history continued

after blowing up yesterday the world seems very empty and every leaf and detail in sharp focus. i have stayed away from any 'stories' so my deep mind doesn't resonate wiv a million others. seems to have worked. last night the usual started but i went to sleep really early, still daylight.
today i think this. 1. the only way to have stopped Gay in all that march of destruction, getting into every realm and time, destroying those who could have seen him off, etc was all along either to have got me away from him; or to have killed me. now i mean the children, last count there are 5. what Satan et al have been killing are my lessers, or even overs. never these girls. now they really are kids. but he has them deeply hypnotised, fucks up their memories. Just as he does with everyone, no-one even remembers their last life on any level, never mind all of it. so its the kids who are actually doing it all, but they don't know. the others keep trying to be good gods/ppl and every time end in confusion and disaster because they know only whats immediate to them. so it looks to me now that since no-one but me tries to attack Gay direct then one strategy is in fact to kill me. but f course i was your good god. but so are these others; they only need to know all this same as you, be free of him, and gradually it will come right. so once you have this teaching you can go on alone. but i've been stopped here. thank god because i can stand no more. 2. he tried suggesting to me that if i kill myself now the world will be saved. but i said i'm sick of these holy deaths where everyone else benefits. if its even true, which i don't think so. let someone else do all that. i'm having this tiny bit of heaven. without him. no shit from the rest. quiet, comfortable. and mine. i die and whats left of my mind will dissolve into the earth. seems to me he had to retire; i didn't fall for it that time. so now what?
2. so i have to continue the history, and tell you what i've seen of yor futures. and its very bad, all of it. as i say, he wants to end the earth because this is where he did it, where i still stand. he doesn't want you all knowing any of this. but oddly i keep him at bay, even though every other night i have to listen to the murders of my spirits, be tested etc. its hard, but so far we all still here. determined to get all of it into as many minds as possible. let the knowledge spread out there via the minds here....and when the 'evil' [sick] and the good[victims] both start to work against him; and me gone ?? he can eventually be brought down. then DON'T have just one top 'omnipotent' God... it will all happen again. since there are these huge differences in size and ability its quite a problem. i still advise strange god for their counsellor; and all you lessers learn to be all grown-up and start thinking for yourselves.
3. so this leaves Gt Father, and presumably that rather frenetic 'female' version. well i think those new concepts he pt in me at my request[for to destroy Gay] were actually meant to kill me. they were the concept 'ruin'? fortunately Gay popped up and ate all but one. so he's got a big problem. but it shows that gt father is my enemy, trying to avenge his sons? dunno, but i won't ask him for anything now. but he is still there. grants whatever you ask for. can't speak. and apparently in all these aeons never worked out what happened to his sons, or did anything whatever for the lords, the ladies, the gods everywhere...just let all that happen...i assumed he was frozen in grief; now i wonder. Gay told me he never spoke to him. but you know Gay CAN lie to me. its just i never noticed him doing it. but suppose somewhere in the past he did? turned gt fathers brain right round? in which case the Fathers [his sons] AND the Doves [dupes] are in big trouble. but i don't know. he did give me exactly what i asked for, all three. but each time its gone wrong. the first time i prayed for father seabreeze to be taught and given anything he needed to help him. and last time i looked he's on the mountain being taught, presumably by gt father. but what? he tried to thank me but i ran away, at that time believing evil was the right answer. the second prayer was for new concepts, for to empower me to fight Gay. and one by one they arrived in me. but they were shapes, the last one moving? i puzzled over them for months. but then that girl did her thing, in my collapse Gay got in and ate them bar one. so i have no idea what they meant. and the third is the saddest. i thought Gt Father needed comforting, a companion, so offered to stay with him up there in the lonely dark. next thing i knew were many messages from a new me up there, i realised she couldn't stand it. kept suffering from these flapping black things she called the flibberties and running round screaming. tried to make it better, she got worse. in the end i let her die gently as i could. but i still don't know what was the matter...she was only there to minister to him, do what he asked. but he didn't ask. it looks as if like Satan he's got a horrible atmosphere. so she couldn't stand him. does this mean he's evil? i don't know. so anyway you see i been busy...but everything would be very different if i could only understand gt father and get him to intervene RIGHTLY. if he has turned evil then really you are all absolutely fucked. even worse i am now persuaded that Gay has got into Anat-Anatta and they-us have been working against us all along. because they-us aren't in time. get in them once....and you always were. funny innit how i keep coming back? with no new or gt powers...back into the same nighmare? and recently damn near killed myself to let them know whats been happening whats in the futures...and look nothing. i'm no different, nothing has changed. something brent said when we talked; he remembered some sort of intrigue, a colony in a strange new place? when he saw i didn't know he dropped it. but it looks as if he [being with the winners] had the privilege to go conquer Anat....if thats right then theres no escape from Gay at all. even second death will be just another bloody hell of ugliness and cruelty. and brentie thinks they won?? its unimaginably terrible, the worst defeat of all. for the evil just as much as the rest. its because these the evil don't know their futures. they get given all this licence and powers etc and believe its christmas for them forever. quite blind to what they did to get it. never asking what became of others who were in Gays happy family before them. loving their cruelty, not seeing his little smile as they gaily run into Hell....
what will they do? when that little smile fades and he switches off their powers. they find themselves in the most awful realm, the laws all mad and everything chaos and all of it hurts....do they ask him for mercy? pity? remind him how they love him, that he's supposed to be their father?? you bet they do. do they cry for someone, a good god to hear their screams? are they sorry? you bet! but too late. they killed off the truly good a long time ago. the best of the rest was me. and you see i'm also gone. clever clever evil ones!! you see i weep even for these; who will never weep for me?

