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no i didn't stay; we got there but i couldn't see. just asked el to build it for me; i know i can trust him to make it safe and nice. anyway, back to the teachings. now the 3 Doves are back in their places. but now i remember several starts. its peculiar and i can't explain it, but there are several. 1. the dove suddenly sees he has inadverdently created Hell, and stops on the edge, and has been there ever since, afraid of it. now thats the one who started me. 2. the same Dove comes in and finds he can go no further, sees lots of his godlings are stillborn, everything smashed or made all wrong. he is filled with such terrible shame he freezes and goes not on. 3. another, yet it is the same Dove, decides to make one last great Adversay; and begets...yes, i said, BEGETS, the really big Yetzoah. who was to be the Ape of God, to end in utter damnation and ruin and suffer infinitely and forever. but yetzoah awakes as he is coming out, and forsees it all, and violently objects to his terrible fate. who woke him? the eagles, i should think. anyway screaming enraged yetzoah violently attacks the Dove and because he is a man with powerful hands all of the Doves great mental strenghts are useless. the son, the second Dove comes into the fight. the holy spirit afraid and thinking to preserve the young gods integrity by her influence, flies up high nd well out of reach. so this is a real battle at last, the first battle the Doves engaged in. they taken by surprise are defeated. the Dove, [father] retires into a dark reality he made in desperation. yetzoah knows he will never reappear, but is ever after afraid he will. and the Son is captured. screaming terrible curses the Adversary subdues the Son, who was a really nice brave person. but these Doves are really evil, they just don't know it. so the Son is held by Yetzoah ad they march through Creation. the Son never lies, keeps all his promises, won't even try to run away when Yetzoah sleeps. and yetzoah curses and destroys all the new eings he sees, insisting that he is God and the Son is a fool and a monster. he keeps telling the spirits to evolve! but he burns them into cripples so they can't. many things happen its all very terrible. but demonstrates to my mind that if father seabreeze and co had of gotten in they would have been wise and stately for a remarkably short time. then they would have lost control and devoured the godlings, confused and ruined the lifers, and probably raped the Amors to death as well. because power corrupts an all that? they weren't wise or even good at fighting, so they were not in fact the sweethearts they thought they were,just didn't know anything. anyway within the Creation you remember that young blonde god in white? a me. he woke early. knew as all did, their futures were known to them by intuition, that he was given a great life, adventures, honour, lovers...and that father seabreeze was on his way to see him in some haste. this me looks calmly at his futures and decides he wants more. so he runs from his place and like a tornado runs everywhere raping, killing, stealing pleasures before they were lawfully earned and given. such was his speed so great the pleasures that he became black all over, even his eyes and teeth. from his head grew two great twisted spires. he killed all the big universals. so in those universes they all worship death and are generally depressives. anyway he screaming says 'i am the Devil, i am the Devil'!! and from him fall away like leaves all these little devils. he comes to a great mountain somewhere in the middle of the chain...presumably in their future; because for ages no-one knew he was there or what had happened. and in his awfulness having killed so many he threw around the rest of creation like a barrier? to keep father seabreeze out. and foolishly thought the father when he finally got in would have to forgive him. so now we see that in part Gay is right about forgiveness; its a pernicious idea that everyone believes the gods HAVE to forgive them and will. no they don't. but Gays hatred of forgiveness is something else. now i have to tell you that this Devil was me. but i haven't been him for years and anyway i don't like him at all. he took his seat declaring that his law was anger and malice; hid himself in a black cloud and proceeded to vegetate, as far as i can see. he has never done anything else except put me out of himself and i been running about on my own ever since with no idea that he is up there harming poor satan without my knowledge. well would you want an overgod like him? no i don't either, but i get ahead of my history. but isn't it queer? i keep popping up and i'm both here and there? well he needn't have put me out like the bloody cat and i nothing knowing get all lost in all these blooming lives. even being god lives!! with him up there? no wonder we all developed such peculiar religions!

hang on if i don't eat i about to start chewing this computer. brb.