mahayoga

looked at book again, gay trying harder to dominate my inner sight. mahayoga + kundalini. but i bet that purusha is 'perfect' which seems to be requiring a joyless state? no desires? so its called happy because it can't be hurt; if one becomes like that you are in a painless non-thinking joyless state? i've had so little joy or love, all that time. now get to this; if i want to get out. and i do...that cycle thing? its a breathing out and in? just like i got to breathe 'prana'? hm. sounds like being eaten. but thats better than to be rejected. always to suffer. what gay did as wellwas get me to go spy on divine things, give him the knowledge, destroy it all, and then trick me in my innocence or by force get me to accept his hells and give him my heavns. having destroyed those who could or would help me, gay puts in power the vilest monstrosities he can find. and they [and poor brent1 is one!] these he calls his own, having made their agreement with him , get all powers and high places. that is why the god in their presence act as if these people are gods the are....but have stolen and murdered and raped all good things to get it. so they know not what they do.

because whatever gay tries karma rules. its just because nobody controls the thing he can't rule it, but he does abuse it, pretending to be god and having some poor sod damned forever. and there's nobody he ever says isn't. but some [fools] believe the words mean the opposite. and some do not. all i can tell you is that that monster is evil itself. so has no right or business dmning anyone. its he who is damned.

but now i see that this purusha must exist. perhaps it is gay; remorsely devouring the refugees. and u see it will go on forever. he thinks he can infinitely punish everyone, forever. thats his heaven, and so its all hell for everyone else. there is no karmic debt! don't be so silly. why would your father make you pay for being alive?

anyway you see my state. and your own. so doing mahayoga + kundalini. and try to keep that thing out of my mind. and if it turns out that everything is evil, all are evil, that everywhere is hell; then i shan't stick around. i go. i will not stay anywhere long. but i know that originally none of it or not much was cruel and vile.

so when you lot so complacently looked the otherway, couldn't be arsed to care for one useless little girl, you destroyed yourselves, didn't you? because gay was becoming the lord devil your torturer and devourer right in front of you.

at any rate i know the laws. the language. the various bits n bobs. and the gods certainly found me and me them. no mistaking me, is there? so i do the lot asap, that thing comes down or EVERYTHING is in infinite hell from now on.

i got one adavantage. 'm learning to keep him out of my mind. and then there's this time mastery thing. he got that from me. time i got another and used it too. and since the gods now find they too are in hell and no, they rule nothing but they can suffer; suddenly these oh so evil brutes are on side! well if the're not then they cretins.

one last remark. gay frequently said the hells are really heavens and the heavens are really hells. of course he swaps them round; so know u get what u can keep reasonable; your own soul. lose it and you're homeless? well my white and quiet heavens were as i recall pretty scary. not happy. always anxieties. and these hells ahead are horrific. nobody happy there either. the very stagy hells [heaven] of the black fathers look awful, and they all there try to be evil. so sorry, they still hells because there they eat good souls, people, angels, god. sp ok for the evil; but not for long. only wasp is in charge, never suffering. and thats gay. so yes i think this purusha is quite likely to be evil also. its the last straw; that the source is evil too. no place for me if i'm [allegedly] good+good, see? if it did accept me if itsevil it will be changed. might see its wrong. anyhow i aim for that. to try to get out.

so. this is my judgement. its all hells. and the evil are unhappy too. as the goodness is driven out the universe darkens and becomes worse and worse. so what are these the evil ruling? nothing. what is their triumph? nothing. from now on i show you more of the realms/futures. and all will see that Wasp it is you destroy.

so its just a matter of will. go back to your right ways. and protect me, you need me in too many ways. for a universe entirely good would not learn or grow wiser. but a universe totally evil is worse. it hurts too.

and yes. i accept kay's decree. i am your nan.