the big bang

quite a bit of news. you realise of course that Gay dragging me round everywhere was the real battle of good and evil? he had to keep me a child in agony, always doing wht he wanted. so i think because he once told me he'd eaten his own overgods[his highers] he is a lesser being. but i also think 1. he has few powers of his own and cannot create anything. only torture, confuse and destroy. 2. he was elderly too soon. he started as a concept. but i think he was actually a parasite from some other time/place, and he just used everyone and everything to create hell everywhere, in order to enjoy our suffering forevermore. and his main weapons were me, as 4 to 5 little girls, and a variety of others. his slaves, though they think they are free. one thing he did was make the 'good' believe they did good things but they would all be unreal. dreams. at the same time it is his law that whatever you dream in even a coma, or think is real,is. so the evil followers believe they get millions of years absolute power doing horrors. they then find that most of it is dreams they had, but it counts as real. however they beg, he says mercy is cowardice, pity is forbidden, forgivenes is a vice of the stupid good and so on. so they find at their end that they had nothing, but what they then get is exactly what they asked for. limitless suffering in their very own hell. forever. now as various 'ggod gods' or whatever i been getting the opposite. my goodness is counted as vice, my good deeds are dreams, and my heavens are over too soon because the evil always destroy whatever i do. now the good gods re dead. so i suppose ordinary highers have been trying to be good gods instead; and their consequent sufferings have turned them into black things even unknown to themselves. but i only guess. so you see if anybody at ant time had deigned to notice the sufferings of those odd little girls, the fact that they never eat or sleep, and that at every step he's asking them to judge/questions/do things...somebody might have tried to help me/us. even if all they did was kill us/me...he would have begun to fall a long time ago. but so selfcentred with their roblems, no-one save 1 lady ever saw us. so my lowers and highers did all they could, and never understood.

but you know whats happened now? a few weeks ago i tried to make Anattas understand. got as close to death as i could; in fact i think i did actually die but nothing happened? and remembered how Gay had already tried to 'conquer' Anat years ago. what clued me in was something brent said. but a lot been going on. now it looks as if El killed my spirit? weeks ago?

4 nights ago was resigned to just die out, my mind disolved by that moronic godwoman who told me I was the bloody 'devil'? went to bed, quiet, asleep. suddenly a terrific bang, a shock like i dunno what. A huge blast of power both filled me and killed me. i sat up and the blast knocked me out. so its taken a while to find out. but not only have i come back from Anat but i'm bloody powered and armed to teeth. one mission, one. kill Gay. and a confirmation. yes. i am a good god. and another, clean them up.sort the idiots out. teach them the truth. and though i seem as if i don't exist; i do. he can't use me he can't hurt me; and niether can anyone else. bingo. i won. Anattas have answered, and so whatever Gay thinks he conquered, he did not. so for days been doing what i now do. everytime that thing shows himelf he dies. and all they say was unreal, in that stupid cheat judgment of my brent they now...all are watching ...see was real. as all i say from now on is law. well there wasn't a superpowered good god before. well there is now.

you got the three magic touchstones. do them. i don't expect miracles. i will be pleased with but little for a time. everyone is going to find hell dying away. we rebuild heaven as of now. i have recognised my friends, the errors of the rest. but i have begun third history. its 2 days old now.

but i've not only Damned Gay. and will exterminate the moron everywhere. but also my mother who's selfish cruelty helped him do it. and who has been my callous jailor ever since, on guard lest i ever discovered even the first beginnings of the truth. fortunately i have for many years kept my guard up. i have never told her anything at all. so she does not know that i know. and so tomorrow she will learn that she is damned. thats what the evil wanted? well she got it. with him, the only two i thought i'd ever damn.


but i had to discover all the truth. what my brent was actually doing. working for Gay, which i asked and he denied. but it was so. he damned me. thats what he was doing. i have remembered all of it. and see it as Anat sees it. brent was killing my innocent lessers he was damning me for being truthful and funny and nice; falling in love yet destroyng me all unjust; because he wasn't 'saving' me as an act of charity from satan...he was deliberatley taking away my 'last chance' to be accepted by satan. under Gays direction. oh he was there, i just didn't know. so my brent, in sight of Elohim, and satan, and Yetzoah, black father, and Zion, and indeed all the earth now, though he should be the Messiah, you marry the Queen thats how the king is made, only with cruelty, damned me. and didn't even tell me. and who is he to judge anyone? Gays little puppet.
And so i being the angel of death sent now and armed to kill that Evil Thing have just had to damn brent, who was to be the Messiah. because i made it law. right? KARMA RULES. because i never did, a slave and victim of the thing? so i put you all on autopilot?

karma--'you shall suffer your own will'...that is the 'rule' of karma, my karma not Gays disgusting mass slavery. right? Sorry all, but i am good. and because Gay now dies and runs and falls everywhere, so do all his vicious 'rules' of evil. so what i do is real. it is his lies and filthy damnation of everyone...yes, literally everyone, which is is smashed. and because brent, even though he could see things happening which only god could do, did not know this was coming at all. so though third history now begins, an a different kind of goodness is now required and will be blest, i have had to begin with this ugly thing. because if you damn me; i will damn you. because i am sick of the very word 'damnation' im loved him, he began to love me, and he did that for his own advancement. his way out is there; i hope he remembers that a good god will listen, will not jeer, will be patient. his sufferings if he chooses to go on being Gays slave will not be infinite.....even though thats what he was doing to me. i keep my law. the law, now.

its just he broke my heart. but i go on. he was going to put me a spider burning forever. thats his will, he must suffer it, he was going to make my love a thing of slavery and drive me mad with it. he must suffer his own will. i will not tolerate anymore shit from Gays cruel mouth, even if the mouth is his. and thats that.

so i'm god, in my beginning. here, now. the war is on. and i know....and so do you; that now i win.
Gay goes to crumbles, or suffers his own will. everyone else treated as a victim of awful torture. sick, in need of teaching and rest. but i can't let brent become another Gay. so i have struck him.

i hope i never have to damn anyone ever again. just Gay. even my mother will someday learn to be a human being. as for brent he heard all i said of my ideas of reasonable punishment. let him remember, and i will be merciful. it is not my nature to hate, be cruel, or unjust. but i will not put up with his continual lying, cheating, and betraying me. he is not my judge. i have become his.

and all the gods watching agree with me. they are glad to see this day. you remember i reported that conversation with a me from the future 'who didn't exist'? i didn't understand it either. hello. now we all do. Anatta has done it. he-they has made me something beyond Gays abilities to even understand. including time mastery! so that was me. 'she' knew. and now we all do.

mercy is not stupid, nor is it cowardly. niether is love, nor kindness, nor pity. but for a long time lots of evil ones will resist what they should really be longing and praying for. my way. not his.

but be aware. i am Anattas angel and strange gods strange angel. go on being mindlessly cruel and i will destroy you.