todays doings

went to mums'. somehow she knows. i was as usual, but she was crushed, the little glint of cruel triumph gone from her glassy eyes. she quiet, shrinking in size. how does she know? and sitting there i could see the weevils in what was once her heart thinking , 'but this is a good god, she won't let her mother suffer'. in a way she right. its her kind, the evil-evil, who insanely inflict infinite + everlasting suffering; usually for 'faults' that are mere ignorance, too.
but she knew what she did. and inflicted her own cruelty too. in her case smothering. over and over. she still doesn't know i remember it all. in fact i have known for years.
so no she shall not suffer infinitely. and i have come to hate the word 'forever'. but she must now leave this life, never again to be allowed children. knowing that all creation will know what she allowed in that damn attic. and thats all. its a much tougher sentence than she will realise. but one day she will realise it.
so i begin to see differences. thats the first really significant change. no doubt my vile sibs will appear soon; their job to destroy me. but i am getting ready for that. its their choice. they were children in terrible fear. they know its all hell. do they really want to go with that? or will they choose rebellion? if they choose life, heaven. sanity; they will never appear. they can then depend on me to treat them as the victims they really always were.
apart from that i wait for elohim to return.