can control love. if you have it; gods bless! if you have not, nor ever did, be of good cheer. always be a good person, kindly and civilsed. your turn will come. but you can't force it or buy it. and never shall you ape it particularly not by the silly cozening of very young girls. because as freud has said, many young girls have to be woken, like sleeping beauty? it is love which wakens them. before they are as narcissitic as babies. and not eager. so its all pretence in the kama sutra; because they are preying upon just these. not such a nice book at all. it leads on in fact to its black opposite; tantric yoga.

so go make yourself someone loveable you oaf. otherwise its black, and bad karma!!

a thought on love

now i'm thinking. the church says that the state of being in love is not enough. because it blinds you in some ways, to the persons' weaknesses? and yes it is a lot to do with your age and your hormones? i suppose there is some sense in this. but then i know that i can still fall in love, and at my age how shall it be the hormones? maybe its only me; but love helps you to love even the weakness in the other, to make every forgiveness possible. yet the first frenzy shall giveway to a more steady reasoned friendship. but who could know that, unless they went through all of it? anyway the church from the beginning goes on and on about agape, a will to act as if you love, as the one true love. it is not so. if you have to will yourself like that then obviously you do not love at all. so for centuries men have begged for passion, yet cannot have it without love. and equally, the women they have begged for love; knowing passion is not possible without it. and the church clarts up the world with this loveless love of theirs.

but i am always loving someone you know. and never get the passion even so. for men they are fakers, all. a woman an them, just letting it rock n roll? they can't stand it. the price is love, they cry, and its too high. so they boast of their 12000 conquests, an all jealous they become. idiotic. because as we see not one of the 12000 went back for a second go! that is a limp member, they all pretending. or others who also must be bragging blindly; 10 women a day? thats 10 people used like handy andies mate. how they must secretly hate! whyever do the men believe it is the number of comes in a day is the index of passion? a dog in heats can beat them all for that anyway. and women too. my personal level is 11. yes in one day. find me the man who can make that an admirable thing? for themselves, they say yes. now look at the shock they just got. us women know we all like that from day 1. most men manage but the one. in any case there is a world of difference between mere sex and passion. and love which levels us in one way can also launch us into that; skywards. see?
now you see why you live as i say you can. if you be not a lover, then you be not a man. and the same is true for the other; we women who can do the impossible and love in truth a man. so love one another; and sex shall become neither a bore nor a jading act of shame; but true passion, which is the other evolution. or what hamadryad babbon could read the kama sutra; or write in love even 1 good poem? yes learn what all your songs are all about. we become man together; or our life is wasted. so i am glad now that i am the true lover.

your first change

you will remember i said there are things you must change, and right away? very well. notice that all the religions, whtr savage or so-called high, do 1 thing. all over the world th men it is who have their choice of females. this rubbish began thousands of years ago, a kind of nasty takeover. you can see the traces of it in your arliest histories. at one time it was the girls who fell in love and mated with the lover of their choice. but along came the patriarhs and obeying evil sold the men a filthy new idea; that of slavery. and also the 'subugation of women' and all both evidenced and upheld by these beastly religions. but notice its only subugation. a woman can free herself by just deciding to. an the first thing you do is look at your religion? keep what you find in it that will impel your own evolution. but jettison the rest. and with it all law false all ways evil. why say i this?
it was always obvious to me; but i can prove it. you know about two years ago a newspaper asked thousands of people to list the characteristics they most desired in a mate? now they got a 90% response rate. and they had to list the two; the choices of women and the choices of men, side by side. because there was no relationship. the men ALL of them, listed various physical features. a starlets lips, keep going, face, eyes, hai, tits, tc. and that was all. mere physical features. the women couldn't be more different. they listed intelligence, humour, ability to make money, tenderness, and also goodlooks. bu those goodlooks are no where specified.

instantly you see that men are incapable of choosing any mate; for their desires are mere fantasy, and all wrong. the paper had to modify the result, it was so horrific. all the features men wanted were put together; and even improved the result is ghastly. but you see they couldn't do that with the choices of the females? because those are the real parameters of how you choose a mate? or what are you in love with? its a person; or a sex toy. a fantasy? and you see how the men have condemned all their race to stupidity, ugliness, worthless character, vile and lowly ethic? so the evolution of mankind is quietly driven by the females, isn't it? now you see why there are so many people with defective intelligence. men never think to list intelligence? yet hate and despise stupid women? the truth of that is this; for centuries men burned intelligent women at the stake. so all women, even clever ones, will act silly in the presence of a man. but you see the tragedy? humans have been getting more and more stupid. and ugly; look at the figures of your ancestors. they were all goodlooking! how many of you can claim that? and this is why. women choose their partners for good reasons. men don't choose at all. we all know they will have sex even with something dead a week. this is why women go on about love. its a person they want, a real man; which is presumably what we all here to become. the men really have been destroying themselves, because they are both stupid, primitive, in charge; and can't learn or see what is wrong. each male having the pride of lucifer.

