kept my word. read it again. he ends saying 'renounce all hope'...that is his victory. because when he repeatedly tells the student to disciminate he means in meanings. but you are also killing your good and your evil. cancelling yourself out? then you approach this hidden purusha; who is perfect, almighty, incomprehensibly alien, and the last thing is to go into it and that is the end of you. and i know he's right. i know as if i know...that the reason its all for; people find out as they practise yoga they get 'powers'. the temptation is first to show off on earth. then the celestials [jealous] try to trick you or impede you. why can't spirits do it? anyway 'renounce all hope' is because the last thing they see is that purusha is either unconuerably evil. their powers came from it? give them back! to the evil, as i have said. or fight? but they all seem to be so intent on getting out, even this despairing way, they don't care that all their aeons of struggle end in this. because to be swallowed up and otherwise disintergrated is to lose. no-one is better. not even this purusha. so i will faithfully do it. yes, all i know, all i forsee, makes me so full of sorrow i am willing to die out. thats the good? they are then really selfish in a way. they describe purusha as self-centred. who is the most selfish i know? well its the evil; isn't it?
and its the exact same story with the christian mystics. 'god' eats people. the ones who only eat love or soul are not quite up to this level. thats what all the wars out there were about; not just seabreeze leaving them with no food. yet how did gay and the black illuminati do THIS?
oh by the way, get this. the white angels judging me with insane judgments are cruels. but black is what we all think it is; evil. when i speak of the black truth its cos its about all this. its the history, the huge wail of despair, the entire population of all this awfiul time/place thing is a child crying in the dark..
see? what goodness? where? the only place where the 'good' are even heard is here, planet earth. when this is destroyed matter which was our protection for so long will be shut up to us. so you see why we ALL hang on to existence? why no matter how bad it is, its better here than there? but we have to be children. and because the relgions only appeal to those who want to suck gods tit and go to a celestial nursery nobody really finds out. and its the kids they target. that is why people like horror films; they can fantasize the hero will wave an sacred object and WIN?
hang on a sec. what about that me from the future? well to look at she's normal spirit, blondish hair, grayish yellow robes; but makes you think of a cardigan...
but she can laugh, talk sense, is somehow both in charge and yet you agree. or not. seems quite at home. i got the impression she is pretty tough. the 'black' i saw in her...its not evil. its shines like white as well. but she's humane? i don't understand it either. but she's Anats answer. so it can't mean the same as theold black evil of gay. anyhow i will do as much as i can. if my kundalini is dead...??
well the main thing today is i got most of ladychild to hop, skip and jump into a next form. some of essence hangng back, told her its straight ahead but through me. like hopscotch? you start OXO? SKIP 1,2 -> 12, THEN ITS OXO again? i told her oxo is the spectacles, the sign of infinity? she remembers. i told her what will happen if she goes back to whats behind her. she is seeing, asked me if i was good or evil. said to her forget that; its rule or be ruled, kill or be killed. she has had nothing but suffering, and for what? told her the evil are parasites. they are really weak. they grab every power in order to hurt people who cannot hurt them. the parasite needs the tree, so it keeps the tree alive forever, but loves to hurt, to hurt...but if the tree is dead, so dies also the parasite. so its the little tree which must grow up, know who is strong. the tree can live happy without the parasite. so its gay, the evil, who are the weak. i showed her how gay steals powers, but can't hold them long. its because he steals; he won't earn. so she began to leap. but not all. there's still a sulky black haired girl won't admit even to herself that she DOES know how to be god. she IS god. its that bastard who has no idea! and she's afraid now of the very laws he made her make. i can't live on. she must...is not this purusha part of the same old hell?
anyway. i continue with my regime. but its confusing. had glimpses of satan and yetzoah; hey can't believe they are actually damned. they were saying to each other that the blacks are the god ones [great disguise,men! its destroyed the very ones you should have saved! congratulations!] showed them their immediate future. both are about to 'disappear' not happily. so the idiot religionists will suppose thatsa good thing. yes, they both set up to be 'devils'. to me that means niether chose it. i didn't choose to be good; either. gay set me up too. remember? but i do choose to remove gay and all that cruelty. if i can. but i'm small, i need troops. now look at them! yetzoah so brave, an excellent fountain of genius ideas. seabreeze didn't like them; but they sorted out the universe for us. they work. satan can do anything, his iq is like thousands? what did he actually do for everyone to hate him. god the aunt sally, remember? anyhow they begin to see too. all they got to do is go up high and fast as poss and look ahead...is it pleasure they're looking at? is it pain? no good your guru telling you they are the ame. you all know bloody well they aint.
showed them those blue/red devils destroying great father in the middle future. gay saying 'but those are the good'...and they heard it saw it. now think on. where did they come from these violent triumphant good? they end going into that silent brassy gold place. silence and waves of agony from then on. forever and ever ...as i said; both the black the white the wiggly and the stupid content to be animals; all come to the same end. and is great father good or evil? really you know i think he's so broken it must be that he will accept any end. so long as it is the end. which is better than what the rest of you get; and every day you pray for 'everlasting life'. something i've got; and don't want! ask yourselves WHY?
read those dynamic concepts again. gay is NO-ONES FRIEND. believe me. i know.
Saturday, 19 December 2009
Friday, 18 December 2009
about gay
was going to talk about yetzoah; but its hard o know how to keep it really clear. so i'll examine what i can figure out about gay instead.
now gay was not a man at all, though he lived a human life; rather an uncomfortable one, actually. war and stuff. if i can ever get that pic off my sister i'll put his pic on here. we only got altogether 4 pics of gay. the swarm have another, of him dead in his coffin. the one i'm thinking of shows him laughing at something i said. about 3 years before he died. but even in that you can see quite clearly who he is.
so what are the things gay told me about himself? for a man given to hours and hours of bragging about his hardships and military experiences in the war he didn't actually give out that much real information. understand he used to talk all night, us kids having to listen silently, laughing intelligently in all the right places.
it was me who finally got him thrown out of our attic flat. i braved paddy. paddy was mrs o connors husband downstairs. there were i think 5 flats in the tenemnt? it was all wooden, dust, dark. anyway nobody could ever understand paddy, he growled in thickest irish. amazing, the oconnors were staunch rc's...with all that going on right above their heads, but i made him see that bad things were happening to us kids. paddy probably thought i meant only the sexual abuse. that very night he came upstairs with his son michael, who was 17 and nasty but huge and obedient to paddy; who was tiny. and they threw gay out in about ten minutes of terrible roaring. i got jackie under the table but couldn't reach rob in his cot. gay went quietly in the end, though cursed me as he went. mum has always claimed she did it; and because she 'found out' he was a satanist. in fact as usual she's lying. he always called her jezebel; but actually she's the real judas, well i think so. don't you?
anyway he only visited us i think 5 times after that, in fulham where we lived afterwards. and i visited him in dagenham maybe 4 times in my life? and once he came down to visit mum in hastings where she lived for 30 years. he saw the red arrows and jumped for sheer pleasure at teir wonderful sunburst display right in front of us over the cliffs. so you see he could be almost human at times.
so these are the snippets he gave me. he said he'd been pythagoras, the greek who had the mystical understanding of numbers, and began trig and geometry? and also naturally a school of magic, which the greeks suppressed themselves, i think. he also said he was an 'eldili'. now that word means 'wise ancient' and he said he'd been alive in atlantis before it was destroyed. i laughed and he grew angry. thats a pity. because he told me the war was betwen the black sorcerors [the state religion of atlantis was ALL black, even the grossest human sacrifice] and the sickened people who found these gods who simply demolished it. 'sank beneath the sea' might not mean what we all think. who were these gods? but evidently gay was one of those black sorcerors. he got very iffy once when i asked him about orpheus; thats a greek hero who ccould do wonderful music with a harp. he went to the underworld to get back his lover, but looked at her on the way out and so lost her again. my question was only what happened after that thinking only that all these old stories never seem to tell you results. anyway he told me he hated orpheus and had set out to destroy him. that orheus was a fool and his lyre a liar! he got quite vicious, actually. apparently this guy orpheus was a rival in more ways than one. his last words were that orpheus was still alive 'but i bet he envies his wife!'
so we see that you can choose your life, to some extent. these eldili can. you see then 'what manner of men were they?' he would say with a smirk. i can tell you. BAD. he said once that there'd been a terrible experiment[presumably in atlantis] which i don't think atlantis was on earth at all; that they'd lost loads of their people finding out the laws etc of the universe. now he means the same sort of thing he was doing to me. destroying someones spirit in order find out what really 'worked'...i imagine a kind of spiritual vivisection. but he didn't mean the poor children he meant other eldili. so they lost some, before they 'took it over'.
no wonder then those unknown gods destroyed atlantis! if you think this is how the evil began their enslavement of all. so you see why i don't think anymore that atlantis was on earth at all. anyway if gay was pythagors you see how the tale got to plato. anyway so these eldili have done something terrible. and so they are the gods! you see those unknown gods may have destroyed the place, but also themselves. and these eldili; gay i think hinted there are 13? lived. and keep coming in to various places in search of more victims.
so now you see why so much black magic is riddled with numbers. also because they ALWAYS pick on little children myths and tales. now look again at your nursery tales for children! some of them are evil. now you can see it.
anyhow so these 13 or so monsters are in my mind in some huge overwhelming dimension. in the dark. seated on huge thrones, they are huge. and hideous. and those are the real gods now. and of course gay is one.
out there he begins each time the same. in a weak even injured appearance. he's taken in, and bit by bit takes over, does terible things. on the long march he got the last civilsation of the gods [ours] in their last war. over food and morality as usual. his minions he had put in their everlasting hells. all the power [the suffering] of both the ast and the future he had finally got contrl of. he looked at me and said, 'now no-one can stop me. i will have it all. and i couldn't have done it wihout you'. i looked at him in silence. you don't ask for rewards, even though you know he is god by your efforts. i felt dreadful. but i was 6? years old. and still didn't realise what he's telling me.
so the last gods, as listed in my last entry, are up against not just this monster. there's others. anyway all day yesterday was telling the stupid 'angel me' judges i was evil. thats cos i decided they were, thats what they want to hear. and its not a lie. i done all this? all that black magic in my brain? i no longer believe there ever was any such thing as goodness. only weak and strong. instantly they were silenced; in fact i lost my temper, and they appear to be leaving.
if i think that is the only possible real salvation left to me. kill him. [and there are ways]. and begin a war amongst those 'eldili'...and i know a way! but i am going to read vivek again. its obvious he knew quite a lot. gay told me that too. he said unless they somehow teach evil NO religious founder ever succeeds in his lifework. so vivek in his book does this. but which of us [for nobody else is an eldili] likes it? i got to figure out a way. step 1. ALWAYS LOOK INTO YOUR RELIGIONISTS EYES. if his/her eyes worry you or they are black and dead; AVOID. if their eyes are too vacant/silly/maniacal/'holy'or they won't let you see....AVOID. the first are evil. the second false. but what kind of eyes look we for? i think maybe....gentle?
one last thing. the evi-evil HATE music. ALL MUSIC, ANY MUSIC. dunno why. AVOID PEOPLE WHO HATE MUSIC. mind you religionists who insist on droning their mournful firges are showing .1 a sillyness 2. they have learned nothing. 3. are probably 'white' [not so nice really] 4. why are relgious songs miserable? because subcsly they know...
now gay was not a man at all, though he lived a human life; rather an uncomfortable one, actually. war and stuff. if i can ever get that pic off my sister i'll put his pic on here. we only got altogether 4 pics of gay. the swarm have another, of him dead in his coffin. the one i'm thinking of shows him laughing at something i said. about 3 years before he died. but even in that you can see quite clearly who he is.
so what are the things gay told me about himself? for a man given to hours and hours of bragging about his hardships and military experiences in the war he didn't actually give out that much real information. understand he used to talk all night, us kids having to listen silently, laughing intelligently in all the right places.
it was me who finally got him thrown out of our attic flat. i braved paddy. paddy was mrs o connors husband downstairs. there were i think 5 flats in the tenemnt? it was all wooden, dust, dark. anyway nobody could ever understand paddy, he growled in thickest irish. amazing, the oconnors were staunch rc's...with all that going on right above their heads, but i made him see that bad things were happening to us kids. paddy probably thought i meant only the sexual abuse. that very night he came upstairs with his son michael, who was 17 and nasty but huge and obedient to paddy; who was tiny. and they threw gay out in about ten minutes of terrible roaring. i got jackie under the table but couldn't reach rob in his cot. gay went quietly in the end, though cursed me as he went. mum has always claimed she did it; and because she 'found out' he was a satanist. in fact as usual she's lying. he always called her jezebel; but actually she's the real judas, well i think so. don't you?
anyway he only visited us i think 5 times after that, in fulham where we lived afterwards. and i visited him in dagenham maybe 4 times in my life? and once he came down to visit mum in hastings where she lived for 30 years. he saw the red arrows and jumped for sheer pleasure at teir wonderful sunburst display right in front of us over the cliffs. so you see he could be almost human at times.
so these are the snippets he gave me. he said he'd been pythagoras, the greek who had the mystical understanding of numbers, and began trig and geometry? and also naturally a school of magic, which the greeks suppressed themselves, i think. he also said he was an 'eldili'. now that word means 'wise ancient' and he said he'd been alive in atlantis before it was destroyed. i laughed and he grew angry. thats a pity. because he told me the war was betwen the black sorcerors [the state religion of atlantis was ALL black, even the grossest human sacrifice] and the sickened people who found these gods who simply demolished it. 'sank beneath the sea' might not mean what we all think. who were these gods? but evidently gay was one of those black sorcerors. he got very iffy once when i asked him about orpheus; thats a greek hero who ccould do wonderful music with a harp. he went to the underworld to get back his lover, but looked at her on the way out and so lost her again. my question was only what happened after that thinking only that all these old stories never seem to tell you results. anyway he told me he hated orpheus and had set out to destroy him. that orheus was a fool and his lyre a liar! he got quite vicious, actually. apparently this guy orpheus was a rival in more ways than one. his last words were that orpheus was still alive 'but i bet he envies his wife!'
so we see that you can choose your life, to some extent. these eldili can. you see then 'what manner of men were they?' he would say with a smirk. i can tell you. BAD. he said once that there'd been a terrible experiment[presumably in atlantis] which i don't think atlantis was on earth at all; that they'd lost loads of their people finding out the laws etc of the universe. now he means the same sort of thing he was doing to me. destroying someones spirit in order find out what really 'worked'...i imagine a kind of spiritual vivisection. but he didn't mean the poor children he meant other eldili. so they lost some, before they 'took it over'.
no wonder then those unknown gods destroyed atlantis! if you think this is how the evil began their enslavement of all. so you see why i don't think anymore that atlantis was on earth at all. anyway if gay was pythagors you see how the tale got to plato. anyway so these eldili have done something terrible. and so they are the gods! you see those unknown gods may have destroyed the place, but also themselves. and these eldili; gay i think hinted there are 13? lived. and keep coming in to various places in search of more victims.
so now you see why so much black magic is riddled with numbers. also because they ALWAYS pick on little children myths and tales. now look again at your nursery tales for children! some of them are evil. now you can see it.
anyhow so these 13 or so monsters are in my mind in some huge overwhelming dimension. in the dark. seated on huge thrones, they are huge. and hideous. and those are the real gods now. and of course gay is one.
out there he begins each time the same. in a weak even injured appearance. he's taken in, and bit by bit takes over, does terible things. on the long march he got the last civilsation of the gods [ours] in their last war. over food and morality as usual. his minions he had put in their everlasting hells. all the power [the suffering] of both the ast and the future he had finally got contrl of. he looked at me and said, 'now no-one can stop me. i will have it all. and i couldn't have done it wihout you'. i looked at him in silence. you don't ask for rewards, even though you know he is god by your efforts. i felt dreadful. but i was 6? years old. and still didn't realise what he's telling me.
so the last gods, as listed in my last entry, are up against not just this monster. there's others. anyway all day yesterday was telling the stupid 'angel me' judges i was evil. thats cos i decided they were, thats what they want to hear. and its not a lie. i done all this? all that black magic in my brain? i no longer believe there ever was any such thing as goodness. only weak and strong. instantly they were silenced; in fact i lost my temper, and they appear to be leaving.
if i think that is the only possible real salvation left to me. kill him. [and there are ways]. and begin a war amongst those 'eldili'...and i know a way! but i am going to read vivek again. its obvious he knew quite a lot. gay told me that too. he said unless they somehow teach evil NO religious founder ever succeeds in his lifework. so vivek in his book does this. but which of us [for nobody else is an eldili] likes it? i got to figure out a way. step 1. ALWAYS LOOK INTO YOUR RELIGIONISTS EYES. if his/her eyes worry you or they are black and dead; AVOID. if their eyes are too vacant/silly/maniacal/'holy'or they won't let you see....AVOID. the first are evil. the second false. but what kind of eyes look we for? i think maybe....gentle?
one last thing. the evi-evil HATE music. ALL MUSIC, ANY MUSIC. dunno why. AVOID PEOPLE WHO HATE MUSIC. mind you religionists who insist on droning their mournful firges are showing .1 a sillyness 2. they have learned nothing. 3. are probably 'white' [not so nice really] 4. why are relgious songs miserable? because subcsly they know...
