raja-yoga

visited mum today. while she was cooking some tea fished out small blue book from her neglected bookcase; raja yoga, vivekananda.

spent all evening on it.and loads of it i recognise!
1. everyone, even gods, live lives; even down here, r1.
2. he says to be INDIFERENT to evil. i've always been terribly upset...
3. while i was reading elohim asked me a few things. then i got to the bit where he says you get tempted/scared by the jealous, who won't get this chance to do this. and elohim was asking whether i wanted to be god, have powers, wuld i kill brent1 if it got shot of gay? i said yes, but later i thought he was the only one worth saving. so what would i kill him for? back comes elohim, looking i have to say a bit demonaic; and yes i did mention it...isn't love attchment?
4. then i start hearing spiritlands...rather unpleasant, they sound like crowds in distress.
5. then voila! gay i see; a little girl [me] in fear siting all alone in a gigantic dark room. trying to be 'ourusha'...ringing bells; cos i got to get to the real whatsit at the back or underlying every mind existing...and take all these kids with me...and get away from gay. just die or whatever. see? i'm again not being indifferent.
6. and then we saw it. vivek says you give up or renounce the powers and strenghts you got to make it to this inal union. who to? so they just rush ijn...well, it must be the evil? the little girl just gives them whatever they want; she has to; she's scared.
7. so i will do whatever i can; wish i'd seen this book before. but i will connect the gods...anat. anattas. eagles and doves and sons both right and left. nd gay said 'i'll meet you in the next room. you'll know what i mean soon'...
8. in other words he's got problems. he fucked me up, yes. but for ages saints have disappeared, been, wise and good. so they found a source of power, but gave it away. they find knowlege...but know nothing of all this. there is a great frst being....but i'm bloody sure its not me. since they all claim its free of pain, fear, nothing can hurt it or even make it notice. whih is probably how gays doing all this.

anyway...another new idea is mahatyoga. that sounds great. plus kundalini etc i'll try very hard o break out of all these dungeons gay has put me. told elohim trying to be god is a big mistake. i don't want anything, i keep trying for power because i've got to destroy gay! but maybe i should just try this indifference thing. you see how elohim was testing me? tempting or probing? so vivek is right, isn't he? and he does know; parts of it read exactly like the cloud of unknowing...but patanjali nowhere recognisees gays beastly uiversal hells..either their ishvara is in another dimension, or gay has not let me see the truth but only the horrific places/bad ppl he's stuck me with...either way this is my royal road out.

why can't spirits do this yoga? they try out there; i always did. the others all claimed it. but i never did and i think now they were lying. getting on the winning side with a few litle lies. so spirits really can't. i wonder why? anyway i can. is now or not ever.

seems i must tell gay 'what i want' same as elohim. i want very far\away from gay. my own place. i will be indifferent to evil; at least try it. but i want nothing of his filth, cruelty or disgusting universe. he says i'm asking to die.

well he set the system up; kill or be killed, rule or be ruled, etc.!!

gay just reminded me he's god. i said show me.

just remembered...its all little box universes. millions of them. the orb is in just one i suppose. don't care if he is god. all these seeing etc have been done to me from cruelty; i wasn't ready for this. who never could be?

when yogis talk about evil they are childish...they think it means common crim stuff or war. no. gay made me go through evry form as a baby, got into my mind as god and has been dragging me through the universe and time.

so he's a parasite or thief. he never did yoga. do you think he ever prayed? so he steals other ppls graces, and destroys them to do it. when they are babies, in case they hit him!

gay didn't do anything. will have another go. my time is short; i have to do my own versuion, jst for speed.

1. 15 mins kundalini and 'mahat' from the basics and 2. practise indifference to evil and 3. refuse to give the evil powers they have not earned and will use to harm or just be disgusting.