so change this. at once. from now on the girls themselves have their choice. incidentally arranged marriages are vile. the father might love his daughter; but he will marry her off to money, or a good name, or the chance of getting land. which is why the indian bride is to be pitied because they all look at the repulsive thing they will forever be forced by; and they cry. so never again do this. it is prostituting your daughter! and also because i am a woman a little wiser than i was; i say this, no marriage should be so close, so much a lifelong trap. i still believe that children need both parents. it seems natural to them. but also i know the callow youths that got a girl in her first flush; they are the very ones the mature woman despises. so we all have to learn and grow. so be not fixed unless love it is that holds you. where love departs the union is over. stay not together, but leave, sharing what you have fairly. because once love did honour you with this man. the difference being that fatherhood like motherhood is an eternal thing. though you part, he is the childs father; and his responsibiltie remain. as do yours, vile the woman who abandons her child! and so no man is worthy of respect until he is a love, a good father. then he is entitled to respect. just as you are, o woman of the future. so this we now, we who become a little wiser every day, change to this i have described. and learn, o women, that you stick togeher. a man beats one? you all work together however secretly, to destroy that man. thats it, thats all.

what have i given you? its called authority, my dear.

update

just looked at satan wrote the bible. he keeps getting all political. in his way he's as much a religionist as those he despises. liberals v republicans. the joke is the commies didn't believe in communism. the liberals particularly the political leaders don't believe it. look its like this. those who want money or benefits for themselves look for the excusers. those who want power for themselves look for the accusers. those who want superiority at any price look for the means to get it.so the proudest man on earth is the pope. the worst slavers are your filthy muslims. all the religions are slavery; but never for those who lead it. so some are religionists some not. but look in the mans' heart for the truth. if you find it; thats what it nearly always is. or don't you know that the union types are really fatcats themselves? do they live like you? no? then they are liars. thats all. or do you really think say, hitler and that gang truly believed in all that shit? some of it yes. but these men believe whatever they feel will master everyone else.
they can believe their own lies. as evil always does.
the mad thing about the religionists is that they go all pie-eyed about the stupid useless trivia in their system. so we all hear ad nauseam about the birth of jesus. star, 3 magi, angel or essenes? these ppl are thick as bricks. its the man in his heart you look at whether a founder of faith or what. the most asinine sods on earth are in fact the bloody scientists. not one looks for the truth. if they ever did. no they spend years getting honours, degrees, dream up a plausible but non-intuitive theory; then they spend more years getting a vague tendency in the stats, instantly they famous...because they drive the thing straight to market. they sellers and salesmen like the rest. its better to have some ethic, even if you got to be told like an infant by some blooming god. remember its scientists who gave you the bomb. and work like the lemmings they are on improvements. ditto germ war-fare. the other face of science is they do have a god. their own swollen ego is their god.

but speaking of jesus +/- other founders. the truth is always prosaic. he was born of a normal woman in the usual way by the traditional method. his father was zacharias; which is why he mentions the mans' death in the temple so often. yes, john was his half-brother. but if you look you see its john teaches jesus. quite a lot of jesus' teachings are straight from john. it was john was the the holy man of the family right from his birth. so you see hidden here a case of sibling rivalry.
also jesus neither knew nor could do anything miraculous until after john launched him. so all those infancy legends are just that; legends. and silly ones at that. but both men can claim they were set up. as children. like we all were. and in fact jesus only addressed his jewish people. he saw foriegners as dogs. he said 'why do you call me good? only god is good'..perfectly true. [until you see the gods]. anyhow he was the same as me. a mortal who lives in and remembers the other realms. on reality 1 science is king, because man is dolts. but as you go up mind it is; so the mind thats big, old, knows...is god. and in those realms yes, miracles happen. very often, because you see its minds acting on minds.