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
hm.
just figured something out. it may help someone in the future?
look gay says the good [anyone pretty, civilised, sane] are really evil? or they got it in them? okay he then says the evil are secretly somehow the good? so they damned as well? right, then your answer; if any be possible, goes something like this. everybody then is evil. evil is infolded in all; either by bad habits, or by power crazed scheming, whether to be 'god' of either sort, they do but try to defend themselves, get nice places? but thats just commonsense? which is good.[yes, but don't tell him that]
but then he teaches them the dynamic concepts? you know 'you have to be kind to be cruel, you have to be cruel to be kind, for the cruel are always the winners, it is the kind who make you blind. one day the kind will be blinded, so that they shall not ever find, that they the kind are the cruel, and it is pity which always kills'...thats how the dynamic concepts starts. it ends that only the cruel are fit to be god, because basically they got there first. right? so to be absolutely kind[cruel] to the absolutely kind[cruel] you have to be infinitely cruel?[kind]. then go back over that and stick in your good and evil. that is why when brent1 pitied me i began to remember, and when i remembered that particular, i loved him. and gay saw it, so brent1 he was dropped into that sea of blue radiance? i saw gays anger; and prayed satan to put this my friend back in his own place? because pity it is forbid, so is kindness, and the fact that i frequently love people always enrages gay. who is god and stays god by his frightful cruelty. so under him only the cruel are truly evil. but then they must not get too big for their boots. in the end he destroys all possible rivals. because gay is a shocking coward; or why do you lot suppose he did all this to a child? also because i'm the Queen. and because Queens kill wasps, when they are not blind to the fact that it is a wasp. he told me himself only one who loves him can kill him. one who pities him will be able to. and that when the kind see the first thing they do is blind the bloody cruel so they can't do it anymore....which just about describes me, doesn't it? so now i begin to guess why he chose me. i can destroy him? thats why i suffer? but thats mad! if he'd given me somewhere nce and left me to believe i was a scullery maid for all time i wouldn't ever have tried to stop him! in ny case its rubbish. the cruel are blind in their hearts. the kind nurse either cures the blind or knocks spots off the cruel until they stop. but there's a lot more to the DC's than just that.
so what you do is say you are evil. just say it. so its a lie! isn't that good? its true anyway; or which of us can say they NEVER sinned in all history? not one.
so the good can say they evil; because he said so. the evil can say it too, after all thats true. that gets one lot of hells out of the way. the other thing you then do is say; but i like my sins sweet, i like my cruelty scented, and in particular i want as much sex [sin] as possible.
then belt up and wait. whats he going to do? give you permission to have what you want....because now you've agreed with him, haven't you? all it takes is a little white lie;which in any case is the properly black truth! and whats he going to do? he's a liar too!
so thats all you have to do. lie like a trooper, get well away, and then do as you want. just don't ever ask for forgiveness. because i'm the only idiot who still believes in that....dunno why. i never got it.
look gay says the good [anyone pretty, civilised, sane] are really evil? or they got it in them? okay he then says the evil are secretly somehow the good? so they damned as well? right, then your answer; if any be possible, goes something like this. everybody then is evil. evil is infolded in all; either by bad habits, or by power crazed scheming, whether to be 'god' of either sort, they do but try to defend themselves, get nice places? but thats just commonsense? which is good.[yes, but don't tell him that]
but then he teaches them the dynamic concepts? you know 'you have to be kind to be cruel, you have to be cruel to be kind, for the cruel are always the winners, it is the kind who make you blind. one day the kind will be blinded, so that they shall not ever find, that they the kind are the cruel, and it is pity which always kills'...thats how the dynamic concepts starts. it ends that only the cruel are fit to be god, because basically they got there first. right? so to be absolutely kind[cruel] to the absolutely kind[cruel] you have to be infinitely cruel?[kind]. then go back over that and stick in your good and evil. that is why when brent1 pitied me i began to remember, and when i remembered that particular, i loved him. and gay saw it, so brent1 he was dropped into that sea of blue radiance? i saw gays anger; and prayed satan to put this my friend back in his own place? because pity it is forbid, so is kindness, and the fact that i frequently love people always enrages gay. who is god and stays god by his frightful cruelty. so under him only the cruel are truly evil. but then they must not get too big for their boots. in the end he destroys all possible rivals. because gay is a shocking coward; or why do you lot suppose he did all this to a child? also because i'm the Queen. and because Queens kill wasps, when they are not blind to the fact that it is a wasp. he told me himself only one who loves him can kill him. one who pities him will be able to. and that when the kind see the first thing they do is blind the bloody cruel so they can't do it anymore....which just about describes me, doesn't it? so now i begin to guess why he chose me. i can destroy him? thats why i suffer? but thats mad! if he'd given me somewhere nce and left me to believe i was a scullery maid for all time i wouldn't ever have tried to stop him! in ny case its rubbish. the cruel are blind in their hearts. the kind nurse either cures the blind or knocks spots off the cruel until they stop. but there's a lot more to the DC's than just that.
so what you do is say you are evil. just say it. so its a lie! isn't that good? its true anyway; or which of us can say they NEVER sinned in all history? not one.
so the good can say they evil; because he said so. the evil can say it too, after all thats true. that gets one lot of hells out of the way. the other thing you then do is say; but i like my sins sweet, i like my cruelty scented, and in particular i want as much sex [sin] as possible.
then belt up and wait. whats he going to do? give you permission to have what you want....because now you've agreed with him, haven't you? all it takes is a little white lie;which in any case is the properly black truth! and whats he going to do? he's a liar too!
so thats all you have to do. lie like a trooper, get well away, and then do as you want. just don't ever ask for forgiveness. because i'm the only idiot who still believes in that....dunno why. i never got it.
on satan and yetzoah.
too cold to sleep. now you know satan's nature was reversed? so him all strict and stern and believing in punishments was meant to be damned by both good father seabreeze and that nasty general cruel? but his nature it was reversed? so he thinks he's evil. and yet undamned by the potty sea-eagles he rules all out there. he's the most beautiful god, no, really. blonde, blue/green/stately. and all he is is now 'the son' and christ; in his own way, to those who 'choose evil'. but i tell you he never seems to hurt anyone. mends things broken. sits in his cave up on the white mountain, playing with frogs [the poor good again] and nasty snot green devils. but he keeps it in good order. my impression is he's very lonely. you didn't know that; that the gods live in caves? well some do. the dwellings, like the food, gone. so his atmosphere i have to say, is awful. but he is polite, intelligent, and only to those who keep on being 'good' in his presence does he punish...but when you look he gives them a satanic version of whatever it is they asked for. but now you see he knows what gay has in store for him too. [a la pre-existence judgement by gay?] so look in his eyes. that is despair. gay is lord; and frequently shows satan that fact. its horrible, i will not shame him and tell you that. but he who was lord is lord no more. a suffering slave like all the rest. yes in those small universes; mostly brought about by what seems suspiciously like black magic; i kept him out.was 'god' so i could. always when i'm male i win. gay hates females. and paid for that by equal time on the other side of the coin by being kept in quaratine [they said 'aargh! she's got the measles! and i believed them!for 15 billion years] oh yes, gay fixed it there's two sides, two versions of the same super-reality. so you see i have been awful to satan; and whenever he's tried to help me i get it all wrong. i'm either stupidly good, or think he's evil....now you see i'm just decent, and he's as much a victim as anyone else.so you see ugly dark things happen wherever he goes. but no-one ever asked HIM, do you like this? so you see gay has got one me. now this one is brigh, maybe 12? she knows all the dynamic concepts, laws and so forth. so she/i stands on his hand and tells him what to do...and he does it. not such a bad lad, then, is he? whats all wrong is me! whoever heard of a child being god? yet thats all they got. and that little golden girl? as much like me as you please! she's even somewhat cockney! what she doing? trying to mend the place and help him be saved! well lets hope i tell him to stop turning people into frogs. thats antisocial. he knows his future well enough. he was in the pre-existence place; but you know i think an think. i don't he was there for the whole thing. remember gay damned the good? yes, but after they had all fled. so no-one knew but me [and i forgot] and those evils left to listen. but then as i have said, he damned them as well. so you see if i choose i choose satan, who i see never asked to be evil, is afraid also, and look, tried to save me not once but twice, yes, just a couple of years ago! so if you think he seems not to despise women, makes mistakes like anyone else; do you see he's better than jesus who told you all he was good.....and wasn't? well i hope he doesn't turn me into a frog. if he does i shall poo all over his nice clean floor until he kisses me back into a lady. and then i won't half slap him.
then there's yetzoah. now i have to come clean and tell you there is a significant possiblity that i have got all muddled up with yetzoah. thats because i remember being him in various times and places. no, i don't understand it either. but it means i can tell you EXACTLY what its been like for him. hang on a sec. i need to think it out carefully, cos i must not get you muddled. brb.
then there's yetzoah. now i have to come clean and tell you there is a significant possiblity that i have got all muddled up with yetzoah. thats because i remember being him in various times and places. no, i don't understand it either. but it means i can tell you EXACTLY what its been like for him. hang on a sec. i need to think it out carefully, cos i must not get you muddled. brb.
which?
now it is gay who is the liar. although he hardly ever lies to me; but i was a child in terrible distress; so i expect i didn't notice. when he says heaven is really hell, an hell is really heaven, you understand you're supposed to close your eyes to feel the diffeence? otherwise you'd know they're both ghastly. a hell black, empty, with nasty things happening only feels like heaven if you shut your mind to the suffering and horror. that is; be cruel. feel your triumph; you are evil, and evil rules...but open your eyes and see where you are. look in your heart and know you are vile [which is life spelt wrong] and you see truly that you don't want this. and now you know you're really insects...is it heaven? don't be ridiculous.
as for the heavens i remember; i wouldn't say they were hells, exactly. but barren, empty, regularly dominated and destroyed by these satanic yobs who want power power....and then turn it into hell, exactly as before. the good, though mark you none are perfectly good, all, even the sweetest angel, they all got somehing of power crazy scheming and harbour cruel vengeance; of course they do! they have been thrown out [the children of the kingdom are cast out, and their places given to dark and violent men..] of heaven, but its theirs, given every suffering, but they are innocent, led astray everywhere, because they are not taught, why the bloody hell wouldn't they be angry? the darkside rebelled against their destiny of infinite pain,yet do the same to those who had nothing to do with it! who has learned? no-one!
anyway you see again how jesus knew? and where is his rebellion? it is not! and now EVERYBODY is going into infinite pain!
but i rebel. because its gay is secret god. and did all this to all of us. so heaven is full of moral rules til you go crazy. it is silent. boring. still no food. you know i think i may be wrong that satan made it all empty of food. he's not that gormless, surely? i got an idea that it was father seabreeze' who quite simply didn't expect it to go on long. so he never made any food source for them; or nothing to last. anyway, you see the heavens of zion are deserts of diamonds. though all are jewish or have been or are counted righteous, they are nomads one side and wait and wait in the old dress; but don't know why. i think they get born again, like we all do. allahs heaven big, dusty tenements, a few nasty old men. but i like the white horses. there's no food, no women, no wine. not even singing. dullsville.
and i've been in many jesus type heavens. many many buildings. lots of senseless singing, not much jesus; who is never the right one. and when you called to be reborn you just sink straight through the floor; and as you go your final sight is jesus and his gang all black with ruby red eyes! those heavens are more like illusions than the others. and equally short of tenants. very high you feel overcome; you can't think or you feel suffocated? they too high; so no-one goes there. and all have light, ythough it is also in chains. and all everywhere are frightened. so you close your eyes and thats what you find. fear and confusion.so in that way yes they are hells. but not i'm happy to say, at all married to insects.
so the heaven i have just had made for me by elohim is really heaven,but it is mine. i will defend it accordingly. i call things by their right names. so when i tell you it is heaven it is. what is hell also i say; and it is true.
now elohim has built it; so he can visit when he wishes. if i don't make it then its his. you know well that zion has been my friend for yonks, so he is also welcome. allah can tell his people AN CODICIL to the koran; to wit; be nice and FAIR to women and its okay to live in your own century; and anyone who doesn't gets a choice of a day with gay or a chat with gerry. amen. once he's done that i have no quarrel with allah. i remember he's been a good friend in the past. also satan and yetzoah; and people or gods like brent1. only show me i can love you, and i will. but keep the things that give me the habdabs outside. just common courtesy, you know. and for the rest as you get better one by one, rest, food, a laugh, a lover, something sensible to do; like sort out this bloody mess?
so how glad are we that elohim he built it! he made 'all that matter'? and he did! look at your world! food! civilsation! laws sometimes nearly sane! other people! animals! music! he's made for me something that will work! now you know this what do you want to do? i know! lets sing a song for elohim, my friend god!don't worry its defended...no-one gets in til i fetch them.
so. thats us, the gods. thats heaven. all now you turn. we make war on that thing gay. now from here on i tell you some things from my past. but only whats strictly necesary. and also your futures. which right now is grim reading. but the way out from that future is here; and you know there is a chance...that singing was your different future; trying to tell me you will exist.
so gay said; 'why should they get what they want?'....nice old thing, what? just so he doesn't, basically.
as for the heavens i remember; i wouldn't say they were hells, exactly. but barren, empty, regularly dominated and destroyed by these satanic yobs who want power power....and then turn it into hell, exactly as before. the good, though mark you none are perfectly good, all, even the sweetest angel, they all got somehing of power crazy scheming and harbour cruel vengeance; of course they do! they have been thrown out [the children of the kingdom are cast out, and their places given to dark and violent men..] of heaven, but its theirs, given every suffering, but they are innocent, led astray everywhere, because they are not taught, why the bloody hell wouldn't they be angry? the darkside rebelled against their destiny of infinite pain,yet do the same to those who had nothing to do with it! who has learned? no-one!
anyway you see again how jesus knew? and where is his rebellion? it is not! and now EVERYBODY is going into infinite pain!
but i rebel. because its gay is secret god. and did all this to all of us. so heaven is full of moral rules til you go crazy. it is silent. boring. still no food. you know i think i may be wrong that satan made it all empty of food. he's not that gormless, surely? i got an idea that it was father seabreeze' who quite simply didn't expect it to go on long. so he never made any food source for them; or nothing to last. anyway, you see the heavens of zion are deserts of diamonds. though all are jewish or have been or are counted righteous, they are nomads one side and wait and wait in the old dress; but don't know why. i think they get born again, like we all do. allahs heaven big, dusty tenements, a few nasty old men. but i like the white horses. there's no food, no women, no wine. not even singing. dullsville.
and i've been in many jesus type heavens. many many buildings. lots of senseless singing, not much jesus; who is never the right one. and when you called to be reborn you just sink straight through the floor; and as you go your final sight is jesus and his gang all black with ruby red eyes! those heavens are more like illusions than the others. and equally short of tenants. very high you feel overcome; you can't think or you feel suffocated? they too high; so no-one goes there. and all have light, ythough it is also in chains. and all everywhere are frightened. so you close your eyes and thats what you find. fear and confusion.so in that way yes they are hells. but not i'm happy to say, at all married to insects.
so the heaven i have just had made for me by elohim is really heaven,but it is mine. i will defend it accordingly. i call things by their right names. so when i tell you it is heaven it is. what is hell also i say; and it is true.
now elohim has built it; so he can visit when he wishes. if i don't make it then its his. you know well that zion has been my friend for yonks, so he is also welcome. allah can tell his people AN CODICIL to the koran; to wit; be nice and FAIR to women and its okay to live in your own century; and anyone who doesn't gets a choice of a day with gay or a chat with gerry. amen. once he's done that i have no quarrel with allah. i remember he's been a good friend in the past. also satan and yetzoah; and people or gods like brent1. only show me i can love you, and i will. but keep the things that give me the habdabs outside. just common courtesy, you know. and for the rest as you get better one by one, rest, food, a laugh, a lover, something sensible to do; like sort out this bloody mess?
so how glad are we that elohim he built it! he made 'all that matter'? and he did! look at your world! food! civilsation! laws sometimes nearly sane! other people! animals! music! he's made for me something that will work! now you know this what do you want to do? i know! lets sing a song for elohim, my friend god!don't worry its defended...no-one gets in til i fetch them.
so. thats us, the gods. thats heaven. all now you turn. we make war on that thing gay. now from here on i tell you some things from my past. but only whats strictly necesary. and also your futures. which right now is grim reading. but the way out from that future is here; and you know there is a chance...that singing was your different future; trying to tell me you will exist.
so gay said; 'why should they get what they want?'....nice old thing, what? just so he doesn't, basically.
1 remark
in raja-yoga vivek says it is more blessed to give than receive. he says if you accept a gift or something you also get the evils of the giver? now by that does he mean sorrow, [punishment] or nastiness[taint]?
anyhow you see gays mind at work here? it means beggars can't beg; if they monks or a girl who carries her starving baby! it means teachers can't teach, or don't you know that information is also given? now you see jesus knew this too[ i didn't], because he says the same, but does not say why.
that is why the evil won't accept anything from me. not even a cuppa tea. oh, now i understand. it would acknowledge that i have something they need? i always thought they were so very rude. now this is their paranoia.
well i am god, either was or will be. depends how you look at it, doesn't it? and this is my judgement. don't be so DAMN SILLY. you give good to the universe [minds] and the universe will give it back. karma rules, remember? which rule shall trump the other? suck it and see!
this teaching is yes, my gift to all the brave, the suffering, the lost. all starving, all beggars. and what you are given is truth. rescue? yes it all seems evil, thats because its the history of evils usurpation. right? and look into your heart! you who knew damnation, you who loved evil....well in a little while you won't anymore. and you o daft religionist, see your ravening will to murder the truthspeller, yes even though elohim stands right here with me, know your nature! and be cured of it. you see? ask me for light, i give it to you. refuse; and then howl in the dark. so for once the law here is in abeyance. learn, and be quick, or deny, and be better off dead.
and if you see someone innocent and goodly; you know it is they who starve. therefore give; for as you know, karma rules. so this law that what you receive shall damn you; i say cobblers. and i also am god.
under gay, yes its true. so you see jesus knew and yet told you all to give and give.so you all received from him? are in debt? and will pay for his evil? and so who in any world or life NEVER received anything? from daylight to your mothers milk, al are beggars.but i also know now' and likewise i say i am destined to destroy that thing, him and his nightmare rules. but i shall also say, be steady. give only to them that seek. as this is given. or don't you know only they who read this were meant to?
and if you see one dark, horrible, a murderer, a hater, do you see he is also a moron, a slave and victim too? what the cruels need is prophecy; see their own destiny. that will cure them right there. but are they not beggars too stupid to beg, even though what they see here they know is perfect truth? and the way out of hell?
because heaven i close to them, who refuse to learn. thats my rule. and isn't that a given? think about it.
anyhow you see gays mind at work here? it means beggars can't beg; if they monks or a girl who carries her starving baby! it means teachers can't teach, or don't you know that information is also given? now you see jesus knew this too[ i didn't], because he says the same, but does not say why.
that is why the evil won't accept anything from me. not even a cuppa tea. oh, now i understand. it would acknowledge that i have something they need? i always thought they were so very rude. now this is their paranoia.
well i am god, either was or will be. depends how you look at it, doesn't it? and this is my judgement. don't be so DAMN SILLY. you give good to the universe [minds] and the universe will give it back. karma rules, remember? which rule shall trump the other? suck it and see!
this teaching is yes, my gift to all the brave, the suffering, the lost. all starving, all beggars. and what you are given is truth. rescue? yes it all seems evil, thats because its the history of evils usurpation. right? and look into your heart! you who knew damnation, you who loved evil....well in a little while you won't anymore. and you o daft religionist, see your ravening will to murder the truthspeller, yes even though elohim stands right here with me, know your nature! and be cured of it. you see? ask me for light, i give it to you. refuse; and then howl in the dark. so for once the law here is in abeyance. learn, and be quick, or deny, and be better off dead.
and if you see someone innocent and goodly; you know it is they who starve. therefore give; for as you know, karma rules. so this law that what you receive shall damn you; i say cobblers. and i also am god.
under gay, yes its true. so you see jesus knew and yet told you all to give and give.so you all received from him? are in debt? and will pay for his evil? and so who in any world or life NEVER received anything? from daylight to your mothers milk, al are beggars.but i also know now' and likewise i say i am destined to destroy that thing, him and his nightmare rules. but i shall also say, be steady. give only to them that seek. as this is given. or don't you know only they who read this were meant to?
and if you see one dark, horrible, a murderer, a hater, do you see he is also a moron, a slave and victim too? what the cruels need is prophecy; see their own destiny. that will cure them right there. but are they not beggars too stupid to beg, even though what they see here they know is perfect truth? and the way out of hell?
because heaven i close to them, who refuse to learn. thats my rule. and isn't that a given? think about it.