how does it go? okay, hear a bit of brents history. he kept being born of some gentle sweet radiance. there were brothers also. each time...three times, theres him and these brothers. his radiance father is easily chased off by Gays nastiness. the brothers are held. Gay says to me to choose one. i play for time cos i don't want to. so Gay chooses the youngest. i attack. he is cast down, his appearnce spoilt, locked up. he has 'paid ' for me. yet still i suffer, go on wiv Gay. anyway the years pass. now i guess, but its a good guess. brent spiner, whatever his name wa then, walking about, suffering, afraid, gets gradually involved in some darker 'religion'.... meets other also bad. does bad things. is rewarded. gets the hang of it. has forgotten his origins, who he was meant to be. meets Gay. this lesser bargains with Gay, for to be a devil on high. Gay accepts, he does wharever foul thing is asked. and what it was was to betray a young god, strong, rightminded. he does this, but of course its himself. Gay uses me to put him into a parallel death. Gay then splits this god in two. two cables lead away from his dead form. one is eventually after many lives to be my brentie. the other must be this other one. which one is the betrayer? and Gay has done another thing. brent spiner, a civilised man. is the white messiah...so he looks good. but isn't. the other the opposite, but both the same man...Gay said they'd never met again. strange how now they are about to; isn't it? there's more, but to show what the clever evil agree to; this is their agreement. its always the same, with every one in every age.

Gay; and is evil the right answer? Brent; yes my lord. i give up my own opinion on right and wrong, only your will is mine from now on.
Gay; and shall evil be limitless? Brent; yes my lord, oh yes, evil shall be limitless.

and Gay drills into his heart, putting in

that little black hole malice. and taking out from his heart his topmost and best, the god he really was...to put him in endless suffering, and put back into his lower form that same suffering but like electricity, which he thinks is absolute power. and so is happy, because he's on the right side and its christmas forevermore.!!

its sad. isn't it? and this man they will believe is another Jesus. not knowing that Jesus was another.

limitless evil =infinite pain=infinite hell. and he's happy? are you ? turn rebel, my dear seeker....start today. an if you really need to pray to a good god you can ask me; i'm dead so cannot answer or lead you into misery...but its better than nothing, to know that once there was someon like me. but then i was always his slave.. still you know now that left alone i would have been something you could safely love. and i am sure i would have loved you too.

so i bless you who read; it takes guts to come even this far....there's more, but now you need to rest. tonight we start again, with Father Seabreeze..