memories

talked to satan last night asking for help. an i got some more memories; very faint. but closer to earth. people! laughter!! sunshine and a house!! i know Gay probably destroyed itall; but its much closer. so i said; part of it is i get only the most terible memories...there must be others but i don't remember them. so felt better. also asked for another chance, since i was so badly let down before...asked for a woman. don't know why i have to be processed like this. isn't it enough to be friendly, certain of his rights, certain of whats been going on? everyone else just seems to be included the moment they believe....why is it so hard for me?

anyway both satan an elohim seem to think i should await brents reappearance. but Gay tells me brent is actually my worst enemy! the friend you don't suspect...so now feel i ought to hide.

Gay said before that my love would be dangerous to me; but he didn't let on which one. he also said; 'your husband will kill you'...i dunno which one he means. but i know he does have just cause. so why was he my judge then? if all he wants is to murder my spirit? seems odd, even for the evil ones..