mohammed was a nasty piece of work. 90% of the koran is his opinions; poor allah hardly got a word in edgways. yes he did fall into sweaty trances and out would pop a poem in stately style. but his hatred of women spoils every bit of it. he also never had a single miracle. one battle won. and they all converted. sure they did. or burn.that journey legend is vain daydreams. the women as all of them sex slaves. what stupid male could resist it? and they don't. thats the real power of islam. christianity much the same. ditto hinduism and buddhism. wherever you find that so appealing legal, moral, god given enslavement of others...that is the mark of evil. and then they admit themselves that the best bits of the koran, written on leaves and kept under mohammeds' bed [he dwelt in a tent all his life], got et by the sheep/goats. so he wasn't master even of the animals? a kind of reverse miracle; because if mohammed says its good then it must have been even worse. allah is the compasionate, the merciful? and every page dripping with cruel gloating over the hells for everyone, yes, even babies, who are not properly muslim, not properly male. which you dozy sods, is everybody!! for never ever has there been a real man on this planet. you all the lot of you are fakers.
buddha does in fact still live. he was a bragger in the grand manner. or does no-one but me realise that all his wonderful states of development...90% of which no-one either heard of before or has attained since...were all of them self reported? he is held to be saintly because he left his riches, his crown , his wife and child? trust the asiatics to think the height of sanctity is too leave wealth!! but in fact he was everwhere attended by kings. he died of ptomaine poisoning. ate bad prawns at yet another banquet with the usual 2 or 3 kings. people starve for years aping this man. they are blind to the fact that he was very fat. and had jagged yellow teeth. and the hair is a wig. no he didn't like women, probably because they never liked him. and what is the aim of buddhas teaching? the same as vivekananda. how to renounce all hope, and die. like jesus? resist ye not evil? i say yes you bloody will.

so all your lights are dark, as you now see. the only way to become man is to remember. the truth will set you free. drive you mad as well. but by god if not one will resist evil; then you all do deserve it. as also you shall see.

my first proper broadcast

went all wrong. i can't see if it going out or not. apparently it did, but no sound! trust this thing to marmelize itself. oh didn't explain. was listening to the news about hati. could see the teams operating no plan, haphazar, people starting to fight, cos they been simply left for days...no dropped leaflets telling them where to go or what to do; no food no water even a lot of reports of rescuers leaving people to die after hours getting them out! what set me off was a message just put out on twitter; 210 medics + supplies stuck insalvador; couldn't charter a plane! just asking anyone to assist. so found ustream an got on air trying to get the arseholes in charge to do their bloody jobs. they all trained for this. so wot in hell do they think they're doing? no airdrops 'in case the people loot' silly bloody sods. that was guaranteed to end in panic, violence. so i got on the ir an said so. but no idea if it went out or not. but next day they started airdrops, bill clinton posing for cameras every half hour....presumably some clever sort worked it out for themselves.

anyhow had another go tonight. on the fact that we the english are being steadily enslaved and dispossessed and the targets for all these scumbag officials to hinder and annoy. i want us fighting, or we lose. just vanish. so am saying so. but like i said Judas here buggared it up. come to think of it i don't think its british made.

anyhow i can do broadcasting, only a bit nervous. that cos this thing sits here an i know perfectly well how dodgy it is. hence the nerves. but once i know how i won't even be vaguely apprehensive. don't sem to have 'stage-fright.'

anyway kerrys' had two lots of bad news. promised to keep it shtum. she's just like me. went home an wrote a poem. i'm on facebook at last. its a lot more human than twitter where they don't talk to each other. just advertising or being nasty to 'celebs'....from what i seen i never want to be a 'celeb'. any creeps tried that with me would get such a slap!

btw, my 'slaps' are truthful comments, can be quite aggressive. but no, i don't hit people. but i hate liars. as these americans [whether followers or wot] all seem to be. just always selling or bragging. so we going to try to turn twittering into something human. like talking? mind you i say that. but if i have to go to war; well in war you do hurt. you have to get physical. or lose. be cowards, liars. and end up slaves...

hoping to broadcast fairly often. and my better films once done too. now its 1100pm an i got just dogends. so i will sleep now. get up aaround 0300am an work on 'gem'

goodnight. soon as i get my head together will go on teaching.

found this last night

Saying Goodbye, October, 1989.


My prayer is answered. He shyly sits near.
But old battles rear their hostile heads inside.
She never speaks, only looks. He never looks, only speaks.
It is time to share their lives, their pain.
That cross so heavy and scored with knife wounds.
So she wills him to speak to her, and she looks
He looks to another, willing her to speak.
And turns his back on her fatal silences.
This little love flower gently starts to die.
For who can stand repeated rejection?
Now she sits stonily in a pub,
Ignoring the happy chatter, the lights on their heads.
She loves him. Sadly she paces into the dark; alone as ever.

She watches the laugh dying in his eyes.
'I didn't want you anyway', they both mutter blankly.
O God, shall I never feel him thrilling into me,
Hissing sparks in my ear? What of him?
Does he dream on my breasts milkwhite, tipped with golds?
Does he think on my sex, the wet warm inviting?
So they stalk from humour to sorrow;
Bleak the axe falling on this strange little flower of love.