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
the me's
about pleasure and pain. what got me thinking about it wasthat description of purusha as joyless. they never know joy out there. what an indictment of the gods! to be happy is not to feel pain!
you and i, dear seeker, know at once that heaven should be serene yet knowing joy. there should be friendship, loyalty to one's teacher, everything true, no nasty cheats or frauds. we know by intuition that even animals are entitled to humane treatment. i have already told you that seabreeze made insects to show us what evil looks like so we can avoid it. now an insect is the lowest you can go [or virii, actually, but thats another realm. for man its insects.] so gay has fixed it so the higher a man or god goes the lower they fall. conversely the more evil they be the more like insects they become. that is why 'god' appears with a great booming as an insect. a stag beetle thing. if you deny him, you fall, if you accept you are evil. get powers etc. but finish insect also. you can guess i refused; but didn't deny. i know all right. and also know how he hates it, was forced. so i said the magic words, sod off.
the fact is gays' done the bloody lot. yes in the fifties in that attic though all these beings think its the way things have been from the beginning. but it is not.
heaven is no more. all you get is more and more awful troubles and problems and cheats. judgment day is every day, but they don't know. even the high spirits see, but don't understand. and i do; but i a rebel be. so i can look at a spider and not kill if its a good guy. knowing it will die in due course and begin its long sorrowful journey all over again. did it sin? no unless you are gay, who murders all good things. like good spirits, heaven, sanity, innocence and joy.and beauty. don't be pretty, girls, be not too handsome, dear seeker. he'll kill you immediately. or you surrender it in exchange for power; safety, as you suppose. but you are wrong.
well have you jumped in sweet joy ever? perhaps when your baby was born. perhaps when you found the one you loved also loved you. thats all. yet you will be terribly punished for that joy. and all are watched with microscopic vision.
so now we see why these wise are not wise enough. or where do they show you that goodness is being driven out of the universe? not just slowly disappearing on earth. everywhere pal. but they know uncsly; stating that happiness =vanishing forever into something that sounds uncommonly like a bloody rock.
what about pleasure and pain. well at some point in the past i stood in siege perilous [didn't know i was god] and said the seven significant laws. now i can't recall them all, thefirst was that beauty shall be driven out of paradise o return when it is wise. so gay opens heaven to the ugly, ie devils, on account they are ugly and therefore wise. that is evil is wisdom. another encapsulated the physics of matter or possibly the spiritlands? not sure. anyway one was 'pleasure and pain' are the same; two sides of the same coin?
what that means in practice is that he can give you the opposite of what you ask for, the thing you don't deserve, or the one you don't ask for. but essentially you can say they are conducted by the same nerves to the same brain. to some extent, yes, it depends on your ideas ehich you perceive. but not entirely opinion. or do you really think glory in heaven means the same as being burnt alive in hell? of course not. but now you see how dangerous it is to ask gay for anything. why can he get me to do these things? i am not cruel, but absolutey hypnotised and everything he demands [he tells the me's these are already the laws which she must understand and obey in order to be properly damned and therefore saved?] is insane if you follow it. but makes perfect sense when once restored to reason and all grown up you see he is hideously cruel and simply providing himself with a universe of victims.
so anyway lets look at the me's next.
well there are several. i think maybe five. but i'm pretty sure he's got another completely invisible. anyway they all little girls, the eldest [by sight, these ages are false, they been kept like that. i don't know how]. is mistress infallible. she is just that, infallible. she's maybe 12? she's far out, on the edge of creation far above [her version of creation is diffeent from everyone eles's]. but she never helps me. i think she is nearly reduced to a machine. the second is ladychild, right above me as i write. she's 5, but huge...but sideways? so she's really old and powerful. and about to die, he wouldn't have told her to go and be god on her own right here unless he was about to end her. she's having trouble understanding me, the earth, the most basic commonsense eludes her. but she is thinking. the little one always alone with him, the evil ones watch when he lets her become god properly but paralysed; and then he devours her heart or brain? horror and despair so black. they see him as the dragon he is. and i have heard them being sick. and he tells her she must suffer forever. she is 3. and mad with longsuffering. she's the one full of black magic in nursery rhymes and tales. she is very close. i tried to kill her, but like me she comes back. another far far far above he's had opening up strange alien places, 'to find god'...he's always trying to find out secrets, etc. she's got the message, though. thats one gay i killed right off. she looked at him dead and run away. been heading towards me as fast as she can go. remember there's more than one me, levels etc? so there levels of gay also. anyway she's 5, and has realised; he approaches, she says no. thats a first, and look all he seems to do is follow her around, persuading, threats,,,,but he has not murdered her so far. so thats your clue. say no. he has got it all by making people do things 'of their own free will'....though you'd be surprised how many states count as free will with him!
then there's ruins. she's safe now, maybe 2? 5? can't tell, she's in an awful state.
then the time master, also safe. but he has another; cos can still fuck around with time. then there's that one in the gigantic dark room? only just found that one, maybe 4? and there's a couple [?] of babies...real babies; unable to speak. lastly there's a judge? a nit who's swallowed it all and is currently shrieking curses in the form of a small black eagle being 'evil'....no idea that the real gods are black eagles..and began good. and wil return to good, if only they take this medicine.
now it seems to me that brent1 approached another? recently? not here, must be r3? she/i was admiring a tree. the cheeryblossom tree? it was summer the sky was blue? he stood until she noticed him. hey! he's read this blog! instantly she put him in ants; following the laws she's been taught! and he said no! i wonder...i think he tried to teach her its wrong, cruel. anyway i hope he persuaded her not ants...i think she must be very alone, alien in some ways? or maybe just young. but older somehow than the others? well good on you king, if u learning from this blog. and you going the right way if you read it in future and went and found her. if he could turn that one rebel....she's the eldest. maybe 13? then this future me; all grown-up. seems nice. then theres me! aged 58 and all woke up and seriously angry about all this. so thats about the lot i think.
all you have to remember if you meet one is they need to grow up! become adults. and then tell them they been subjected to hypnosis. and that means 1. they had no free will. and that they are saved. tell them nan says come home. and then we kick that nasty man out of our universe.and tell them 2. they got the powers, even the awful knowledge. so its the devil been trying to damn god and all gods nice friends. say no more. let them drift on...when they do wake they might be dangerous to be near; until they figure it out everyone will seem like foe. each one has powers, i dunno what; but none ALL the powers of god. if you can escort them to a place of safety but DON'T let them drift on dreaming. they got to grow up. time for school, or nursery. treat them all as desperately sick. and when they look grown-up and tell you to stop; you stop. and wait. it may be better not to reunite. whats gay going to do with several Queens with god powers, all wide awake, stingers risen, full of hate, and heading straight for him?
amen. and you evils can shut-up and piss off. this saves you too. say amen and thank god, you daft arseholes.
you and i, dear seeker, know at once that heaven should be serene yet knowing joy. there should be friendship, loyalty to one's teacher, everything true, no nasty cheats or frauds. we know by intuition that even animals are entitled to humane treatment. i have already told you that seabreeze made insects to show us what evil looks like so we can avoid it. now an insect is the lowest you can go [or virii, actually, but thats another realm. for man its insects.] so gay has fixed it so the higher a man or god goes the lower they fall. conversely the more evil they be the more like insects they become. that is why 'god' appears with a great booming as an insect. a stag beetle thing. if you deny him, you fall, if you accept you are evil. get powers etc. but finish insect also. you can guess i refused; but didn't deny. i know all right. and also know how he hates it, was forced. so i said the magic words, sod off.
the fact is gays' done the bloody lot. yes in the fifties in that attic though all these beings think its the way things have been from the beginning. but it is not.
heaven is no more. all you get is more and more awful troubles and problems and cheats. judgment day is every day, but they don't know. even the high spirits see, but don't understand. and i do; but i a rebel be. so i can look at a spider and not kill if its a good guy. knowing it will die in due course and begin its long sorrowful journey all over again. did it sin? no unless you are gay, who murders all good things. like good spirits, heaven, sanity, innocence and joy.and beauty. don't be pretty, girls, be not too handsome, dear seeker. he'll kill you immediately. or you surrender it in exchange for power; safety, as you suppose. but you are wrong.
well have you jumped in sweet joy ever? perhaps when your baby was born. perhaps when you found the one you loved also loved you. thats all. yet you will be terribly punished for that joy. and all are watched with microscopic vision.
so now we see why these wise are not wise enough. or where do they show you that goodness is being driven out of the universe? not just slowly disappearing on earth. everywhere pal. but they know uncsly; stating that happiness =vanishing forever into something that sounds uncommonly like a bloody rock.
what about pleasure and pain. well at some point in the past i stood in siege perilous [didn't know i was god] and said the seven significant laws. now i can't recall them all, thefirst was that beauty shall be driven out of paradise o return when it is wise. so gay opens heaven to the ugly, ie devils, on account they are ugly and therefore wise. that is evil is wisdom. another encapsulated the physics of matter or possibly the spiritlands? not sure. anyway one was 'pleasure and pain' are the same; two sides of the same coin?
what that means in practice is that he can give you the opposite of what you ask for, the thing you don't deserve, or the one you don't ask for. but essentially you can say they are conducted by the same nerves to the same brain. to some extent, yes, it depends on your ideas ehich you perceive. but not entirely opinion. or do you really think glory in heaven means the same as being burnt alive in hell? of course not. but now you see how dangerous it is to ask gay for anything. why can he get me to do these things? i am not cruel, but absolutey hypnotised and everything he demands [he tells the me's these are already the laws which she must understand and obey in order to be properly damned and therefore saved?] is insane if you follow it. but makes perfect sense when once restored to reason and all grown up you see he is hideously cruel and simply providing himself with a universe of victims.
so anyway lets look at the me's next.
well there are several. i think maybe five. but i'm pretty sure he's got another completely invisible. anyway they all little girls, the eldest [by sight, these ages are false, they been kept like that. i don't know how]. is mistress infallible. she is just that, infallible. she's maybe 12? she's far out, on the edge of creation far above [her version of creation is diffeent from everyone eles's]. but she never helps me. i think she is nearly reduced to a machine. the second is ladychild, right above me as i write. she's 5, but huge...but sideways? so she's really old and powerful. and about to die, he wouldn't have told her to go and be god on her own right here unless he was about to end her. she's having trouble understanding me, the earth, the most basic commonsense eludes her. but she is thinking. the little one always alone with him, the evil ones watch when he lets her become god properly but paralysed; and then he devours her heart or brain? horror and despair so black. they see him as the dragon he is. and i have heard them being sick. and he tells her she must suffer forever. she is 3. and mad with longsuffering. she's the one full of black magic in nursery rhymes and tales. she is very close. i tried to kill her, but like me she comes back. another far far far above he's had opening up strange alien places, 'to find god'...he's always trying to find out secrets, etc. she's got the message, though. thats one gay i killed right off. she looked at him dead and run away. been heading towards me as fast as she can go. remember there's more than one me, levels etc? so there levels of gay also. anyway she's 5, and has realised; he approaches, she says no. thats a first, and look all he seems to do is follow her around, persuading, threats,,,,but he has not murdered her so far. so thats your clue. say no. he has got it all by making people do things 'of their own free will'....though you'd be surprised how many states count as free will with him!
then there's ruins. she's safe now, maybe 2? 5? can't tell, she's in an awful state.
then the time master, also safe. but he has another; cos can still fuck around with time. then there's that one in the gigantic dark room? only just found that one, maybe 4? and there's a couple [?] of babies...real babies; unable to speak. lastly there's a judge? a nit who's swallowed it all and is currently shrieking curses in the form of a small black eagle being 'evil'....no idea that the real gods are black eagles..and began good. and wil return to good, if only they take this medicine.
now it seems to me that brent1 approached another? recently? not here, must be r3? she/i was admiring a tree. the cheeryblossom tree? it was summer the sky was blue? he stood until she noticed him. hey! he's read this blog! instantly she put him in ants; following the laws she's been taught! and he said no! i wonder...i think he tried to teach her its wrong, cruel. anyway i hope he persuaded her not ants...i think she must be very alone, alien in some ways? or maybe just young. but older somehow than the others? well good on you king, if u learning from this blog. and you going the right way if you read it in future and went and found her. if he could turn that one rebel....she's the eldest. maybe 13? then this future me; all grown-up. seems nice. then theres me! aged 58 and all woke up and seriously angry about all this. so thats about the lot i think.
all you have to remember if you meet one is they need to grow up! become adults. and then tell them they been subjected to hypnosis. and that means 1. they had no free will. and that they are saved. tell them nan says come home. and then we kick that nasty man out of our universe.and tell them 2. they got the powers, even the awful knowledge. so its the devil been trying to damn god and all gods nice friends. say no more. let them drift on...when they do wake they might be dangerous to be near; until they figure it out everyone will seem like foe. each one has powers, i dunno what; but none ALL the powers of god. if you can escort them to a place of safety but DON'T let them drift on dreaming. they got to grow up. time for school, or nursery. treat them all as desperately sick. and when they look grown-up and tell you to stop; you stop. and wait. it may be better not to reunite. whats gay going to do with several Queens with god powers, all wide awake, stingers risen, full of hate, and heading straight for him?
amen. and you evils can shut-up and piss off. this saves you too. say amen and thank god, you daft arseholes.
quick word
now all this seems to you utterly vile and disgusting? i know. but this is what gay set up using my poor smashed godmind in that attic. but you see you are not smashed or hypnotised or beaten or starved or driven mad? i haven't pulled you out and taken you as a child to all different realms and times? i haven't demanded of you evil laws? all this hell he made; and used my various selves to do it.
so this is the truth. yes, its horrific, that you find it horrific tells me you are one of mine. so its nasty. but i will work on you like medicine? you find all this repellant? you are becoming good. you condemn gay want him damned? then you are becoming judge. you see how the gods were trapped and ruined? feel pity for them, want to stop this meaningless suffering? bang, you are above themm.
when now you practise your contacting/growing methods you know what you doing, you know what to expect. and that you DON'T have to accept. the word no is a good thing at times. it sounds the same in all times and places and tongues, you know.
now you are warned and armed. and when you die you will find they look to you for help. give it. don't seek power....in fact by the time i close this blog; or just have finished this, your form will be man, your body non-insect, yoour mind semi-god, your abilities as you develop them. out from this world from now on may come new gods. gods not evil. gods not insane with morality. gods who love women too. gods who stick together, build civilisation. and who can love and know passion with others too. if it sounds human, think like this. our world, even our sex lives, even our science....is way ahead of them.
unless of course you fancy falling in worship of beetles? no? this is medicine. yours. drink it. reflect. and carry on becoming a god. refuse it, choose falsehood and you will end a burning spider [the good] or a black thing devouring other black things. which one is hell? they both are, aren't they? so now you hate gay. about time.
so this is the truth. yes, its horrific, that you find it horrific tells me you are one of mine. so its nasty. but i will work on you like medicine? you find all this repellant? you are becoming good. you condemn gay want him damned? then you are becoming judge. you see how the gods were trapped and ruined? feel pity for them, want to stop this meaningless suffering? bang, you are above themm.
when now you practise your contacting/growing methods you know what you doing, you know what to expect. and that you DON'T have to accept. the word no is a good thing at times. it sounds the same in all times and places and tongues, you know.
now you are warned and armed. and when you die you will find they look to you for help. give it. don't seek power....in fact by the time i close this blog; or just have finished this, your form will be man, your body non-insect, yoour mind semi-god, your abilities as you develop them. out from this world from now on may come new gods. gods not evil. gods not insane with morality. gods who love women too. gods who stick together, build civilisation. and who can love and know passion with others too. if it sounds human, think like this. our world, even our sex lives, even our science....is way ahead of them.
unless of course you fancy falling in worship of beetles? no? this is medicine. yours. drink it. reflect. and carry on becoming a god. refuse it, choose falsehood and you will end a burning spider [the good] or a black thing devouring other black things. which one is hell? they both are, aren't they? so now you hate gay. about time.
pleasure and pain.
hm. was thinking yesterday; trying to summonn kundalini. noything. then realised there's no model even an imaginary one of a great, almighty, HAPPY. good god. as i sat here that me from the future stood over me again. definitely me. same grin, same feel of someone friendly. she/me told me gay killed that kundalini; so what happened before was something else. anyway she told me i've already [as a baby] done the lot. and gay took what he wanted, split my spirit, found the initial me's and enslaved them, and all the rest. so i don't need to do it all over again, and the damage within is rendered useless half this stuff can't work. so i can stop trying. okay. she reminded me i'm back from anat, that i know the history. i looked at her. face okay, natural smile, robes somehow like a long carigan; and yellow? yet not? and i saw it. she is the answer. perfectly black inside. and perfectly white as well. niether side can call her anything. no bad names. yet its niether substance nor clouds. like standing energy? so i will occasionaly do whatever. she shows me that she/i am still a graduate. will police/nurse them all. but don't need huge stature or wildly absolute powers which is just showing off. don't even know what powers she got. but i have to say that me [future] wasn't worried or troubled. and look, she turns up and helps! no charge, no demands, no threats, no price of future pain. i wonder how i shall become her?
at once relaxed. told the gods they shall see a graduate! i shall have to be powered, but once gay is down, his minions under right command, these gods can watch me PUT IT DOWN. AND WALK AWAY. something they never saw before. discussed [i mean gave them a bollocking] the Queen. invited ladychild in. if i can accept all these the lost evil, shall i reject ladychild, who was forced like them all.? of course not. so she knows her choice. and each time i look has crept a little closer. told all the kids what to do. and they have started doing it.
sad. sad. gt father i pitied, i apologized if it was sin, but looked on his suffering and thats what i felt. and gt father recognised something! that little me brent1 called out? she's the Queen. and gt father was seeing, like a slow tiny joy in him? but so cruel is gay. because i'm dying, and inside all changed, and the Queen is too young and too tiny. but at least gt father knows now.
anyway next job is to awake the god molecule deep down. gay made me uncs super-god? and then reduced that to a molecule? but its still there, alive. so thats me who must get big again. thats the me who can mend all this damage. all i can do is summon. and keep on summoning. the cry goes from deep unto deep. but i am so glad of that future me. she 'doesn't exist' because we not there yet. but repeatedly shows me she will. thanks be to god. i keep the faith still.
