finally

the mystery has managed to get more mysterious. steve h. phoned me yesterday. now i first met brent in his flat. asked about him, described him, everything. and steve thinks its this other yank, similar specs. but can't recall this 'brent' at all! odd. tony yeoh sat with us for an hour in westmoor...and he 'can't remember ' either.....and then things were happening on the phone as me n steve talked. bet i know and if i ask steve he will not. so anyhow its the realities getting into my memory....and yes at the time they aware. but now you know Gay is much closer than i thought. if i phone steve now, 23 hours later, he won't know. or maybe they all do. its just a kind of illusion they are all supporting....that i am in r1 at all? i dunno.

anyhow i feel the point of impact is soon. whatever Gay is doing it looks as if he is trying to prevent me and brent getting together. so if its that important to him, then its also crucial for us. yes i said us. be sure brents entire future is also at stake. so i ended telling steve i might contact usa actor and let him know he right; mistaken id. and apologise scaring him like that. but still got deep intuition telling me to wait, wait...

new camera arrived. got all notebooks, diy manuals. and i just phoned dwp; man says yes, i can retire early health grounds[even though i don't yet know what is physically wrong] on grounds of mental health. get highest rate dla and attendance, full pension plus hb, ct. and yet it is still okay for me to do s/wrtg and filming because its not a job. didn't ask him if its a business and what the rules say if it is. we both assumed it would be a leisurly hobby; not any kind of success. so anyhow will start formal process this monday. i don't know what will happen to me if i get masses of time to myself? well for the first time will be able to do poetry over days, not hours. should get good stuff.

time to get ready. we taking kids to fireworks/trickn treats this evening. gosh i'm starving. time to eat!!