He is beautiful, heart insists, overflowing with strife.
Look on his good hands, his eyes; sea-green!
And soul pauses in her eternal march.
We look on this stranger; a lonely loving man.
Do they not all pray for love all their days?
'Come to me, my heart whisphers, be accepted.
I'll accept you and all you loved, nothing less
Just exactly as you are. Eternity in us; we meet.
Only say, poor souls, that you do feel love; and it is yours.
Shall you love them; all of them? he asks invisibly,
Yes I say sweetly, all who loved you be commended.
All love is a servant of love; my love
Which swifter than lightning flies past our thirsty lips.
Only touch, he cries, his eyes shocking in joy.
Only ask, she asks, eyes sad and pitying.
They closer cannot come, they shall never
Hang together in the electicity of sex.
She didn't ask. He didn't touch.
Goodbye, little flower, goodbye.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

utub hi-jinks

been trying all day off and on to get utube an me sorted out.with chrome you get a fabulou picture [on everything else] but its takes forever to upload even tiny bits; and twice it aborted...do not believe it when it says you can do other things while its uploading! it lies!

anyhow they only practising with the camera. i have found a composer, she does harpsichord. now that can be really creepy given echo. we shall see. usual gangs of actors hanging about. i want a young man; good voice. and someone else for the vo. [talking about 'dark room'. but i'm nowhere near ready to film. on the other hand you can't learn any of this stuff except by doing it].

in any event they got to wait. need loc, lights, and cgi worked out. not to mention they each get paid something; though it won't be much.

my daughter giving me grief. went to her place and they not in. thanx a bunch. so boys doomed to be illiterate imbeciles. also i fixed the godamn webcam; an bloke lost hisself instead. now i taken me meds. think i will sleep for a bit. what i want to do is have a crack at cgi. but brain starting to protest. night all.

afraid to look

tried to sleep, cos steadily getting scared all evening. almost immediately was in a maelstrom of gay murdering me as a childspirit over and over, all these big people standing around. it went on for a very long time. i didn't try to resist or fight, too young, kept hoping it would stop. thts why i'm frightened to look; i don't know if its a memory or not. so since no sleep available right now will show on this log thats the sort of thing gay; and other evils like him do in daylight and full view of others out there. notice no
god of any kind stops it; no-one even protests; they like it or are afraid themselves. you all have to go out there too, you know.

but how can you save yourselves from this horror. you must call yourself evil in public, do at least a demonstration evil or sin, from here on be allied with whatever 'devil' is in your religion, do not pray direct to gay...nobody at all deserves him,..keep your secret 3 toucstones and 2 laws hidden in your heart until it is safe and worthwhile to feel them and act on them.

yes kindness, love and pity are all feelings. so the 3 touchstones will cure hell; stop cruelty; make the spirits know they too like computers etc. the ten commandments are 'thou shalt nots'....and addresses bad behaviours/feelings. but these three can inspire those feelinngs good, and cure you of criminal minds, and that stops bad behaviour by itself. so you see they are the right answer for both gods and man.

but i say that out in the spiritlands evil gods rule, and terribly punish the good. here on earth most people are happy to be at least civilised. so they will go to hell. and since the heavens of the first fathers are wrecked and left ruins long ago you understand there's no reward, rescue, or anywhere else to go so you make it bearable, you adapt. but either way you lose; because here the seeming good do rule, get caught doing something evil you go to prison. so what can you do?

update

worked out some more of it with satan n yetzoah last night. told them wot they got to do. hammered into their minds that gay is EVERYBODY'S problem. they went off talking; first time i seen that. so later gay tried interfering; this one angry, got too close an i terminated him. last thing he said was 'you are out of control'..yes i am. out of his control. that one just dropped to bits in front of me. okay, so we going the right way. he can die. now he's bee splitting himself to command each level, so there's quite a lot. but nothing like as badly as the rest of us. we can do this. but i don't understand what it is i did to make it happen. find out an teach the others.

as for the future coming to meet us; yes he made them come the other way; from their 'beginning of time'. but i refuse to panic. think. we meet 'the future' every day. in essence all we will know is tat suddely some very odd people will turn up. thats all. so i told satan n yetzoah to get ready for it. but think now it may not be so bad. 1. they are in the same boat as us. 2. if we scared so will they be. so i got to figure out how i just killed that gay last night. i my ave no future; the earth r1 may have an awful shock. but all of them will go on. so arm them. give them ome bloody chance. wilco.