another lesson, quick because kerry/kids are on their way here. you know in the schools of magic you are given numbers? think of a pole. the numbers when you begin are 0 and 0? that is the first lie. to be a man at all your number cannot be zero. anyhow as you know more 'rise' the numbers on the left go up. to 100. which equals god? but these people are fools. the numbers on the right go DOWN. they say these are your levels of earth. so they are. andzero equals insect. the numbers left equal the status of your mind. the numbers right equal the status of your form.
so you see what a cheat gay has done? these wise in magic, yoga, they fools who only find out too late.
now we not fools, are we? so you see i just fucked up that. your numbers left have been rising as you read, understand, practise this my teaching. and now you know the cruel dropping of the otherside all you do is refuse! no. u man. stay that way.
now the evil evil don't. they want to be insects [hell is really heaven]. and the good don't know [the good are damned =insects?] but now we do. and say no.
my numbers both sides are nearly 100? for i aim at ipsissimus? which is what it is to be god? now you see why, i have explained. but refuse me every insect? i am not an insect. and my word is shan't. now gay is also ipsissimus. but he all black. and happy to be an insect. fine. but i am ipsissimus now, if only i can recollect and reconnect. and believe it! i aint black, but won't wear white. shows the dirt and atracts the wrong sort. nope. so if i turns up stark naked you lot will bloody like it. now my command to you is be the same. numbers both sides get you high, but not too high. there's a cheat at the top. remember that, and wait for me to sort it out. got that? then now you go and practise whatever, i need troops, i need men who can reason and work.the one thing i don't need is damn great insects!
just you get it into your heads. gay forced my development to ipsissimus. but he didn't do it himself! what he has he's stolen or forced? so then ask yourselves which one is god!and help you whoo understand. because you know i'm your friend. gay is your enemy. believe it! and find peace.
lastly i ment to write on pleasure and pain? i will next entry. got family at door. its an important lesson. don't mis it. will do it tonight.
at once relaxed. told the gods they shall see a graduate! i shall have to be powered, but once gay is down, his minions under right command, these gods can watch me PUT IT DOWN. AND WALK AWAY. something they never saw before. discussed [i mean gave them a bollocking] the Queen. invited ladychild in. if i can accept all these the lost evil, shall i reject ladychild, who was forced like them all.? of course not. so she knows her choice. and each time i look has crept a little closer. told all the kids what to do. and they have started doing it.
sad. sad. gt father i pitied, i apologized if it was sin, but looked on his suffering and thats what i felt. and gt father recognised something! that little me brent1 called out? she's the Queen. and gt father was seeing, like a slow tiny joy in him? but so cruel is gay. because i'm dying, and inside all changed, and the Queen is too young and too tiny. but at least gt father knows now.
anyway next job is to awake the god molecule deep down. gay made me uncs super-god? and then reduced that to a molecule? but its still there, alive. so thats me who must get big again. thats the me who can mend all this damage. all i can do is summon. and keep on summoning. the cry goes from deep unto deep. but i am so glad of that future me. she 'doesn't exist' because we not there yet. but repeatedly shows me she will. thanks be to god. i keep the faith still.
another lesson, quick because kerry/kids are on their way here. you know in the schools of magic you are given numbers? think of a pole. the numbers when you begin are 0 and 0? that is the first lie. to be a man at all your number cannot be zero. anyhow as you know more 'rise' the numbers on the left go up. to 100. which equals god? but these people are fools. the numbers on the right go DOWN. they say these are your levels of earth. so they are. andzero equals insect. the numbers left equal the status of your mind. the numbers right equal the status of your form.
so you see what a cheat gay has done? these wise in magic, yoga, they fools who only find out too late.
now we not fools, are we? so you see i just fucked up that. your numbers left have been rising as you read, understand, practise this my teaching. and now you know the cruel dropping of the otherside all you do is refuse! no. u man. stay that way.
now the evil evil don't. they want to be insects [hell is really heaven]. and the good don't know [the good are damned =insects?] but now we do. and say no.
my numbers both sides are nearly 100? for i aim at ipsissimus? which is what it is to be god? now you see why, i have explained. but refuse me every insect? i am not an insect. and my word is shan't. now gay is also ipsissimus. but he all black. and happy to be an insect. fine. but i am ipsissimus now, if only i can recollect and reconnect. and believe it! i aint black, but won't wear white. shows the dirt and atracts the wrong sort. nope. so if i turns up stark naked you lot will bloody like it. now my command to you is be the same. numbers both sides get you high, but not too high. there's a cheat at the top. remember that, and wait for me to sort it out. got that? then now you go and practise whatever, i need troops, i need men who can reason and work.the one thing i don't need is damn great insects!
just you get it into your heads. gay forced my development to ipsissimus. but he didn't do it himself! what he has he's stolen or forced? so then ask yourselves which one is god!and help you whoo understand. because you know i'm your friend. gay is your enemy. believe it! and find peace.
lastly i ment to write on pleasure and pain? i will next entry. got family at door. its an important lesson. don't mis it. will do it tonight.
Monday, 14 December 2009
a question from god
been reading these last entries, just to get strong in my mind as to what i must do. el suddenly aske me; 'what then is your religion?'
i don't know. i like him, my only friend. but i also know that he is wise in evil; that is, he knows it, but doesn't do it. but can if he has to. but i don't eat pork anymore but only because it upsets him. so i am not jewish, i know but little of their faith. i am never again christian, seem to have seen through all that. but if i see goodness its in people of these faiths, and occaisionaly muslims to, except when they are slavers and detroyers. but all the things or understandings that really help come from india; hinduism. but then so did gays' evil, if you think about that.
so really i have no idea.
i am the friend of all things small and weak, the good who are unjustly oppressed.which is all of you, though some don't know it yet.
and the enemy of cruelty.
thats all, i suppose. well at least i am not a gayist! a friend if they wish of satan and yetzoah; but i have my way. not theirs, i think.
so i don't know.
i don't know. i like him, my only friend. but i also know that he is wise in evil; that is, he knows it, but doesn't do it. but can if he has to. but i don't eat pork anymore but only because it upsets him. so i am not jewish, i know but little of their faith. i am never again christian, seem to have seen through all that. but if i see goodness its in people of these faiths, and occaisionaly muslims to, except when they are slavers and detroyers. but all the things or understandings that really help come from india; hinduism. but then so did gays' evil, if you think about that.
so really i have no idea.
i am the friend of all things small and weak, the good who are unjustly oppressed.which is all of you, though some don't know it yet.
and the enemy of cruelty.
thats all, i suppose. well at least i am not a gayist! a friend if they wish of satan and yetzoah; but i have my way. not theirs, i think.
so i don't know.
day 2/3
my attempts are so feeble. now i see why gay drove me into being a lifelong smoker. i need breathing, deep and like taking in liquid light. but can't, lungs shot to hell. my kundalini may be dead; gay i think destroyed in me every help. but on the other hand the gods will help. they already are. so a lotcan be reinstated. we are lucky, we got enough time; thank gods for the king! he woke me and impassioned me and crash! i remembered the rest...now we repair what gay has broken. at any rate doing it 3 x a day is useless, my day broken up with duty, works, etc. so i do it as constantly as i may. abhava is easy; that is my state. its the maha bit. all i ever seen is evil, none happy powerful good thing...but thats what i have to find and be. as for turning into a male god, 1. vivek says the yogis can make 'bodies' for themselves, with 'made-minds'. i know thats true; then all i do is get in it! but anat has changed a lot in me. well all you can do is try. 2. gays real appearance is so horrific that the greatest fall in horror and beg for death the moment they are shown. now true beauty can do that, unsaddle another; except it is not horror or fear, but wonder. and i know i have it somehow. why, because in the last six months i've done it, suddenly shown it. but i know that gay hates beauty not that anyone has ever seen beauty. that father was killed even before he was properly formed. anyhow thats locked up in me; or was. its not important. only to be stronger, invulnerable, thats important.
anyhow first attempts truly feeble. keep going, contantly. i think vivek is wrong about 'never hate'. when i remember i do hate him. i hate and loathe the spiritlands, especially what they will become. and i am right; its all hateful. when i am in that state its right, not wrong! and it makes me energised, i can do much more...to force myself into a love i do not feel, a mercy i was never given, to allow any of it to go on; is hyocrisy and weakness. its not people/gods...after all they know nothing, are only trying to survive, do not see where they are going. its him, its cruelty, its the hell itself i hate. or maybe its not hate but wrath. whatever, its right, just and grants me a bloody good sword on them. amen. we start again.
anyhow first attempts truly feeble. keep going, contantly. i think vivek is wrong about 'never hate'. when i remember i do hate him. i hate and loathe the spiritlands, especially what they will become. and i am right; its all hateful. when i am in that state its right, not wrong! and it makes me energised, i can do much more...to force myself into a love i do not feel, a mercy i was never given, to allow any of it to go on; is hyocrisy and weakness. its not people/gods...after all they know nothing, are only trying to survive, do not see where they are going. its him, its cruelty, its the hell itself i hate. or maybe its not hate but wrath. whatever, its right, just and grants me a bloody good sword on them. amen. we start again.
Sunday, 13 December 2009
mahayoga
looked at book again, gay trying harder to dominate my inner sight. mahayoga + kundalini. but i bet that purusha is 'perfect' which seems to be requiring a joyless state? no desires? so its called happy because it can't be hurt; if one becomes like that you are in a painless non-thinking joyless state? i've had so little joy or love, all that time. now get to this; if i want to get out. and i do...that cycle thing? its a breathing out and in? just like i got to breathe 'prana'? hm. sounds like being eaten. but thats better than to be rejected. always to suffer. what gay did as wellwas get me to go spy on divine things, give him the knowledge, destroy it all, and then trick me in my innocence or by force get me to accept his hells and give him my heavns. having destroyed those who could or would help me, gay puts in power the vilest monstrosities he can find. and they [and poor brent1 is one!] these he calls his own, having made their agreement with him , get all powers and high places. that is why the god in their presence act as if these people are gods the are....but have stolen and murdered and raped all good things to get it. so they know not what they do.
because whatever gay tries karma rules. its just because nobody controls the thing he can't rule it, but he does abuse it, pretending to be god and having some poor sod damned forever. and there's nobody he ever says isn't. but some [fools] believe the words mean the opposite. and some do not. all i can tell you is that that monster is evil itself. so has no right or business dmning anyone. its he who is damned.
but now i see that this purusha must exist. perhaps it is gay; remorsely devouring the refugees. and u see it will go on forever. he thinks he can infinitely punish everyone, forever. thats his heaven, and so its all hell for everyone else. there is no karmic debt! don't be so silly. why would your father make you pay for being alive?
anyway you see my state. and your own. so doing mahayoga + kundalini. and try to keep that thing out of my mind. and if it turns out that everything is evil, all are evil, that everywhere is hell; then i shan't stick around. i go. i will not stay anywhere long. but i know that originally none of it or not much was cruel and vile.
so when you lot so complacently looked the otherway, couldn't be arsed to care for one useless little girl, you destroyed yourselves, didn't you? because gay was becoming the lord devil your torturer and devourer right in front of you.
at any rate i know the laws. the language. the various bits n bobs. and the gods certainly found me and me them. no mistaking me, is there? so i do the lot asap, that thing comes down or EVERYTHING is in infinite hell from now on.
i got one adavantage. 'm learning to keep him out of my mind. and then there's this time mastery thing. he got that from me. time i got another and used it too. and since the gods now find they too are in hell and no, they rule nothing but they can suffer; suddenly these oh so evil brutes are on side! well if the're not then they cretins.
one last remark. gay frequently said the hells are really heavens and the heavens are really hells. of course he swaps them round; so know u get what u can keep reasonable; your own soul. lose it and you're homeless? well my white and quiet heavens were as i recall pretty scary. not happy. always anxieties. and these hells ahead are horrific. nobody happy there either. the very stagy hells [heaven] of the black fathers look awful, and they all there try to be evil. so sorry, they still hells because there they eat good souls, people, angels, god. sp ok for the evil; but not for long. only wasp is in charge, never suffering. and thats gay. so yes i think this purusha is quite likely to be evil also. its the last straw; that the source is evil too. no place for me if i'm [allegedly] good+good, see? if it did accept me if itsevil it will be changed. might see its wrong. anyhow i aim for that. to try to get out.
so. this is my judgement. its all hells. and the evil are unhappy too. as the goodness is driven out the universe darkens and becomes worse and worse. so what are these the evil ruling? nothing. what is their triumph? nothing. from now on i show you more of the realms/futures. and all will see that Wasp it is you destroy.
so its just a matter of will. go back to your right ways. and protect me, you need me in too many ways. for a universe entirely good would not learn or grow wiser. but a universe totally evil is worse. it hurts too.
and yes. i accept kay's decree. i am your nan.
because whatever gay tries karma rules. its just because nobody controls the thing he can't rule it, but he does abuse it, pretending to be god and having some poor sod damned forever. and there's nobody he ever says isn't. but some [fools] believe the words mean the opposite. and some do not. all i can tell you is that that monster is evil itself. so has no right or business dmning anyone. its he who is damned.
but now i see that this purusha must exist. perhaps it is gay; remorsely devouring the refugees. and u see it will go on forever. he thinks he can infinitely punish everyone, forever. thats his heaven, and so its all hell for everyone else. there is no karmic debt! don't be so silly. why would your father make you pay for being alive?
anyway you see my state. and your own. so doing mahayoga + kundalini. and try to keep that thing out of my mind. and if it turns out that everything is evil, all are evil, that everywhere is hell; then i shan't stick around. i go. i will not stay anywhere long. but i know that originally none of it or not much was cruel and vile.
so when you lot so complacently looked the otherway, couldn't be arsed to care for one useless little girl, you destroyed yourselves, didn't you? because gay was becoming the lord devil your torturer and devourer right in front of you.
at any rate i know the laws. the language. the various bits n bobs. and the gods certainly found me and me them. no mistaking me, is there? so i do the lot asap, that thing comes down or EVERYTHING is in infinite hell from now on.
i got one adavantage. 'm learning to keep him out of my mind. and then there's this time mastery thing. he got that from me. time i got another and used it too. and since the gods now find they too are in hell and no, they rule nothing but they can suffer; suddenly these oh so evil brutes are on side! well if the're not then they cretins.
one last remark. gay frequently said the hells are really heavens and the heavens are really hells. of course he swaps them round; so know u get what u can keep reasonable; your own soul. lose it and you're homeless? well my white and quiet heavens were as i recall pretty scary. not happy. always anxieties. and these hells ahead are horrific. nobody happy there either. the very stagy hells [heaven] of the black fathers look awful, and they all there try to be evil. so sorry, they still hells because there they eat good souls, people, angels, god. sp ok for the evil; but not for long. only wasp is in charge, never suffering. and thats gay. so yes i think this purusha is quite likely to be evil also. its the last straw; that the source is evil too. no place for me if i'm [allegedly] good+good, see? if it did accept me if itsevil it will be changed. might see its wrong. anyhow i aim for that. to try to get out.
so. this is my judgement. its all hells. and the evil are unhappy too. as the goodness is driven out the universe darkens and becomes worse and worse. so what are these the evil ruling? nothing. what is their triumph? nothing. from now on i show you more of the realms/futures. and all will see that Wasp it is you destroy.
so its just a matter of will. go back to your right ways. and protect me, you need me in too many ways. for a universe entirely good would not learn or grow wiser. but a universe totally evil is worse. it hurts too.
and yes. i accept kay's decree. i am your nan.
day 1.
. all of it is mental control. the asana/breathing are props to that. did 3. but weak, unstable. i got little time. but all gay did was this; make me 'god' as yogis understand it, but i didn't know. so what happening is i'm getting super-knowledge, etc because thats my state. right? but i find that monster everywhere ruining. now vivek says you got to have both; good and evil. but he says as they all do that you have to be perfectly good to get far in his stuff. but never recognises that evil is right out of control. the evil steal from the saints; who must be blind to the fact they're 1. leaving their graces with monsters ho don't deserve them and who misuse them. they, the good, then bow out of existence. they say they happy? i don't know which are the more criminal...they take their goodness out of the universe, where its needed? what this purusha is sounds like both god and death. something immortal that can't suffer? and apparently doesn't care either?
right. so i gather my strengths. i have to make all the me's grow up and become much stronger. i have to make it to this purusha; either to get out or to make it see and do somehing. wilco.
those million box places? he hasn't got to that yet. its future. if i leave it going on. but i will not. so next room? unknown. but i remember the cube and his chinese puzzle box mentality. funny thing i ought to be crushed, despairing, insane, grieved, defeated. in fact i feel anger. but not fear. but hate, yes. i got to stay calm. not hate.
worked out a out. can't say too much. but think of all that lives as Bee's. so the wasp got in to our home. our minds. the wasp is a predator, but one who is insanely ambitious and who's only pleasure is cruelty. he gets in, pretending to be a Bee. he destroys the leaders. ccuts them off from the original source of Beedom. he then fills their heads with good and evil crap, makes their leaders as cruel and stupid as he can. sits back while they destroy each other shouting about good and evil. enjoys that. never lets them go back to their original sources. and finds the Queen, fucks up everything. and that is what gay is, what he does. king wasp.
this purusha must be like anat-anattas. but somewhere in between. if gay already did all this with my mind as a baby then i know the way, though unconsciously.
the important thing to grasp is that wasp is NOT BEE. EVERYONE ELSE IS; BUT THEY DON'T KNOW. they are trying to be wasps. but cannot. so he destroys all. because wasp is a solitary thing; it may put its wasp ideals into their heads, but since all are Bees neither good nor evil exist except as behaviours both insane, trying to at bottom, save themselves. thats it. thats all. so what gay is about to discover is that he has no real allies at all. once this part isexplained. who of the Bees wants any of this?
anyhow work soon. seems to me i'm getting it right, so he tries to overcome me. but notice he still has no real power. or why not kill me? he can't; without me he loses his knowledge, which IS power, in the end. the Bee's need to know all this. and now they do. whichever one reads this now they know. if they choose evil to him they go. if they choose good they will diappear in 'purush' leaving all others in hell. how good is that? so choose commonsense instead, i wake this purusha. we fight now. the only thing that keeps defeating me is that all these little girls ARE children. its time they grew up. gay i once saw cowering, yellow with fear. some bloke turned up, he was busy with me so no warning.. man said 'leave my daughter alone!' and punched him so hard in the face gay was flung onto the floor. and stayed there yellow and scared. and when the bloke looked at me tied to my high-chair he said; 'if you're his you deserve it' idiot. i was not his. anyway he left. and gay got up. glared at the door. then turned and said; but i have got you...came towards me. then its total darkness. i don't remember next things...anyhow i see he never ever takes on a grown man his own size. so even though i love women think they much finer and nicer than any man ever could be; if i'm going to destroy gay and confine his slaves i got to be male. its sickening. but thats what those girls must become. or we all go on our sad sick way to hell infinite. question how?
