brand new goal!

spent w/e with elliot grove[raindance]; it was very good. have decided i don't need to do his scrptwriting course, i read a dozen books. enough, plus his book same substance at the clas. worked out for nyself that no-one backs up some old newbie who never did it before. an no-one living here, period. so listened to it all and discovered answers.
1. i will never get along with the money men. they sound like the most frightful gangsters.
2. if they only want to flog me offerings and cheat me as well; and while they're at it stick me wiv a poxed caste system, antiquated technology which is so hugely expenseive, cumbersome, fiddly that its not worth the effort/heart attack...then if i try doing it the kossher way several things will happen.
3. i will be excessively rude, i will tell them where they can shove their money and probably put them off god too.
4. so i shall have to do my first [easiest script] myself. any good? they can try buying more. well i don't chop the oppos heads off right away...and then...
5. if i got the gear, actors, do great scripts[and i probably will.]..why not just carry on? and do others screenplays as well. stick it on cd or dvd...and sell. use that affliate thing. plus own websites. after all they're my own gear, will have pension....so can take time and no, i won't hire a bloody cinema; thats what festivals and the beeb are for...
6. i think its a great idea. so providing i don't die in the night will phone panasonic tomorrow about movie cameras[digital hd] plus ancillary equipment and maintenance agreement.
7. can pay cash if have to...but i want the usual....instalments! one of usurys better ideas, i think.
8. so from tomorrow start practising ...
i found out something truly terrible at raindance.
1. hollywood doesn't do films they do marketing. and they buy your script and then pay you tin shillings. and none of them can write unless you count rubber cheques.
2. they refer to actors as 'moveable props'!! isn't that the worst thing you ever heard?
4. and its OUTRAGEOUS!! not only that but the director rewrites your script to suit himself. and claws out entire grabs of it when 'behind schedule'?? how to provoke me longdistance.
5. so i will NEVER accept some rubberblob yank 'director'...a better word is vandal. cretin. crook.
either i'm there to look out for my film, or no deal. and i have never in my life heard anything quite so stupid. the 'director' takes about half the entire budget for his own consideration, the actor [ie bill bullneck...women drool, but the secret is he can't tie his own shoes...take 77% of the remainder. everyone else goes into a feeding frenzy and the writer gets fuck all.
6. only a spineless nutcase could possibly endure the thing. but i can't hang about; i'm getting on a bit.
so will set up companies as and when. buy cameras, etc etc. from next week i'm on scripts and nothing else, and whenever they finished, send to wga. pick a date, everyone wiv guts to try it meet at location 2...and providing nothing is reduced into a nice jingly sack of bits by jayjay...start filming.after all its just tech stuff plus computers... feel eg will say making classic newbie mistakes. but actually it saves time, money, and my nerves.
7. so we start.

been in pain for days. think i got a tumour in bladder. it goes right soon.
i hate 'lapidiary'...its all wrong.