for me its obvious i must be 'god' for a bit. but i reject 'good' its a set of nice behaviours, but we in the middle of a war. an anyway everyone of those good ideas has to be examined. so what i set myself is to forget all that crap; good n evil. i knw he is the enemy. an i am going to bring it down around his ears. or he can find crumbles an go. crumbles is painless. its final. he won't be dragged back to punishment. he can just go.

think he will.

as for the king he set me up. an also his own son. now we see it. well they are going to stop that. they are remembering. i knew it! there's no reason why wiv a few changes the gods can't do yoga etc. just remember your past lives. its your own memory. who can stop you? brents going to find i tell them what to do; they also tell me. we all three in one way or another are the gods. and he is not. many thanks for your helps. you did most of it rightly. but for your own purposes. are you on the winning team? if its gay you won't half be sorry. if its everyone else; who will be able to stand the sight of you? knowing what you were really doing?

your own son will look on you as a stranger. what have you won?

drat

o hells bells i just realised what i am doing! i'm being bloody good again aren't i? wot is it wiv me for christs sake? why can't i ever learn to be a lying murderous bastard like everyone else.

wots the betting i been damned again? blimey i'd better undam meself while i still remember how?

silly bloody woman i reckon its blooming unnatural! i know i got to be evil! blowed if i ever remember to do it LIKE EVER!!

oh rats, i am weary. getting in bath. will inspect toes. start by learning to be evil on subject of toes silly bitch...how many you got, idiot?/

395..??

MASTER RACE CRAP

finally i have to say what i know to be true. and so do you all. there is no 'master race'. what a stupid thing. a real advanced race don't go round being 'masters ' you daft sods. more like teachers. anyway it wouldn't be the germans. you see jesus, moses, all we know of a good god? comes from the jews. so sorry adolf an co. the jews are your 'best ' race, and if you look you dozy pillocks which of them is a slaver or destroyer of entire peoples? none. oh someone will go on about yah an his kill em all policy. will address that next time. getting tired.

just try to get it into your poor heads. someone who thinks he's in a master race SHOWS HE NEEDS A TEACHER!! so he isn't master even of his mouth then. is he?

THE RACES

right. the races. seems to be a thing inspires knee-jerk hate in everyone. if you don't hate one lot then you're all callous about the fate of another lot. and everyone of you is determined to be a cardcarrying member of the 'really superior people'. some try to co-opt the religious heritage of others. some try to denigrate another lot, calmly and insanely ignoring the terrible histories involved. and i mean the awful history of africans as well. and NOBODY is exempt from these feelings. i have them too. its horribly normal. but we most of us recognise we have to change. i do. we are ALL the man in the mirror.

