today

oh dear its another one of those days. first the demented one tries yet again to be all harsh and bullying at 0720 just as i'm about to check the knives and leave. she starts blasting on and on about my job is to mop the floor. oh yes? told them again was not a cleaner. nothing stoppping her doing it. or indeed other hca's who never seem to do anything atall. and i am not as it happens an hca. no, i'm a rsw! and who likes that attitude at that hour? anyway got aggravated and just picked up bag and left. they too shocked to squawk. but then i was in a mood and banged the security door a bit hard. cheap rubbish the glass shattered and i think from the cheerful shattering glass sounds so did the office windows!! so viveen was screaming enraged out the window...went home. off to sleep; and i'm not sure but i think i had a mild heart-attack in my sleep. you see nurses/managers do NOT take care of the health/welfare of other nurses. in fact all they really want is to exercise their 'authority' right and left. but i don't believe in that. so got a habit of doing what i think is right. and that doesn't usually mean kowtowing to a bunch of paranoid squaws.

so overslept, if you can call 3 hours a sleep period. had to reschedule solicitors. and virtually no chance of seing a doctor today. they seldom open, the only one there with a brain is never on when i need him, and what you do is queue to see the duty doctor, right? about 12 ppl? while you are queuing they give out appts on the phone; several times i been turned away just as i got to the desk....you too late, appts all gone. come back tomorrow. so there's no point. because the alternative is to go to a+e and spend 7/8 hours waiting to see a doctor there. and they will say take time off work and go see your gp. you can't take time off work!! you do and its a ton of nagging about your sick rates. they treat everyone as malingerers. serious. we all the lot of us got their new system, you got six points at the end of which you fired. but it takes no notice whatever if you got real or serious or management made time offs. its ALL treated in the next return to work interview as malingering. you should go back to the previous point after a certain agreed time. when i asked about that they insisted no, you don't. so its insane then.and i said so. the upshot is is that ppl are coming in when they are infected, too sick to stand, in pain. well look i'm going out of my mind, i got an awful chest infection, i think i had a heart-attack this morning, and do you think any 'nurse' doctor or manager in the entire trust knows they are being criminals? nope. they are cheating to score targets; anything to keep to budget. so now every one in the house also has a chest infection. i could die, and cannot get assistance. and all this so the floor gets fucking mopped? when the domestic is due in to do that very thing in 30 minutes?
so yes i slammed the fucking door. because this is going on day after day. i'm the only one in the house who will say to anither nurse do u want a cuppa? u look sick. etc. for your information a good psychiatric nurse needs ONE thing. not a degree, not clinical fficiency, not management drivel....you have to be a decent reasonable amiable human being....and thats all. so you see at once that an awful lot of nurses are awful ppl. one day you will get siick, maybe come to die...and what you will want then is a nice nurse who cares. not those bitches. you'll see.