do i exist?

now the judgements goes on. i was damned when i was conceived, as are all the innocent, and no-one listens or comforts me though i scream in the night gardens. they just said absolute inncence in the presence of absolute evil evil is damnation. and all i remember is millions of years suffering beside Gay. i been in some terrible hells. they show me even worse in the future. just talked to myself who does't exist in the future and she said you have to do wrong to do right in Gays madhouse, and i'm asking to be left in peace, to kill my spirit and be it quick and i know quite well why i'm on earth where i stand on the ground of being and try not to be so frighyened.