african people HATE and want to RAPE AND KILL all white people. they hate their own stone-age faces. they know an so does everyone else that they are of lesser intelligence. so they hate their history. but so do i! is it not utter cruelty they have faced? again and again? but no-one admits that this is whats wrong. so half the human race goes on despising them. and they hate right back. of course they do. but the answer isn't to lie through your teeth. say what is obviously untrue. that for example the black races were the 'first' to be civilised, that they are the true Israelites...nonsense. EVERYBODY, right, ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY, every person or people on this planet has suffered terribly. wrongs. cruelty. awful insane unjust laws. absolutely nobody anywhere has never sufferd at all. we all have.
so we start with all africans. now i say what i know is the truth. absolutely every negro on the face of the earth hails from Africa. so that is their land. it is the house of their gods. they have absolutely no right or leave to be en masse anywhere else. now they were taken by force. it is not their fault. but they must recognise to find their real destiny they must go back, they cannot be happy anywhere else. now i also say to themdirectly that i have no idea why they are so off-beam intellectually. yes it is all of them. those who flaunt degrees have always cheated or received unusual assistance. but you cannot cure the thing by lying about it!
i tell you straightly that in africa you fit. that you are so badly fitted to other races that neither you nor they are at all safe. i can also tell you that you are damn quick learners. you can build great and worthy cultures all yor own. it will be given to you so to do. but there. back in africa. where you with your skills and your native understanding of your own people will find you are wanted, respected, and so terribly needed. if you can ignore black children starving before your eyes and feel not your own people cry for YOU to go back and help them....how in blazes can anyone respect you? why do you hate the white mans' ghastly attitude when you have done the same for years? you stop. think again.
now Gay likes you. to be as honest as far as i can remember he never said a single word that was a denigration of any black person. but you know why he likes you? yes. its your affinity with evil. thats always something he likes. look at your cultures exactly as they are. where else on earth can you find genocide, slavery, treachery like i dunno what, the hideous systematic abuse and use of women like domestic animals? where else do men rape BABIES because they think they won't catch HIV? and nobody stops it or punishes them? only in africa, where everyone is as stupid as donkeys.and nobody says a word. you all too primitive! well i will. because i will not leave you like this. and you got the bloody nerve to claim to be prophets? well go and tell them whats wrong then! no you won't. its always got to be somebody else at fault, right? even when you lot get wired into a white religion [ i mean spirit-white] look at it! rabble rousing. drums. singing all out of tune like loonies. and i have seen its ALL devil ridden. your particular form of spirituality is was and may remain the most sexualized brutalism; and yes i seen christians as well as juju dancers/worshippers do it as well. so you don't lie to me mister. you going down. my work if i can is to turn you at least around.
now lets get at what has gone wrong. look at music. you claim to be natural musicians and dancers. ah but you see i know thats a lie. en masse it sounds in its place quite impressive. but listen an every single one is off note and singing something different. like drunks in fact. an if you look at the dancing its all of it sexually suggestive and again brutal like baboons heaving away.
now this is where its all gone wrong in your proper development. you have been thrown into a body that is in some ways primitive. but not others. did you know that your physical prowess is superior to that of any other race on earth? you see thats true too.! but the fact is your redemption is as follows. now stop hating and do all i say.
1. from now on NEVER tolerate any kind of second rate citizen stuff for ANY black WOMAN at all. they are equal. and most of the natural kindness and sweetness and sheer good humour i have seen in my life has come from black women. so there's your answer. your own oafish disregard of the right of your females to choose their mates by their OWN lights is what has kept you back. i don't only mean it will steadily address your iq thing. but do you see they, despised everywhere for no bloody reason ARE NATURAL CHRISTIANS? they can do it. white women in comparison only want to run round organising? kind of bossy? but your black woman will roll up her sleeves and just do what she can because her nature is sweet. SWEET!
AND YES YOU ARE THE MOST AGGRESSIVE RACE. AND NO I DON'T ADMIRE THAT AT ALL.
2. learn from your ladies. AND TREAT THEM AS LADIES. no more baboonery an getting them preggers an running off. you damn well stay an bring up your children an will you all for gods sake get off the bloody booze, drugs and acting like bloody slavers in your own families? it seeems to me that black people cope very badly with any kind of chemicals. so don't. stop poisoning yourselves. and yes i do mean beer as well. and in case any one is in doubt i think from what i've seen you are all rotten lovers and lousy boyfriends. so don't you ever again tell me you some barking ada prophet. because i can and will stuff your head with a dozen devils on the bloody spot. you lot are the authors of a lot of your own troubles and you know it.
3. get you back to Africa. find your own gods. they still there. and\as for civilisation you got your own. no the egyptians were not negro. that they make perfectly clear when you look at their depictions of 'nubians' [their allies and best friends for thousands of years]. you at once see the difference. but also they were not white. we know they had no real consciousness of race; because they used that reddy colour to indicate health and thus the goodwill of their gods. white was used by them from about seti 1 to indicate their purity; which is why pharoah is white as a priest and two walls later is reddy as before. so i say again. the egyptians were neither europaen nor Isralites nor negro. they had negro pharoahs, but very late. usually strong generals who took over in troubled times. but as far as i know they were reasonably good pharoahs.
no. i tell you your own perfectly interesting civilisations. did you know that a lot of the early Amazons were black? they were! they are depicted by later greeks as persian. of course they weren't. go read and look at what the greeks thougt of Amazons. now look at the names, given to vast countries from that date. LIBYA, NUBYA, and so on. they are ALL Amazon [black] names! see? didn't know that. did you?
there was also zimbabwe, mali, benin. no there's NO 'copying'....all ideas in history recur. thats because there's those ideas hanging about in the universe. they don't belong to this people or that. see? who says you are irredeemable?
well not me. so do these things that i say. one day all Africa, if you do these things, will say, look at YOU, O reader. a real prophet. a real saviour of his people.

and as for your problems with devil infested worship; find your real gods O prophet. i bet they don't like it either. did you know you only have to say NO? to devils? amen, go do it.

i am suddenly in a temper

DECKER ARE YOU STILL ALIVE? i think u must be the only one who reads this thing. i know you like some of my poems. if you are alive can u let me know? it will cheer me up. i have got to the stage of being drunk when all the world is full of strangers who don't know an don't care...

i was going to do such a lot today. how depressing are the male sex. [except decker who is dead i expect]. but its 4pm an cos of that man i done nothing much. and i feel giddy. apricot brandy is too sweet. all you need is love! how very true. hands up everyone who has found love! how many? two? oh, none. you just had an itch...

well its true! if all we got here is each other why not just love me an i will love you too...is it really so terribly dangerous?...well i guess it must be. is love only an euphemism for sex? well then give me sex when i ask!! but they don't. so i think its another lie u see. all u want to do is pretend and pretend. i reckon not one of you is real..but i am. so desperately terribly real. so you can't stand it at all.