good question. normally you get born or created. the former only stays if you don't go up. and anyway you go up like a series of deaths; but in little? if she's the highest then 'dying'won't do it. but i'd say to see her she is not. she is imprisoned [all 5 little girls] in that form that mental age. well i'm not.
so anyhow we see its working. i am coming to real strength on my own bat. and know from the start that i despise evil. but they are mostly still Bees. and i give neither power nor information to those Bees who work for him. so no purusha vanishing trick as yet.. we fight. but the enemy is gay; and always has been. next thing is to start getting the Bees who know something; currently stuck being beetles or other insects..out they must come. nobody chose that; this daft idea that the higher your mind is the lower is its form. quickest way is to kill them. so i will. come out and be the gods! or i will take from you that which makes you people/gods; and then you really will be bloody beetles.and stay that way!! i fight. i stay. and like every woman i don't find insects attractive. so we all fight. or die out. or bloody wish we had forever and ever...
right. so i gather my strengths. i have to make all the me's grow up and become much stronger. i have to make it to this purusha; either to get out or to make it see and do somehing. wilco.
those million box places? he hasn't got to that yet. its future. if i leave it going on. but i will not. so next room? unknown. but i remember the cube and his chinese puzzle box mentality. funny thing i ought to be crushed, despairing, insane, grieved, defeated. in fact i feel anger. but not fear. but hate, yes. i got to stay calm. not hate.
worked out a out. can't say too much. but think of all that lives as Bee's. so the wasp got in to our home. our minds. the wasp is a predator, but one who is insanely ambitious and who's only pleasure is cruelty. he gets in, pretending to be a Bee. he destroys the leaders. ccuts them off from the original source of Beedom. he then fills their heads with good and evil crap, makes their leaders as cruel and stupid as he can. sits back while they destroy each other shouting about good and evil. enjoys that. never lets them go back to their original sources. and finds the Queen, fucks up everything. and that is what gay is, what he does. king wasp.
this purusha must be like anat-anattas. but somewhere in between. if gay already did all this with my mind as a baby then i know the way, though unconsciously.
the important thing to grasp is that wasp is NOT BEE. EVERYONE ELSE IS; BUT THEY DON'T KNOW. they are trying to be wasps. but cannot. so he destroys all. because wasp is a solitary thing; it may put its wasp ideals into their heads, but since all are Bees neither good nor evil exist except as behaviours both insane, trying to at bottom, save themselves. thats it. thats all. so what gay is about to discover is that he has no real allies at all. once this part isexplained. who of the Bees wants any of this?
anyhow work soon. seems to me i'm getting it right, so he tries to overcome me. but notice he still has no real power. or why not kill me? he can't; without me he loses his knowledge, which IS power, in the end. the Bee's need to know all this. and now they do. whichever one reads this now they know. if they choose evil to him they go. if they choose good they will diappear in 'purush' leaving all others in hell. how good is that? so choose commonsense instead, i wake this purusha. we fight now. the only thing that keeps defeating me is that all these little girls ARE children. its time they grew up. gay i once saw cowering, yellow with fear. some bloke turned up, he was busy with me so no warning.. man said 'leave my daughter alone!' and punched him so hard in the face gay was flung onto the floor. and stayed there yellow and scared. and when the bloke looked at me tied to my high-chair he said; 'if you're his you deserve it' idiot. i was not his. anyway he left. and gay got up. glared at the door. then turned and said; but i have got you...came towards me. then its total darkness. i don't remember next things...anyhow i see he never ever takes on a grown man his own size. so even though i love women think they much finer and nicer than any man ever could be; if i'm going to destroy gay and confine his slaves i got to be male. its sickening. but thats what those girls must become. or we all go on our sad sick way to hell infinite. question how?
good question. normally you get born or created. the former only stays if you don't go up. and anyway you go up like a series of deaths; but in little? if she's the highest then 'dying'won't do it. but i'd say to see her she is not. she is imprisoned [all 5 little girls] in that form that mental age. well i'm not.
so anyhow we see its working. i am coming to real strength on my own bat. and know from the start that i despise evil. but they are mostly still Bees. and i give neither power nor information to those Bees who work for him. so no purusha vanishing trick as yet.. we fight. but the enemy is gay; and always has been. next thing is to start getting the Bees who know something; currently stuck being beetles or other insects..out they must come. nobody chose that; this daft idea that the higher your mind is the lower is its form. quickest way is to kill them. so i will. come out and be the gods! or i will take from you that which makes you people/gods; and then you really will be bloody beetles.and stay that way!! i fight. i stay. and like every woman i don't find insects attractive. so we all fight. or die out. or bloody wish we had forever and ever...
Saturday, 12 December 2009
raja-yoga
visited mum today. while she was cooking some tea fished out small blue book from her neglected bookcase; raja yoga, vivekananda.
spent all evening on it.and loads of it i recognise!
1. everyone, even gods, live lives; even down here, r1.
2. he says to be INDIFERENT to evil. i've always been terribly upset...
3. while i was reading elohim asked me a few things. then i got to the bit where he says you get tempted/scared by the jealous, who won't get this chance to do this. and elohim was asking whether i wanted to be god, have powers, wuld i kill brent1 if it got shot of gay? i said yes, but later i thought he was the only one worth saving. so what would i kill him for? back comes elohim, looking i have to say a bit demonaic; and yes i did mention it...isn't love attchment?
4. then i start hearing spiritlands...rather unpleasant, they sound like crowds in distress.
5. then voila! gay i see; a little girl [me] in fear siting all alone in a gigantic dark room. trying to be 'ourusha'...ringing bells; cos i got to get to the real whatsit at the back or underlying every mind existing...and take all these kids with me...and get away from gay. just die or whatever. see? i'm again not being indifferent.
6. and then we saw it. vivek says you give up or renounce the powers and strenghts you got to make it to this inal union. who to? so they just rush ijn...well, it must be the evil? the little girl just gives them whatever they want; she has to; she's scared.
7. so i will do whatever i can; wish i'd seen this book before. but i will connect the gods...anat. anattas. eagles and doves and sons both right and left. nd gay said 'i'll meet you in the next room. you'll know what i mean soon'...
8. in other words he's got problems. he fucked me up, yes. but for ages saints have disappeared, been, wise and good. so they found a source of power, but gave it away. they find knowlege...but know nothing of all this. there is a great frst being....but i'm bloody sure its not me. since they all claim its free of pain, fear, nothing can hurt it or even make it notice. whih is probably how gays doing all this.
anyway...another new idea is mahatyoga. that sounds great. plus kundalini etc i'll try very hard o break out of all these dungeons gay has put me. told elohim trying to be god is a big mistake. i don't want anything, i keep trying for power because i've got to destroy gay! but maybe i should just try this indifference thing. you see how elohim was testing me? tempting or probing? so vivek is right, isn't he? and he does know; parts of it read exactly like the cloud of unknowing...but patanjali nowhere recognisees gays beastly uiversal hells..either their ishvara is in another dimension, or gay has not let me see the truth but only the horrific places/bad ppl he's stuck me with...either way this is my royal road out.
why can't spirits do this yoga? they try out there; i always did. the others all claimed it. but i never did and i think now they were lying. getting on the winning side with a few litle lies. so spirits really can't. i wonder why? anyway i can. is now or not ever.
seems i must tell gay 'what i want' same as elohim. i want very far\away from gay. my own place. i will be indifferent to evil; at least try it. but i want nothing of his filth, cruelty or disgusting universe. he says i'm asking to die.
well he set the system up; kill or be killed, rule or be ruled, etc.!!
gay just reminded me he's god. i said show me.
just remembered...its all little box universes. millions of them. the orb is in just one i suppose. don't care if he is god. all these seeing etc have been done to me from cruelty; i wasn't ready for this. who never could be?
when yogis talk about evil they are childish...they think it means common crim stuff or war. no. gay made me go through evry form as a baby, got into my mind as god and has been dragging me through the universe and time.
so he's a parasite or thief. he never did yoga. do you think he ever prayed? so he steals other ppls graces, and destroys them to do it. when they are babies, in case they hit him!
gay didn't do anything. will have another go. my time is short; i have to do my own versuion, jst for speed.
1. 15 mins kundalini and 'mahat' from the basics and 2. practise indifference to evil and 3. refuse to give the evil powers they have not earned and will use to harm or just be disgusting.
spent all evening on it.and loads of it i recognise!
1. everyone, even gods, live lives; even down here, r1.
2. he says to be INDIFERENT to evil. i've always been terribly upset...
3. while i was reading elohim asked me a few things. then i got to the bit where he says you get tempted/scared by the jealous, who won't get this chance to do this. and elohim was asking whether i wanted to be god, have powers, wuld i kill brent1 if it got shot of gay? i said yes, but later i thought he was the only one worth saving. so what would i kill him for? back comes elohim, looking i have to say a bit demonaic; and yes i did mention it...isn't love attchment?
4. then i start hearing spiritlands...rather unpleasant, they sound like crowds in distress.
5. then voila! gay i see; a little girl [me] in fear siting all alone in a gigantic dark room. trying to be 'ourusha'...ringing bells; cos i got to get to the real whatsit at the back or underlying every mind existing...and take all these kids with me...and get away from gay. just die or whatever. see? i'm again not being indifferent.
6. and then we saw it. vivek says you give up or renounce the powers and strenghts you got to make it to this inal union. who to? so they just rush ijn...well, it must be the evil? the little girl just gives them whatever they want; she has to; she's scared.
7. so i will do whatever i can; wish i'd seen this book before. but i will connect the gods...anat. anattas. eagles and doves and sons both right and left. nd gay said 'i'll meet you in the next room. you'll know what i mean soon'...
8. in other words he's got problems. he fucked me up, yes. but for ages saints have disappeared, been, wise and good. so they found a source of power, but gave it away. they find knowlege...but know nothing of all this. there is a great frst being....but i'm bloody sure its not me. since they all claim its free of pain, fear, nothing can hurt it or even make it notice. whih is probably how gays doing all this.
anyway...another new idea is mahatyoga. that sounds great. plus kundalini etc i'll try very hard o break out of all these dungeons gay has put me. told elohim trying to be god is a big mistake. i don't want anything, i keep trying for power because i've got to destroy gay! but maybe i should just try this indifference thing. you see how elohim was testing me? tempting or probing? so vivek is right, isn't he? and he does know; parts of it read exactly like the cloud of unknowing...but patanjali nowhere recognisees gays beastly uiversal hells..either their ishvara is in another dimension, or gay has not let me see the truth but only the horrific places/bad ppl he's stuck me with...either way this is my royal road out.
why can't spirits do this yoga? they try out there; i always did. the others all claimed it. but i never did and i think now they were lying. getting on the winning side with a few litle lies. so spirits really can't. i wonder why? anyway i can. is now or not ever.
seems i must tell gay 'what i want' same as elohim. i want very far\away from gay. my own place. i will be indifferent to evil; at least try it. but i want nothing of his filth, cruelty or disgusting universe. he says i'm asking to die.
well he set the system up; kill or be killed, rule or be ruled, etc.!!
gay just reminded me he's god. i said show me.
just remembered...its all little box universes. millions of them. the orb is in just one i suppose. don't care if he is god. all these seeing etc have been done to me from cruelty; i wasn't ready for this. who never could be?
when yogis talk about evil they are childish...they think it means common crim stuff or war. no. gay made me go through evry form as a baby, got into my mind as god and has been dragging me through the universe and time.
so he's a parasite or thief. he never did yoga. do you think he ever prayed? so he steals other ppls graces, and destroys them to do it. when they are babies, in case they hit him!
gay didn't do anything. will have another go. my time is short; i have to do my own versuion, jst for speed.
1. 15 mins kundalini and 'mahat' from the basics and 2. practise indifference to evil and 3. refuse to give the evil powers they have not earned and will use to harm or just be disgusting.
Friday, 11 December 2009
the animals
now this bit will be hard for you to get. i shall be as simple as i can for you.
now the highers like men want to improve their world? but for them they find NO civilisation. no books. everyone around horribly nasty, no-one understanding why. and there is no food, because gay put it into Satans head to turn all creation into hell to punish the good [beautiful ones] for their cruelty to him and his kind...the dark and ugly spirits? spiritlands now are all barren. they can't just gather seeds and plant trees; the physics and biology are different. so they one by one began to eat souls or love or lower minds. thats us, folks. so they instate 'religions' but their moral ideas are liable to be lowly or twisted because they never had a real father/teacher. with jesus its even worse; he copies gay to be truly evil; thinks no doubt that he will live forever in peace. so jesus's heaven is called the 'kingdom of heaven'...its his heaven ,though, not yours. so its all dark and pressured, that tangled ball of dark, pain fear that father seabreeze saw in his beginning? thats it. that is jesus's kingdom of heaven. as he said to get into the kingdom you must become like children? so all in that thing, which is what will become of all this creation, are children. so they can never understand or get out. and it is as he described; fire etc. he himself shall look like a gigantic spider. so you see why he said the obvious way leads unto destruction? he it is that is the obvious way. and as you are taught about evil, as presently i have to begin to do so you shall know it and avoid it, you will see why it is EVERY knee shall bow to him. because while jeus appears to teach sinners to be good; knowing it will destroy them, AT THE SAME TIME he was teaching 'salvation' to the evil. and i will show you this too.
now when good spirits get too high gay turns up and a battle of wits commences. they not knowing him take him to task. but what he comes out with gets steadily more and more awful until they antagonised say too much. he then shows them his infinite power. to escape him they fling or are flung into SPIDERS. yes, physical actual spiders. and while they silently beg he burns them or treads on them or something.he has done this to me several times so i say what i know from actual experience.
so now i have to teach you something incredible. the gods try to develop themselves; sort of grow? they think to rule it, make it better? so its all desperately religious. now once i was a really nice jovial good sort. walking about. there were others, we talked. the conversation was as good and spiritually wholesome and mature as you can think of. but then gay was standing beside me. he smiled and said, 'now you are a llama' so i was pleased, thinking he meant one of my lifers had beed elevated to that state in tibet? a lama? but gay smiled and repeated it. suddenly i was aware! half my mind was living life alright....as a LLAMA. a kind of beast of burden? an animal. for a single moment i knew something and that knowledge made me crash. go mad. and die.
what was it? all the spirits out there are living with their holy good wise minds split with that of an animal. a real, shit when you feel like it, dirty, stupid ANIMAL. its just they don't know. when it is exposed to them they crash. and die. you humans then are at the top of the chain. gays reason goes something like this; i exalt the lowly and send the ich empty away? so humans who should by nature understand animals and commune with gods he has cut off from both. now look at yourself; your world!
isn't it monstrous? but there's two more pieces you should know. animals who are loved begin to love in return. so they have small minds, but minds they are. so they develop 'proto-souls'? the gods could have been kind, let them have a simple afterlife, and eaten their proto-souls? done gently they would never have suffered, the spirits fed without sin, the whole thing reasonable? but no. most of them do not know where animals go.
gay dismisses even great gods into insects. spiders =christs. ants=two different species of angels, he gets them to fight. bees= another lot of gods. and wasps [singly] as 'perfect' =good. you don't know this, but just as your insects are crawling about with these beings inside them uncs usually; so in r1 and above your cities are frequently stalked over by huge spirits in the form of gigantic insects. do they know? i don't think so. so you see what he does to good spirits. that is why when i was young i'd see gay pick up handfuls of woodlice in the garden, and cram them into his mouth. also spiders, flies. he liked big fat ones. he once said, my kings feast....so he knows he's really eating good spirits. but to us well its horrific. it also made it impossible to ever ask him for a goodnight kiss or anything. so i have never called anyone ''dad'...well sometimes now, just to be annoying. and i don't know what its like to kiss your father, goodnight or goodbye or anything. he wasn't safe.
and its worse. the good or those who have still some goodness in them, love their companion animals? your dog, cat? even the good farmer who must in the end end them, he can still love some of them you know. anway, so most people here wish animals well. we need them, they are beautiful, they make our world what it is. and we all know quite well that they can love us back, indeed their love can be more faithful and finer than our own?
so gay long ago made a place or the animals. as we go higher in spirit we get oned uncsly with an animal? and when an animal dies, whether so united or not, whether wild or a loved companion, it goes...for it is amind, everything is mind,...to a terrible place of darkness. where these slimey pale-green demons torture them on and on. in silence, they can't even screech. i have seen it. and thats been happening always. that is why the lower creatures never progress; they cannot. they go from here to that and back again, and all along the gods etc could have been humane, eaten their proto-souls brought about by love, with neither sin nor pain nor guilt.
now do you at last see why you will never accept evil? as you see this is. i have been helped and loved by a cat; when i was young. i think of this...i hope someone else will help me destroy gay and all those who will not see that this alone is enough reason to hate 'God' ? because these are just animals....innocent, you see. and so also damned...isn't it awful? and because they can't think or escape or know what is right they look totally black. but its because they animals, not because they good or evil.
at any rate. lesson 1. in how to be evil. eat as disgustingly as possible living insects. knowing they are christs. because seabreeze made the insects to show us what hell would be like? and gay condemns these good spirits to that in consequence; because the good are 'really evil'? and therefore damned, as you see.
lesson 2. give animals nightmare lives and deaths. and you will be rewarded.
lesson 3. hate and persecute the good. any of them all of them. you don't need a reason. 'you obey god'.
lesson 4. and remember to believe your own lies...they deserve it!! [self-pity is logic].
can you all now see what evil is? him; the pleasure of cruelty. everyone else; the desire to survive. what for, survive in hell? but the gods grown stupid can't ask that...
now the highers like men want to improve their world? but for them they find NO civilisation. no books. everyone around horribly nasty, no-one understanding why. and there is no food, because gay put it into Satans head to turn all creation into hell to punish the good [beautiful ones] for their cruelty to him and his kind...the dark and ugly spirits? spiritlands now are all barren. they can't just gather seeds and plant trees; the physics and biology are different. so they one by one began to eat souls or love or lower minds. thats us, folks. so they instate 'religions' but their moral ideas are liable to be lowly or twisted because they never had a real father/teacher. with jesus its even worse; he copies gay to be truly evil; thinks no doubt that he will live forever in peace. so jesus's heaven is called the 'kingdom of heaven'...its his heaven ,though, not yours. so its all dark and pressured, that tangled ball of dark, pain fear that father seabreeze saw in his beginning? thats it. that is jesus's kingdom of heaven. as he said to get into the kingdom you must become like children? so all in that thing, which is what will become of all this creation, are children. so they can never understand or get out. and it is as he described; fire etc. he himself shall look like a gigantic spider. so you see why he said the obvious way leads unto destruction? he it is that is the obvious way. and as you are taught about evil, as presently i have to begin to do so you shall know it and avoid it, you will see why it is EVERY knee shall bow to him. because while jeus appears to teach sinners to be good; knowing it will destroy them, AT THE SAME TIME he was teaching 'salvation' to the evil. and i will show you this too.
