remembering

13.05.1992.

Well?

Our eyes, blue sweet heaven! catch and hold
The hour is tense, our dreamings ache, the room is dim-
His great sex livens, mine in secret readies me,
In silent hope pleasure breathes - but the chance is slim.

O beautiful you! that silvery sweetcap hair
Your dear clear eyes, blue heaven smiling there-
That manly frame, and manly laugh, this gentle heart
Beating slow; we beating in twain fear, the rythym soft and clear.

In nights' hot ensabled wings shall we lie
Enchanted, know in perfum'd embrace the quiet peace
Of lovers tryst met; once made no more
To dream the fever'd dreams of yearned for bliss?

He stumbles to me, dearest Vernon, slow and shy and all uncertain,
As in sleep, close to me - but O! that hag Anxiety
Hath blinded me! Was this so close a threat, or worse -
A cruel and dreadful hard dismissal curst?

All befogged, O dazzled by this sudden treasure
I turn away! - the tide it turns, and dies the moments measure.
Alone to grope blankly to some dreary room
Wondering if perchance chance will come again, and when?

O weeks and weeks of bright-eye'd nitwit guile
[In vain shall lovers tread the pace of the dignified]
Crashes in injur'd heaps of discovered female wiles.
My proud knight all cold, indifferent; i savour the empty air; I the fool who didn't dare!

All night I watch the idiot stars, the gibbous moon
Squeaking faintly in their endless orbit, this night never ending.
This empty air, this cold bed, that vacant chair- because my Vernon doesn't care.
Or why not pounce and drag me laughing to his lair?

Fools that we are! Nows the hour to mend the rift
To heal the hurt and forgive the swift stab
Of my lovers' clumsy parting! God, I want him-
Does he want me? All night the moon and me adrift in mutual pity.

Hear now the wisdom of immortal Innocence!
-the world around is all made new-
Light cascading on the leaves, falls in rivers through the trees
In emerald armour the grassy spears unfurling
All the beasts in silence watching, all the birds in drifts a-swirling
Over all our Mother Earth, the seasons magically turning-
And each little Eden a couch for Loves' bright touch
All our lives lived for all this sweet much
To crown and make immortal each head that bows.

Dear brave Vernon, forever defending great rights,
Or righting global wrongs - but your fingers are chalk'd and dry
And dry the knowledge in your eye;
Your heart's all blocked with damn fool conventions-
And so am I! O let your lips thirst for me!

O seize this rare, this treasure, this very gleam
Of very heaven! Forget your harness and your station
Your pride in place, or wealth, or nation;
With me this day a poem bless and fashion!


Know you not that Virtue's other story
[for virtue walks arm'd, but with a glowing heart]
Is to sip from my white and blameless breasts
The song, the light, the colours,- and the glory?

Or shall it be that sweet blue heaven only smiles
Never to greet Hope's pale lips with fiery bliss-
But smiling on , O kindly blindly smiling;
Unseeing of your heart's terrible a-dying?


xxxx

that was a very nice man. i don't think he ever really recovered. gods bless v.g.