Hereward, my spear.

Hereward, my spear.


Last night the ward quiet,
all twilit, and asleep.
And in the calm I dreamed,
this my dream.
I was in a chapel, old grey stone,
looking on a statue, old iron, any old iron.
It was black, an old warrior,
looking forward; blind and deaf,
this ancient old signal.
Beyond two grey warriors, old stone, old stone
spears hafted level, not in war.
Stately they stood, conic helms, noseguards.
In their mail who can tell
whether Normans or Saxons?

On the wall writ there a little rubric.
A quiet voice read me its Latin;
'Cast thy bread upon the waters,
and the waters they shall answer'...
And the dead black thing came alive.
It is Hereward, Hereward the Wake!
A goodly knight in olden mail to his knees,
robed in a long surcoat of scarlet cambric.
A great sword dandled at his hip.
Blonde hair in plaits, as a man was;
For helmless stood he, that the seer shall see.
And yes, Hereward hath one eye blue, the other green.
We smiled on each the other; what does it mean?


Then I saw young men in humiliation being gifted
by their corrupted elders; of lineage and honours;
some by silly kisses, others by rude clouts,
all jolly, all false, all stolen.
It explains itself.
These scions of vile invaders
have ritualized the old clamour and corruption,
stealing honours which can thus never be theirs.
They are all descents of the enemy;
yet we kneel and applaud like silly Romans,
all agog for bread and circuses.
In Herewards day these Normans, no christians;
raised the army of villains by the churches sick tradition,
the Pope evil as all the Popes have been.
They destroyed these christian English
by their crude lies; these lawful Saxons,
All in peace, every part of these realms
in harmony with the other; all christian
by the five fingered centuries or more.

And so Hereward hath pointed these the sores of England.
That those who rule are rubbish,
set wrong stones wrongly in a necklace all wrong.
And because no-one sees it,
the wrongs of the English must go on.
Each one a hireling; a traitor waiting for a patron,
singing for their supper; empty windbags,
lusting after money. The Royals-
what Royals? look at them and listen!
They do not know the English; nor we them.
And Democracy Universal
is to give every dog his vote
every hen an opinion
and every sheep a mess of ticks
and then invite the worlds trash in.
So England is swamped in mongrel hordes,
cash grabbers; just exactly like the Normans.
Yet they feel no love for England nor these English;
wherefore universal democracy destroys itself.
The answer is to give a voice only to them
that love their nation and its own tongues;
and in their lives be the fruits of such an love.

So we stand on a little hill,
this calm warrior sparkling beside me.
I knew the two realms stately waiting as before.
In silence I saw all the vistas of our country,
the cities hives of work, peaceful farms;
and every bit is England; from the white cliffs quiet
to the black granites of the north,
the crying of the gulls hanging in the wind;
'O Hereward, Awake! yes the Wake!
Give England back unto these the English!'
Hereward looks into his life past
how he fought when he knew he could not win,
the Bastard and his thousand stink carrion,
in the foggy wet Fens. For 16 years.

He stands in his whimsy. I look on him,
know lonely, betrayed, he used that sword
on himself and killed his heart,
lest the last king of England,
gave victory to the enemy, better to die
of his own will then beg to an churls mercy.
I wonder what he sees when he sees me?
And behind me the two most stately level spears again;
this time their salute; they will follow me.
And I said; 'Hail, the lord Hereward!
the Welsh sing not of thee
the Scots have forgotten thee
the princes of the Gael have no reason without your memory;
who died trying to keep them all free.
Thou art Hereward; they cry 'the Wake!'
for you have watched and waited like a good soldier.
In the dark clambs of the Fens you watched
for us, all these dead centuries.
Thou art Hereward, king;
This day you summon me -
'O be thou Hereward! Be the Wake! be the Wake!'