now when good spirits get too high gay turns up and a battle of wits commences. they not knowing him take him to task. but what he comes out with gets steadily more and more awful until they antagonised say too much. he then shows them his infinite power. to escape him they fling or are flung into SPIDERS. yes, physical actual spiders. and while they silently beg he burns them or treads on them or something.he has done this to me several times so i say what i know from actual experience.
so now i have to teach you something incredible. the gods try to develop themselves; sort of grow? they think to rule it, make it better? so its all desperately religious. now once i was a really nice jovial good sort. walking about. there were others, we talked. the conversation was as good and spiritually wholesome and mature as you can think of. but then gay was standing beside me. he smiled and said, 'now you are a llama' so i was pleased, thinking he meant one of my lifers had beed elevated to that state in tibet? a lama? but gay smiled and repeated it. suddenly i was aware! half my mind was living life alright....as a LLAMA. a kind of beast of burden? an animal. for a single moment i knew something and that knowledge made me crash. go mad. and die.
what was it? all the spirits out there are living with their holy good wise minds split with that of an animal. a real, shit when you feel like it, dirty, stupid ANIMAL. its just they don't know. when it is exposed to them they crash. and die. you humans then are at the top of the chain. gays reason goes something like this; i exalt the lowly and send the ich empty away? so humans who should by nature understand animals and commune with gods he has cut off from both. now look at yourself; your world!
isn't it monstrous? but there's two more pieces you should know. animals who are loved begin to love in return. so they have small minds, but minds they are. so they develop 'proto-souls'? the gods could have been kind, let them have a simple afterlife, and eaten their proto-souls? done gently they would never have suffered, the spirits fed without sin, the whole thing reasonable? but no. most of them do not know where animals go.
gay dismisses even great gods into insects. spiders =christs. ants=two different species of angels, he gets them to fight. bees= another lot of gods. and wasps [singly] as 'perfect' =good. you don't know this, but just as your insects are crawling about with these beings inside them uncs usually; so in r1 and above your cities are frequently stalked over by huge spirits in the form of gigantic insects. do they know? i don't think so. so you see what he does to good spirits. that is why when i was young i'd see gay pick up handfuls of woodlice in the garden, and cram them into his mouth. also spiders, flies. he liked big fat ones. he once said, my kings feast....so he knows he's really eating good spirits. but to us well its horrific. it also made it impossible to ever ask him for a goodnight kiss or anything. so i have never called anyone ''dad'...well sometimes now, just to be annoying. and i don't know what its like to kiss your father, goodnight or goodbye or anything. he wasn't safe.
and its worse. the good or those who have still some goodness in them, love their companion animals? your dog, cat? even the good farmer who must in the end end them, he can still love some of them you know. anway, so most people here wish animals well. we need them, they are beautiful, they make our world what it is. and we all know quite well that they can love us back, indeed their love can be more faithful and finer than our own?
so gay long ago made a place or the animals. as we go higher in spirit we get oned uncsly with an animal? and when an animal dies, whether so united or not, whether wild or a loved companion, it goes...for it is amind, everything is mind,...to a terrible place of darkness. where these slimey pale-green demons torture them on and on. in silence, they can't even screech. i have seen it. and thats been happening always. that is why the lower creatures never progress; they cannot. they go from here to that and back again, and all along the gods etc could have been humane, eaten their proto-souls brought about by love, with neither sin nor pain nor guilt.
now do you at last see why you will never accept evil? as you see this is. i have been helped and loved by a cat; when i was young. i think of this...i hope someone else will help me destroy gay and all those who will not see that this alone is enough reason to hate 'God' ? because these are just animals....innocent, you see. and so also damned...isn't it awful? and because they can't think or escape or know what is right they look totally black. but its because they animals, not because they good or evil.
at any rate. lesson 1. in how to be evil. eat as disgustingly as possible living insects. knowing they are christs. because seabreeze made the insects to show us what hell would be like? and gay condemns these good spirits to that in consequence; because the good are 'really evil'? and therefore damned, as you see.
lesson 2. give animals nightmare lives and deaths. and you will be rewarded.
lesson 3. hate and persecute the good. any of them all of them. you don't need a reason. 'you obey god'.
lesson 4. and remember to believe your own lies...they deserve it!! [self-pity is logic].
can you all now see what evil is? him; the pleasure of cruelty. everyone else; the desire to survive. what for, survive in hell? but the gods grown stupid can't ask that...
Thursday, 10 December 2009
hey there u are again...
kez out, says she was tuck in green. an i have got bad asthma; so came home. i don't care; don't like alcohol/brixton anyway. we're going out probably tomorrow intead.
so lets do a bit more. now the black fathers brought all the other Doves to grief, but they still live. neither do i know that they were all afflicted by secret or unconscious greed/unfairness like our own father seabreeze; nor that there was any other with the cruel nature of general cruel. they were all defeated, imprisoned in various ways. i don't know what their creations were like, if any, nor what happened to them. it seems to me that one i know somehow; when i saw them all together this one tried to speak with me but i wa too unstable and lost him.
all the beings then, that i see in all these awful futures are already alive. they are around. some...one might be YOU...living here on earth. understand then that these hells; and you see thats what they are; are meant for YOU. AND everyone in existence. THERE'S NO HEAVEN OR WORLD SURVIVING.
AND GAY TRAPS ALL. THOSE WHO THINK THEY BELIEVE IN A GOOD GOD; YES? here i am. as weak and smashed as he could do it. zion is hiding. allah i kicked out; you see my temper might be righteous but its not always wise. for all his stupid nastiness to women allah is a 'good god' and now i see we need him. elohim has a strange history; he's from somewhere very different, ancient. he remembers first history; indeed he was in it. [gay kept me outside on the long march while he went in and caused all their wars and misery and thats how he destroyed them all]. but he too is a 'good god'; though he's odd. but then who can claim differently? but we are all here; much weaker than you think, also until i began to remember none of us knew all this. just bits, and usually only concerning our selves. now you begin to see why these gods have stayed with me throughout my life. even they must learn it all, as you do, because time and lives and gay slaves confusing everyone mean we all have to figure it out; and decide to ALL rebel. attack. kill that thing, level by level. you see he is not god at all? but began this misery back from first place? and now cannot stop? he ceased to be a person like us a long time ago.
and he knows it too. first place is way back, outside the Orb. he never wanted anyone to know about that; all this history which will begin your freedom, restore your right mind, it is fatal to him. which is why i teach it, of course.
anyway elohim is good. and the black fathers also, once. and the Doves [save 1] too. now all begin to know who is really their enemy, they also can see that this good/evil crap started with him....in fact all are people, both with good in them, an impulses to bad, same as anywhere. this stupid fighting each other when he is really causing it, and for that reason, he enjoys our suffering...they must see its now or never. stop warring each other, but altogether go kill him.
in fact the answer stares us in the face. if the dynamic concepts teach you that absolute good is identical to absolute evil then you take the next logical step whuich is that neither exist. which is perfectly true; or when did anyone at all see a perfect idea start walking and talking? never, an idea is an idea. so we all been suckered.
all were originally 'good'...that is, open to pleasure, decency. or don't you know that one thing we all love in the young is their innocence? their sincere efforts to please? be good, in fact? so that tells you that the opposite is what evil really is; and then you see only gay is absolutely the damner of the innocent. which includes great father and everybody,even those 'created to be devils'...because everthing alive begins innocent, for gods sake. so now even the 'evil' see that 'life spells evil backwards' is gay telling you WHOEVER you are that life it is he has condemned. and which of you is not alive?
so ALL are heading into infinite misery and suffering. not because the good are really the evil. not because the evil are secretly the good [and therefore twice as damned]. no. its just because you exist and he is the great torturer. now you know.
by the way it may cause confusion when i remember the old Devil and various good gods so flaming good they give me toothache to recall them. what it is we all live lives. and come out. what he' done with me is put me in lives/forms that are direct opposites. to cause suffering, thats always his reason. in fact the 'Devil' apart from his initial tornado of killing and pleasuring himself has done nothing whatever. my various lives as 'good god' seem to have been very dificult but harmless. i only ever damned 1 bloke in all that time; and i didn't know then why i did it. anyway he's okay; and look, he got his revenge, hasn't he? mind you for years i kept poor Satan more or less confined and outof power. or at least i thought i did. now i see my prejudice, and i'm sorry. it was tat awful atmosphere. i couldn't stand it. he didn't do anything wrong. so its my fault. anyway you see its a combination of stealing stature not mine and also being forced by others [cowardly christ types] and being just lumbered with it overand over. the high spirits choose their time lines; but not their identities if you see what i mean. well did you? do any of us choose our lives, stature, nature? nope.
so anyway am i what i was before those lives? am i what i remember? am i the result of it all? got no idea. i just know what i know, and thats all.
what i am trying to do is make all of them and you understand what its like out there. that people on earth have to defend themselves now. that all the gods and highers and lessers and lowers and lifers are all alike in the same battle.
i guess the upshot is this. i have Damned Gay, absolutely. as i tell you more you will join me. AND I HEREWITH UNDAMN EVERYONE ELSE. YOU ARE NOT DAMNED OF ME. YOU NEVER WERE. LIVE BETTER; BUT SEE YOUR ENEMY IN BOTH HIS GUISES. THAT OF EVIL. AND THAT OF 'HOLY'. good by definition is not cruel.
THESE ARE THEY WHO CAN BE CALLED HOLY.
the gods who listen and learn and love their teacher, love this the truth, and turn their minds to take over all thats in the Orb for to rescue them and keep them in gentle places. which those lowers, lessers who do the same also can know i call them holy.
and isn't this also the truth?
so lets do a bit more. now the black fathers brought all the other Doves to grief, but they still live. neither do i know that they were all afflicted by secret or unconscious greed/unfairness like our own father seabreeze; nor that there was any other with the cruel nature of general cruel. they were all defeated, imprisoned in various ways. i don't know what their creations were like, if any, nor what happened to them. it seems to me that one i know somehow; when i saw them all together this one tried to speak with me but i wa too unstable and lost him.
all the beings then, that i see in all these awful futures are already alive. they are around. some...one might be YOU...living here on earth. understand then that these hells; and you see thats what they are; are meant for YOU. AND everyone in existence. THERE'S NO HEAVEN OR WORLD SURVIVING.
AND GAY TRAPS ALL. THOSE WHO THINK THEY BELIEVE IN A GOOD GOD; YES? here i am. as weak and smashed as he could do it. zion is hiding. allah i kicked out; you see my temper might be righteous but its not always wise. for all his stupid nastiness to women allah is a 'good god' and now i see we need him. elohim has a strange history; he's from somewhere very different, ancient. he remembers first history; indeed he was in it. [gay kept me outside on the long march while he went in and caused all their wars and misery and thats how he destroyed them all]. but he too is a 'good god'; though he's odd. but then who can claim differently? but we are all here; much weaker than you think, also until i began to remember none of us knew all this. just bits, and usually only concerning our selves. now you begin to see why these gods have stayed with me throughout my life. even they must learn it all, as you do, because time and lives and gay slaves confusing everyone mean we all have to figure it out; and decide to ALL rebel. attack. kill that thing, level by level. you see he is not god at all? but began this misery back from first place? and now cannot stop? he ceased to be a person like us a long time ago.
and he knows it too. first place is way back, outside the Orb. he never wanted anyone to know about that; all this history which will begin your freedom, restore your right mind, it is fatal to him. which is why i teach it, of course.
anyway elohim is good. and the black fathers also, once. and the Doves [save 1] too. now all begin to know who is really their enemy, they also can see that this good/evil crap started with him....in fact all are people, both with good in them, an impulses to bad, same as anywhere. this stupid fighting each other when he is really causing it, and for that reason, he enjoys our suffering...they must see its now or never. stop warring each other, but altogether go kill him.
in fact the answer stares us in the face. if the dynamic concepts teach you that absolute good is identical to absolute evil then you take the next logical step whuich is that neither exist. which is perfectly true; or when did anyone at all see a perfect idea start walking and talking? never, an idea is an idea. so we all been suckered.
all were originally 'good'...that is, open to pleasure, decency. or don't you know that one thing we all love in the young is their innocence? their sincere efforts to please? be good, in fact? so that tells you that the opposite is what evil really is; and then you see only gay is absolutely the damner of the innocent. which includes great father and everybody,even those 'created to be devils'...because everthing alive begins innocent, for gods sake. so now even the 'evil' see that 'life spells evil backwards' is gay telling you WHOEVER you are that life it is he has condemned. and which of you is not alive?
so ALL are heading into infinite misery and suffering. not because the good are really the evil. not because the evil are secretly the good [and therefore twice as damned]. no. its just because you exist and he is the great torturer. now you know.
by the way it may cause confusion when i remember the old Devil and various good gods so flaming good they give me toothache to recall them. what it is we all live lives. and come out. what he' done with me is put me in lives/forms that are direct opposites. to cause suffering, thats always his reason. in fact the 'Devil' apart from his initial tornado of killing and pleasuring himself has done nothing whatever. my various lives as 'good god' seem to have been very dificult but harmless. i only ever damned 1 bloke in all that time; and i didn't know then why i did it. anyway he's okay; and look, he got his revenge, hasn't he? mind you for years i kept poor Satan more or less confined and outof power. or at least i thought i did. now i see my prejudice, and i'm sorry. it was tat awful atmosphere. i couldn't stand it. he didn't do anything wrong. so its my fault. anyway you see its a combination of stealing stature not mine and also being forced by others [cowardly christ types] and being just lumbered with it overand over. the high spirits choose their time lines; but not their identities if you see what i mean. well did you? do any of us choose our lives, stature, nature? nope.
so anyway am i what i was before those lives? am i what i remember? am i the result of it all? got no idea. i just know what i know, and thats all.
what i am trying to do is make all of them and you understand what its like out there. that people on earth have to defend themselves now. that all the gods and highers and lessers and lowers and lifers are all alike in the same battle.
i guess the upshot is this. i have Damned Gay, absolutely. as i tell you more you will join me. AND I HEREWITH UNDAMN EVERYONE ELSE. YOU ARE NOT DAMNED OF ME. YOU NEVER WERE. LIVE BETTER; BUT SEE YOUR ENEMY IN BOTH HIS GUISES. THAT OF EVIL. AND THAT OF 'HOLY'. good by definition is not cruel.
THESE ARE THEY WHO CAN BE CALLED HOLY.
the gods who listen and learn and love their teacher, love this the truth, and turn their minds to take over all thats in the Orb for to rescue them and keep them in gentle places. which those lowers, lessers who do the same also can know i call them holy.
and isn't this also the truth?
freezing cold
gods it is freezing and my gas ran out and its too cold to get dressed and go out to credit gascard! well shall have to get dressed in a mo; going to our staff do an taking kez. hope yoyo turns up then he can pay for us; [penance for his many sins] an we can drink and he can drive us home!
so i've remembered more but can't say anything yet. i reckon its STILL not the real beginning; and some of that stuff in the attic is just so horrific i CAN'T remember sit. but it looks like gay went up and down all my pasts and futures simply destroying and destroying. which doesn't just get me but everyone. so who must i be?
anyhow. where did i get to? well let's do ages. so i'm evidently the first; and that makes me god the fall guy. the one who gets punished all the time? confused because i get damned for being good, and never understood? thats why he destroys your memory. and half these 'evil' arseholes think HE'S 'good'...remember this is a kid he's doing it to. over and over. elohim must have worked out that the present terrible state of creation was something to do with me. so he meets me in the museum; and ever since i been remembering, forseeing. but its so huge and dreadful i could only do it in stages? thats why it took my entire life. no-one understood what was happening to me, mainly because i wouldn't tell them.
so now you see that Satan is actually quite young, only being created by seabreeze in this, the last creation by a Dove. so he's god the aunt sally; the one who gets the blame, the bad name and the hatred.? Yetzoah being known to some humans also as 'the Devil' under the name Yaldabaoth? so you see they didn't make themselves that way, their ideas are 1. just that, ideas. how can you be damned for ideas? 2. those ideas were put in them by the oh so holy seabreeze anyhow; and 3. some of yetzoahs ideas have been really helpful. such as money? writing? different maths? he's been man's teacher. not seabreeze.
the Doves themselves are young. the sea-eagles [the real good athers', now only helping the evil] are 2 nd generation. first is great father, who neither moves nor speaks. yet somehow i'm older. and i'm in all bits. several very young, weak looking little girls. now when i do have lives as a man; either as a god or whatever; i invariably win. i rule. and make moral laws, keep heaven unnaturally 'holy' and spend my entire existence struggling against terrible evil, and running away from problems? but i am god. and NEVER set eyes on gay. that tells me that under those conditions i'm god the patsy. set up to be the 'good god'....and the loser.
could it be that my core being, so far down i don't know it; IS god? AND that gay has gone back and forth in time and gods only know what else, ruining me? an because i'm somehow upside down, my conscious state is actually unconscious, so i don't know whats wrong? yes, i think so.
and it looks in the future; like this. there's millions of beings screaming and flailing about in darkness. they haven't even got anywhere to stand. they fight and fight, 'evil is the right answer'....and as i look there's a terrible shock goes through them all. before that shock theres some hope, though tiny. after it, none. and i know what it is. its my final death or destruction. all the lot of me so horribly destroyed there's no coming back. and all those devils fall. despair. they have everlasting life. infinite cruelty. and nothing else. but thats some way to go there's quite a lot before that. but its not a huge amount of time. still gay's next moves are to destroy the earth, r1 and r2. and me too, this nice lady in england who you all suppose wrong.
bet you believe alternately that i'm mad, the devil, a saint? all 3? i think i'm terribly injured, but still trying to get help. help me, you help yourself. anyhow stop hating. just stop. look at gays' 'engines'...its self-pity. self-pity is the opposite to pity. he and his slaves ALWAYS believe they been done out of something, and this self-pity, though its an absolute lie, is what fuels their cruelty to others. if you look you were told to hate satan [and now probably me as well] because he might harm you? but none of us ever have!
