day 1.

. all of it is mental control. the asana/breathing are props to that. did 3. but weak, unstable. i got little time. but all gay did was this; make me 'god' as yogis understand it, but i didn't know. so what happening is i'm getting super-knowledge, etc because thats my state. right? but i find that monster everywhere ruining. now vivek says you got to have both; good and evil. but he says as they all do that you have to be perfectly good to get far in his stuff. but never recognises that evil is right out of control. the evil steal from the saints; who must be blind to the fact they're 1. leaving their graces with monsters ho don't deserve them and who misuse them. they, the good, then bow out of existence. they say they happy? i don't know which are the more criminal...they take their goodness out of the universe, where its needed? what this purusha is sounds like both god and death. something immortal that can't suffer? and apparently doesn't care either?

right. so i gather my strengths. i have to make all the me's grow up and become much stronger. i have to make it to this purusha; either to get out or to make it see and do somehing. wilco.

those million box places? he hasn't got to that yet. its future. if i leave it going on. but i will not. so next room? unknown. but i remember the cube and his chinese puzzle box mentality. funny thing i ought to be crushed, despairing, insane, grieved, defeated. in fact i feel anger. but not fear. but hate, yes. i got to stay calm. not hate.

worked out a out. can't say too much. but think of all that lives as Bee's. so the wasp got in to our home. our minds. the wasp is a predator, but one who is insanely ambitious and who's only pleasure is cruelty. he gets in, pretending to be a Bee. he destroys the leaders. ccuts them off from the original source of Beedom. he then fills their heads with good and evil crap, makes their leaders as cruel and stupid as he can. sits back while they destroy each other shouting about good and evil. enjoys that. never lets them go back to their original sources. and finds the Queen, fucks up everything. and that is what gay is, what he does. king wasp.

this purusha must be like anat-anattas. but somewhere in between. if gay already did all this with my mind as a baby then i know the way, though unconsciously.

the important thing to grasp is that wasp is NOT BEE. EVERYONE ELSE IS; BUT THEY DON'T KNOW. they are trying to be wasps. but cannot. so he destroys all. because wasp is a solitary thing; it may put its wasp ideals into their heads, but since all are Bees neither good nor evil exist except as behaviours both insane, trying to at bottom, save themselves. thats it. thats all. so what gay is about to discover is that he has no real allies at all. once this part isexplained. who of the Bees wants any of this?

anyhow work soon. seems to me i'm getting it right, so he tries to overcome me. but notice he still has no real power. or why not kill me? he can't; without me he loses his knowledge, which IS power, in the end. the Bee's need to know all this. and now they do. whichever one reads this now they know. if they choose evil to him they go. if they choose good they will diappear in 'purush' leaving all others in hell. how good is that? so choose commonsense instead, i wake this purusha. we fight now. the only thing that keeps defeating me is that all these little girls ARE children. its time they grew up. gay i once saw cowering, yellow with fear. some bloke turned up, he was busy with me so no warning.. man said 'leave my daughter alone!' and punched him so hard in the face gay was flung onto the floor. and stayed there yellow and scared. and when the bloke looked at me tied to my high-chair he said; 'if you're his you deserve it' idiot. i was not his. anyway he left. and gay got up. glared at the door. then turned and said; but i have got you...came towards me. then its total darkness. i don't remember next things...anyhow i see he never ever takes on a grown man his own size. so even though i love women think they much finer and nicer than any man ever could be; if i'm going to destroy gay and confine his slaves i got to be male. its sickening. but thats what those girls must become. or we all go on our sad sick way to hell infinite. question how?

good question. normally you get born or created. the former only stays if you don't go up. and anyway you go up like a series of deaths; but in little? if she's the highest then 'dying'won't do it. but i'd say to see her she is not. she is imprisoned [all 5 little girls] in that form that mental age. well i'm not.

so anyhow we see its working. i am coming to real strength on my own bat. and know from the start that i despise evil. but they are mostly still Bees. and i give neither power nor information to those Bees who work for him. so no purusha vanishing trick as yet.. we fight. but the enemy is gay; and always has been. next thing is to start getting the Bees who know something; currently stuck being beetles or other insects..out they must come. nobody chose that; this daft idea that the higher your mind is the lower is its form. quickest way is to kill them. so i will. come out and be the gods! or i will take from you that which makes you people/gods; and then you really will be bloody beetles.and stay that way!! i fight. i stay. and like every woman i don't find insects attractive. so we all fight. or die out. or bloody wish we had forever and ever...