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

ya! cowardy custard..

well got stuck at mums' frozen waiting for non-existent bus; had to walk miles in the dark, very icy. so no way to get back to sph. all night at mums' kipping on floor. mum of course convinced every tiny sound would bring the rozzers down upon us. hearing like a bat. ditto size of brain. she can hear you perspire from the next room! no wonder doctors etc advised me never to live with her...she's a paranoiac; anyway i left home since in a way 13 years old. sure an i came home, slept, bathed, changed. coupe of calls, sold some shares. time to go back; its my nearly last day in ward!

anyway all night talking to the out of orders. [inside]. told them evil can't damn anyone. the idea of eternal damnation is evil; and gays own. so went an said now you ARE all damned, fo never helping me. all waitig for their tiresome revenge; subject speak sweet and servile. shan't. i despise them. so since on every level i been the 'good god'..well i can. it means something to be 'damned' of me, baby. well they bloody need to feel lost and frightened. seriously. let them chew that for a bit.

but no black stuff today. this place [focus of gods etc for many months] bit scruffy, but quiet too.

was watching the two buddhababies. the younger intense interest; think she knows i'm her? and it popped into my head. the other one doesn't see us. just a kaleidoscope of colors, noise, patterns. at speed? yes i remember the 'magic kaleidoscope'..

anyway i get this. more than 1 start. because gay builds his wasp nest in rings? like an huge onion? some things belong to one 'ring' some to another. so we getting somewhere. is this some kind of communication? they both seem to be slowly focussing at me. so we see. anyhow on way back. out tomorrow, pick up s/wrtg etc where i left off. all keep quiet. be calm.

WOW!!

on xmas day had dinner at mum's. last thing i said was this year no flight to sph...about 9pm more deadly memories; going past 'cycles'...all ending in misery because moral perfection simply isn't enough. love, passion, joy...THATS wot we all need and want. but either end up food; or stately, miserable, wondeful buildings...empty, loveless, forced by gay to accept each time i'm wrong. good is meaningless. of course it is! a universe of perfect males; its awful. pointless. we crash; and i keep seeing how all believe i'm perfect. they never see me. never know me. if they did they would know i am not perfect. just, humane, and so terribly lonely. so i lead them all into what we think is final death; but it is not. years later we out again; starting all over again creeping up from wolves to gods....whatever for? those heavens haven't even gardens, trees. no ladies at all. dullesville. misery. and then i remembered all the rest. the evil bastard in the attic growing me back there a great god but stupid, bringing to be great people; but all male. the same mistake over and over, assuming they would love me, want to live forever; so gave them all eternal life. which equals hell. gay chose his faves, the rest, the best are mine. but i knew no evil; so couldn't see what he was doing. the rest is history.

the god i was left to be; for in remorse i was enslaved to gay; the black devil. and i saw i was the white devil; my good all corrupted, a spineless over cultured, thin white with a depressed voice and ornately curled, sparkly hair. i am forever beside him. if you think he made me, betrayed me, enslaved me. so which beginning is the real one? in a burst of savage heavenly choirs i saw the great buddhababy, in fact two versions. both me. in absolute innocence. she still just watches; cannot know which is good or evil. she is a baby, she cannot know, seems unable to respond. so she has watched the triumph of hell since the beginning of time. only now does she see me. the choirs cried for me! 'death! death! also ' damn us a little bit more.' so in a sudden burst of my old power i damned myself; just to get a way into the evil side.
it worked. i see the giant bellowing hag; and that me is just as saintly as all the rest. she's me' i remembered and we accepted each other. she is called christine. she terrifies the gods. well if they hate gentle nan then i suppose they earn her whips. anyway we in conversations; the evil christs all hanging like black rat devils on their crosses beside us. the millers sons. and we here are one nurse who really is a nurse. and the singing was great. if i could write it down that was chartbuster stuff. gay said i'd earned it. but somewhere in all that i phoned mum in agony panic. she phoned the ambulance; was taken to sph at midnight [two HUGE rozzers!] and the doctors for the very first time saw and heard a lot of the action.

next day found was sectioned but only sec2. got out of that yesterday. high jinks on the ward all week. the nurses on seacole a lousy rotten idle shower of good for nothings, pts all raving unrequited. so told them off severally and together and been nearly at the head of a small rebellion. but won. so now they find i calm and listen. first time any of them got a therapeutic relationship wiv anyone. nurses watching. first time they seen it too i suppose. lets hope they learn.

singing stopped. but then all day and night like a car race track outside. several pts i asked they heard it, but weren't scared so ignored it and it did go away. then three nights ago a young tall blonde man; seemed shiny, sweet, friendly. and the patient with me called him jesus...but i already knew. told her off for that piece of evil; but he knows something when i told him to watch out he knew i spoke in friendship. but blow me the bloody man is there every time i look.....and you know that in gays eyes springfield is a garden of eden; all there count as children because they have lost their reason! i have to stop this bloody black magic! but how! how? suffering and all we need now is for the bloody king to show up and thats it. we careen down and down and the truly evil will show themselves,destroy all three....and then murder all the world.

for gods sake if anyone can help....help!