now some cretin will go on about the garden of eden! you weren't there! don't think he was either. hey, elohim pops in now and then. i'll ask him. think you'll find gay fucked up your 'bible' some time ago. there was a war of the angels; and elohim did dismiss one. but i dunno if it was the same god/angel. i doubt it.
in any case let's see how you like it! i damn you for ALL time to the most terrible pain imaginable FOR A SINGLE SIN. no. i will never forgive you. or even listen. your sin is an idea....an idea!
see? thats evil. isn't it? so think again.
just got time to put it in numbers. the old boy that my brent asked how old he was said '529 billion years? later that was the one brent asked to marry; which shows that at that point brent couldn't see. so that old boy said something about the killing of the ladygods...that dates that vent tp 529 billion years ago. so the fathers were all killed immediately before then. now first place really didn't last that long; maybe 2 million years earth-time? at most. so all first history was dead and destroyed by maybe half the time? call it 250 billion years. so from the time gay brought back parts of the fathers, all twisted and mad, to the time they made/built the first Doveswas not long. may be 1 million years, at the most. so there was 16 Doves, but usually in two's? whether always a good and evil pair i don't know. the last Dove, the one i met and united memory with in 1983, who i call father seabreeze; he only dates back with this his creation, some 31.5 billion years. but i guess. pretty sure its not exact; some of the Doves had shorter runs than others. so for arounf 32 billion years as a 'good god' i been opening up 1 universe after another? these mostly small affairs. and we begin in this cosmos then some 16 billion years ago?
but because of gay its gotten bigger? he got kay, a true begot of a father? so she an create? but he drove her mad and ruined? so back after the fathers were gone she made thosands more realities, all above the place of great father; so he has no control over them? she being unaware. and these you can't see, you have to open them. and they are full awful. above them, say 500 billion years ago; the quadrillion cube. and an awful long way above that, those strange lonely desert places where gay murdered my spirit over and over? over all that dreadful house. where what i see is poor kay alone with a massive black thing like clouds but with fangs an talons an screeching an blasphemies? an all around everything the orb, like a great grey spiders web. so you get an idea of the size and age of it all, our entire universe [r1] is at the bottom, along with others in a convoy...but theyt mostly empty, destroyed.
so its old and massive. and that thing just described is gay as he really is. you pray to God? he's whats up there...you understand its not going to stay like this? he wants more. besides, we can still understand it, once its been described. he is infinitely cruel. and what spirits don't undertand they fall down, give up. while we can still undestand, we might rebel. so he is driving us on and on into meaningless horror...so no-one ever will overthrow him.
that is your god.
so i've remembered more but can't say anything yet. i reckon its STILL not the real beginning; and some of that stuff in the attic is just so horrific i CAN'T remember sit. but it looks like gay went up and down all my pasts and futures simply destroying and destroying. which doesn't just get me but everyone. so who must i be?
anyhow. where did i get to? well let's do ages. so i'm evidently the first; and that makes me god the fall guy. the one who gets punished all the time? confused because i get damned for being good, and never understood? thats why he destroys your memory. and half these 'evil' arseholes think HE'S 'good'...remember this is a kid he's doing it to. over and over. elohim must have worked out that the present terrible state of creation was something to do with me. so he meets me in the museum; and ever since i been remembering, forseeing. but its so huge and dreadful i could only do it in stages? thats why it took my entire life. no-one understood what was happening to me, mainly because i wouldn't tell them.
so now you see that Satan is actually quite young, only being created by seabreeze in this, the last creation by a Dove. so he's god the aunt sally; the one who gets the blame, the bad name and the hatred.? Yetzoah being known to some humans also as 'the Devil' under the name Yaldabaoth? so you see they didn't make themselves that way, their ideas are 1. just that, ideas. how can you be damned for ideas? 2. those ideas were put in them by the oh so holy seabreeze anyhow; and 3. some of yetzoahs ideas have been really helpful. such as money? writing? different maths? he's been man's teacher. not seabreeze.
the Doves themselves are young. the sea-eagles [the real good athers', now only helping the evil] are 2 nd generation. first is great father, who neither moves nor speaks. yet somehow i'm older. and i'm in all bits. several very young, weak looking little girls. now when i do have lives as a man; either as a god or whatever; i invariably win. i rule. and make moral laws, keep heaven unnaturally 'holy' and spend my entire existence struggling against terrible evil, and running away from problems? but i am god. and NEVER set eyes on gay. that tells me that under those conditions i'm god the patsy. set up to be the 'good god'....and the loser.
could it be that my core being, so far down i don't know it; IS god? AND that gay has gone back and forth in time and gods only know what else, ruining me? an because i'm somehow upside down, my conscious state is actually unconscious, so i don't know whats wrong? yes, i think so.
and it looks in the future; like this. there's millions of beings screaming and flailing about in darkness. they haven't even got anywhere to stand. they fight and fight, 'evil is the right answer'....and as i look there's a terrible shock goes through them all. before that shock theres some hope, though tiny. after it, none. and i know what it is. its my final death or destruction. all the lot of me so horribly destroyed there's no coming back. and all those devils fall. despair. they have everlasting life. infinite cruelty. and nothing else. but thats some way to go there's quite a lot before that. but its not a huge amount of time. still gay's next moves are to destroy the earth, r1 and r2. and me too, this nice lady in england who you all suppose wrong.
bet you believe alternately that i'm mad, the devil, a saint? all 3? i think i'm terribly injured, but still trying to get help. help me, you help yourself. anyhow stop hating. just stop. look at gays' 'engines'...its self-pity. self-pity is the opposite to pity. he and his slaves ALWAYS believe they been done out of something, and this self-pity, though its an absolute lie, is what fuels their cruelty to others. if you look you were told to hate satan [and now probably me as well] because he might harm you? but none of us ever have!
now some cretin will go on about the garden of eden! you weren't there! don't think he was either. hey, elohim pops in now and then. i'll ask him. think you'll find gay fucked up your 'bible' some time ago. there was a war of the angels; and elohim did dismiss one. but i dunno if it was the same god/angel. i doubt it.
in any case let's see how you like it! i damn you for ALL time to the most terrible pain imaginable FOR A SINGLE SIN. no. i will never forgive you. or even listen. your sin is an idea....an idea!
see? thats evil. isn't it? so think again.
just got time to put it in numbers. the old boy that my brent asked how old he was said '529 billion years? later that was the one brent asked to marry; which shows that at that point brent couldn't see. so that old boy said something about the killing of the ladygods...that dates that vent tp 529 billion years ago. so the fathers were all killed immediately before then. now first place really didn't last that long; maybe 2 million years earth-time? at most. so all first history was dead and destroyed by maybe half the time? call it 250 billion years. so from the time gay brought back parts of the fathers, all twisted and mad, to the time they made/built the first Doveswas not long. may be 1 million years, at the most. so there was 16 Doves, but usually in two's? whether always a good and evil pair i don't know. the last Dove, the one i met and united memory with in 1983, who i call father seabreeze; he only dates back with this his creation, some 31.5 billion years. but i guess. pretty sure its not exact; some of the Doves had shorter runs than others. so for arounf 32 billion years as a 'good god' i been opening up 1 universe after another? these mostly small affairs. and we begin in this cosmos then some 16 billion years ago?
but because of gay its gotten bigger? he got kay, a true begot of a father? so she an create? but he drove her mad and ruined? so back after the fathers were gone she made thosands more realities, all above the place of great father; so he has no control over them? she being unaware. and these you can't see, you have to open them. and they are full awful. above them, say 500 billion years ago; the quadrillion cube. and an awful long way above that, those strange lonely desert places where gay murdered my spirit over and over? over all that dreadful house. where what i see is poor kay alone with a massive black thing like clouds but with fangs an talons an screeching an blasphemies? an all around everything the orb, like a great grey spiders web. so you get an idea of the size and age of it all, our entire universe [r1] is at the bottom, along with others in a convoy...but theyt mostly empty, destroyed.
so its old and massive. and that thing just described is gay as he really is. you pray to God? he's whats up there...you understand its not going to stay like this? he wants more. besides, we can still understand it, once its been described. he is infinitely cruel. and what spirits don't undertand they fall down, give up. while we can still undestand, we might rebel. so he is driving us on and on into meaningless horror...so no-one ever will overthrow him.
that is your god.
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
wednesday
not much done today. have to sleep; so naturally kerry needs me to mind the boys for three hours...but we had a good time.
no news really. except i asked elohim why he doesn't like me eating saveloys. he said 'pigs eat people' so i could sense he's seen something awful and left him alone. but he's right, isn't he? i'm thinking of those murderers who feed their victims to pigs to hide all evidence. he must mean something like that. but he's seen something even worse? well, he's been around a long time; remembers first history. anyway will try to not eat pork. he really doesn't like that.
time to go work. nights again.
no news really. except i asked elohim why he doesn't like me eating saveloys. he said 'pigs eat people' so i could sense he's seen something awful and left him alone. but he's right, isn't he? i'm thinking of those murderers who feed their victims to pigs to hide all evidence. he must mean something like that. but he's seen something even worse? well, he's been around a long time; remembers first history. anyway will try to not eat pork. he really doesn't like that.
time to go work. nights again.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
glad that i live am i
just been reading greeks. i never knew aristophanes was plato's fav; now i know why. just read 'plutus'...of course! thats why plato's laws and republic both insist on very austere living! its aristophanes clarity; poverty keeps wealth, wealth keeps poverty....like a merry go round? but he made it so funny. yet true. anyway its all in poetry, which i like its styles and rhythymn; reckon i can do. but less of it; since the modern mind is be quick or silent go. and i can see where my greatness ideas can play out. the old world talking to the new.? so i don't need to rehash an old myth, but we all need to see our modern world as the ancients would. like teaching? thinking of calchas and mopsus? anyway its brewing. thought i'd write it here in case i forget; the little family due in 15 minutes!!
or maybe i can dream up a myth of my own? after all; we all got a primal subconscious; where all myths came from, long ago.
anyway....poor old play. talk about a rebirth!! just got time for a cuppa.
or maybe i can dream up a myth of my own? after all; we all got a primal subconscious; where all myths came from, long ago.
anyway....poor old play. talk about a rebirth!! just got time for a cuppa.
the play
up early thoughts on play before la famille get here [when no thinking is possible].
1. singing ,music; i can't afford famous songs. i can't afford/find a composer. if i did, wot if i don't like the result? and can't write music.
2. also theme doesn't match. success doesn't equal greatness; fine. but why would a greatness be in a singer, partiularly?
3. going back to ancient greeks, very old stories. well my lead interacts with his own 'audience'? = a chorus, ancient style. so play must be written as if for the old ampitheatres; themes and story to match. instantly the modern flyweight conceptuals glare their deficiency.
4. so thats one problem. the other is language. play as it is now all mod. like films? one-liners, short on depth? so thats another thing just won't fit. i see now i was using the music/singing to dodge this issue. yet i personally think shakespeare style is indigestible.
5. so back to ancient sources for how to and what about...new play really.
doing that today. if i still standing after the visitors leave...
1. singing ,music; i can't afford famous songs. i can't afford/find a composer. if i did, wot if i don't like the result? and can't write music.
2. also theme doesn't match. success doesn't equal greatness; fine. but why would a greatness be in a singer, partiularly?
3. going back to ancient greeks, very old stories. well my lead interacts with his own 'audience'? = a chorus, ancient style. so play must be written as if for the old ampitheatres; themes and story to match. instantly the modern flyweight conceptuals glare their deficiency.
4. so thats one problem. the other is language. play as it is now all mod. like films? one-liners, short on depth? so thats another thing just won't fit. i see now i was using the music/singing to dodge this issue. yet i personally think shakespeare style is indigestible.
5. so back to ancient sources for how to and what about...new play really.
doing that today. if i still standing after the visitors leave...
Saturday, 5 December 2009
report;progress so far
its been a good day. wrote out idea for a new star trek tng fim. on myspace blog. but don't want to work it up myself. how do i find who examines such contributions?
also i wrote out the entire plan with some structures/elements and the preface. i mean of An essay in the treatment an support of the mentally unwell'. but will have to use trust resources in doing it. pleased got such a lot done.
have ordered stuff for painting for art/ mem stick/ bin, new inks printer/ dvd lightscribe writer. webcam/mike and drawing tablet. also 8 canvases. done two sketches, but how to depict the spiritlands as I know them; with suffering and treachery in the rocks, and the buildings will scare; they strange or ruins. still have discovered I can do them; but a bit over simple.
phoned mum and kez; kez coming here in am, pm i'm visiting mum. she's unwell. weather very cold andrainy. watched 'Mamma Mia' yes! its brilliant and those 3 beautifully confidant and middle-aged ladies...the extra songs at the end..I loved their courage and that of the men acting in wildly youthscene outfits! and they even wiggled their botties in a tentative way; so its sweet. and that bit where the men danced in flippers on the jetty; half embarassed and ending themselves up. it was great...
so there you are! right on cue British Bollywood' has arrived. i think its great.
have tweaked up screenplay 'Dark Room' and printed. need now to get really au fait with cam and lights and sort out lights, sfx, cgi. so need to do this first one with what i got. so looking for 1 actor newbie, 1 sound man/ trainer? Another actor for V/O...THEN ADD CGI, SORT SOUNDS. edit. burn to disc save mastercopy. then load on websites for comments...
what else? read a book on crime in england during the war. I remember som of that era. all round the scrubs, some parts of hammersmith and fulham, the streets were cobbled ages after the rest. i played in an old bomsite; the streets. no bombs, but plenty of strange old men. in the streets we payed knights in armour, ronmans and barbarians, cops and robbers. football, cricket, [our own] two balls, marbles, skipping, knock down ginger. these days the kids don't play. you watch even in school playgrounds they stand around, talking. some of that shuould be cautioned. they're nasty adolescents from 5 on. play if its wiv other kids is a neccesity. i loved my first game; hide n seek in bushes wiv mum and family; and at school it was 'what's the time Mr Wolf' which turned into He somehow. anyway he's right. the gov turned britain into an almost totalitarian form, becoming over bureaucratic, keeping the people senselessly over watched and punished. so it was the threat of nazism that did this. but a lot of it never repealed, and due Terrorism the governores doing it again.
but the fact is the brits were terribly reduced in living standards after thewar. lost most frredoms, were saddled with social justice issues every five minutes; i saw taped up windows even when I was 5. my aunt took us to see the lights at xmas....it always rained. I had an ID card 'geraldine..aged 4 months, eyes blue, british, female. I remember the teachers were occasionaly harsh, schoolsa were quiet and so were libraries. people in houses ate around a table; these days they mostly eat on their laps. and there were a few jamaican girls and even fewer indian boys. islamics none. and hardly ever a negro. newspapers were them [too many traitors] and us[gritty murders]most peopkle got tc in the late fifties, but listened omly to radio until the childrens hour began each evening. and i can remember the men were tough, talkng rather harsh, judgmental ways. the women prone to loud quarrels; which usually were kissed and forgotten the sameeek.
so people these days got a different mood. people sick of too much goverment. politicians out only for personal gain. losing our rights ecause we contend with insane fanatics who want us to ose our english ways. so we lose what we fight for, not a shot fired. so also we all sick of too many foreigners, they advanced in all spheres. we pay or wait. but they get everything on arrival. its supposed to be you put in, then you get out. they don't think we civilised, compassionate, tolerant, fair. they think we a people they can taunt.
so much of this book applies now. we will not tolerate any more destruction of our civilisation, solely for these ersatz moral reformers. i dont think the english will go to war anymore; you have to stay in englsnd to see the world in this army, lad.
i met some of his killers. well, one. christie. i even examined 10 rillinton place not far from granny's. my aunt sold him chemicals for photogrphy. he made a thing of my name. short, bowler, round specs, black suit. a few local murders over the years.
he's right. the war generation were damaged and exposed to american folkways. it showed them how our leaders are martinets who make laws for tax reasons not the countrys peoples benefit. and my generation was brought up ny them. and worse each succeeding generation is more aggressive/ dishonest/ horribly sexed. they will never survive a blitz/cope with low rations. the english are fat too. eating for comfort?
I think we are in danger of losing our country; unless we are blindly heading for civil breakdown.
to do before sleep; look at 'struggle of pattern'; amd plan play 2; no singing.
also i wrote out the entire plan with some structures/elements and the preface. i mean of An essay in the treatment an support of the mentally unwell'. but will have to use trust resources in doing it. pleased got such a lot done.
have ordered stuff for painting for art/ mem stick/ bin, new inks printer/ dvd lightscribe writer. webcam/mike and drawing tablet. also 8 canvases. done two sketches, but how to depict the spiritlands as I know them; with suffering and treachery in the rocks, and the buildings will scare; they strange or ruins. still have discovered I can do them; but a bit over simple.
phoned mum and kez; kez coming here in am, pm i'm visiting mum. she's unwell. weather very cold andrainy. watched 'Mamma Mia' yes! its brilliant and those 3 beautifully confidant and middle-aged ladies...the extra songs at the end..I loved their courage and that of the men acting in wildly youthscene outfits! and they even wiggled their botties in a tentative way; so its sweet. and that bit where the men danced in flippers on the jetty; half embarassed and ending themselves up. it was great...
so there you are! right on cue British Bollywood' has arrived. i think its great.
have tweaked up screenplay 'Dark Room' and printed. need now to get really au fait with cam and lights and sort out lights, sfx, cgi. so need to do this first one with what i got. so looking for 1 actor newbie, 1 sound man/ trainer? Another actor for V/O...THEN ADD CGI, SORT SOUNDS. edit. burn to disc save mastercopy. then load on websites for comments...
what else? read a book on crime in england during the war. I remember som of that era. all round the scrubs, some parts of hammersmith and fulham, the streets were cobbled ages after the rest. i played in an old bomsite; the streets. no bombs, but plenty of strange old men. in the streets we payed knights in armour, ronmans and barbarians, cops and robbers. football, cricket, [our own] two balls, marbles, skipping, knock down ginger. these days the kids don't play. you watch even in school playgrounds they stand around, talking. some of that shuould be cautioned. they're nasty adolescents from 5 on. play if its wiv other kids is a neccesity. i loved my first game; hide n seek in bushes wiv mum and family; and at school it was 'what's the time Mr Wolf' which turned into He somehow. anyway he's right. the gov turned britain into an almost totalitarian form, becoming over bureaucratic, keeping the people senselessly over watched and punished. so it was the threat of nazism that did this. but a lot of it never repealed, and due Terrorism the governores doing it again.
but the fact is the brits were terribly reduced in living standards after thewar. lost most frredoms, were saddled with social justice issues every five minutes; i saw taped up windows even when I was 5. my aunt took us to see the lights at xmas....it always rained. I had an ID card 'geraldine..aged 4 months, eyes blue, british, female. I remember the teachers were occasionaly harsh, schoolsa were quiet and so were libraries. people in houses ate around a table; these days they mostly eat on their laps. and there were a few jamaican girls and even fewer indian boys. islamics none. and hardly ever a negro. newspapers were them [too many traitors] and us[gritty murders]most peopkle got tc in the late fifties, but listened omly to radio until the childrens hour began each evening. and i can remember the men were tough, talkng rather harsh, judgmental ways. the women prone to loud quarrels; which usually were kissed and forgotten the sameeek.
so people these days got a different mood. people sick of too much goverment. politicians out only for personal gain. losing our rights ecause we contend with insane fanatics who want us to ose our english ways. so we lose what we fight for, not a shot fired. so also we all sick of too many foreigners, they advanced in all spheres. we pay or wait. but they get everything on arrival. its supposed to be you put in, then you get out. they don't think we civilised, compassionate, tolerant, fair. they think we a people they can taunt.
so much of this book applies now. we will not tolerate any more destruction of our civilisation, solely for these ersatz moral reformers. i dont think the english will go to war anymore; you have to stay in englsnd to see the world in this army, lad.
i met some of his killers. well, one. christie. i even examined 10 rillinton place not far from granny's. my aunt sold him chemicals for photogrphy. he made a thing of my name. short, bowler, round specs, black suit. a few local murders over the years.
he's right. the war generation were damaged and exposed to american folkways. it showed them how our leaders are martinets who make laws for tax reasons not the countrys peoples benefit. and my generation was brought up ny them. and worse each succeeding generation is more aggressive/ dishonest/ horribly sexed. they will never survive a blitz/cope with low rations. the english are fat too. eating for comfort?
I think we are in danger of losing our country; unless we are blindly heading for civil breakdown.
to do before sleep; look at 'struggle of pattern'; amd plan play 2; no singing.
today i will
i just wrote out proper plan for 'essay on treatment of the mentally ill'...can save the irst go for the intro. i have to say i'd run out and buy it if i didn't have written it! it looks good! be doing that today; all day. though some things need to be double-checked, researched or i'm going to use statements from actual pts, so will need to interview, record submissions.... it will take only about a year to do...feel really happy.
did a poem; 'struggle of pattern' last night. now this has potential...but i write such bald poetry.....read walcott yesterday. thinking about hughes, plath, most modern stuff. so i'm going to do it over, hopefully without losing the metre/truths in masses of imagery.
and tonight drawing, sketch for first painting...looked at oils [don't ask] they a bit old/dry/crappy. and i chucked out the stiff brushes [cos tl2 is illuminated in poster paints]...an no canvas. so...gods teeth why does everything cost money and gods more teeth why haven't i ever got any?
anyway i busy.
did a poem; 'struggle of pattern' last night. now this has potential...but i write such bald poetry.....read walcott yesterday. thinking about hughes, plath, most modern stuff. so i'm going to do it over, hopefully without losing the metre/truths in masses of imagery.
and tonight drawing, sketch for first painting...looked at oils [don't ask] they a bit old/dry/crappy. and i chucked out the stiff brushes [cos tl2 is illuminated in poster paints]...an no canvas. so...gods teeth why does everything cost money and gods more teeth why haven't i ever got any?
anyway i busy.
Friday, 4 December 2009
art
read book overview great western art. some i've seen; all enormeous. i was surprised how many painters dissolute. and looking closely, although just a few samples; i didn't like a lot of it. been to tates. and v&a, natpo, etc. these art council types just like anyting HUGE. not huge? s'cheap. huge? size of entire building? oh, thats worth millions. they seem to read far too much in too litle. we think most modern art is actually a con. personally i hate picasso, and co. but i like some; modigliani, the non-landscape monets. i always thought i didn't like gaughan only seen it in books. then i walked into 3 after being mindlessly wandering in a room of grey etchings. he really hits you! impossible, but containing something alive and wild. goya seen what i seen i think. and van gogh...sorry. bloke has mild glaucoma, i can tell. the rest is schizophrenia/laudanum. and ocd; thats why there are about six versions of everything he painted.
dunno why i'm going on. got the stuff; going to try painting. did class wiv my sister years ago, but found i can't stand still lifes, and i get so sozzled in goo. not exactly promising. but i will have a go.
also read creative advertising. cleaned up home, cleared away old pc. watched several 'shorts'.
poem in bonce, writing it now. quite ill today, think doctor concerned? about time.
dunno why i'm going on. got the stuff; going to try painting. did class wiv my sister years ago, but found i can't stand still lifes, and i get so sozzled in goo. not exactly promising. but i will have a go.
also read creative advertising. cleaned up home, cleared away old pc. watched several 'shorts'.
poem in bonce, writing it now. quite ill today, think doctor concerned? about time.
friday today
a lot occuring. i'm darning sock! can't say much; but we are making progress.
my retirement from nursing progresses. seeing oh in a week. dwp say i can't access pension, not til 60. i got to go on sick/incapacity. depends wot doctors say. yoyo says i behind with annual mandatory training plus ksf in two weeks....even tho i am making tracks to leave! but he wildly enthusiastic about that manual or text for nurses dealing with the mentally ill. i only mentioned it wondering if i got anything at all to say in appraisal...
next year i want a holiday. was going to ireland, see new grange, tara. but i got a yen to see the states...seems very dear. we'll see.
filming stalled. can't get equipment yet. and STILL haven't sorted out site. so next couple of days work on s/plays/play. decided singing in play impossible. songs too iffy; and can't write my own. have to reset it. also another poem crashing in head; do today. what i need most is TIME. and more money.
time to go. blog on more history tonight?
my retirement from nursing progresses. seeing oh in a week. dwp say i can't access pension, not til 60. i got to go on sick/incapacity. depends wot doctors say. yoyo says i behind with annual mandatory training plus ksf in two weeks....even tho i am making tracks to leave! but he wildly enthusiastic about that manual or text for nurses dealing with the mentally ill. i only mentioned it wondering if i got anything at all to say in appraisal...
next year i want a holiday. was going to ireland, see new grange, tara. but i got a yen to see the states...seems very dear. we'll see.
filming stalled. can't get equipment yet. and STILL haven't sorted out site. so next couple of days work on s/plays/play. decided singing in play impossible. songs too iffy; and can't write my own. have to reset it. also another poem crashing in head; do today. what i need most is TIME. and more money.
time to go. blog on more history tonight?
Monday, 30 November 2009
drat
just told yetzoah that the sentence 'evil is the right answer' is twisted. if it was the concept 'a right answer couldn't exist, so it tells yu its a lie. yezoah quite impressed.
whats an oxy..moron?
was about to get stroppy wiv him but my daughter just phoned! dada lied! not at work! out wiv the ginger rhodent! she's on herway here...tears and rage. gods these men, they all weasels...he has to go. and thats that!!
whats an oxy..moron?
was about to get stroppy wiv him but my daughter just phoned! dada lied! not at work! out wiv the ginger rhodent! she's on herway here...tears and rage. gods these men, they all weasels...he has to go. and thats that!!
seabreeze
lets work this out. seabreeze flew so fast so furiously creating that the entire universe still buzzes with the energy of it. e was making paradise? filling it with beautiful white spirits? but as he went his silent demand was 'do you love me? ' and everyone he made was made with a hunger for him, for god. not hunger; a deep yearning? we need him to support and guide us? and so the spirits were given a kind of crack in them filled with this hite substance? we call it soul. and as he touched you in life or prayer he would take this and what it did was make you fall in love. so gradually the person would fall so deeply in love as to be unable to think anything but what seabreeze opined? so now you see why its called 'falling' in love. you lose your own lordship of yourself? now of course this is slavery. but he honestly never saw that. and as he went he got angrier and angrier because he's giving these people wonderful worlds, beauty, abilities etc and they might not love him, or be ungrateful? so he's at the same time uncsly fating them to punishments ? also he wanted to know evil too with nobody knowing? so his very name is Satan! he made the Adversaries, as i have explaine, that shows his cruel side? so you see if you look at the Dove he has either the most shocking hypocrisy; or two natures; or an evil twin or shadow flying beside him?
so the Dove is a Devil also. he thought; now i have done the greatest crime of all time as well as the greatest miracle.
now you see why Satan the noble god hates him. but these adversaries also they are hypocrites. you see how they persecute the 'good' spirits? they think they hurt seabreeze; true, it does. but how cruel and unjust! they rebel themselves against cruelty and injustice, yet do all these things to those because 1. of their appearance? their innocence? their weakness? but these are just that. innocent. explain all this to them. show them they are afflicted with some sort of malice. show them history/futures. an you know what? they'd do their best to get rid of this malice. be sorry for the awfulness of their father. extend to the 'evil ones' a helping hand. be rebels themselves! so all this ugly attitudes of the 'good' to the 'evil' and vice versa is again and again activated by GAY. who gets off on it. and at a guess the Doves are where Gay stole thatidea of 'holy' which he has used ever since to destroy everyone. so its got to stop.
for one thing the answer to that yearning. that rush to wrath because the gods don't understand, can't control, are always suffering and don't know why; is what seabreeze left them like when he never came in. right? okay. there he is on the mountain. 1. all who can go to him and get that one need answered. it costs one self. but its what you all made for. without it you must go on getting madder and madder for all time. and with seabreeze i promise you it is real union. you become him. yet you stay yourself. peace and godhood at the same time. perfectly fair and good and right. then 2. attend all who can, who are willing to try to learn, to work and fight till all be Real Heaven; An Great Council. all the lot. everyone there to think clearly and in front of everyone allowed to say what they truly think/feel want. no more i'm the big nob, do as i want. all, all allowed to speak. the little as well as the great. and then do what us originals would do. divide it up fairly. put in charge those chosen by those. this lot like things this way? right; thats yours over there. and so on. and not another word about damnation you dozy bastards. all are concepts, children of the Anattas.
anyway you see the Doves are devils too. they just had no idea. well since we all 'evil' and some look it [and complain they're ugly worse than fishwives] and some are pretty and apparently thats a sin even when they can't help it i say this.
right. i personally can't fancy men what look like moronic moany shithouses, whether they be large or small. we all firmly believe that ugly people are bad, though we all know from experience that pretty girls are hardhearts. so what you do o you geniuses, is revert everyone as far as can be done to an normal plain ordinary aspect. that means we pretty up the uglies, we plainise the pretties. and from henceforth your good deeds are rewarded by pretties, your bad attitudes show in your face. no more shit that entire collections of people/gods are bad/good by what they were created like! you get what you earned!
you see even these two steps alone make the universe to go the right way?
anyhow perhaps christians will now look very closely at their pictures of the 'holy' Dove? when jesus copped that he 'was driven by the spirit' into the wilderness? now you know where you been going, brother. and people die in wildernesses. its called thirst. not nice.
so the Dove is a Devil also. he thought; now i have done the greatest crime of all time as well as the greatest miracle.
now you see why Satan the noble god hates him. but these adversaries also they are hypocrites. you see how they persecute the 'good' spirits? they think they hurt seabreeze; true, it does. but how cruel and unjust! they rebel themselves against cruelty and injustice, yet do all these things to those because 1. of their appearance? their innocence? their weakness? but these are just that. innocent. explain all this to them. show them they are afflicted with some sort of malice. show them history/futures. an you know what? they'd do their best to get rid of this malice. be sorry for the awfulness of their father. extend to the 'evil ones' a helping hand. be rebels themselves! so all this ugly attitudes of the 'good' to the 'evil' and vice versa is again and again activated by GAY. who gets off on it. and at a guess the Doves are where Gay stole thatidea of 'holy' which he has used ever since to destroy everyone. so its got to stop.
for one thing the answer to that yearning. that rush to wrath because the gods don't understand, can't control, are always suffering and don't know why; is what seabreeze left them like when he never came in. right? okay. there he is on the mountain. 1. all who can go to him and get that one need answered. it costs one self. but its what you all made for. without it you must go on getting madder and madder for all time. and with seabreeze i promise you it is real union. you become him. yet you stay yourself. peace and godhood at the same time. perfectly fair and good and right. then 2. attend all who can, who are willing to try to learn, to work and fight till all be Real Heaven; An Great Council. all the lot. everyone there to think clearly and in front of everyone allowed to say what they truly think/feel want. no more i'm the big nob, do as i want. all, all allowed to speak. the little as well as the great. and then do what us originals would do. divide it up fairly. put in charge those chosen by those. this lot like things this way? right; thats yours over there. and so on. and not another word about damnation you dozy bastards. all are concepts, children of the Anattas.
anyway you see the Doves are devils too. they just had no idea. well since we all 'evil' and some look it [and complain they're ugly worse than fishwives] and some are pretty and apparently thats a sin even when they can't help it i say this.
right. i personally can't fancy men what look like moronic moany shithouses, whether they be large or small. we all firmly believe that ugly people are bad, though we all know from experience that pretty girls are hardhearts. so what you do o you geniuses, is revert everyone as far as can be done to an normal plain ordinary aspect. that means we pretty up the uglies, we plainise the pretties. and from henceforth your good deeds are rewarded by pretties, your bad attitudes show in your face. no more shit that entire collections of people/gods are bad/good by what they were created like! you get what you earned!
you see even these two steps alone make the universe to go the right way?
anyhow perhaps christians will now look very closely at their pictures of the 'holy' Dove? when jesus copped that he 'was driven by the spirit' into the wilderness? now you know where you been going, brother. and people die in wildernesses. its called thirst. not nice.
round two
satan standing over there. not so full of himself today. naturally i was in the bath; what better time to hve a chat? swabs. so looking on him he now seems to see things my way. told him the one last way left that is still near to us, that he can do, and must. it may result in a sudden total absence of both of us from existence. but i think he's looked at the future. this time with his IQ switched on i hope. its his last chance as well as mine. he knows now; been picking up this blog. i don't ask him to show it, he needn't humble himself. just go do it. and keep at it. the war is his now. me i die out asap. but he will never again believe that evil is the right answer. i dunno what is. how about live and let live? what about life is for being happy? for all of us? hah?
well its his problem now.
well its his problem now.
Sunday, 29 November 2009
1 rowl
just gave Satan a bollocking. he offended because i'm so rude. you bet your arse i'm bloody rude.
ratbags. they sneak around through all that? he thought gay was making me god, he says. you stupid sod, i said, you think that monster would make someone else god over himself? you watched him murder my highers over and over to make me god?? you great steaming arsehole god is built not fucking demolished! told him there's his love, his best friend. made him look into those great dreaming deep blue eyes. he watched gay destroy him and NOW he finds out that one was the love of his life! fucking prat! and while we were on the subject i pointed out that the spirits now have no control over their destinies; they can't sleep anymore. they used to. now they only got to daydream in the bog and find they're living lives; complete with a million sins they then have to pay for. which means they're all going fucking mad because the mind as to sleep. real ordinary normal fucking sleep, there just as much as here. and who decides what are sins, o prince of bleeding evil? oh. god does. right. thats bloody brilliant that is.
so the good are punished for doing evil which ought to save them and the evil are punished for being nice? like i dunno, love affairs? having kids? being heroes? being let's see; how about clever? dear me. the evil then must have lives consisting entirely of fucking boring misery lest they acidentally get all nice and fucking damn themselves by fucking mistake? not much point being evil lords of the bleeding universe if you can't even enjoy anything!!
i also pointed out that good manners was a sin for the evil, and anyway i'm being truthful, which must also be a sin so he ought to fucking sing me a song of holy praise and what with one thing and another they're all total fucking cretins. if he rebelled against seabreezes cruelty then what the fucking hell is he doing being obedient to gay; who's worse and caused all this pointless cruelty in the doves anyway? who says he's evil? oh gay did. why. then he'd done nothing. and anyay he's next. gay told me so. and furthermore i said having butchered me who's going to fucking save you? gay? so i told him to fuck off and don't come back til he's sorry. and thats that.
asked gt father for help. told him i know whats happened to him. no reply yet.
talked to elohim. as long as the evil believe with such infantile innocence that gay is going to give them everlasting pleasure and no limits on it we are all sunk. its mad. gay is infinite cruelty. the good are all dead. i see endless hells ahead, all shrieking in agony, insane, horrible. so who is in l that, suffering forever? THEY ARE.
fucking cretins. and he thinks i ought to be polite?? well i shan't.
ratbags. they sneak around through all that? he thought gay was making me god, he says. you stupid sod, i said, you think that monster would make someone else god over himself? you watched him murder my highers over and over to make me god?? you great steaming arsehole god is built not fucking demolished! told him there's his love, his best friend. made him look into those great dreaming deep blue eyes. he watched gay destroy him and NOW he finds out that one was the love of his life! fucking prat! and while we were on the subject i pointed out that the spirits now have no control over their destinies; they can't sleep anymore. they used to. now they only got to daydream in the bog and find they're living lives; complete with a million sins they then have to pay for. which means they're all going fucking mad because the mind as to sleep. real ordinary normal fucking sleep, there just as much as here. and who decides what are sins, o prince of bleeding evil? oh. god does. right. thats bloody brilliant that is.
so the good are punished for doing evil which ought to save them and the evil are punished for being nice? like i dunno, love affairs? having kids? being heroes? being let's see; how about clever? dear me. the evil then must have lives consisting entirely of fucking boring misery lest they acidentally get all nice and fucking damn themselves by fucking mistake? not much point being evil lords of the bleeding universe if you can't even enjoy anything!!
i also pointed out that good manners was a sin for the evil, and anyway i'm being truthful, which must also be a sin so he ought to fucking sing me a song of holy praise and what with one thing and another they're all total fucking cretins. if he rebelled against seabreezes cruelty then what the fucking hell is he doing being obedient to gay; who's worse and caused all this pointless cruelty in the doves anyway? who says he's evil? oh gay did. why. then he'd done nothing. and anyay he's next. gay told me so. and furthermore i said having butchered me who's going to fucking save you? gay? so i told him to fuck off and don't come back til he's sorry. and thats that.
asked gt father for help. told him i know whats happened to him. no reply yet.
talked to elohim. as long as the evil believe with such infantile innocence that gay is going to give them everlasting pleasure and no limits on it we are all sunk. its mad. gay is infinite cruelty. the good are all dead. i see endless hells ahead, all shrieking in agony, insane, horrible. so who is in l that, suffering forever? THEY ARE.
fucking cretins. and he thinks i ought to be polite?? well i shan't.
Saturday, 28 November 2009
once more
i think...i'm making an awful guess.
gt father is mad? mad not with justgrief; but the agony of seeing as i have seen, all the terrible futures?
i dunno if i dare.
elohim hold me up. going to try talking to him again.
gt father is mad? mad not with justgrief; but the agony of seeing as i have seen, all the terrible futures?
i dunno if i dare.
elohim hold me up. going to try talking to him again.
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